


I love you enough to let you go (even though it's going to hurt)

by IsabellaStarsAreEverywhere



Series: Small town Sammy [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sam, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fights, First Time, I Love You, Lies, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Sam, Romance, Top Dean, sam and dean are not brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:57:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 89,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabellaStarsAreEverywhere/pseuds/IsabellaStarsAreEverywhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixteen-year-old Sam Singer is gay and he's living in a small town, not exactly the best combination. Since he doesn't have any friends, he spends most of his free time in the school library. One evening his father, Bobby, invites two hunters over for dinner. John Winchester and his son Dean are passing through town, and they make a stop at the Singers' That was the best day of Sam's life. Dean sees Sam for what he truly is, which is a fascinating person. They decide to meet again, and again. Then Sam gets pregnant. Sam knows how much Dean loves being a hunter, but he also knows that Dean would give up the hunting lifestyle if he knew about Sam's pregnancy. Sam does what he thinks is best, he breaks up with Dean, and has the baby. The baby is a spitting image of Dean, and when Dean shows up there is really no denying who the father is. But can Dean really forgive Sam for what he has done?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam checked the pot roast in the oven before he went over to one of the cupboards to get the plates. He grabbed two plates and was about to start setting the table when his dad came into the kitchen. 

“Add two more plates son, and we’ll be eating in the dining room this evening,” Bobby said. 

Sam raised an eyebrow, he didn’t know they were having company. It’s not like they never had anyone over for dinner. They had lots of hunters over every month. Bobby always said that anyone who risked their life in order to save another was welcome over for dinner at any day of the week. But this was new, Bobby usually let him know the day before if they were having guests. Unless…

Sam swallowed audibly. “Are they…are they wounded?” They hadn’t taken care of wounded hunters in a while, but they did know how to clean wounds and do some stitching up. 

“The father is, but it’s nothing for you to worry about son,” Bobby assured his son and placed a large hand on his son’s shoulder. “He has a son, Dean, think he’s about four years older than you. I figured you two could drive into town tomorrow, maybe catch a movie or something.”

Sam couldn’t help but frown. Usually hunters just socialized for an hour or two, then went back to work. They weren’t really the kind of people who went to see a movie. 

Bobby chuckled. “You do know how to hang out with people, don’t you?” 

Sam nervously scratched his neck. “Yeah, sure, it’ll be fun.” Bullshit. Sam hadn’t hung out with anyone his own age for a very long time. He was gay and lived in a small town, not exactly a good combination. The library was his sanctuary between classes. The only reason why he didn’t get punched in the stomach on a daily basis was because when he was younger he used to best friends with a girl called Katie. Katie now dated the jock Brian. Brian was captain of the football team, which meant that he basically ruled the school. Even though Katie no longer spoke to Sam, she had still told her boyfriend and his friends that Sam was off limits. No one could touch him. Of course that didn’t stop them from yelling “faggot” at Sam every now and then. 

“Does he want to?” Sam asked. “I mean, does he want to hang out with me?”

“Sure,” Bobby waved it off like it was no big deal. “The boy spends all of his time, hunting with his father, or sitting in a car with his father, or in a motel room with his father planning their next move. I think he’d love to spend some time with someone other than his father,” Bobby let out a deep chuckle. 

“Have you told them?” Sam bit his lip. “That I’m gay,” he added much more quietly. He had come out to his father about a year ago, when he was fifteen. There had been lots of tears, mostly Sam’s. Bobby hadn’t really been able to grasp the whole concept of having a gay son at first, but he came around, and everything was fine now. All of their close friends knew too, and were fine with it. But a 20-year-old guy, who had never even met Sam before, might not be so cool with it. 

“No, but if you want to tell ‘em, you can, and if they don’t like it then they can get the hell outta here,” Bobby smiled at his son.

Sam let out a small laugh, glad to have such a supporting father. 

“I’ve met the boy once before, only briefly, but he’s good looking,” Bobby smirked, “You’ll like him.”

“Dad,” Sam blushed deeply, which elicited a big laugh from his father. 

-

Sam decided to change his shirt. He tried to tell himself that it was only because the one he had been wearing previously had a stain on it. And you couldn’t greet new guests in a stained shirt, now could you? 

He inhaled and exhaled slowly in an attempt to calm his nerves. The hunters that came over to their house were usually twice his age. Dean was twenty, and good looking. Fuck. Sam wondered whether he should put on some aftershave or not. He wondered if he even owned aftershave. He got a bottle a couple of Christmases ago, but he had no idea where it was now. There hadn’t really been a point in putting it on. There hadn’t been anyone to impress. 

Is that what he wanted? Did he want to impress Dean? 

Sam flung himself on the bed, face first right into his pillow. It was stupid really. Dean wasn’t gay, and Sam would probably be a virgin until he was at least 30, by then he hoped that he had left this town. 

He turned around, so that he was on his back instead. The feeling of loneliness crept up on him. Every day in school he had sit and watch his classmates flirt with each other, hug each other, kiss each other, and one time he had even walked into one girl giving her boyfriend a blowjob between two bookshelves in the library. 

Everything was so much easier if you were straight. Most of the guys at his school were morons, but yet, most of them were still in relationships. A lot of them were in relationships, plus they screwed other girls on parties. Sam wasn’t really the type to eavesdrop, but it was impossible not to hear the details every Monday, when the boys bragged how they had slept with girl this or girl that over the weekend. 

Sam didn’t care that he never got invited to any of the parties. His father would probably disown him if he came home drunk. Well, maybe not, but Bobby did have a strict no-drinking policy when it came to Sam. “As long as you’re under 21, you will not touch a drop of alcohol”, had been Bobby’s exact words. It was okay, it really was, Sam didn’t feel the need to drink. Drinking killed brain cells, and Sam needed his brain intact and working if he wanted to get out of this small town. Getting into college in one of the bigger cities was his dream and ticket out of the small town that seemed to hate him so much.

There, at a college in a big city, he’d meet open minded people who wanted to be friends with him. People who didn’t care that he was gay. And, maybe, if he was really lucky, he’d meet a guy. Sam let his hands travel down to his stomach and lifted his shirt slightly. It was stupid, really, it’s not like he could see any visible changes. His stomach looked like it always had. Two days ago he had found out that he had the ability to get pregnant. It wasn’t a rare ability for men, but Sam was gay, and that meant that he had to endure what must have been the most awkward talk with a doctor ever. 

The doctor had been a man in his mid-sixties, who barely knew anything about male pregnancy, so he had read directly from a pamphlet. And as if that hadn’t been bad enough, Bobby had decided to stay and get the information as well, because he wanted to be the supportive father. Sam had been on the verge of throwing up the entire time. If he had been straight he wouldn’t even have to take the test. But now that he was gay, the doctor and his father felt that it was necessary for Sam to get the test and the information. Great. 

“Sam, they’re here! Come down and say hi!” Bobby yelled from downstairs. 

Sam swung his long legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. He straightened his shirt, and threw a quick look in the mirror to make sure he looked okay before he headed downstairs. 

In the living room, a tall man in his late forties stood. He looked like the average hunter, well-worn clothes, dark circles underneath the eyes from lack of sleep and he looked around quickly every now and then, as if danger was lurking around any corner. Sam knew that the hunters had seen some horrible things, and he understood that it must be difficult not to be on edge after seeing the horrors out there. 

“This is my son Sam, Sam meet John Winchester,” Bobby introduced them to each other. 

Sam and John shook hands with each other. Sam even offered a smile, and John tried to offer one back, but he mostly just looked tired. 

“Why don’t I take a look at your wounds John, and we’ll have dinner after?” Bobby suggested.

“S’ fine,” John waved it off. 

“Stubborn one, yeah?” Bobby chuckled. “I’ve dealt with your kind before.”

John snorted something incoherent, but still followed Bobby to his office. 

Someone knocked on the front door, and Sam immediately rushed over there to open it. 

Sam opened the door, and he could literally feel his heart jump in his chest when he saw the guy standing in front of him. The hair was short and spiky, the eyes were green and oh fuck, the guy was smiling, and oh fuck he had a nice smile, and his eyes crinkles when he smiled, and Sam found that adorable. 

“Hey, I took my own car, has my dad arrived yet?” The guy asked. 

Oh right, Sam should probably speak. Say something, he ordered his brain. “H-i,” he stuttered out. 

“Hi,” the other guy smiled back.

And Sam was doomed. 

“I’m Dean,” the guy stuck out his hand. 

“I’m Sam,” Sam was blushing, he could feel his face getting ten times hotter. He was making a complete fool of himself, but the guy, Dean, just stood there smiling. 

“There you are!” Bobby said.

Sam jumped when he heard his father’s voice from behind him. 

“Don’t just let him stand there, let the poor boy in,” Bobby said. 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam mumbled and stepped aside so Dean could come in. 

Sam wasn’t just going to be a virgin until he was 30, it’d be much longer than that if this was how he greeted guys. 

Dinner was eaten in silence, John and Dean threw in some compliments on the food, but then they started to eat like they hadn’t seen food in years. 

“Sorry,” John excused himself as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It’s just that it’s been a while since we’ve had a home cooked meal.”

“The food was really great Mr. Singer,” Dean said and looked at Bobby. 

“It’s Bobby, and I’m not the chef here,” Bobby laughed and looked at his son.

Dean eyes widened. “You cooked all of this?” Dean asked Sam. 

“It’s nothing,” Sam blushed. When you spent hours every day in the library, surrounded by books, you eventually found the cook book section. Besides, he enjoyed cooking, and Bobby had always encouraged him. Sam had joked that it was only because his father just wanted to get out of cooking, but Bobby claimed that that wasn’t the truth. 

“It’s not nothing, it was a really nice dinner Sam,” Dean smiled at Sam, something that made Sam blush even further. 

“I’ve always told him that he’s got talent, but he won’t listen to me,” Bobby said. 

Sam stared down at the table cloth, he wasn’t used to this kind of attention. 

Bobby must’ve sensed his son’s mood, because he clapped his hands together. “Okay, John, the game starts in ten minutes. Wanna watch?” 

They cleared the table, and after that Bobby turned on the TV. Soon both men were yelling at the TV. 

“You don’t like football?” Sam asked when Dean had offered to stay behind and help out in the kitchen. 

“Nah, never been too big on sports,” Dean shrugged as he loaded up the dishwasher. 

“Everyone in my school is,” Sam mumbled. 

“Well, when you live in a town this small, there can’t be much to do,” Dean said, “I guess the football games are the only excitement you get here,” he said and winked at Sam. 

Sam nearly dropped the glass he was holding, because holy fuck, Dean winked at him. Sam took a moment to compose himself before he spoke. “We have a drive-in, they’re having a movie marathon tonight, if you want to go,” Sam bit his lip. He hadn’t planned to ask Dean to go the drive-in, it just kind of slipped out. 

“Nah, not really,” Dean leaned back against the counter. 

Right, Sam thought and looked down at the floor. Of course Dean didn’t want to spend time with someone like Sam. 

“It’s just that I’m really tired, I’ve been driving all day,” Dean explained. “But I’d love to watch a movie with you. Do you have a TV in your room?”

Sam looked up and met Dean beautiful green eyes. “Oh,” Sam said and bit his lip so he wouldn’t be grinning like a loon. He nodded, “Yeah, I have a TV in my room.”

-

“Wow, you my friend are a neat freak,” was the first thing Dean said when he entered Sam’s bedroom. 

Sam nervously played with the hem of his shirt. He did like to keep his things in order, it was just easier to find things that way. 

Dean slowly walked around. “I wish I was more like you, that way I wouldn’t trip over empty takeout boxes in the morning,” he said with a smile.

Sam had never heard anyone say “I wish I was more like you” to him before, and he fought the urge to pinch his arm to see if this was really happening. If he really did have a hot and nice guy in his room, saying he wanted to be more like him.

“What’s this?” Dean asked and picked up a pamphlet from Sam’s desk.

Oh shit, Sam immediately recognized the pamphlet. It was the one with information about male pregnancy. He instantly tried to grab the pamphlet from Dean, but Dean was a hunter, of course he had reflexes. Dean took a step back and Sam grabbed nothing but thin air. 

“You can get pregnant?” Dean asked. 

Now it was Sam’s turn to take a step back. He knew his dad had turned up the TV, but he’d still hear Sam if he screamed loud enough. Sam’s heart was beating a mile minute. 

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you,” Dean whispered softly. He took a few tentative steps towards Sam. “Is that what you thought? That I’d hurt you?”

Sam managed a small nod. 

“I’d never,” Dean promised. 

Sam’s heart was still beating really fast, but it was slowly going back to its normal rate. 

“Hey,” Dean said and placed a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder, and was relieved when that didn’t cause the younger boy to flinch. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

Sam visibly relaxed. 

“Has anyone ever hurt you for being gay?” Dean asked. “Because I’m guessing that you are gay, and that’s why you have the pamphlets.”

“I am gay,” Sam bit his lip. 

“And?” Dean wanted to know the answer to his other question.

Sam looked down again. “They don’t really hurt me, they just say stuff.”

“Words can hurt too Sammy,” Dean gently rubbed Sam’s arm.

Sammy. Sam liked that.

“Want me to kick their asses?” Dean asked. “I have ten fake-ids in my car, I’ll just take a new identity, and they’ll never find me.”

Sam laughed out loud. 

-

Sam watched as the credits rolled. He looked to his left and couldn’t help but smile at Dean’s sleeping form. Sam had turned on the TV, and they had found a thriller that they both wanted to see. Dean had fallen asleep somewhere after the first half of the movie, and Sam hadn’t had the heart to wake him up. Sam couldn’t believe it, he had a guy in his bed. He just wished that the situation had been different. Sam closed his eyes and imagined Dean shirtless, with his arm slung across Sam’s middle. They were sleeping face to face, because Dean was way too pretty not to look at before falling asleep. 

“Sam?” Bobby whispered roughly.

Sam immediately opened his eyes and saw his father standing in the doorway. 

“It’s late, why don’t you show Dean to the guest bedroom?” Bobby asked.

Sam looked over to his left and saw that Dean was still soundly asleep. “I don’t want to wake him up, he can just stay here and I’ll take the couch or something. 

Bobby seemed fine with that and left. 

Sam reached out his hand and prayed that Dean wouldn’t wake up, and he ever so slowly stroked Dean’s cheek, it was soft yet stubbly at the same time. Sam smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for leaving kudos and comments, that mean a lot to me. I will try to update as often as I can, that should be at least two to three times a week.
> 
> Jacksville is a fictional small town. I haven't decided where to put it just yet.

Dean’s mother got killed when Dean was six years old. It was in the middle of the night, and even though Dean wasn’t there in the room to see it he heard the screams. His mother’s terrified high-pitched screams as she called out for help had echoed through their entire house. His dad had stayed up late and fallen asleep downstairs on the couch, when John had rushed upstairs to save his wife it had already been too late. It had happened that quickly. Dean had been ushered outside despite his many protests. 

Most people would probably argue that it’d be best to lie about the whole thing to Dean. Maybe say that some evil person broke into the house. But John Winchester told his six-year-old son the truth. From then on Dean had always been a light sleeper, for he knew the dangers that lurked in the dark. 

Once Dean was sure that Sam had left the room he opened his eyes and touched his cheek. No one had stroked his cheek with such tenderness in years. It had been fourteen years since the last time. Dean remembered how his mom used to tuck him in every night, read him a story and then kiss him and run her fingers through his hair. 

Dean wasn’t a virgin, far from it. Over the years he had slept with both girls and guys, but they had all been one night stands. They had fucked, and that was it. Sure, some of the people that Dean had slept with wanted more than just an hour or two with Dean, but Dean was a hunter and that came first. Working as a hunter while maintaining a relationship was just impossible, and Dean had been fine with that. He wasn’t really the kind of guy who’d work a regular nine to five job, get home and kiss the spouse, eat dinner and talk about things that didn’t really matter, watch TV, and then go to bed, only to do the same thing all over again the next day. No, he needed to hunt. Needed the shabby motels. Needed the rush of adrenaline that he only got after he had killed an evil son of a bitch, and saved innocent people. 

But he knew that he’d be lying to himself if he said that Sam’s touch didn’t feel good. It sparked something in him, a desire that he had pushed down so far within himself he never thought it’d resurface again. 

It took hours before sleep finally claimed Dean. 

-

Sam stretched his long limbs, swung his legs over the side of the couch and stood up. His back hurt like hell, but he knew that it’d pass. He knew that Dean was used to sleeping in crappy motel beds, and if Sam could give Dean the luxury of sleeping in a real nice bed for a night then he’d gladly do that and suffer through the back pains from sleeping on the couch. 

Something smelled good from the kitchen, and it made Sam’s mouth water. He wondered whether Dean was already up or not, most hunters got up pretty early. 

Turns out that Dean was no exception, because there he was sitting at the breakfast table, already dressed and reading the newspaper. 

Dean looked up and smiled when he noticed Sam. Sam was not ready for that. Most hunters were so engrossed in their newspapers, looking for the next case, that you could probably start a bulldozer and they wouldn’t notice. Maybe Dean was an exception after all. 

“Good morning,” Dean smiled. 

“Morning,” Sam said and smiled back as he took a seat opposite Dean. 

Usually Sam would devour his food in the morning, this morning, however, he tried to eat his food a bit more like a normal person. That failed the second he noticed that his dad had made chocolate chip pancakes. Sam began stuffing his face with the delicious golden brown pancakes. 

“Someone was hungry,” Dean chuckled.

Sam put his fork down and blushed deeply. Shit, he was going to be a virgin for a long time. 

“I did the exact same thing half an hour ago,” Dean winked at him. 

Sam couldn’t help but letting out a laugh, with food in his mouth. Not the best thing to do. Dean was laughing at him, but it wasn’t a mean laugh, just a genuine deep, rich laughter. Sam could live with that. 

When they both had calmed down Dean looked at Sam. “Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed. You didn’t have to do that.”

“S’ nothing,” Sam waved it off. “You were already asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up. I knew how tired you were.”

“Our dads are going over some things in your dad’s office. We have about an hour or two, want to do something?” Dean asked. God, he sounded like a chick. He wasn’t used to asking, usually he just pulled the guy or girl into the backseat of his car and that was it. It was different with Sam. Dean wanted to know who Sam was. He wanted to know if Sam collected seashells, or maybe stamps. Dean was pretty sure no one under the age of fifty collected stamps, but if Sam did, Dean wanted to know. 

“Uhm sure,” Sam smiled shyly. “There’s not much to do around here though.”

“Do you trust me enough to get into a car with me and drive somewhere?” Dean asked. 

Sam smiled and nodded vigorously, something that made Dean happy and yet scared shitless for Sam’s safety at the same time. They had only spent less than twenty-four hours together. Sam didn’t know Dean. Hell, Dean could be an axe-murderer. Sam was sweetly naïve, he didn’t know how the dangerous the world really was. Dean wondered how much, or how little, the hunters that came to visit Sam and Bobby had told. Sam must’ve been sent to his room or something once the hunters had started to talk. Dean felt a strong urge to just protect Sam from the world. 

They loaded up the dishwasher, got dressed and headed out. 

-

“Wow,” Sam said when he saw Dean’s car. It was a shining beauty. 

“I know,” Dean said and stroked the hood. “She’s my baby.”

“What would happen if I put my feet up on the dashboard?” Sam teased. 

“I’d throw you out of the car,” Dean replied in an instant without even blinking. 

Sam threw his head back and laughed. “Really?” he asked.

“It’s not like I’m worried or anything. You will never be able to put your long-ass legs up there anyways,” Dean smirked.

-

Jacksville was beautiful this time of the year. The leaves were changing, and sure it was getting a bit chillier, but it wasn’t really that cold. Sam glanced over to his right, Dean had one hand on the steering wheel and the other one on his thigh as it kept drumming along to the music. Dean had turned on the radio, and had been kind enough to let Sam pick the station. 

“You don’t strike me as a country music lover,” Sam smiled. 

Dean looked over at him and smiled back. “I’m trying to be polite here Sammy. You picked the station, so you obviously like this country shit.”

“Why do you call me Sammy?” Sam had to ask. “No-one ever calls me that.”

“It suits you,” was all Dean said before he turned back focus on the road. 

The kept on driving until Sam told Dean to stop. Sam didn’t spend that much time outside, but he did know that there was a beautiful clearing if they just walked for about ten minutes or so. The place was known to most teenagers in town for the perfect place to party, get wasted and have sex. But to Sam it was so much more than that. When Sam’s mom had walked out on him and his dad, Sam had been devastated. He had run away countless times, and he always ended up in that beautiful clearing. He’d sit there and just watch as the trees moved in the wind, he’d listen to the birds chirping and after a while he just felt serene, like some kind of peace and calm had just overtaken his body. With the help of that calm feeling he had been able to return home again. Even though his mom hadn’t been there once he got home he knew that somehow things were still going to be okay. 

Dean parked his car on the side of the road. They got out and Sam started walking. 

“Do you know where we’re going? I mean you don’t look like the outdoorsy type,” Dean remarked. 

“And you don’t look like the type who listens to country music, but you were still drumming along to the song we listened to in the car,” Sam smiled. 

“Touché,” Dean mumbled. 

They walked together in peaceful silence until they reached the clearing and Sam stopped. 

“This is it,” Sam said and looked up at the high treetops. 

Dean couldn’t help but smile. The light was streaming down on Sam’s face, almost making him look angelic. “It’s beautiful,” Dean murmured. You are beautiful, he wanted to tell Sam, but he didn’t. There were limits, okay? Dean was not a chick. “This place is beautiful,” he said, only this time he said it a bit louder and that got Sam’s attention. 

“I want to show you something,” Sam said. “It should be around here somewhere.”

After walking for about five minutes in one direction, then another five in another direction, Dean got frustrated. “Do you really know where we are going?” Dean asked as he moved a tree branch so he could pass by. 

Sam suddenly stopped and Dean almost walked straight into Sam’s back. “This is it, told you I’d find it,” Sam said proudly as he stopped in front of a large tree with a treehouse. 

Dean looked up at the tree house. “Is it yours?”

“Not really, I just found it when I was a little kid,” Sam said. He had found the tree house when he was around eight years old, but some other boys had beaten him to it and had already claimed it as theirs. Sam of course hadn’t been allowed to join them. But Sam had quickly learned that the boys ate dinner from six to seven, and that meant that he could have the tree house to himself for an hour a day on schooldays. 

“Let’s take a look,” Dean said and quickly began to climb up the tree. He honestly had no idea what had gotten into him. He was twenty years old for fuck’s sake, and yet here he was, climbing some tree like a five-year-old boy. 

“Be careful!” Sam called out from the ground. “It’s pretty old. It might not hold your weight.”

Once Dean reached the tree house he slowly, and carefully stepped inside. His first instinct had been to just jump inside, but that would probably make Sam freak out. Sam was a total mother-hen, but it was kind of nice, Dean had to admit that. The tree house was pretty dark, someone had hung up sheets in front of the windows. Once Dean removed the sheets and let the light stream in he understood why the sheets had been hung up. The floor was littered with blankets, old used condoms and a mattress. Dean laughed and shook his head. 

“What does it look like?” Sam called out from the ground. 

Dean climbed down and when he reached the last branch he just jumped. 

Sam let out a high-pitched scream when Dean landed on the ground right next to him. 

“What did you do that for?” Sam yelled. “You could’ve hurt yourself.”

Dean dusted off his jacket and smiled. “Geez, calm down Sammy.”

Sam pouted, he actually pouted, and Dean couldn’t contain his laughter. 

“I’m glad you find it funny that I actually care about your safety,” Sam said through gritted teeth. 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You do know what I do for a living, right?” Dean was a hunter. Jumping from that tree branch was nothing compared to the risks Dean put himself through every day. 

“Well, it’s not climbing trees,” Sam snorted. 

“You’d probably pass out if you came along with me and my dad for a hunt,” Dean smiled and shook his head. God, Sam was ridiculous. It was a strange feeling, to know that someone cared for him.

Sam bit his lip. “Are you ever scared?”

Dean let out a breath. “I can’t afford to be scared. If I’m scared I’ll slip up, and if I slip up I’ll get killed.”

“My dad told me about what happened to your mom,” Sam admitted and glanced over at Dean, awaiting the older boy’s reaction. Sam hoped that Dean wouldn’t get angry with him for bringing it up. “Do you hunt because you want revenge or do you hunt because you actually know what’s out there and you feel like it’s your responsibility to kill it?” 

Dean kicked a small pebble. “With my dad it’s all about revenge, he needs to kill the thing that killed my mother. At first it was that for me too, and it still is to some extent. But I won’t stop once I’ve found it and killed it. I will always be a hunter. My dad, on the other hand, is always talking about how he will retire after he has gotten his revenge.”

Sam couldn’t imagine risking his life at work every day, he couldn’t imagine facing the monsters that Dean did. 

“I think we should head back,” Dean said and started walking. 

-

Dean parked the car outside Sam’s house, but he didn’t get out. Sam had unbuckled his seatbelt and was just about to get out of the car, when he noticed that Dean wasn’t moving. “Are you okay?” Sam asked. 

“I could come back some time, and visit you,” Dean mumbled, “if you wanted,” he added. 

Sam looked genuinely surprised. Dean had pretty much figured out that Sam wasn’t exactly the most popular kid in school, but he had never expected Sam to look that shocked when someone actually wanted to spend time with him. Dean wanted to hurt those assholes that had ruined Sam. Those assholes had made Sam feel worthless. 

“I want to,” Dean assured him.

Sam’s whole face lit up in a giant smile, but he tried to look like it was no big deal and looked down instead. Dean thought the whole thing was adorable. 

It made Dean scared shitless, because Sam brought out a new side in Dean, a side that Dean didn’t even know existed. Sam cared for him, touched him with tenderness, and Dean wanted it.

Dean rummaged around in the glove department until he found a pen and an old receipt. “Here, write down your cell phone number.” Dean couldn’t remember how many cell phones he had gone though in the last year. A piece of paper would last longer. 

Sam took the small piece of paper and jotted down his cell phone number and handed it back to Dean. “So you’ll call me?” he sounded scared and hopeful at the same time.

Dean looked out the window and saw that the front door being opened and his father stepped out from the house. 

Dean placed his hand on Sam’s knee. “I will call you,” he promised.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacksville (where Sam lives) is a fictional (small) town, still haven't decided where to put it just yet, but location doesn't really matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the chapter, and feel free to leave comment since I love to read them. I appreciate all the kudos and comments that I've gotten so far.

Sam never thought he’d be like one of those people who sat by the phone and waited for their crush to call them. No, Sam was supposed to be independent, and not so damn needy. Sam let out a groan as he checked his phone for the umpteenth time. Still no missed calls. He couldn’t say that he was surprised, he had only taken a five minute shower, and he had turned up the volume so loud that the ringtone probably could’ve been heard on Mars if Dean had called. Sam adjusted the volume, and turned it back to normal again. 

It had been a week, and still no call from Dean. Sam had overanalysed the whole thing like crazy, and he had narrowed it down to two reasons why Dean hadn’t called. Either Dean just didn’t want to call Sam, or Dean had been hurt. Sam honestly wished it was the first alternative, even though it would hurt like hell. But knowing that Dean was okay was most important. Sam just wanted a call, just one teeny tiny phone call. Dean didn’t have to say much, just that he was okay, and Sam would be fine. 

Sam wondered whether he should ask his dad for help. If his dad could contact one of the hunters that knew the Winchester, then maybe…

It was pointless. Sam knew that the Winchesters were loners, they only had minimal contact with other hunters. 

Sam pocketed his phone before he headed downstairs to make some dinner. 

-

“So, I’m guessing he’d told you he’d call,” Bobby let out a huff as he stared at his son’s cell phone on the kitchen table. Usually Sam’s phone was nowhere to be seen. Sam didn’t get many calls, so there was just no need for him to bring it with him at all times. 

Sam put his fork down and smiled sheepishly.

“You don’t think he’s told other people the same thing?” Bobby didn’t know much about Dean Winchester, but John had implied some things and that was enough for Bobby. Apparently John and Dean hadn’t shared a motel room in years, because Dean wanted to bring people over. Bobby had a fair idea or what “bringing people over” really meant. 

Sam tried to shrug nonchalantly, but was pretty sure his dad would see right through the act. 

“What exactly happened between the two of you?” Bobby demanded to know. “If he has done anything to you, then so help me God, I will-“

“No, no,” Sam immediately shook his head. 

“You’re sixteen Sam!” Bobby growled out. “I could, and I will have him arrested.”

“I’ll be seventeen in two weeks, and no, he hasn’t done anything,” Sam snapped at his father. 

Bobby was taken back. Sweet, innocent Sam had snapped at him. Sam had never done anything like that before. 

“I’m sorry dad,” Sam apologized and put his hand over his father’s. “I promise you nothing has happened.”

“But you want it to,” Bobby said, it wasn’t a question.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Sam shook his head. “He’s not into me like that, so you just,” he paused, “you don’t have anything to worry about. I’m not going to be in a relationship for a long time.”

As much as that calmed Bobby’s nerves, it also made him feel sad. Sam was great, Bobby couldn’t have asked for a better son. But Sam was lonely, Bobby knew that. Not that Sam would ever complain, he didn’t have to, Bobby could read his son like and open book. Sam had always had self-esteem issues, and even though Bobby had tried his best to change that, Sam still had so many self-doubts. 

“Did you like the dinner?” Sam changed the subject.

“I did,” Bobby nodded. “But don’t change the subject son.”

Sam stared down at his plate. “There’s nothing more to say, because I’m not going to start dating Dean or any other boy for that matter.”

“Next time Dean shows up I want to have a word with him,” Bobby said sternly. 

Sam nodded weakly. Dean probably wouldn’t show up.

-

Sam tossed and turned. He was having a nightmare, he hadn’t had one in a while, so this was new. He was being chased through the woods, something was after him and-

Then there was a loud signal that definitely did not belong in the dream. It woke up Sam, who groggily blinked a couple of times before he realized where the sound was coming from- his phone! He quickly tried to find his phone on the floor. 

“Dean?” he said as soon as he had pressed the phone to his ear, without even looking at the display.

“Oh shit, I just realized what time it is in Jacksville. I’m so sorry Sam. You must’ve been asleep,” Dean’s deep voice sounded apologetic.

Sam shook his head even though Dean wasn’t there to see it. “It’s fine. I’m glad you called. Are you okay?”

Sam heard how Dean let out a big sigh. 

“Dean, are you okay?” Sam asked again.

“I’m fine. This hunt is just taking longer than me and my dad were expecting.”

Dean sounded tired, Sam could tell. 

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Sam asked.

Dean let out a chuckle. “You really are a momma-hen, aren’t ya?”

“Shut up,” Sam mumbled. 

“S’ okay, I like it.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “You do?” he asked in disbelief. 

“You should go back to sleep.”

“Don’t want to,” Sam blurted out. He wanted to stay up and talk to Dean.

“Tell me something Sam, anything, tell me about your day.”

Sam chewed at his bottom lip. He didn’t want to tell Dean about the conversation that he had had with his dad earlier about Dean, so he decided to go for something else, something that’d hopefully cheer up Dean. “Peter Donovan came high to school today. Unfortunately the first class of the day was science class and we were doing an experiment. Of course Peter had to start a fire. Then he ran around like a mad man screaming ‘I can make fire with my bare hands’.”

Dean barked out a laugh, and Sam smiled. Mission accomplished, Sam thought. 

“Our science teacher, Mrs. Higgins is about 5 ft. 5, and Peter is a tall guy, so she had to call for some reinforcements. The football coach, Coach Anderson showed up and basically tackled Peter to the floor,” Sam continued, “Peter then started to sing something and you could tell that Coach Anderson wanted to strangle Peter.”

“I’d almost forgotten what high school was like,” Dean laughed.

“I wish you were here,” Sam blurted out and right after he had said it he covered his mouth with his hand. He wanted to smack himself for being so stupid. He sounded like some needy little kid, and that was probably the last thing Dean needed. 

“Yeah?” Dean asked. 

“I just meant that,” Sam bit his lip, there really was no way to change what he had just said. 

“After this hunt is over, and everything’s been taken care of I’ll come and visit you.”

Sam smiled. “Really?” 

“I meant what I said, I want to see you again.”

Unfortunately Dean had to hang up, but that didn’t bother Sam at all. Sam knew he was grinning like a fool, but how could he not? 

-

Two weeks later

“Happy Birthday son!” Bobby said as he barged into his son’s room at six am. 

“Dad,” Sam whined and pulled the covers over his head. “It’s too early for that, come back later.”

“Alan wanted me to take a look at his car before he heads to work, so we gotta eat the cake now,” Bobby explained. 

Cake for breakfast was a tradition in the Singer household. This wasn’t the first time Sam had to have his cake way too early in the morning because his father had to leave for work. Bobby owned the best auto shop in town, and therefore he had the most work to do. 

Sam reluctantly got out of bed. 

“How does it feel to be a year older?” Bobby asked.

Sam smiled, his father asked that question every year. “It feels good dad,” Sam laughed.

-

After they had eaten the cake Bobby looked at his watch and sighed. “I gotta go, but I should be back around four.” Bobby grinned mischievously. “There might be something for you in the garage, but we’re going to look at that later.”

Sam nearly dropped his jaw. “Is it-“

“Maybe,” Bobby said. 

Sam would be lying if he said that he didn’t want a car of his own. He had been borrowing either one of his dad’s cars up until now, and that had been fine, and he had never complained. "I didn’t think you knew. I mean I’ve never said anything about wanting a car,” Sam stated. 

“I know you son,” was all Bobby had to say. 

-

Sam had finished an essay, cleaned the house and cooked dinner, and was about to start making dessert when the phone rang. It was his father, letting him know that he’d be home much later than expected. Sam tried not to sound disappointed. 

“No, it’s fine, really Dad,” Sam promised his father before they hung up.

It was during times like these that Sam wished he had someone else to call, someone else who could come over. 

Sam decided to make dessert anyways. They could always eat it later, or even tomorrow depending on how late his dad got home. They had some apples in the fridge, so Sam decided to make apple pie. 

He had flour on most of his upper body when someone knocked on the front door. Sometimes people who had car problems just came around their house in case Bobby was home and not at the auto shop.

“Just a sec,” Sam called out and dusted off the flour on his jeans before he opened the front door. He nearly let out a high-pitched scream in shock when he saw who it was on the other side of the door. “Dean?” he asked incredulously even though the older guy was standing right in front of him.

“So are you going to let me in this time, or are we going to stand here and stare at each other for a while like last time?” Dean teased. 

Sam rolled his eyes and stepped aside so Dean could come in. 

“It’s good to see you,” Sam smiled, and that earned him a smile in return for Dean.

Sam was glad he had decided to make an apple pie, because he had quickly found out that apple pie was something Dean Winchester loved, well not only loved, freaking worshipped. 

“This is good pie,” Dean hummed as he helped himself to another slice. 

Sam couldn’t help but laugh. “How can there still be room for more?” They had already eaten the ham and mashed potatoes that Sam had made for dinner, and Dean was now on his fourth slice of pie. 

“S’ good,” Dean moaned, it was almost a pornographic sound.

“You are easy to please,” Sam mumbled.

“Not really,” Dean winked, and Sam blushed.

After four slices of pie Dean unwillingly admitted that he couldn’t fit more into his stomach. They cleared off the table and decided to watch a movie. Sam decided to be the good guy and let Dean pick out the movie from their small DVD-collection. Of course Dean had to pick an action film that Sam already had had to sit though countless times because it was one of his dad’s favourites. 

The action hero was in the middle of a car chase when Sam took his eyes off the screen and looked over at Dean for the first time since they had started the movie. Dean was so engrossed in what was going on on-screen that Sam could take the opportunity to look at Dean a little. Dean had dark circles underneath his eyes, and there was a small cut on his upper lip that Sam couldn’t help but wonder where that came from. Had Dean gotten into a fight, and if so with whom? A real person or a-

“Oh, come on!” Dean yelled at the TV and interrupted Sam’s thoughts. “Did you see that?” Dean turned to Sam. “His car just blew up. It’s a crime to blow up such a fine car.”

“He survived though,” Sam tried to cheer up his ridiculous friend. 

“You don’t like this movie, do you?” Dean asked bluntly. 

“It’s fine, you like it,” Sam assured him.

“But what movies do you like?” Dean wanted to know. “Chick flicks?” he teased.

“If you mean romantic films, then yeah I like chick flicks, go ahead and tease me,” Sam smiled. 

“Nah, can’t make fun of you. You’ve just fed me the best apple pie I’ve ever tasted,” Dean patted his stomach.

“So the way to your heart is through your stomach?” Sam joked and expected Dean to say something snarky, but that didn’t happen. Dean just sat there and looked at him until Sam blushed. “I have to go to the bathroom,” Sam excused himself, he couldn’t come up with another lie that would get him out of the room. 

-

Bobby came home while Sam was still in the bathroom. When Bobby saw no other than Dean Winchester sitting on his couch he let out a loud huff.

“You and I need to talk,” Bobby said. 

Dean stood up nervously. This was new. He wasn’t used to dealing with angry parents. Perks of only sleeping with people he picked up in bars, their parents were never there. 

“I can assure you Sir that-“

Bobby held up his hand to silence Dean. “My son is seventeen, and that might be the legal age for consent in this state, but I don’t give a fuck about that law. I have my own laws, and they state that Sam is way too young for the kind of stuff you do with the strangers that you usually pick up in bars or whatever.”

“I’m not gonna treat Sammy like that,” Dean promised, “You have my word Sir.”

“I have a shotgun Dean,” Bobby warned.

Dean smiled. “I’m glad you do. Sammy is dangerously naïve, he needs protection.”

Bobby shook his head to hide the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

“You said Sam’s seventeen,” Dean stated, “Last time I was here he was sixteen. When was his birthday?”

Bobby frowned. “You mean he hasn’t told you?” 

“Told me what?” Dean asked.

“It’s today,” Bobby told him.

Dean looked at his watch, it was almost eight thirty, and he had to get back to his dad in less than an hour. His dad had been out and collecting research and had allowed Dean to get some free time, and Dean didn’t dare to push for another hour. “When do the stores close around here?” he asked Bobby.

“Most are already closed, there is a small convenience store and then of course there’s the gas station, they’re the only ones that are still open.”

Sam returned from what must’ve been the longest trip to the bathroom ever, and he barely even had a chance to say hi to his dad before Dean took his hand and dragged him out of the house. 

“Where are we going?” Sam asked when Dean led him over to the Impala parked down the street. 

“We are going to buy you a Birthday present,” Dean said and opened the door to the car so Sam could get in.

“He told you?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, and I’m glad he did,” Dean replied.

The convenience store that was opened twenty four hours a day, seven days a week was even smaller than Dean had anticipated. Dean had no idea how he was going to find e descent present for Sam at a place like that. “I hope you like candy Sammy, because it looks like that’s what you’ll be getting.”

“I do like candy, but Dean this really isn’t necessary,” Sam protested. He’d much rather spend some time alone with Dean in private. They hadn’t really talked much yet, and Sam was desperate to have a real conversation with Dean.

Dean ignored Sam’s protests and walked over to the candy section. “Do you like this one?” he asked and held up a colourful bag of gummy-something. When Sam nodded Dean moved onto the next bag. “This one?” he asked and got another nod from Sam.

“Here hold these,” Dean said and handed over about ten bags of candy and some chocolate bars to Sam. 

“Dean, really, this isn’t necessary,” Sam said as he struggled to hold all of the big pack candy bags that Dean had handed over to him. Dean of course ignored him and walked around in the store until he found something that made him stop. “Here Sammy,” Dean said and handed over a big white, fluffy teddy bear to him.

Sam let out a laugh. “Dean, I’m turning seventeen, not seven,” he reminded the older boy.

“The poor bear was sitting all alone on the shelf, you can’t leave him there,” Dean argued and Sam just smiled and shook his head. The poor bear probably had been sitting there alone for a while, it had a heart on it that said “Happy Valentine’s Day”, and it was October. 

When they got to the cashier Dean noticed that they sold hats. They were really ugly, but they were funny. “Look,” Dean said excitedly and pointed at a cap that said “Hot trucker”. 

“Oh no, no,” Sam shook his head. A second later Dean had put that cap on Sam’s head.

Out of habit Dean reached for one of his many credit cards, but decided to pay in cash instead. It was Sam, and Sam deserved something that wasn’t bought with a fake credit card. Dean had at least earned the cash in an honest game of pool. He had won fair and squared. 

-

“Thank you,” Sam said and held up his paper bag where everything Dean had bought him was. 

They had parked just outside Sam’s house, and Dean hadn’t made a move to leave the car yet, and Sam understood why. This was where they had to say goodbye.

“Why didn’t you tell me that it was your birthday?” Dean asked.

Sam just shrugged. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

“I’ll call you Sammy,” Dean promised. 

Sam nodded, he didn’t know what to say. That wasn’t true though. He wanted to beg Dean to stay with him, but he knew that he couldn’t do that so he wordlessly stared down at the teddy bear sticking up from the paper bag. Sam knew that the bear would be sleeping in his bed tonight. Sam loved all of his presents that Dean had gotten him, he even loved the ugly hat.

“Can I kiss you Sammy?” Dean asked.

Sam immediately looked up and his eyes widened when he noticed that Dean actually looked serious. But then again, Dean could still be messing with him. “You want to kiss me?” Sam asked incredulously. 

Dean answered that question by leaning forward and press his lips against Sam’s. The kiss was a little awkward at first, since Sam’s lips were stiff and unsure, but Dean placed his hand on the back of Sam’s neck and tilted his head to the side. 

Sam’s heart pounded wildly in his chest, but he still tried to pour everything into the kiss. Dean pulled back too soon, just when Sam finally had gotten the hang of the whole kissing thing. Sam made a small noise of protest and Dean gave him a quick peck on the nose. Sam lightly touched his lips with the tips of his fingers. “Was it because it’s my birthday?” he asked when he had regained the ability to speak. 

“No,” Dean shook his head, and took the younger boy’s hand and squeezed it. 

Then there was the inevitable goodbye. Sam hugged the teddy bear to his chest as he watched Dean drive away. 

-

Bobby had seen the whole thing from the kitchen window. God knows Sam deserved to be loved, but that Dean Winchester boy would cause trouble, Bobby knew that.

“Hi dad,” Sam said when he saw his dad standing in the kitchen.

Bobby saw his son hugging a large teddy bear to his chest. It reminded Bobby of when Sam was little, and his mother had just taken off. Scared little Sam used to come into his dad’s bedroom, clutching a stuffed animal and asking if he could sleep in his daddy’s bed. Sam had looked so scared and vulnerable back then, and Bobby hadn’t seen his son like that in years, but right now Sam looked just like that scared little boy.

“He’d said he’d call me,” Sam bit his lip. 

Bobby placed his hand on his son’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. “I’m sure he will. Now let’s go and take a look at that car I got you.”

-

“It’s not much, but it’ll take you where you need to go,” Bobby apologized as he showed his son the rusty old car. “I figured we could work on it together, like a father and son-project.”

“I’d like that,” Sam said and put his arms around his dad. 

Bobby hugged his son back and prayed that Dean Winchester would keep his promise and call. 

-

Dean did call, much sooner than Sam expected. Sam was just about to fall asleep when Dean called. 

“Dean?” Sam asked and grinned from ear to ear.

“Yeah Sammy, it’s me,” Dean said, “I don’t have much time to talk, my dad will be back soon, but I just wanted to say goodnight and make sure that Birthday Bear is the only guy in bed with you.”

Sam smiled and pulled his bear closer to his chest. “Yep, only man here.”

“Good, keep it that way,” Dean half-joked, half-warned.

Sam bit his lip. “Is there going to be a man or woman in your bed Dean?”

“No Sammy, I’ll probably have to get my own bear now to keep me company, and my Dad will be happy because we’re going to save a lot of money by just getting one twin bed room instead of two at every motel we stay at.”

Sam clutched the bear closer to his chest. “Really?”

“You have my word Sammy,” Dean assured him. “Good night and sleep tight now Sammy.”

Sam blinked back a tear, “Good night Dean.”

After they had ended the call the tears started coming. Sam didn’t even know why he was crying. Was he happy? Sad? Upset?

Or was he scared because he was falling in love with someone, and that someone could leave him. 

Sam hugged the bear closer to his chest. He knew that there was the possibility of Dean leaving, but he decided not think about that. Sam instead thought back to the kiss and smiled. It had been his first kiss, and it had been perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it. I never expected to get this many hits- thank you to every one who's reading! :)

Fall had turned into winter. Sam breathed out a sigh filled with relief when he was out of the school building. It had been his last day of school, and he was now on Christmas break, and he was going to enjoy every second of it. He was hoping that a certain someone would like to spend Christmas with him but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. 

 

Dean had called him every now and then, most phone calls had to be kept short, but there were also a few longer calls. They had gotten to know each other better. Now Sam knew what kind of music Dean listened to, what hobbies he had, what he preferred to have for breakfast, but most importantly Sam knew that Dean missed him. 

 

Since Dean usually called late, most of their conversations ended with Dean saying good night, but lately he had been adding ‘miss you’ right after. It made Sam swoon. 

 

Sam walked over to the school parking lot and carefully dusted off the snow from his car. He and his dad had worked hard on the car and it had really paid off, the car now looked almost brand new. 

 

“Faggot!” Someone yelled and threw a snowball at Sam. It hit him in the back and nearly knocked the breath out of him. 

 

Sam turned around and saw a group of people that he recognized from one of his classes, standing across the street, pointing and laughing at him. Sam just shook his head, dusted off the snow from his coat and got in the car. He realized that he wasn’t really sad. Sure, he was still a bit upset, but he didn’t wish that he was straight like he usually would whenever some asshole yelled ‘faggot’ at him. 

 

Because if Sam had been straight then he wouldn’t have been in love with Dean Winchester, and being in love with Dean Winchester was pretty great. A snowball and a mean word from some loser didn’t change that. Sam smiled as he started the car. He glanced at his watch and realized that he’d better hurry, he had a doctor’s appointment to get to. 

 

After Sam’s latest doctor’s appointment when he had found out that he actually had the ability to get pregnant, his doctor, Dr Andrews, wanted to schedule a new appointment, where they would discuss different methods of birth control. Sam had flushed beet red and Bobby had looked sick to his stomach. Sam had assured the doctor that something like that wasn’t necessary. 

 

Dr Andrews had called Sam a few days ago and asked if the situation had changed, and if Sam wanted to schedule an appointment. Sam had taken a deep breath and said ‘maybe’. 

 

Sam wasn’t stupid, he knew that Dean had had sex before. Sam also knew that since their last meeting, at Sam’s birthday, Dean had promised not to sleep with anyone. Sam hoped and prayed that Dean had kept that promise. If Dean had kept his promise, then Dean hadn’t had sex in over a month. Sam felt like it was his responsibility to satisfy Dean’s needs the next time they meet. Whenever that might be. 

 

-

 

“Are you sexually active Sam?” Dr Andrews asked. 

 

Sam shook his head. Not yet at least. 

 

“Okay, that’s good. A lot of teenagers that come here have already had sex before they even started to think about getting birth control,” Dr Andrews smiled. “Now, are you in a steady relationship, or do you have more than one partner?”

 

Sam wanted to laugh. No one had paid him the slightest bit of interest, like ever, until he met Dean. “No, just one.” One Dean Winchester was more than enough. 

 

“And you are being faithful to one another?” 

 

“I hope so,” Sam mumbled. 

 

Dr Andrews offered Sam a sympathetic smile. “Let’s take a look at the different alternatives, shall we?”

 

Sam only managed to produce a small nod. 

 

“I’d recommend condoms, because they will also protect you from getting any STDs, but the choice is up to you,” Dr Andrews said and handed Sam a bag of condoms. “Then there is birth control pills. You take one every day. I could write you a prescription if you wanted.”

 

“Would my dad have to know about the prescription?” Sam nervously chewed on his bottom lip. “He doesn’t even know that I’m here today.”

 

“No, he won’t have to find out if you don’t want him to,” Dr Andrews assured the scared teen.

 

“That’s good,” Sam mumbled.

 

“I have to ask you Sam, are you ready?” Dr Andrews asked. “I mean you’re not being pressured into something?”

 

“No, I’m not,” Sam shook his head. 

 

“Has your partner gotten tested to see if he is free from STDs?” 

 

Sam shook his head again. There were so many things he hadn’t really talked about with Dean. 

 

“Then I want him to come in for some tests. I just need a urine sample, and a blood sample and that’s it,” Dr Andrews informed Sam.

 

-

 

Once Sam was home he went upstairs to his room. His dad wouldn’t be home for another two hours, and for that Sam was grateful. He emptied the bag of condoms on his bed, and tore one open. Sam had seen a condom before, he had even rolled on one on himself. But the condoms on Sam’s bed might not end up on Sam’s dick. Sam was no expert on gay sex, but he knew some things, and one them was that there would be a top and a bottom. Another thing he hadn’t discussed with Dean, who’d be giving and who’d be on the receiving end? 

 

It wasn’t like Sam had given much thought to it. But now that he kind of had to think about it he imagined himself on the receiving end. Only in his imagination it didn’t hurt like hell like Sam knew that the real thing would. 

 

Sam’s fingers trembled as he unbuttoned his pants. He had jerked off before, but he had never inserted a finger or used anything else for penetration. There was a small packet of lube somewhere among all the condoms, and when Sam finally found it he tore it open and squeezed out a fair amount on his index finger. He let out a deep breath before he laid down on the bed and spread his legs. It didn’t take long until he found his hole, it felt so tight that Sam almost freaked out. How was Dean’s dick supposed to fit there? 

 

He took another calming breath and willed his body to relax. People had sex every day, Sam’s body was no different, and it had to work, somehow. Sam tried to push just the tip of his finger in. It worked if he pushed agonizingly slow. Now if only Dean was this patient then maybe it’d take an hour or two before they could actually get to the main event. Sam sighed. 

 

Sam continued to breath in and out nice and slowly. He added some pressure and his finger sank in even further. There was some pain, but nothing he couldn’t take. But this was one finger. What would happened if he added another, and another?

 

And Dean’s dick was probably a whole lot bigger than Sam’s fingers. Oh fuck, Sam was starting to freak out. He pulled out his fingers and wrapped himself up in a blanket. Suddenly he felt so scared and inexperienced. The guys in his school who bragged about all the sex they had had probably never wrapped themselves up in a blanket like Sam did. 

 

Sam let go of the blanket and tried to push his finger in again. When the entire finger was in, he experimentally tried to pull it out just a little before he pushed it all the way inside again. It was a bit uncomfortable, but mostly okay. Sam found the opened packet of lube and pulled out his finger, added more lube and took a deep breath before he started to push in his finger again, only this time he added another one. Fuck, that hurt. Sam squeezed his eyes shut. Sex was supposed to feel amazing, he was supposed to enjoy this damn it. Why couldn’t his stupid body just open up and enjoy this? 

 

Tears were forming in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He pushed his fingers inside and even though it hurt they sank inside. He held his fingers still inside him as he waited for the pain to subside, and it did. Once the pain had gotten more bearable, Sam withdrew his fingers ever so slightly and then pushed them back in again. It didn’t feel as amazing as he hoped it would, but it still felt kind of nice. He was sure that once it was Dean inside of him, and not just his own fingers, it would feel a whole lot better. 

 

Now if only Dean would show up. 

 

-

 

Christmas came and went, and Sam started to get anxious. Dean’s birthday was on the 30th of December, and that date was fast approaching. Sam had already wrapped up Dean’s presents. The first gift was a watch, not very inventive, but more practical. The watch that Dean had worn the last time they had met had been old and well worn, so Sam figured that it was time for a new one. The second gift was something a bit more personal. It was a photo album. They didn’t have any pictures of the two of them together, and that was about to change Sam decided. Sam had already taken a picture of Birthday Bear and himself and placed it in the album. 

 

Sam looked at himself in the mirror and wondered why on earth he had decided to give Dean a photo album. Sure, Dean looked good, like really good, downright handsome. Sam, on the other hand, was skinny and awkward and his hair fell into his face no matter how hard he tried to push it back. He had tried to bulk up, put on some muscle weight, but his body just didn’t allow it. It was like it wanted to be skinny. Sam blew out a sigh. Dean had muscles. They were nice to look at, he thought and blushed. Sam wondered if his naked body would disappoint Dean. Should they turn off the lights when they had sex? 

 

But Sam wanted to see Dean. 

 

-

 

Sam had been helping out at the auto shop, and was just about to close up for the day when he heard the doorbell jingle, signalling that they had a customer.

 

“Sorry, we’re closed!” Sam called out from the office, “Please come back tomorrow!” He really wanted to go home, his feet hurt and they had already stayed open for an hour longer than usual since people kept on coming in, asking for help. 

 

“And here I was hoping that you’d be happy to see me,” a familiar voice said and Sam spun around immediately. 

 

“Dean!” Sam happily exclaimed when he saw that it was indeed Dean who was standing there in his leather jacket and smirk on his face. 

 

“I could leave again,” Dean joked.

 

“Don’t you dare,” Sam said and threw his arms around the older boy. 

 

Dean hugged Sam back, and laughed when he felt Sam dig his nose into his neck and inhale. “You might not want to do that,” Dean smirked, “I haven’t showered in four days.”

 

“Don’t care,” Sam mumbled. “Missed you.”

 

“Missed you too Sammy,” Dean stroked the younger boy’s back. 

 

Sam pulled back so he could take a good look at Dean. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself, have you ?” he asked when he noticed Dean’s bloodshot eyes. 

 

“I just need a good night’s sleep, s’ all,” Dean gave Sam a quick peck on the lips. “I have a motel room, it’s only half an hour drive from here.”

 

“Oh,” was all Sam managed to say. There really was no question about it, Dean wanted to take Sam to his motel room. Sam was going to lose his virginity in less than an hour. But it was okay, it was Dean. Sam reminded himself that he was in love with Dean and that made it okay. 

 

“Are you done here?” Dean asked. 

 

Sam could only produce a small nod. 

 

“And what would your dad say if I stole you away for the night?” Dean asked. An angry Bobby Singer was not a good thing. 

 

“He won’t be home until late, he’s visiting an old friend,” Sam told the older boy. 

 

“Good,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s forehead, something that made Sam smile. 

 

-

 

Sam had been strangely quiet during the car ride, but Dean had decided not to push for answers and he figured that Sam was probably just tired. 

 

“Here it is,” Dean announced as he parked the car just outside the rundown motel. “It looks like crap from the outside, but the bed’s really nice.”

 

Dean could’ve sworn that Sam had inhaled sharply at the word ‘bed’, but Dean let it pass. He was tired, maybe he was imagining things. 

Sam’s heart was beating rapidly. Now there was definitely no doubt in his mind, Dean had brought him here so they could have sex. 

 

The motel room was small, but the bed did look nice, Dean hadn’t been lying about that. Dean shrugged off his jacket, so Sam decided to do the same. After Dean had taken off his jacket he flopped down on the bed, something that threw Sam off. Shouldn’t they get naked before they moved to the bed? Or did Dean want to undress Sam on the bed? 

 

Dean turned off the lights and Sam gulped. Dean really didn’t want to see Sam’s skinny naked body. Sam couldn’t say that he blamed the older boy. It wasn’t like Sam’s body was a work of art or anything. It was probably for the best that the lights were off. 

 

“Come here,” Dean said and patted the space next to him, and Sam laid down next to him but there was still too much space between them. Dean didn’t exactly like that, so he put his arm around Sam’s middle and pulled him in close, so they were lying chest to chest. “All better,” Dean mumbled and stroked Sam’s soft cheek. 

 

Sam felt Dean’s warm breath hit his face and smiled. Dean’s breath smelled like fast food mixed with breath mints. The older boy had probably eaten some greasy food and used the mints to cover up the smell for Sam’s sake. 

 

Dean closed his eyes and pulled Sam even closer to his own body. 

 

Sam was confused to put it mildly, Dean really looked like all he wanted to do was to sleep. Were they going to have sex after? Sam wanted to know, he wanted to mentally prepare himself. He gently nudged Dean’s shoulder. 

 

“What Sammy?” Dean asked, but didn’t open his eyes.

 

Sam shook his head, Dean looked so peaceful. “Nothing,” Sam mumbled and leaned forward and kissed the bridge of Dean’s nose. “I’ve really missed you, that’s all,” he whispered. 

 

“Missed you too,” Dean murmured.

 

It didn’t take long for Dean to fall asleep after that. Sam’s head was still filled with unanswered questions, but he figured that he could deal with that later, so he closed his eyes and soon he fell asleep too.

 

-

 

When Sam woke up, four hours later, he found himself alone in the bed. The shower was running, so that was probably where Dean was. Dean was naked in the shower. Naked. Sam’s heart started beating faster. He got out of bed and switched the lights on. Then he noticed that the water had stopped running, and seconds later Dean emerged from the bathroom wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. 

 

Sam tried not to stare. Or should he stare? Sam was so new to all of this. Before he had met Dean there had been no action whatsoever between him and another guy. None. Fuck Dean had nice abs, and they were wet. Like droplets of water were running down Dean’s toned stomach. Right in that moment Sam knew he was doomed. 

 

“Oh, you’re awake,” Dean said and gave Sam a quick kiss. 

 

Sam really didn’t know what to say as he watched Dean pick up his clothes that were strewn out on the floor. Wait, why was Dean picking up his clothes? Weren’t they supposed to get naked? 

 

Once Dean had his hand full of clothes he went into the bathroom and shut the door. Sam sighed. Maybe he should’ve said something, like maybe a hint or so that he was ready to have sex. 

 

This time when Dean emerged from the bathroom he was fully clothed. 

 

“Come here,” Dean said and pulled Sam in for a big hug. 

 

Dean barely recognized himself. Scratch that, he didn’t recognize himself at all. Sam had brought out a needy, clingy side in Dean, and Dean wasn’t really sure how to handle it. All he knew was that he needed to hug Sam, and Sam seemed to be on board with that. 

 

“You missed Christmas with us,” Sam mumbled into Dean’s neck. 

 

Christmas was just another day to Dean. John Winchester had never been much for celebrating holidays, it had always been Mary’s job to decorate, cook and invite people over. 

 

Needless to say John hadn’t exactly hung up any Christmas ornaments or anything like that on their first Christmas without Mary. Dean had begged his father to get a tree, but John had just been sitting and staring out the window, mumbling stuff Dean couldn’t understand. 

 

But other people celebrated Christmases, and other holidays, and they were usually very important to most people. Sam didn’t have to say anything, Dean understood that Sam would’ve wanted him there for Christmas. 

 

When Sam and his dad had been decorating their tree, Dean and his dad had been out on a hunt that had drained them both physically and mentally. 

 

“I know Sammy,” was all Dean said. 

 

-

 

Once they got back to Sam’s house, Bobby’s truck was parked right outside. 

 

“Are you leaving?” Sam asked, and nervously pulled out a thread from his sweater. 

 

Dean placed his hand on top of Sam’s. “Not until tomorrow.”

 

“Then why did you take me home?” Sam didn’t understand why Dean had driven him home when they could’ve just stayed at the motel room. How were they supposed to do anything when Sam’s dad was in the other room?

 

Dean let out a deep chuckle. “Because that motel room was pretty shitty. But I think your dad would’ve brought out his shotgun if he saw you and I cuddled up on a bed together, and that’s the only reason why I ever brought you to that motel room in the first place.”

 

“It was the first time I’ve ever slept next to anyone,” Sam mumbled. “I mean I used to sleep in my dad’s bed when I was younger, but I don’t think that counts.”

 

“I haven’t really slept next to anyone either,” Dean admitted. Sleeping next to someone seemed too intimate, and Dean didn’t do intimate. Sex wasn’t intimacy, sex was just getting off to Dean. Falling asleep next to Sam, even though they had both been fully clothed, had been more intimate than sex. 

 

“Did you kick them out?” Sam wondered.

 

Dean nodded hesitantly. “I have done that a few times, yeah. Not something I’m proud of.”

 

Sam started to play with a loose thread on his sweater. “Why didn’t you kick me out?” Sam had to know, deserved to know if this was just something temporary, and if he was going to get kicked out of Dean’s bed too one day. 

 

“Because I didn’t want to,” Dean slowly admitted and looked Sam in the eyes. There it was. The truth. Dean was a good liar, could even be downright manipulative in order to get what he wanted. But this time he decided to go with the truth, because it was Sam. Sam had done something to Dean’s heart, and Dean still wasn’t sure what exactly Sam had done, but all Dean knew was that something had changed. 

 

“Are you going to get bored with me at some point?” Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer to that question, but he knew he had to ask. 

 

Dean gave Sam’s hand a light squeeze. “I’ve made some pretty shitty decisions in the past, but I’m not going to with you. I swear. I get it if you don’t want me, and I get it if you can’t trust me. Hell, I wouldn’t trust someone like me. But just,” Dean paused to take a breath, “But I just need you Sammy.”

 

Sam didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t expected Dean to give a heartfelt speech like that. For once Sam decided that he didn’t give a shit about his own insecurities. Dean wanted him, and Sam was going to trust him. 

 

Then Sam pulled Dean in for a kiss. Their teeth clanked together maybe once or twice, but once Dean started to take control over the kiss, everything went a whole lot smoother. Sam let out a moan as Dean licked along Sam’s bottom lip, silently asking for entrance. It might’ve taken Sam a second or two to actually figure out what Dean was asking for, but once Sam got it, he gladly opened his mouth for Dean’s tongue. 

 

Holy shit. Dean’s tongue was inside Sam’s mouth, and it was stroking Sam’s own tongue. Sam felt like he could come on the spot. Suddenly Sam’s seatbelt was off, and Dean’s strong calloused hand were underneath Sam’s shirt. 

 

And all too soon, Dean pulled back, looking very out of breath. 

 

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out, “We have to stop. Your dad’s home.”

 

“No,” Sam whined and leaned in and kissed Dean’s neck, because Dean’s neck was made for kissing. Made for Sam’s kisses.

 

Dean let out a groan. “Oh, fuck, that’s good. But you gotta stop Sammy.”

 

It was then Dean noticed that the porch light had been switched on. Fuck. Bobby had seen them. 

 

-

 

Bobby stood with his arms folded over his chest and said nothing. He didn’t have to, Dean could tell that Bobby was seething with anger, that he probably had so many things he wanted to yell, that he didn’t know where to start. 

 

“I’m sorry for bringing Sam home this late,” Dean apologized as he noticed that the clock on the wall showed 1 AM. He hadn’t know that it’d be that late. 

 

“You,” Bobby pointed at his son, “You will go to your room.”

 

“No, I won’t,” Sam immediately replied. “Nothing happened. Sure, it’s late, but I don’t have school tomorrow, so I deserve to stay out a bit later.”

 

“You deserve to stay out later?” Bobby spat out the question. “That is not up for you to decide! You live under my roof, and you will follow my rules.” 

 

“What about what I want?” Sam couldn’t believe what his father was saying. For seventeen years Sam had done nothing wrong. He had cleaned the house, cooked meals, done the laundry, done his homework without complaining, helped out at the auto shop, and respected his father. 

 

“What did you do to him?” Bobby asked and stepped closer to Dean.

 

Sam immediately stepped in-between his father and Dean. “He didn’t do anything wrong,” Sam cried. 

 

“I didn’t ask you,” Bobby snapped at his son, before he turned back to Dean. “You think I don’t know what you do with all of those men and women that you drag to your motel rooms. Sam isn’t like one of those sluts. Sam’s worth a hell of lot more than that.”

 

“Sir, I can assure you that nothing happened. I was tired and I just wanted to sleep next to Sam, that’s all,” Dean tried to explain to Bobby.

 

Bobby snorted loudly. “You expect me to believe that?” 

 

“It’s-“ 

 

“Get out of my house!” Bobby didn’t feel like listening to anything else that Dean Winchester had to say. 

 

“But I don’t want him to leave,” Sam cried desperately. They had already been separated for so long. This was not happening, no. 

 

“It’s okay Sam, I’ll leave,” Dean said. The last thing he wanted to do was to cause Sam any trouble, but now that he had, he didn’t want things to go completely out of hand. 

 

-

 

Sam had had to watch Dean leave, and something broke inside Sam. 

 

“I haven’t done anything wrong!” Sam yelled. 

 

“Jake Jones called me and said that he had just seen you leave a motel room with an older guy in a leather jacket,” Bobby said through gritted teeth. “He took you to a motel room, like you’re some piece of trash?” 

 

“I am not some piece of trash, we fell asleep, and that was all. But you know what, even if I had slept with him in that motel room, I wouldn’t have done anything wrong. Dean has been nothing but kind to me, and I am in love with him dad!” Sam cried, the tears were running down his face. 

 

Bobby muttered something Sam couldn’t hear. 

 

“You made him leave,” Sam cried. “You made him leave, just like you made mom leave.”

 

Bobby just stood there shocked for a second. “I did not make your mother leave, she left us by choice!”

 

“But she was so unhappy, and you never noticed. Maybe if you had noticed something, and actually talked to her, listened to her, then maybe she wouldn’t have left.”

 

“She left us Sam,” Bobby spat out. “What kind of a mother leaves her kid in the middle of the night?!” 

 

“Why do you hate Dean so mu-ch?” Sam hiccupped, his voice hoarse from all the crying. 

 

“Because he’s going to leave you once he has gotten what he wants,” Bobby told his son. “Once he’s done with you he’ll move on to the next one. He doesn’t see how great you really are.”

 

“You’re wrong dad,” Sam shook his head, “He’s the only one who makes me feel special, and I’m gonna go after him.”

 

“I’ve moved your car,” Bobby said coldly. 

 

“What? Why?” Where is it?” Sam was getting hysterical. 

 

Sam’s car was in their neighbour’s garage. Bobby had figured that Sam would behave like this, and would want to follow Dean, so Bobby had made sure that he was one step ahead of his son. 

 

Sam ran upstairs to his room and slammed the door. Bobby went into the living room and sat down on the couch. He was surprised when he felt a tear run down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. Sam had always been the good kid, and he still was. It was that Dean Winchester that had changed sweet, innocent Sam. Bobby knew that his son wasn’t popular, and then Dean had come along. Dean had used his charm on Sam, and Sam, who wasn’t used to getting attention from guys, had probably fallen so easily. 

 

Dean had known exactly what to say, and then he had brought Sam to some shady motel room, and Bobby didn’t want to think about it. 

 

When Marcy had left, Bobby had been so scared that he was going to screw up Sam. That he wasn’t cut out to handle parenthood on his own, and that Sam would have to suffer the consequences. But it had worked out, Sam had turned out just fine, more than fine. 

 

But Bobby had forgotten that Sam would want to start dating one day. When Sam had come out of the closet, Bobby had been shocked, he didn’t know anything about homosexuality. Then they had found out that Sam had the ability to get pregnant, and that just made Bobby even more worried. 

 

Sam’s cries could be heard all the way downstairs and Bobby’s heart broke. Sam hadn’t cried like that since his mom left. 

 

Bobby slowly made his way upstairs. The door to Sam’s room was closed, but the lock was broken, so Bobby knew that the door was unlocked. He knew he probably shouldn’t just barge into his son’s room, but he didn’t know what else to do. The situation was completely new to him. He and Sam never fought. 

 

“Sam?” Bobby said as he opened the door to his son’s room. “Sam, I’m coming in.”

 

Sam stopped crying and lifted his head from his pillow. 

 

Bobby slowly moved over to his son’s bed, and took a seat on the edge of it. “Sam, I think we need to talk.”

 

“You threw him out of the house,” Sam cried. 

 

“He took you to a motel room,” Bobby argued. “Do you know how many people he has done the exact same thing with?”

 

“We slept next to each other Dad,” Sam wiped away his tears, “He didn’t do anything wrong. Why won’t you believe me?”

 

Bobby looked at his son’s red-rimmed eyes, and let out a long breath. Sam had always been bad at lying, and right now Bobby could tell that his son was telling the truth. “I’m sorry,” Bobby apologized. “I was just worried. I was worried that he was gonna use you and throw you away like you don’t mean anything. You’re already so insecure about everything, and I have tried so hard to help you to love yourself, and I was scared that Dean was going to ruin everything by using you and then leaving you.”

 

Sam couldn’t stay mad at his dad anymore, so moved closer so he could wrap his arms around the older man. “I’m scared too. I’m scared too that he’s going to leave me, but I don’t want to be alone anymore dad.”

 

Sam’s cell phone rang.

 

“Can I answer it without you taking it from me and yelling at him?” Sam quickly asked and when he received a nod in return from his dad, he answered the phone. 

 

“Are you okay Sam?” was the first thing Dean asked.

 

“I’m fine,” Sam assured him. “I’ve had a talk with my dad, everything’s been sorted out. Where are you?” 

 

“I’ve parked down the street, I couldn’t leave until I knew you were okay,” Dean said. “I’m sorry I’ve caused so much problems. It was never my intention, I know how much you love your dad and shit, I didn’t want to ruin that.”

 

“Ask him to come back,” Bobby said to his son.

 

Sam’s eyes widened, he hadn’t expected his dad to say that. “My dad says that it’s okay for you to come back,” Sam told Dean.

 

“Has he brought out his shotgun?” Dean tried to joke, but he sounded more serious than humorous. 

 

Sam laughed through the tears. “No, he wants you to come back. I want you to come back Dean.”

 

-

 

Dean showed up minutes later. He was hesitant to come inside, but Bobby told him that it was okay, so Dean decided to trust the older man. 

 

“Hi,” Sam said and wrapped his arms around Dean. 

 

“Hi to you too,” Dean laughed and hugged the younger boy back. 

 

Bobby let them sit in Sam’s room and watch TV, as long as they kept the door fully open. 

 

They were sitting next to each other on Sam’s bed. Dean had his arm around Sam, and he gently ran his fingers through the younger boy’s soft hair. 

 

“We don’t have to watch this movie,” Sam said as he snuggled further into Dean’s chest. It was what Dean would call a typical chick-flick. 

 

“Don’t care,” Dean said and kissed the top of Sam’s head. “M’ not watching the movie.” He was watching Sam. 

 

-

 

Dean’s chest was incredibly comfortable, and Sam couldn’t help but to fall asleep. Dean didn’t mind, but when Bobby passed in the hallway, Dean was scared that they were pushing it. But Bobby didn’t say anything. 

 

Sam looked so young and carefree when he was sleeping. Dean ran his fingers through the younger boy’s hair. Dean knew that he had fallen in love with Sam, and that there was no turning back now. Not that Dean wanted to turn back. 

 

The clock on Sam’s wall showed 5 AM, and Dean knew that he had to head back to his dad. “Sam,” Dean whispered and gently nudged Sam’s shoulder, when Sam didn’t wake up Dean shook the younger boy lightly. 

 

Sam stirred a little before he opened his eyes and looked up at Dean. “I fell asleep?” Sam said with a sleepy voice. 

 

“Yeah Sammy, you did,” Dean smiled, sleepy Sam was too cute.

 

“You have to go?” Sam looked so young and scared, and Dean hated that he made Sam feel that way. 

 

“Yeah, I figured a simple note on your pillow wouldn’t do, so I woke you up instead.”

 

“I have birthday presents for you,” Sam said and swung his legs over the side of the bed, and stood up on wobbly legs. 

 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Dean didn’t want Sam to go out and spend any money on him. 

 

Sam opened his closet and pulled out a bag that he placed on the bed in front of Dean. 

 

“Open them,” Sam encouraged Dean. 

 

Dean slowly unwrapped the paper. He hadn’t opened a gift in a long time, and he wanted to savour the moment. 

 

Dean loved his two gifts. He had already put on the watch and he couldn’t stop smiling at the picture of Sam holding the giant teddy bear in the first picture in the photo album.

 

“We need to fill up the photo album,” Sam said and waved with his camera. 

 

They took about ten pictures, Dean made goofy faces in most of them, something that upset Sam. 

 

“I want to have some nice pictures to look at while you’re away,” Sam protested when Dean tried to stick his tongue out in one of the pictures.

 

“How about we take a picture where we’re kissing?” Dean suggested, and Sam nodded wildly. 

 

The kiss was over too soon for Sam’s liking. 

 

-

 

“Come back soon,” Sam whispered into Dean’s ear when they were hugging each other on Sam’s porch. 

 

“I will,” Dean promised. 

 

“Happy Birthday Dean,” Sam kissed the older boy’s cheek. “You are now officially allowed to have your first legal drink in a bar.”

 

Dean smiled. He’d been getting drunk in bars for years, but now that he was actually allowed to he didn’t want to go to a bar. He didn’t trust himself just yet. If he went to a bar, he’d probably get drunk, and drunk Dean made stupid things. Dean wasn’t going to stay completely sober, he could still have a drink in his motel room alone or with his dad. But not in a bar. 

 

“Take care of yourself Sammy, I will call as often as I can,” Dean promised.

 

Sam felt his heart clench in his chest as he watched Dean drive away. Seconds later, Bobby joined him on the porch. 

 

“You’ll be fine Sam,” Bobby said and rubbed his son’s arm. 

 

Sam wanted to believe that, but truth to be told, his heart was already aching.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter five, hope you'll like it.

Sam woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of the front door being opened, and then slammed shut. There were at least three loud voices, and one of them belonged to Bobby. Sam got out of bed and rushed downstairs. 

 

“Dad?” he called out into the dark house. 

 

“Go back to bed son!” Bobby ordered. 

 

Sam frantically searched for the light switch. Something was wrong, very wrong. When He finally found the switch he turned the lights on. Then he felt something wet underneath his feet, and he looked down and saw that he was standing in a puddle of blood. 

 

“Dad?!” Sam cried out in fear as he noticed that there were bloodstains leading in to his dad’s office. 

 

Bobby appeared at his son’s side only seconds later. 

 

“I told you to go back to your room!” Bobby yelled. 

 

Sam was shaking. “What’s going on? Who is in there?” Sam took a step towards his dad’s office, but he didn’t get a chance to go any further, because his dad instantly grabbed his arm and started to drag him upstairs. 

 

“Bobby, we need you in here!” A voice called from Bobby’s office.

 

Sam recognized that voice, it belonged to John Winchester. The blood in Sam’s veins froze. “It’s Dean,” Sam could feel how the room started to spin around in circles. Dean was hurt. It was Dean’s blood that was all over the floor. 

 

“We have a nurse here, she’s gonna take a look at Dean. Everything is going to be okay son,” Bobby assured his son. Truth to be told, Bobby wasn’t so sure. The amount of blood that Dean had lost, and continued to lose every second was alarming. 

 

“No, no!” Sam wildly protested as his dad tried to drag him back to his bedroom. “We have to bring him to the hospital! We have to bring him to the hospital!” Sam repeated over and over again. 

 

Sam struggled to get free out of his father’s vice grip, and when he finally succeeded he sprinted down the stairs. Once Sam reached his father’s office his knees buckled underneath him and he sank down to the floor. “No, no,” Sam cried. 

 

Dean was barely recognizable, he was bleeding from his face and chest. Nurse Anne, one of their friends, was using a scissor to cut Dean’s shirt open. Dean’s limp body just laid there. Sam vomited. 

 

A pair of strong hands lifted up Sam from the floor, and carried him to his bedroom. Sam didn’t know who was carrying him, he didn’t even know where he was for a second. All he knew was that Dean needed him. 

 

“He needs me, I have to get to him,” Sam protested. 

 

“We can’t work with you there,” the voice explained and dumped Sam on the bed. 

 

Then Sam felt something sharp pierce his skin, and the voice mumbled “I’m sorry.”

 

-

 

When Sam jolted awake hours later, he instantly remembered what had happened. “Dean,” he said, “I have to get to Dean.” Sam tried moving his legs, but they felt as heavy as cement. 

 

“Lay still Sam!” Bobby ordered and rushed into the room. “I could kill Jake for doing this to you. It’s only a mild sedative, it’ll wear off,” he explained to his son. Bobby understood why Jake had sedated Sam, but he didn’t mean approved of the hunter drugging his son. “You were getting hysterical, and Anne couldn’t work.”

 

“Where is Dean?” Sam asked and clutched at his father’s shirt. “I have to see him.” Sam tried to move, but his father grabbed a hold of him, preventing any further movements. 

 

“He’s downstairs,” Bobby told his son. “I’m not gonna lie, things don’t look good.”

 

Sam’s heart was literally breaking. “I have to see him!” Sam helplessly cried.

 

“I’ll take you downstairs, so you can say goodbye to him,” Bobby put an arm around his son’s shoulders.

 

Say goodbye? Sam didn’t want to say goodbye. Sam never wanted to say goodbye to Dean. 

 

They struggled to get down the stairs and to Bobby’s office. Dean was still lying unconscious on the makeshift operation table. There were bandages around his arms and around his head, and the blood was leaking through. 

 

“Is he in pain?” Sam asked. “Have you given him something for the pain? Because I don’t want him to be in pain.” 

 

Bobby rubbed his son’s arms. “We can’t give him anymore drugs than we already have.”

 

“We have to take him to the hospital,” Sam cried into his father’s chest.

 

“You don’t understand, the thing they were hunting can take on human forms. It could be working at the hospital as one of the doctors,” Bobby explained. He decided to skip the unnecessary details, and keep it short and simple for Sam to understand it better. The world was full of cruel creatures, and Bobby didn’t want his son to know everything about them. 

 

-

 

Sam used the back of his hand to gently stroke Dean’s cheek. “I love you Dean,” he softly whispered. “I wished I would’ve said it earlier. I wished that I had said something the last time you came to visit. Because I do love you Dean. You-“Sam had to pause, the tears were running down his face, fogging his vision. “You mean so much to me Dean. This isn’t goodbye, just so you know it. You have to wake up.” Sam pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “You have to wake up Dean,” he murmured. 

 

When Dean remained unconscious, Sam only started to cry harder.

 

Bobby’s heart clenched in his chest as he watched his son crying at Dean’s bedside. Bobby had feared that something like this might happen one day. That Dean would get badly hurt during one of his hunts. Sam was fragile, he’d never recover if he lost Dean. Bobby prayed that Dean would wake up. 

 

-

 

Sam shook his head when his father pushed a plate of food towards him. They were sitting at the kitchen table. The taste of coffee had always made Sam frown in disgust. But in the past hours Sam had had more cups of coffee than he had had during the seventeen years of his life. Anything to stay awake. He’d never forgive himself if Dean woke up and he wasn’t there to see it. The sedative hadn’t worn off just yet, and Sam was fighting the urge to fall asleep. 

 

“It didn’t feel like this when mom left,” Sam said. “I was sad, but I knew I was going to be okay. But without De-an,” Sam’s voice broke. “I can’t be okay without him Dad.”

 

Bobby put his arms around his son. “He’ll wake up. You’ll see. He’ll be annoyed with us for being so worried. He’ll just shrug everything off and be his old charming self.”

 

“I hope that happens,” Sam half smiled. 

 

-

 

“How are you holding up John?” Bobby asked and handed over a cup of coffee to the hunter. 

 

John accepted the cup. “I don’t know what happened. I keep going over and over the events, but I can’t remember what went wrong, and why. We’ve never messed up. Sure we’ve had some difficult hunts, but Dean’s never been this badly injured.”

 

As Bobby stepped closer, he noticed that John had tears in his eyes. 

 

“I want you to tell me the truth Bobby,” John commanded, “How bad is it?”

 

Bobby’s sharp indrawn breath said it all, and John slammed his fist against the table and swore loudly. 

 

-

 

They moved Dean’s still unconscious body to the guest room. The small guest room had two single beds, and Sam assumed his place in the bed right next to Dean’s. 

 

John knew he couldn’t stay. Not when the thing that had hurt his son was still on the loose. Dean was in good hands, and John wasn’t the type who could just sit around and wait. He had to get out and do something. 

 

“You’re leaving,” Bobby stated as he noticed that John had put his jacket on.

 

“Take good care of my son,” was all John said.

 

“We will,” Bobby assured the hunter.

 

John offered a slight nod before he headed out. 

 

-

 

Sam stared up at the dark ceiling, he just couldn’t continue to look at Dean more than he already had. Not when Dean showed no signs of waking up. It wasn’t fair, Sam thought. Dean had risked his own life to save innocent people, he was one of the good guys. Good was supposed to defeat all evil. Dean had to survive. Sam didn’t dare to think about what would happen if Dean didn’t make it. 

 

There were still so many things Sam hadn’t told Dean; like how much the older boy actually meant to him. Sam got out of bed, and kneeled down in front of Dean’s bed. 

 

“I’d like to think that you can hear me,” Sam murmured and carded his fingers through Dean’s hair. There was some dried blood there, and Sam withdrew his hand. Then he started crying again. He tried to wipe them away, but more tears just kept on coming. “Please wake up Dean, please wake up,” Sam sobbed. He wanted to hug Dean, but he was afraid that he’d put too much pressure on Dean’s wounds. 

 

Bobby found his son on the floor, and wordlessly carried him back to bed. 

 

-

 

Anne came over early in the morning to check up on Dean. 

 

“The bandages are mostly white, which means that the blood flow has completely stopped, which is good of course,” Anne explained as she changed Dean’s bandages. 

 

Hope. There was hope. Sam cried, but this time the tears were out of happiness. 

 

-

 

Sam spent most of his time in the small guest room with Dean. The only times he really left the room was when he needed to go to the bathroom, and when Anne came over and she needed the space to work. 

 

It was almost midnight, and Sam was watching a movie on his laptop to stay awake when he heard the faintest sound of someone coughing. The sound definitely didn’t come from the movie, and it took a second or two for Sam’s brain to register that the sound came from Dean. 

 

Sam threw away his laptop, and flicked the light on. Dean was coughing. Dean was awake. 

 

“It’s okay,” Sam said as he held up Dean’s head. “Dad!” he called out for his father. 

 

Bobby appeared in the doorframe seconds later. “I’ll go call Anne, and tell her to come over,” he said before he went to go and search for his phone. 

 

Dean struggled to move, and Sam gently tried to push him down. “Dean, you have to stay still, you’re hurt,” Sam spoke as softly as he possibly could in an attempt to calm Dean down. 

 

“Hurt?” Dean coughed out. 

 

“Yeah, you’ve been hurt. But you’re going to be okay,” Sam smiled and touched the older boy’s cheek. 

 

“Sam?” Dean asked and stared at the younger boy. 

 

“I’m right here,” Sam promised and picked up Dean’s hand and kissed it. “Everything is going to be okay.”

 

Sam wanted to be strong for Dean’s sake, but seeing Dean awake, and Sam lost it, and started to cry. “I’m so sorry,” Sam apologized through the tears. “I’m so sorr-y,” he sobbed into Dean’s chest. 

 

“It’s okay,” Dean lifted his hand, even though it hurt, to stroke Sam’s hair. 

 

-

 

“It’s going to take some time for him to recover,” Anne said and opened up her purse. “I’ve managed to get him some painkillers, but don’t let him take too many. When I examine him I need to know where it hurts, so he can’t be completely free from pain.” She placed three bottle of pills on the table. 

 

Bobby picked up one of the bottles and studied it, he recognized the brand and nodded. 

 

“But he is,” Sam swallowed past the lump in his throat, “But he is going to be perfectly fine again?”

 

Anne glanced down at the table before he answered, as if she was trying to come up with an answer that was both truthful, and yet still didn’t upset Sam. “Like I said the bleeding has stopped, and now he just need to be looked after, and I have a good feeling that you’ll doing that,” she winked at Sam, who blushed. “Young love,” she smiled and shook her head. 

 

Sam took his job very seriously. Anne had showed him how to change Dean’s bandages and how to clean the wounds. 

 

“Does this hurt?” Sam asked as he carefully cleaned one of the bigger wounds on Dean’s chest. Dean shook his head, and Sam continued his ministrations. 

 

“Thank you Sammy,” Dean said and Sam looked up from what he was doing.

 

“It’s nothing,” Sam waved it off. 

 

Deans shook his head. “No, it’s not nothing Sammy.” It definitely wasn’t nothing. Dean had been hurt before, and other hunters had taken care of him, but not like this. Sam was at his bedside every minute of the day, helping him, caring for him. The younger boy had even called his school and asked if he could take his classes online instead so he could stay at home and be with Dean. It was all so overwhelming for Dean. There were no words that could explain how grateful he was for Sam’s help. At first Dean had wanted to be independent, to take care of himself, but when he realized that he couldn’t even drink on his own, since he couldn’t hold a glass of water, he also realized that he needed to rely on Sam for help. It was difficult, having to rely on someone else. Dean had always taken care of himself. But it was also nice to have someone there, someone who genuinely cared for him. And not just someone, really, but Sam. 

 

The way Dean looked at Sam, made the younger boy blush. “Please stop, I can’t concentrate,” Sam mumbled. That didn’t stop Dean from looking fondly at Sam. “Dean, I have to change your bandages,” Sam whined. 

 

“Okay,” Dean agreed to look away, and let Sam continue with what he was doing. 

 

When Sam was done he was about to get up, but Dean immediately reached out and grabbed his hand. 

 

“Don’t go,” Dean pleaded.

 

“I was just going to throw away the old bandages,” Sam assured Dean. 

 

Dean hated how vulnerable he sounded. He couldn’t even let Sam leave the room for two minutes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Dean wasn’t supposed to be this needy. It was supposed to be ‘get stitched up, and get over it’. 

 

“I’ll stay,” Sam promised and put the old bandages down on the floor. 

 

“Lay with me,” Dean whispered out his request.

 

Nothing would make Sam happier than lying next to Dean, but the bed was too narrow and Dean was hurt. 

 

“There’s room,” Dean said almost as if he could’ve read Sam’s thoughts.

 

Sam wordlessly climbed into the small bed and laid down next to Dean. Dean was so warm and alive, and Sam had to touch Dean’s cheek, neck, and chest. He placed the palm of his hand over Dean’s heart and smiled when he felt Dean’s heart beating. Dean was alive. 

 

Dean placed his hand on top of Sam’s. “It was a close call, wasn’t it?” 

 

Sam nodded. “But I knew that you were going to survive.”

 

“I hate that I’m here,” Dean started to say, but immediately regretted his choice of words when he noticed the sad expression that appeared on Sam’s face. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he quickly assured the younger boy.

 

“What did you mean then?” Sam wondered.

 

“I meant that,” Dean paused, and for a moment he hesitated whether or not he should continue, but he decided to do it because Sam needed to hear it. “I meant that I hate that I’m here because I’m hurt. I should’ve come to visit you a lot sooner. I should have made time to come and see you.”

 

“No, it’s okay, you were busy,” Sam waved it off.

 

“No, it’s not okay,” Dean shook his head in protest. His schedule had always been full, but for the first time ever Dean realized that he needed to make changes in that busy schedule. Because Sam deserved it, and because Dean wanted to see Sam more often. “Things are gonna change, I promise. I’ll call more often, and we’ll see each other at least once or twice every month.”

 

Sam didn’t even bother to hide the big smile that appeared on his face. 

 

-

 

The day that Sam had been both dreading and looking forward had come. The day when Dean didn’t him anymore. Dean was almost fully recovered, and the only traces of the attack were the scars on his chest. Sam put on a big smile for Dean’s sake, but on the inside he was falling apart. They hadn’t spent more than five minutes apart for the past two weeks, and now here they were, ready to say goodbye to each other. John was waiting in the kitchen while Dean was getting ready to leave. 

 

“I’ll call you before you go to bed to say goodnight, like we used to do,” Dean promised and took Sam’s hands in his own. Sam’s hands were shaking, and Dean gently kissed Sam’s knuckles. 

 

Sam tried to hold himself together as best as he could. The goodnight phone calls had almost been forgotten, he had gotten so used to having Dean in the same room, saying goodnight to him in person. 

 

“I guess it’s a good thing,” Sam mumbled quietly, “That you don’t need me to take care of you anymore.”

 

“I’m always gonna need you to take care of me,” Dean smiled. “You’ve ruined me in the best ways Sammy. I had almost forgotten how nice it was to have someone caring about me. You’re a real momma-hen Sammy, and fuck I’ll probably deny ever saying this but I need you Sam. I need you,” Dean emphasized the last words.

 

“I need you too,” Sam said as he rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. 

 

Dean pressed a kiss to the nape of Sam’s neck. “I’ll call and say goodnight later.”

 

Sam lifted his head from Dean’s shoulder. This was it. This was goodbye. 

 

“I’ll miss you Sammy,” Dean placed his hand on the back of Sam’s neck and pulled the younger boy in for a kiss. For a while they just kissed, both relishing in the moment that they had together. 

 

Sam made a small noise in protest when Dean pulled back. 

 

“Ready to go Dean?” John called out from another room. 

 

“Yeah,” Dean replied. 

 

-

 

Sam brushed his teeth, and climbed into bed. It felt weird being back in his bedroom. He had spent all of his time in the guest room for so long, but now that Dean had left Sam couldn’t bring himself to go back there. It felt wrong now that Dean wasn’t there. Sam had thought that he’d feel closer to Dean in the guest room, but once he had set a foot in there he had quickly realized that it wouldn’t work. It wasn’t the same without Dean. 

 

And as promised, Dean called. 

 

“Hi,” Sam smiled into the phone. 

 

“Hi to you too,” Dean replied.

 

And Sam knew that they were going to be just fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally get it on. ;)

“I see here that you want to apply to a college nearby so you can stay close to your family,” the guidance counsellor, Mrs Callaway said as she eyed Sam’s papers.

 

Sam nodded. Things had changed. A college far far away was no longer an option. Dean might not be opposed to a bit of travelling, but Stanford was in California, and Sam doubted that Dean would be willing to travel that far. Stanford had always been one of Sam’s top choices, but now that things had changed Sam opted for a college closer to home. 

 

Mrs Callaway let out a sigh and took off her glasses and placed them on her desk. “I’m going to be completely honest with you Sam. I see a lot of potential in you. You could go far.” She pulled out a drawer in her desk and took out some catalogues from different Ivy League schools. “It’s rare that I hand these out. Last year we had a student that got into Brown. I’ve worked here for ten years, and that girl who got into Brown last year has been the only student so far that has been accepted to an Ivy League School. Last year it was her, this year it could be you Sam.”

 

Sam looked at the catalogues that Mrs Callaway had laid on the desk in front of him. He gently touched the shiny front cover of a catalogue from Stanford, but then quickly withdrew his fingers as if they had been burned. “I’m sorry, I think I’m just going to stay closer to home.”

 

“At least apply, and then you can decide on what to do when you actually get admitted,” Mrs Callaway suggested.

 

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “You really think I’d get admitted?”

 

“With your grades? Yes. Plus, I bet most of your teachers would be more than willing to write you a nice letter of recommendation,” Mrs Callaway answered truthfully. 

 

“I’ll think about it,” Sam promised her, and took the catalogues that she had offered him.

 

-

 

Sam quietly assumed his place in the front row for his English lit class. The front row wasn’t exactly his first choice, he’d rather sit in the back, where he could be invisible, but the jocks had already claimed that row as theirs. They needed to be as far away as they possibly could from the teacher, so they could play games on their cell phones, sleep, or even make out with their girlfriends. 

 

“You got stuck in the front row too?” a voice said.

 

Sam continued to look down at his notes that he had taken from another class. It wasn’t until someone actually poked him, that he had to look up. 

 

“I was talking to you,” a guy with dark hair said. 

 

Shocked, Sam didn’t know what to say. Nobody ever talked to him. Sam didn’t even recognize the guy. Jacksville was small, like really small, everyone knew each other. 

 

“I just moved here,” the guy said, “Army brat, where my dad goes, I’ll have to go, even if it’s the last semester of high school,” the guy continued to explain. 

 

“There’s no base here,” Sam blurted out. 

 

“Nope, I know, but there is one close by, and the houses were a lot cheaper here. Mom refuses to live on base.”

 

That made sense. Houses in Jacksville were cheap. 

 

“I’m Kyle, Kyle Carter,” the guy introduced himself.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Sam,” Sam said, still in shock that someone actually talked to him. Unfortunately, it’d had to stop. Sam felt like it was his duty to inform Kyle of the situation. “I don’t think you should talk to me though. There’s like this social hierarchy, and well, I’m at the bottom of it,” he told Kyle.

 

Kyle just laughed outright, a reaction Sam hadn’t expected. 

 

“I’m an army brat,” Kyle chuckled. “I’ve lived all over. You think I don’t know about social hierarchies? There is one at every high school. But guess what? I don’t give a shit. I hang out with the people I want to hang out with.”

 

“Why me?” Sam had to ask. 

 

Kyle smirked. “Let’s just say that I have a gaydar, and it’s working,” he said and winked at Sam, who blushed heavily. 

 

Was this some sort of joke? Sam thought. Was Kyle going to beat the shit out of him later? 

 

“Judging by the surprised look plastered all over your face, I’m guessing you don’t have a bunch of guys asking you out on dates all the time,” Kyle continued to laugh. “Relax Sam, it’s not like I’m asking you to suck me off in the janitors closet after class.”

 

Sam could feel his cheeks heating up even more. Who was this outspoken kid?

 

“Although, that is fun,” Kyle thought it over. 

 

“I’m not, uh, I’m not like that,” Sam stuttered out.

 

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short Sam,” Kyle said and winked at Sam again, “I think there’s a wild animal inside you, just waiting to be released.”

 

“I have a boyfriend,” Sam said, hoping that that would put an end to the conversation. 

 

It didn’t.

 

“Is he as hot as you?” Kyle asked.

 

Sam couldn’t contain his laughter. Dean was hot, yes. Sam? Not so much. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” Sam said.

 

“Nope,” Kyle assured Sam. “You’ve got the dimples, the cheekbones, the eyes, and not to mention the height. I have a thing for tall guys.”

 

Sam glanced over at the clock on the wall, class started in almost five minutes. He prayed that the teacher would show up earlier so the class could start as soon as possible, and so that Kyle would have to stop talking. 

 

“How tall are you anyways?” Kyle wanted to know.

 

“I dunno,” Sam shrugged, he hadn’t measured himself in a while. “6 ft. 2 or 6 ft. 3, something like that.”

 

Thankfully, the teacher, Mrs Stein arrived, and Sam breathed out a sigh in relief. 

 

-

 

Kyle had been hard to get rid of. At first Sam had thought it’d be nice to have someone to talk to, even if it meant he’d have to listen to Kyle’s sexual thoughts. But Kyle was relentless, he just couldn’t stop flirting with Sam. 

 

After the last class of the day, Sam had literally rushed out of the class room to get to his car so he could drive home.

 

Sam got a little paranoid and had to check the rear-view mirror a couple of times during his drive home, just to make sure Kyle wasn’t following him. Sam knew that it was a little excessive, but he didn’t want to take any risks. During the last class of the day, Kyle had told Sam that he had found the janitor’s closet, and then he had told Sam to let him know if he had changed his mind. 

 

If the same thing had happened a year ago, Sam might’ve fallen for it. Alone, and desperate to be loved, sixteen-year-old Sam would’ve followed Kyle straight into the janitor’s closet. Sam shuddered at the thought, and thanked his lucky star that he had Dean in his life. 

 

-

 

Dean’s Impala was parked in the driveway when Sam arrived at home. At first Sam just sat still in his car, like he actually couldn’t comprehend the fact that Dean was in his home. Once Sam had gotten over the shock, he rushed inside. 

 

“Dean?” Sam called out once he had gotten inside his house. 

 

“He’s upstairs son,” Bobby called back from the kitchen. 

 

Sam sprinted up the stairs. They did have a family room on the second floor of the house, and Sam just naturally assumed that Dean would be there. On his way over there, Sam passed his own room, and noticed that Dean was there, sitting on Sam’s bed. 

 

Just as Sam was about to throw himself at Dean, he noticed the glossy magazines spread out on the bed. Sam instantly froze, because he recognized those magazines. They were supposed to be hidden in his desk.

 

“Wow, I knew you were gay, Sammy,” Dean laughed as he held up one of the magazines, “And I know that gay guys are supposed to be into fashion, but I never figured you’d fit the stereotype.”

 

“You went through my stuff?” Sam exclaimed. 

 

Dean looked up. “I’m fine with it Sammy. You can be the stereotypical gay guy as much as you wan-“

 

“You had no right to do that” Sam cut off the older boy. 

 

Dean looked genuinely shocked. 

 

Sam started to gather the magazines. 

 

Dean didn’t know what to say. Sam looked downright furious, and it was a side of sweet Sam that Dean hadn’t seen before. “I’m sorry,” he apologized.

 

“Is everything okay in here?” Bobby appeared in the doorframe and stared at Dean, naturally thinking that Dean was to blame. 

 

“Everything’s fine dad,” Sam lied to his father. Thankfully he had already stored away the magazines. They were definitely something that his dad didn’t need to see.

 

“Okay,” Bobby said and left the boys alone. 

 

Sam shut the door and took a deep breath. 

 

“I’m sorry for,” Dean scratched the back of his head, “You know, making fun of you.”

 

Sam shook his head. He hadn’t looked at those magazines in years. He wasn’t into fashion. Most of his clothes were old, and well-worn, he just didn’t like shopping. There was a completely different reason to why he had all of those fashion magazines, and he didn’t know whether or not he should tell Dean the truth.

 

“There’s a reason why I have those,” Sam started, “When I was younger I used to be best friends with a girl called Katie.” Sam sat down on the bed next to Dean. “Katie loved everything fashion related. Sometimes her dad went on business trips, and he’d always ask Katie if she wanted something from out of town. Katie always wanted fashion magazines, since we can’t buy them here.”

 

Sam took a deep breath. He had never talked to anyone, besides Katie about what he was about to say next.

 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, his voice filled with concern. He placed a comforting hand on Sam’s knee. 

 

“My mom always hated it here,” Sam said and bit his lip, “Her dream was to move far away from here, and become a famous fashion designer. Apparently her dream came true, because some of her creations are in those magazines. Katie and I had been friends for years, so she knew what my mom looked like and one day Katie found a picture of my mom in a magazine.”

 

“Why do you still have those?” Dean asked. “Why not throw them away? Your mom left you Sam.”

 

“I guess that I needed to see how far she had come,” Sam said, “I mean if she made it big, then her leaving hadn’t been for nothing. She’s living her dream now, and that’s like a consolation to me.”

 

“She walked out on you,” Dean snorted, “She doesn’t deserve happiness.”

 

Sam smiled sadly. “She always said that it felt like she was suffocating here.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened. “She told you that? Fuck, Sam, you were a kid, not her therapist. She shouldn’t have dumped that shit on you.”

 

Sam had never thought about it like that. He had always felt sorry for his mother whenever she had cried and complained on how much she hated Jacksville.

 

Dean thought about his own mother, and how different Sam’s mother was. Mary Winchester had loved being a mother, she had showered Dean with unconditional love. The only times she had cried was when she had been watching a sad movie or something. She had always said that her son and husband made her happy. 

 

Dean wished that Sam’s mother had been like that. Sam deserved to be loved. 

 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Sam broke the silence. “I shouldn’t have done that, you didn’t know about the magazines.”

 

“I shouldn’t have gone through your personal stuff,” Dean shook his head. 

 

Sam rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, and the older boy immediately put an arm around him. 

 

“I’m happy you’re here,” Sam said as he breathed in Dean’s scent. 

 

“You’re always sniffing me,” Dean laughed, “I should’ve showered before I left the hotel.”

 

Sam’s head perked up. “Hotel? Not motel?”

 

“Yeah, during our last hunt, me and my dad helped out a guy who apparently owns a hotel. I got a room to stay in for as long as I want,” Dean smiled. Even though he didn’t mind sleeping at motels, he did enjoy the upgrade to a nice hotel room.

 

Sam nervously licked his lips. “Where is the hotel? How long would it take for us to get there?”

 

“Sam,” Dean breathed out. “I can’t take you there. I’d like to think that I have some willpower, but honestly, I don’t. It’s better if we just stay here.”

 

Sam’s heart warmed at that. Dean was trying to be a gentleman. “I want this Dean, I want to be with you.”

 

“I don’t trust myself enough to be alone with you in a hotel room Sammy,” Dean admitted, still unsure what Sam wanted. 

 

“You are cute, but you are clueless,” Sam laughed. “I just said that I’m ready to go to the next base with you.”

 

Dean’s eyes comically widened. “Sam, are you sure?”

 

“I am,” Sam nodded, and hoped that Dean wouldn’t notice the way his hands trembled. 

 

Dean did notice. “Sam, you’re practically shaking.”

 

“I’m nervous, but I still want to be with you Dean.” Whenever Sam had thought about how he’d lose his virginity he’d always imagined himself with a guy whom he loved. There had to be love, and with Dean there was a whole lot of it. The feelings Sam had for Dean were so strong that they sometimes scared him a bit. Dean had truly captured Sam’s heart. 

 

“Okay,” Dean said. “I think I should go first, and then a couple of hours later you can leave. Just say you’ll be studying at the library or something, and hopefully your dad will buy it.”

 

Sam hadn’t even thought about his dad. What would happen if his father could see right through him? Sam swallowed past the lump that had started to form in his throat. 

 

“It’ll be okay. You go to the library to study all the time, don’t you?” Dean stroked Sam’s thigh. 

 

Sam nodded. 

 

“Okay, I’ll make sure to stop by a pharmacy or something on my way to the hotel,” Dean said.

 

“I have everything,” Sam admitted. The bag with condoms and lube that he had gotten from the doctor was still hidden safely underneath his bed. 

 

“You’ve been planning this, haven’t you?” Dean teased.

 

“Shut up,” Sam muttered as he blushed ten shades darker much to Dean’s amusement. 

 

-

 

Sam parked in the hotel’s parking lot, he reached for the door handle, but then he quickly pulled his hand back again. The enormity of the moment hit him as he realized that the next time he’d be back in his car he’d no longer be a virgin. 

 

Sam leaned back against his seat and took a few calming breaths as he tried to mentally prepare himself of what was to come. There was something inside his stomach that just clenched, and Sam felt like he was close to freaking out completely and do something stupid, like starting the car and turn back home. 

 

“You love him,” Sam said out loud to remind himself that he did love Dean. Okay, Sam thought and opened the car door. Okay. Everything was going to be okay.

 

-

 

Out of all the things that Sam expected to see when Dean opened the door to their hotel room, candles and red roses were definitely not on the list. 

 

“Dean,” Sam smiled widely as he took in the sight of all of the lit candles placed on various places in the room and the bouquet of red roses in a vase on the bedside table. 

 

“It’s your first time, it should be special, you know,” Dean ducked his head in embarrassment. This was the worst chick flick moment ever. “I looked up some things online, and they all said that for your first time there should be roses and candles involved. So I got that.” Dean’s first time had been in eighth grade, with a girl called Sasha. Sasha’s older friends had driven them to the drive-in, and there, in the backseat of some guy’s car, Dean had lost his virginity to a girl, whose last name he couldn’t even remember. The older friends had been in another car, right next to theirs, and had been doing the same thing that Dean had Sasha had been doing. 

 

That was not going to happen to Sam. Sam deserved a perfect first time. 

 

Sam looked at Dean in awe. And for the first time ever, it was Dean’s turn to blush.

 

“You know, I sat in my car for about ten minutes or so before I actually got out,” Sam admitted. “But now I don’t even understand why I was so nervous. This feels right Dean. Being here with you feels right.”

 

That was all the confirmation Dean needed. “Sammy,” he mumbled before he pulled in the younger boy for a kiss. 

 

Sam opened his mouth and let Dean’s wonderfully talented tongue caress the insides of his mouth. Sam let out a moan and grabbed two fistfuls of the fabric of Dean’s shirt. Holy shit. All the nervousness was blown away and replaced with nothing but lust. “Dean,” Sam moaned as Dean moved his lips to Sam’s neck. 

 

Dean placed a row of open-mouthed kisses on the slope of Sam’s neck. Sam was getting weak in the knees, and just when he thought his legs were about to buckle, he felt Dean’s strong arms wrap around his middle, holding him up. Tilting his head to the side, Sam wordlessly gave Dean more access. Dean began to suck on a spot between Sam’s shoulder and neck, and oh, holy shit. Sam let out a long breathy moan. “Bed,” Sam stuttered out the word. They had to get to the bed. 

 

“Arms up,” Dean smirked, and when Sam did as he was told, Dean pulled off Sam’s shirt in one swift move. “You’re gorgeous,” Dean mumbled as he ran his bare fingertips over Sam’s naked chest. “So gorgeous,” he repeated and leaned down gently pressed his lips against Sam’s chest just to feel the goose bumps that were there. This was the first time that Dean had ever stopped to marvel over something so small, yet so meaningful as goose bumps. 

 

Sam didn’t even bother to protest when Dean complimented his body. This was their moment, and Sam wanted to thoroughly enjoy it. 

 

The rest of their clothes came off, all thanks to Dean. The only piece of clothing that Sam had left on was his underwear. Dean hooked his fingers underneath the rim of Sam’s boxer briefs and looked up at Sam. 

 

With a slight nod, Sam allowed the older boy to undress him completely. The first feel of their naked bodies pressed against each other sent jolts of pleasure through Sam’s body, and Dean’s too, judging by the moan that he had just let out. 

 

“Dean,” Sam whimpered and ran his hands over Dean’s back. The muscles in Dean’s back constricted underneath Sam’s touch, and Sam needed more, needed to touch Dean all over. 

 

Dean carefully lowered Sam onto the bed. “Where are the things we need?” Dean asked. 

 

“In the front pocket of my jeans,” Sam replied. 

 

Sam’s jeans were somewhere on the floor, and Dean reached his arm out and fumbled through their clothes until he finally found what he had been looking for. 

 

The sight of Dean tearing the packet of lube open with his teeth shouldn’t have been so hot, but it nearly made Sam come. 

 

“Lemme look at you,” Dean said as he ran his hands up and down Sam’s thighs. Sam’s skin was so warm and smooth and Dean felt a strong need to touch as much of it as he could. 

 

Sam felt the urge to cover up, the way Dean was looking at him, studying him, made Sam feel shy. 

 

“The things you do to me,” Dean’s voice was rough with emotion. Sam had destroyed him. There would be no emotionless sex with strangers in motel rooms or backseats from now on. From now on there would just be one man in Dean Winchester’s bed. Dean was more than okay with that. Sam’s cock curved up against his belly, and Dean needed to taste. He licked a long wet stripe along the underside of Sam’s cock. The reaction was instantaneous, Sam’s hips moved upwards, and Dean caught them and held them still. 

 

Sam cried out in pleasure as Dean took Sam’s entire length into his mouth in one move. Sam struggled to move, but Dean held his hips firmly in place. “Ah Dean,” Sam let out a long throaty moan as Dean sucked him. 

 

There was something probing at his entrance, but Sam was too caught up in the pleasure to think twice about it. Only when something was pushing inside of him, he reacted. “Dean?” he panted. Dean just hummed, and the vibrations sent sparks of pleasure through Sam’s body. Sam spread his legs even further, he wanted it. Wanted everything with Dean. Sam could feel his legs starting to tremble, his cock twitched and oh fuck he was close. Dean had added another finger, and Sam pushed down on them. Then those fingers did something amazing, they touched something inside of him and he screamed out in pleasure as he came in Dean’s mouth. 

 

Sam’s chest was heaving, he felt as if he had run a marathon. His mind was completely blown, and he didn’t know how he was ever going to recover from what Dean had just done to him. When he tried to speak, no words came out of his mouth. 

 

Just when Sam didn’t think he could handle anymore pleasure, he felt Dean’s teeth scrape along the insides of his thighs. Sam wanted to protest, his spent body couldn’t handle anymore pleasure. 

 

Dean couldn’t get enough of Sam. “Fuck Sam, the things you do to me,” Dean growled out and began suck a bruise on the inside of Sam’s smooth thigh. There was a condom somewhere on the bed, and when Dean found it he quickly tore it open and rolled on his cock. 

 

“Dean?” Sam whimpered as Dean lifted up his legs and placed them on his back. 

 

“We’ll go slow,” Dean promised. 

 

So far Sam had only had fingers inside of him. Dean’s cock was definitely bigger than two fingers. But Sam wanted. Wanted to know what it would feel like to take Dean’s length inside his body. 

 

Dean kept his promise, he pushed in slowly. Sam tried to relax as best as he could, but Dean was big and it hurt. 

 

“Easy Sammy,” Dean rubbed Sam’s thigh in comfort. When Sam nodded, Dean continued to push in even further until he was all the way inside. 

 

There was a mixture of pain and pleasure, and Sam knew that once the pleasure overtook the pain, everything would feel incredible. Dean was inside of him. The feeling of fullness was almost too much, and Sam’s hips started to move, desperate for some friction. 

 

Beads of sweat formed at Dean’s upper lip. Usually Dean would just start moving immediately, but this was Sam. Sam had never done this before Dean reminded himself. It was all so overwhelming. Sam laid there, so open, so trusting, and Dean vowed to give Sam the best experience possible. 

 

“You can move Dean,” Sam assured the older boy. 

 

Dean pulled back, and then pushed back in. They kept the slow tempo until Sam actually started to push back. Only then did Dean dare to speed it up, he pulled out almost all the way out and then slammed back in again aiming straight for Sam’s prostate. 

 

Sam howled out his pleasure. He clawed at the sheets as he struggled to find something to hold onto, something that would keep him from falling apart completely. 

 

Nothing had ever felt as good as Sam did. Sam was the best thing that had ever happened to Dean, and Dean couldn’t help but think that he’d get to do this all over again soon. He’d be able to get inside Sam like this over and over again. Sam was his. Sweat dripped down Dean’s chest onto Sam’s stomach. Dean was close, he could feel it, and he let go. 

 

Sam felt Dean’s cock twitch inside of him and when Dean finally came the pleasure was almost too intense for the both of them. Dean collapsed on top of Sam, and for a while they just laid there, both panting heavily. 

 

Sam ran his fingers through Dean’s sweaty hair. “I love you Dean,” he breathed out. 

 

Dean lifted his head from Sam’s chest and looked at Sam. “I love you too Sammy.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam are forced to talk about their relationship, and where it's going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos, comments, and of course, thank you so, so mcuh for reading :)

“You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you,” Sam said so quietly that he was almost whispering out the words.

 

“I said it, and I meant it,” Dean said and looked Sam in the eyes. “I wouldn’t have said if I didn’t mean it Sammy.”

 

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into saying it,” Sam nervously chewed on his lip. The last thing he had wanted to do was to make Dean feel like he had to say ‘I love you’ back. 

 

“Sam,” Dean sighed heavily. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that I actually love you?”

 

Dean’s question forced Sam to get to the bottom of his own insecurities. Every person that had showed the slightest bit of affection towards him had eventually left him. First his mom, then his best friend Katie. Sure, Sam did have a good relationship with his father, but it hadn’t always been like that. The first year without his mother had been tough. Bobby had been so closed up, and had never really wanted to talk about the sore subject, while Sam was desperate for answers. Since no one had told him otherwise, Sam naturally assumed that it was his fault that his mother had left. Sam often wondered if his father only stayed with him because he felt obligated to do so. 

 

“The first time that I kissed you, you asked me if it was because it was your Birthday, ”Dean said,“ What it is going to be this time?” he wondered, “Because you aced a test or something? Or because it’s a full moon? When are you going to stop finding reasons for why I kiss you, love you, and treat you with the respect that you deserve?”

 

Sam ran his fingers through Dean’s hair as he looked at him fondly. “I think I just fell even deeper for you,” Sam smiled. 

 

Dean smirked as he leaned down and swirled his tongue around one of Sam’s nipples. The reaction was instantaneous, Sam let out a sound that sounded like a cross between a moan and a whimper. That sound only seemed to spur Dean on, who let his teeth graze over the sensitive area. 

 

“You have to stop,” Sam barely managed to get out. Fuck, Dean was good. Amazing. Fantastic. Fucking incredible. But Sam’s ass was too sore for another round. 

 

“I dunno, you seem to like it,” Dean teased as he gave Sam’s nipple a few licks and then blew on it. 

 

Sam involuntarily spread his legs. That was not supposed to happen. Dean shouldn’t be able to have that power over him, Sam thought. That thought quickly went out the window when Dean leaned down and took Sam’s flaccid cock into his mouth and began to suck tortuously slow. Sam couldn’t help but to surrender to Dean. 

 

Just as Sam’s cock started to get hard, Dean released it from his mouth. 

 

“Hnn,” Sam whined. What he had really meant to say was ‘What did you do that for?’ 

 

Dean smirked as he bit the inside of Sam’s thigh, a move that only caused Sam to let out another whimper. “Come on Sammy, we need to take a shower. Can’t send you home like this,” Dean dragged his finger through the cum on Sam’s stomach and then licked his finger clean. 

 

Oh fuck. Sam was pretty sure Dean was on a mission to wreck him. 

 

-

 

Showering with Dean had really been something else. Sam had gotten groped numerous times by Dean, but Dean had also helped him to wash his hair and body, which was nice. They had ended the shower with mutual handjobs. Dean had moaned and gripped Sam’s arm pretty hard, so Sam guessed that he had been doing a good job. 

 

“So did I mention that I got this hotel room for like eternity,” Dean said as he snuck up behind Sam and snaked his arms around Sam’s waist. 

 

Sam let out a laugh. “Yes, you did mention that. But the real question here is how long are you staying?”

 

“Tomorrow evening, or tomorrow night. I have some research to do before I leave, but I thought we could cram in some sex too. Everyone needs breaks, right?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows. 

 

“That’s your way of seducing me?” Sam just shook his head. 

 

Dean blew Sam a kiss. “Don’t have to seduce you. I’ve got you.”

 

As much as Sam wanted to roll his eyes and deny that Dean was right, he couldn’t. “Fine,” Sam agreed. “I could skip my last class of the day and be here around one, one-thirty.”

 

“You’re not skipping classes Sam,” Dean protested. “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’re gonna go to some fancy college with a full scholarship and all.”

 

Sam bit his lip as he remembered the talk that he had had with his guidance counsellor. “Maybe,” he just shrugged.

 

“You know I’m right,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s temple.

 

-

 

The library had already been closed for about an hour once Sam got back home. 

 

“I’m home,” Sam weakly announced once he got in through the door. 

 

“In the kitchen Sam, I think we need to talk,” Bobby replied.

 

Sam slowly made his way to the kitchen. His heart only seemed to beat faster the closer he got to the kitchen.

 

Bobby took of his reading glassed and put his newspaper down when Sam entered the kitchen. “Is it raining outside son?” he asked. 

 

At first Sam didn’t understand what his father meant, but then he touched his hair and felt that it was still damp from the shower. 

 

“Sit down,” Bobby ordered, and Sam did as he was told. Bobby sighed and rubbed his temples. “With Dean Winchester?” Bobby asked, but it didn’t look like he wanted to hear the answer. 

 

“Who loves me, and I love him back,” Sam said quietly. 

 

“Did you use, you know,” Bobby waved his hand uncomfortably, “protection?”

 

Sam felt his cheeks heating up, but he still managed to produce a small nod. 

 

“Good,” Bobby breathed out a sigh of relief, “The world is not ready for a Dean Winchester Jr.” 

 

Sam couldn’t help but think about what his father had said once he was back in his room. The thought of a little Dean Winchester Jr running around brought a smile to his face. A little person with Dean’s freckles, mischievous smile and green eyes. Sam knew that it could happen since he was able to get pregnant. They were both still young, but somewhere in the future, Sam would love to carry Dean’s baby. Sam imagined himself as pregnant with Dean’s hand on his belly trying to feel the baby kicking. It made Sam feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

 

-

 

The last class was over for the day, and Sam was about to head over to the parking lot, find his car and drive to the hotel where an eager Dean would be waiting for him. But then a voice called out his name, a voice that did not belong to any of his teachers. 

 

“Sam Singer, you can’t run away from me,” Kyle called out as he half-ran up to Sam. 

 

“Wasn’t trying to,” Sam said, and it was true, as much as Kyle freaked him out, Sam was still too polite to just run away. 

 

“Movie night my place, my folks are gone for the weekend, what do you say?” Kyle licked his lips. 

 

“Uhm, Kyle, I have a-“

 

“A boyfriend,” Kyle interrupted him, “I know, so you’ve told me. But you skipped one small detail. Is that boyfriend actually real?” Kyle smirked.

 

Sam let out a snort. “Yes, he is real.” His very real dick was up my ass only yesterday, Sam wanted to say, but he didn’t. Too polite. 

 

“Okay,” Kyle smiled like he didn’t believe Sam for a second. “I don’t know why you keep resisting my charm, you’re gonna fall eventually.”

 

“I really have to go,” Sam said and glanced at his watch. It was almost three, and Sam wanted to get to the hotel as fast as he could. Dean wouldn’t be staying for long, and Sam wanted to make the most out of their time together. 

 

“Think about it,” Kyle said. 

 

Sam nodded politely before he left. 

 

-

As soon as Sam stepped through the door to Dean’s hotel room Dean pounced on him. 

 

“I have missed you,” Dean said and threw his arms around Sam, “so fucking much,” he put his hands on either side of Sam’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. 

 

“Mmmph,” Sam made a sound as Dean only deepened the kiss. Sam shut the door behind him with one hand as they made their way towards the bed. Dean lightly pushed Sam down on top of the bed, and then he straddled the younger boy's hips.

 

“Why are you wearing so many layers?” Dean whined as he struggled to undress Sam.

 

Sam laughed at the pouty look on Dean’s face. “It’s cold outside,” Sam argued. “How’s the research going?”

 

“Don’t wanna talk about the research, wanna fuck you,” Dean said and pulled Sam’s pants down in one swift move. 

 

“So I’m guessing there will be no foreplay,” Sam said.

 

“Fuck foreplay,” Dean replied before he took Sam’s length into his mouth. 

 

“Oh fuck,” Sam groaned loudly and threw his head back. Fuck foreplay. 

 

Sam blamed it on Dean’s talented mouth when he came only a couple of minutes later. 

 

“Bad day?” Sam asked once he regained the ability to speak. There were papers strewn out all across the floor, most of them had been crumpled into balls. 

 

“It’s getting better,” Dean smirked. 

 

Sam smiled and pulled Dean in for a hug. 

 

“Not saying I don’t like this, but if we could get that naked any time soon then that would be great,” Dean said and moved his hands lower so he could cup Sam’s ass. 

 

“No,” Sam mumbled into Dean’s neck. 

 

Dean raised and eyebrow. 

 

“I’ve gotten a new curfew,” Sam sighed. “I have to be back by seven the latest, and as much as I’d love a repeat of what we did yesterday, I’d like to just hold you for while first. You’re not going to be back for at least three weeks, maybe longer, and I just need to hold you.”

 

“Did your dad figure it out?” Dean asked. He guessed that was why Sam had been punished with an earlier curfew. 

 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, he’s pretty mad at you.”

 

“What else is new?” Dean half-snorted, half-laughed. 

 

“But he’s happy we’re safe, he said something about how the world wasn’t ready for another Winchester,” Sam smiled nervously as he played with the top button of Dean’s shirt. The world might not be ready, but Sam would be ready in maybe four to five years or so. By then he would’ve graduated from college, and hopefully gotten his first job, and they could save up for a house. 

 

“Well, I’m not ready either,” Dean chuckled. “That won’t happen for, I dunno, fifteen to twenty years maybe. I want to be a hunter for as long as I can, and I can’t exactly leave the baby at home and then return three weeks later only to stay for a couple of days, and then leave again. I’m not gonna be a shitty father.”

 

“You’re not gonna be a shitty father,” Sam mumbled. Twenty years, Sam thought and felt a knot starting to grow inside his stomach. Sam didn’t want to wait twenty years, he couldn’t wait twenty years. Last night he had thought about what a miniature Dean would look like, and Sam had already fallen in love with the idea of having a baby with Dean. Sam longed for it so much that his heart physically ached. There was no way he could wait twenty years for that dream to come true. 

 

“Sam,” Dean sighed when he noticed that’s Sam’s expression had changed from happy to sad. “I would be a shitty father if I left the kid in the middle of the night to go out and hunt.” Dean had never really considered having kids. That apple-pie family life wasn’t for him. He was a hunter, he needed to hunt. He couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop, until he had done everything, until he had given it his all. His dad was in his late forties, and he still hunted. With all the evil out there, Dean couldn’t just stop hunting. What was he supposed to do? Get a desk job, and sit on his ass for eight hours day, five days a week, when there were innocent people out there who needed him to save them. 

 

But Sam wanted kids, Dean could tell by the look on the younger boy’s face. Sam wanted the apple-pie life with the house, the kids, and the boring desk job that provided a regular income. Sam wanted stability. Dean couldn’t offer that. Dean barely knew where he would be sleeping the next night, would it be in his car, or in a shabby motel room? Or maybe he wouldn’t be sleeping at all, maybe he’d be out hunting something somewhere. Dean didn’t know, and he liked it that way. But Sam wanted the kind of life where you planned everything ahead in a fancy little day planner. 

 

The mood had changed drastically from when Sam first walked into the hotel room. “Maybe I should leave,” Sam said and pulled up his pants. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyelids, and he knew that once he’d start crying, he’d be a sobbing mess, and he wanted to spare Dean from that sight. 

 

“Sam,” Dean placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder to prevent the younger boy from leaving. “Please don’t leave,” he begged. 

 

“Do you even want to have a baby with me?” Sam asked.

 

“Sam, you’re seventeen, you’re in high school,” Dean exclaimed.

 

Sam shook his head. “That’s not what I asked.”

 

“I don’t know, okay?” Dean admitted and threw his arms out in defeat. “I don’t know, because I’ve never even thought about it. I’m a hunter, I don’t know how I’m supposed to fit a baby into my life.”

 

Sam could feel the tears running down his cheeks, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. “Is it always going to be like this?” he asked. “Are we always going to be seeing each other in motel rooms every three weeks until you stop hunting, whenever that will be.”

 

“I haven’t thought about it,” Dean answered truthfully. Everything with Sam was so new. For the first time ever, Dean was in a relationship. Before Sam there had been no commitments at all, except for the commitment to the hunting lifestyle. Dean hadn’t even stopped to think about what it meant to be in a relationship. What kind of responsibilities that came with a relationship. Dean had thought that if he only loved Sam, and never cheated on him, then that would be enough. Apparently it wasn’t. 

 

“I love you Dean,” Sam said and swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I feel so lucky to have you in my life, and I want to be with you all the time. I think about you all the time, and all those things you haven’t thought about? I have thought about them. I have thought about what it’d be like to move in with you, be with you, and have kids with you.”

 

Dean wordlessly rested his head against Sam’s shoulder. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. Whenever he had picked up someone in a bar, they had never really talked. Sam saw a future in Dean, and it was, without a doubt, the most amazing thing anyone had ever told Dean. “I want to be with you too Sam,” Dean assured the younger boy. “And we will talk about all these things, but right now I just want to be with you.” Dean wiped away a tear from Sam’s cheek. “Please?” he added.

 

Sam nodded shakily. “Okay,” he agreed. 

 

When Dean tugged at the hem of Sam’s shirt, Sam obediently lifted his arms up so Dean could pull it off. It wasn’t like the day before, when they had clawed at each other desperately, everything happened at a much slower pace. When Dean pushed inside, Sam didn’t cry out in ecstasy instead he just wrapped his arms around Dean and held on as tightly as he possibly could. It was almost as if Dean would disappear if Sam didn’t hold onto him. 

 

“I love you,” Sam whispered into Dean’s ear as Dean thrust into him. 

 

Dean came first, and Sam followed with a loud cry. Afterwards they just laid there for a while, their laboured breaths were the only sound that filled the room. Dean reached for the box of tissues on the bedside table and began to wipe Sam’s stomach clean. Once they had gotten themselves somewhat cleaned up, and the condom had been disposed, there was an uncomfortable silence. 

 

“Did you want it?” Dean asked nervously. Sam had seemed to enjoy it, but Dean would never be able to forgive himself if he had forced Sam into something he didn’t want to do. 

 

Sam blinked a couple of times in confusion until he finally got it. “Yeah, of course I did,” he replied truthfully. “Wanted you to make love to me.”

 

Make love, Dean had never thought about sex as making love. Sex was fucking. Getting off. Screwing. Not making love. Except with Sam it was. Dean reached out and pushed Sam’s bangs back. Sam’s hair was smooth as silk, and for a while Dean just ran his fingers through the silky strands. 

 

“Feels nice,” Sam commented. 

 

Dean discreetly tried to look at his watch, but Sam noticed it and nervously bit his lip. 

 

“You’ve gotta stop doing that Sam,” Dean said and ran his finger along Sam’s bottom lip. “I like your lips, can’t have you chewing them off.”

 

“Sorry,” Sam mumbled. 

 

Dean pressed a tender kiss to Sam’s bare shoulder. “We’re gonna be okay Sammy.”

 

-

 

Sam broke down in his car in the hotel’s parking lot. ‘It’ll be a while until next time’, Dean had said before they had parted, and when Sam had asked what ‘a while’ really meant, Dean had stayed silent, like he hadn’t known what to say. 

 

Even though it hurt, even though he was crying, Sam knew that he couldn’t stop seeing Dean. There could never be another man in Sam’s life. Dean had ruined him for all men to come. 

 

But that was okay.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally happens. 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. I noticed a question in one of the comments, and yes, Dean will get a love interest in the future, well it's more like a temptation to be honest. :)

There is some kind of time limit for how long you can convince yourself that everything is okay, when it really isn’t. 

Sam had reached that time limit. Reached it and gone way past it. The distance between him and Dean wouldn’t have been such an issue if it hadn’t been for the fact that Sam didn’t know for how long there would be a distance. For how long would he have to wait for Dean to be willing to settle down? 

Some couples were in long distance relationships all through college. But after three to four years those couples could shorten the distance between them and be with each other. Sam’s situation was entirely different. Dean wanted to hunt for as long as he possibly could, and Sam was supposed to wait for him. Sam didn’t want to wait, he wanted Dean, more than anything else. There was a big void in Sam’s heart all the time, and that void only got filled once a month for a few hours when Dean came to visit him.

Sam felt like a horrible person, because for a brief moment he actually considered what it’d be like to break up with Dean. It was a scary thought, and Sam quickly decided that he would never be able to break up with Dean. A breakup wouldn’t fix anything. Sam couldn’t go back to his old life and just forget about Dean. Sam had fallen deeply in love with the hunter. Too deep for his own good. 

Which basically meant that Sam would just have to endure the long distance. 

Every day Sam had to watch the couples at his school, holding hands, sharing kisses in-between classes, and flirting shamelessly. Sam only wanted to watch a movie with Dean, maybe sharing a bucket of popcorn, holding hands, and laugh together when something funny happened on screen. Something mundane, yet important. 

Sam closed his laptop and threw himself face first on the bed. His essay was due in two days and he hadn’t written anything yet. Not one single word. 

-

“Where is your head at?!” John Winchester furiously yelled. “They almost got away, if it hadn’t been for Cody they would’ve gotten away, and we’d probably never find them again. We’ve been hunting them for two weeks now and you’re just gonna screw everything up?!”

“I don’t know,” Dean admitted and sat down on the edge of the bed in their small motel room. He didn’t know what was happening to him. He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t focus, and he had almost royally fucked up their last hunt. Thankfully they had had another hunter, Cody, with them. Cody had managed to save the whole situation after Dean had slipped up. 

“You’re no good to me out there,” John spat out, “Get your head sorted out, and come back to me when you’ve gotten your shit together!” 

Dean watched as his father left the motel room and slammed the door shut behind him. 

Jacksville was a four hour drive away. Dean grabbed his car keys and left. Sam would make everything better. 

-

“You’re starting to get thinner Sam,” Bobby remarked after they had had dinner and were clearing off the table. 

Sam just shrugged, he hadn’t thought about it. 

Bobby sighed. Sam had mostly been pushing around the food on his plate during dinner, there really was no wonder why Sam had started to lose weight. “Just try n’ eat some more,” Bobby squeezed his son’s shoulder. 

Sam nodded before he headed upstairs to his room. 

-

It was almost midnight, and Sam had only written 200 words, and the essay was supposed to be at least three pages. Bobby had gone to bed hours ago, and Sam quietly made his way downstairs to the kitchen to make some coffee, hoping that the caffeine boost would help him write his essay. 

Just as Sam’s was about to pour the coffee into his favourite mug, his cell phone vibrated in the front pocket of his jeans. 

“Hi Dean,” Sam smiled as he answered his phone without so much as looking at the display. 

“Did I wake you up?” Dean asked. 

“No, I’m still up,” Sam assured the older boy. 

“Good, that’s good. I need you to do something for me Sammy,” Dean sounded tired. 

“Anything,” Sam replied with sincerity. 

“There’s this big red house across the street, maybe two houses from yours. Could you come? I didn’t want to park outside your house in case your dad was still awake.”

Sam’s heart fluttered in his chest. “You mean you’re here?” 

“Yeah Sammy, I’m here.”

That was all Sam needed to hear, he quickly hung up and he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. 

It only took Sam about a minute before he reached Dean’s car. Dean stepped out of it to greet him with a bone crushing hug. 

Something was wrong, Sam could tell. Dean was holding onto him like he was his lifeline. 

“Not yet,” Dean pleaded when Sam was about to pull back. 

“Okay,” Sam said as he allowed the older boy to pull him back in again. 

“Is there somewhere we can go?” Dean asked, “If we want privacy,” he added, and hoped that Sam would understand what he meant. 

“Yeah, I know a place,” Sam nodded into Dean’s shoulder. 

-

“Are you going to tell me what’s up with you?” Sam asked once Dean had parked the car on Mill’s street. About ten years ago, Mill’s street had been one of the most trafficked streets in Jacksville. During the last few years, many new bigger streets had been added, so Mill’s street was practically deserted nowadays. 

Dean stared out the front window of the car, he didn’t have the guts to look Sam in the eyes. The only reason they were separated was because Dean needed to hunt, and he couldn’t even do that properly. “A hunt went wrong. I screwed up. Another hunter had to save my ass, and fix everything that I had fucked up,” Dean gave Sam the short version. The longer version was that Dean had just frozen in the middle of a hunt. He had just stood there, his feet rooted to the fucking ground. He had hesitated. First rule of hunting was never to ever hesitate. Dean had had that drilled into his head ever since he was a little kid. If he hesitated, then the other guy, whatever he or she was, would kill him. 

But it had been a couple, a man and a woman, and they had looked so in love, and Dean couldn’t kill the guy, even though the guy wasn’t really a guy. It was an evil, flesh-eating thing, and yet Dean hadn’t been able to kill it. Because the evil flesh eating non-guy had told the woman that he loved her. And then Dean had thought of Sam. Not that Sam was evil and ate flesh, no, it was because the guy looked so deeply in love with the woman, and that reminded Dean of how deeply in love Sam was with him. And the feeling was mutual. Dean had fallen hard for Sam.

“Dean, I’m sure you did everything you could’ve done,” Sam picked up Dean’s hand and kissed Dean’s knuckles. 

Dean looked down as he shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

Sam gently ran his fingers through Dean’s spiky hair. “Everyone has bad days, it happens.”

Dean snorted. If he had had a desk job then he’d be allowed to have a bad day. “Not when you hunt.”

“You just have to learn from your mistakes, and everything will be fi-“

“Don’t you get it?” Dean exclaimed. “I can’t make mistakes.”

Sam pulled his hand back and stared down at his lap. There was nothing he could say, everything he had tried so far had pretty much failed, and Dean gone from hurt to angry. Not the progression Sam had aimed for when he had tried to cheer up Dean. 

“I’m sorry Sammy,” Dean apologized and placed his hand on Sam’s knee. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just so damn messed up, I can’t hunt, I can’t treat you with respect. Fuck,” Dean swore loudly. 

“It’s okay,” Sam mumbled.

“No, it’s not fine,” Dean shook his head. “And I don’t know what to do. After the most brutal hunts I always go to the nearest bar, get shit-faced and find a stranger to sleep with.”

Sam’s indrawn breath said it all, Sam was worried. Worried that Dean had done off and done something stupid. 

“I didn’t go to a bar, and I haven’t slept with anyone besides you ever since I first kissed you,” Dean said, and hoped that that would calm Sam down. But his words didn’t have the desired effect that he had been hoping for. 

“But you wanted to?” Sam asked.

“I didn’t want a stranger, but I do want you,” Dean admitted. “So I came to see you, brought you out here, to a deserted street in the middle of nowhere, and fuck, Sam. I’m sorry. You’re not like this, you’re better than this. You’re not the kinda person who has sex with someone in the backseat of a car.” Dean shook his head. What was he thinking, dragging poor Sam out in the middle of the night? 

“You’re not just ‘someone’ Dean. I love you, and that makes it okay,” Sam nearly whispered. Truth to be told he was scared shitless. What if someone saw them? What if one of his dad’s colleagues passed by and saw everything? But Sam was a teenager, and teenagers were supposed to do reckless things every now and then, right? Dean looked at him as if he was crazy. 

“You can’t be serious Sammy,” Dean said. 

“It’s okay,” Sam assured Dean. 

Dean leaned his forehead against Sam’s. “Are you sure?” he asked and looked Sam in the eyes. When Sam nodded, all Dean could do was pull him in for a deep kiss. The kisses quickly got heated, and Dean was the first one to pull back and suggest that they should move to the backseat instead. 

The Impala wasn’t exactly the ideal place to sleep with someone like Sam, who was about 6 ft. 3 tall. Dean had only slept with women much shorter than Sam in the backseat of the car. 

“I think I should be on my back,” Sam suggested. 

Dean nodded, and helped Sam get into position. Once Sam was lying somewhat comfortably on his back, Dean moved Sam’s legs so they were wrapped around his waist. 

They were breathing heavily and Sam couldn’t have been more grateful that the windows were getting fogged up, preventing anyone from seeing in. 

“Oh, holy shit,” Sam moaned as Dean pushed his finger inside him. Sam had missed it, missed the feeling of fullness, of Dean inside of him. 

Sam wanted to get lost in the moment and just enjoy every glorious little thing that Dean was doing to his body. But he couldn’t. Because there was an ever-nagging thought in the back of his mind that kept repeating the same thing over and over again- ‘you’re not the first one to be lying here, in the backseat of the Impala, with your legs spread’. 

“I love you,” Dean leaned down and whispered into Sam’s ear. 

Sam smiled, because even though he wasn’t the first person that Dean had slept with in the backseat of the Impala, he was the first person Dean had said ‘I love you' to. 

Dean let out a loud guttural moan as he pushed inside Sam. The tightness surrounded him, and it was just what he needed. He needed Sam. Needed to feel him, be inside him. It was something Dean would never get enough of. “Feel so good Sammy,” Dean breathed out as he pulled out and pushed back in.

The temperature in the car rose quickly, and Sam and Dean’s sweat soaked bodies glided against each other. 

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Dean dragged his teeth along the side of Sam’s neck, and licked on the reddened skin. 

Sam felt the orgasm build up inside of him, the muscles in his legs started to spasm, and Dean only had to stroke him a couple of times before he came with a loud cry. 

Seeing Sam come, feeling him come, was incredibly hot, and when Dean felt Sam’s insides clamp up around him Dean knew that he was done. He pushed in one more time before he finally released. 

Dean’s spent body landed on top of Sam, and for a while they just laid there, basking in the afterglow. 

“You’re heavy,” Sam laughed. Having a sweaty Dean on top of him had been nice at first, but after a while Sam felt like he was suffocating. 

“M’ sorry,” Dean laughed, but made no attempt to move.

“Dean,” Sam whined and poked at Dean’s shoulder. 

“Alright, I’ll get up,” Dean mumbled.

Sam let out a small whimper as Dean pulled out. 

“I’m all sticky,” Sam said as he sat up. The come on his belly had run down to his thighs, and there was also a layer of sweat covering his entire body. 

“I think I have some napkins in the glove department,” Dean pulled off the condom and threw it out the window before he climbed to the front seat. After some rummaging around, Dean managed to find some napkins from some fast food place that he had stopped by the night before. 

“It’s everywhere,” Sam complained as he wiped off the come on the insides of his thighs. “This is the last time I’m having sex with you in the backseat of a car.”

“I love you,” Dean just smiled and ignored Sam’s complaints. 

“How do people even do this and still look great after?” Sam wondered. Sex in cars always looked so glamourous and hot in movies. Reality was nothing like that. 

“I think you look sexy,” Dean said and pressed his lips against Sam’s temple.

Sam enjoyed the feel of Dean’s lips against his overheated skin. “You’re too good at this, persuading me,” Sam half joked, half complained. “I used to have morals, and then you bring me out here in the middle of the night to have your way with me, and I just let you.”

“Didn’t hear you complain when you were screaming and moaning,” Dean winked at the younger boy.

For a while they just sat there, and lazily caressed each other. 

“I can’t stay longer,” Dean was the first one to break the silence. As much as it pained him to leave Sam, Dean knew that the drive back would take four hours, and it was time to get going. 

“I know,” Sam whispered. 

-

As usual there was an emotional goodbye outside Sam’s house. Only this time Dean would leave a piece of himself behind, but none of the boys knew that yet because not one of them had looked at the condom before Dean had thrown it out the window, because if they had they would've noticed that it had broken, and neither Sam nor Dean had questioned why Sam had had come on the insides of his thighs instead of just on his belly as usual.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter, but the next chapter will probably be a long one.  
> I do want to speed things up a little, and Sam's not going to be clueless for long.

Sam’s first class of the day, which was Spanish, was about to start in less than half-an-hour, and Sam was nowhere near ready. After he had gotten home late last night, he hadn’t managed to fall asleep for hours, and when he finally did fall asleep, he slept like a damn log and turned off the alarm clock in his sleep. Thankfully, he had woken up by construction noises from the house next door. 

Sam was about to pull an oversized hoodie over his head when his phone rang. It was unusual to say the least. Dean was the only one who ever called, and he always called late in the evenings. The signal only got louder, and Sam decided to stop with the overthinking and just answer the phone. 

“Dean?” Sam happily exclaimed when he noticed the name of the caller on the screen. 

“In person,” Dean laughed, but it was a weak laughter, and Sam could hear the tiredness in Dean’s voice. 

“I didn’t think you’d be up at this hour.”

“I am, but technically I never went to bed.”

“Dean,” Sam sighed. “You have to start taking care of yourself. You need at least six to seven hours of sleep.”

“You can’t momma-hen me Sammy,” Dean protested, “I was gonna momma-hen you. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you’ve dropped too many pounds. You better put some weight on or I’m gonna start worrying.”

Sam let out a laugh. “So I can’t care about you, but you are allowed to get worried about me?”

“I’m macho and shit,” Dean said and allowed his voice to drop and octave lower. 

“As sexy as you sound my big, macho man, I have to get to class,” Sam hated having to end the conversation with Dean, but his Spanish teacher, Mr Johnson, had a habit of locking the doors and not letting anyone in after the class had started. 

“Remember to take care of yourself Sammy.”

“I will if you will,” Sam challenged. 

Dean muttered something incoherent.

“Love you too,” Sam teased before he hung up. 

-

“So there’s this party at Ben’s this weekend,” Kyle whispered to Sam.

Sam had no idea why Kyle had sat down next to him. Kyle was ridiculously difficult to get rid of. Secondly, Sam barely knew Ben. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Sam had been called faggot numerous times by Ben. They were practically best buddies. 

“I can get you in,” Kyle continued, even though Sam hadn’t paid him any kind of attention. 

“That’s nice, but I can’t,” Sam was too polite for his own good sometimes. He wished that he could just tell Kyle to back off. 

“Ben has a big house,” Kyle went on as if he hadn’t heard Sam. “Lots of bedrooms,” he winked. 

Sam sighed heavily. It was going to be a long day.

-

No one was happier than Sam when the last class of the day was over. He still had an essay to write, but that didn’t feel like such an impossible task anymore. Now that Sam had gotten his Dean-fix, things could go back to normal. 

Sam gathered his books and papers and stuffed them all into his backpack. Kyle had, thankfully, turned his attention towards a girl called Rachel and Sam rushed out of the classroom before Kyle got the chance to see him leave. 

On his way home, Sam turned on the radio and even surprised himself when he started to sing along to one of the familiar tunes. Then another, very familiar tune started playing, and Sam recognized it immediately. It was the country song that had been played on the radio the first time he and Dean had been driving around in Jacksville, and Dean had let him pick the radio station. 

If someone had told Sam back then, that Dean would one day be his boyfriend, Sam would've laughed that person in the face. But now, months later, Dean wasn't just Sam's boyfriend, he was Sam's everything. Sam still fought the urge to pinch himself, it all felt so surreal. Dean, who was handsome, kind, smart, and too cocky for his own good (but still managed to stay charming), wanted Sam. It was unbelievable. 

Sam happily hummed along to the tune, and he knew that he was smiling giddily, and probably looked kinda stupid too, but he couldn’t have cared less. 

For dinner he helped himself to seconds, and his father may have raised one eyebrow, but he didn’t comment on it. 

After dinner, Sam holed himself up in his room and finally completed his essay. 

Sam blew out a sigh as he closed his laptop. As much as he wanted to just be happy and proud of himself, he couldn’t help but think of how dependent he was of Dean. How much he needed Dean to stay happy. 

Before Dean, Sam hadn’t really been the happiest kid out there, but he still functioned. He got up in the morning, went to school, did his homework, and did his chores and other mundane things. But he wasn’t really living. 

Sam liked to think that Dean made him feel alive. But Dean also held the power of Sam’s happiness in his hands, and that scared Sam. 

Now that Sam knew what happiness felt like, he wanted to feel it all the time, and the only way he could do that was by seeing Dean all the time, and that was impossible. 

Sam’s mood shifted from happiness to sadness. His thoughts started to resemble a broken record, because they kept repeating the same things over and over again. Sam wanted the house, the kids and the stability, and Dean didn’t. Sam didn’t even know for how long Dean would continue to hunt. Sam knew that there were hunters out there who were in their fifties and they were still out hunting and had no plans of stopping anytime soon.

Sam bit his lip. His hands unconsciously went down to his stomach. Would he ever be able to start a family with Dean? 

-

Time passed quickly, and all of a sudden it was early spring and time for SAT’s. 

Sam almost felt like crying, he looked at all the books that littered his bed and his desk, and wondered if he had done enough. What if he had missed the important stuff? What if he had been studying the wrong things? 

His mind was spinning around in circles. It was all too much. He wished that he knew how to do yoga or something else that would relax his poor, stressed out mind. 

There was one thing that would calm him down, and it was the furthest thing from yoga. It wasn’t even an it. It was a person, no one other than Dean Winchester. 

It had been too long since Dean’s last visit and it was messing up Sam’s focus. As much as Sam wanted to focus on the SAT’s, he couldn’t. Not when Dean was out there, doing dangerous things, and not calling in to let Sam know that he was okay. 

Sam drummed his pen against his notebook. He kept thinking that something had happened to Dean, and that thought made him feel nauseous. Suddenly images of a unconscious and bloody Dean filled Sam’s mind. Sam feel a wave of nausea run through his body, and he instantly clamped a hand over his mouth and ran to the toilet and threw up everything he had eaten for dinner. 

Beads of sweat was running down Sam’s face. It was all getting too much, the stress of missing Dean and the upcoming SAT’s were too much to handle. Sam flushed the toilet and sat down on the floor and tried to collect his breath. 

“Everything okay son?” Bobby peeked his head in through the open door. 

“Yeah,” Sam breathed out. “Just stressed, s’ all.”

“You’ll do fine. I don’t know how you got so smart, but it certainly didn’t come from me,” Bobby chuckled and handed his son a tissue. 

“Thanks,” Sam took it and used it to wipe his mouth. 

Bobby took Sam’s hand and pulled him up from the floor. “Sam, I’m getting worried about you. Just take it easy son.”

Sam nodded. 

-

It had been a long day, a very long day, and Sam was thankful that they only had one class left, unfortunately it was History, and the teacher liked to speak slowly and drag everything out. Every little detail.

“You look like shit,” Kyle commented Sam’s appearance.

Sam still had no idea why Kyle hadn’t given up on him. “Thanks,” Sam mumbled sarcastically. 

“Hey, someone’s gotta tell you the truth,” Kyle smirked. 

Sam turned the page in his History book and tried to focus on the words and ignore Kyle. Although Kyle was indeed speaking the truth. Lately Sam had been feeling like crap. If he wasn’t sweating, he was throwing up. All fun. 

The stress had gotten out of control and Sam didn’t know what to do anymore. 

When the class was finally over Sam had to take a deep breath before he stood up slowly. He had learned just a week ago that if he stood up too quickly he’d get dizzy. 

“Seriously, are you okay man?” Kyle asked. 

Sam almost dropped his jaw, because Kyle looked like he was genuinely concerned. “Yeah, I should be fine once the SAT’s are over,” Sam smiled. “Thank you Kyle.” 

-

The sight that greeted Sam once he stepped out of the school building nearly knocked the breath out of him. 

Dean Winchester. Dean was standing in the parking lot, right next to Sam’s car. 

“Dean?” Sam couldn’t believe it. Maybe he was hallucinating? Maybe he had puked out his brain cells on his many trips to the bathroom. 

“Missed me?” Dean asked, with a gleam in his eyes. 

“So he is real?” Kyle appeared next to Sam. Kyle couldn’t stop staring at Dean. 

Dean’s facial expression quickly hardened. “Who is this?” he asked and nodded at Kyle. 

Sam just shook his head, because he honestly didn’t know how to introduce Kyle. Instead Sam just threw his arms around Dean. “I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled into Dean’s neck. 

Dean ran his hand up and down Sam’s back. They were drawing lots of attention. Some people stared, some laughed and pointed, but no one dared to yell faggots, because Dean Winchester could look pretty darn intimidating when he wanted to, and right now he wanted to. 

“Let’s go home,” Dean said fished out the car keys from Sam’s pocket.

“How did you get here?” Sam asked when he couldn’t spot Dean’s Impala. 

“Parked my car at your house. Your dad wasn’t home, and I had nothing better to do to pass time, so I figured that I'd just walk here.”

-

“I have missed you,” Sam said and kissed Dean on the lips as they were stumbling in through the front door, “Don’t ever stay away for so long,” kiss, “ever again,” Sam pulled Dean in for a deep kiss.

“Fuck, what was I thinking staying away from you for so long?” Dean panted heavily. “I’ve missed you,” Dean said before he pulled in Sam for a toe-curling kiss.

Dean pressed up Sam against the wall. Sam let out a long moan as Dean kissed and dragged his teeth over every sensitive spot that he could find on Sam’s body. 

“Dean,” Sam panted as he tried to get the older boy’s attention. “We only have an hour.” Bobby would be home from work in about an hour, and Sam definitely didn’t want his father to walk in on them. 

Dean moved his lips over to the Sam’s ear, and he let his warm breath ghost over it for a second before he spoke, “I’m going to show you just what I can do in just one hour.”

Sam felt a shiver work its way up his spine. Fuck. 

-

Dean kept his promise, he did everything to Sam and then some. Just when Sam didn’t think he could possibly come again, Dean proved him wrong. 

“Dean, no more,” Sam pleaded as Dean sucked a hickey on his over-sensitive skin. 

“Maybe we should take a shower,” Dean smirked and dragged Sam to the bathroom. 

Minutes later Sam’s shower had been fully christened. 

-

Half an hour later Bobby got home. When they were all sitting down to dinner Sam tried his best not to blush. It felt like his father could just see through him. Sam felt his cheeks heat up, and he glanced over at Dean who was just eating happily. 

Bobby just shook his head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me that you're reading my story. Hugs to all of you!
> 
> I will try to add some familiar characters in future chapters, I can't promise anything, but like I said, I'll try. :)
> 
> I decided to keep this chapter short, so I can fit more things into the next one (that didn't make a whole lot of sense^^). All the major events will take place in the next chapter.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Sam smiled giddily and wrapped his arms tighter around Dean. 

Sam was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Dean was staying for the night. Unfortunately, Dean would have to stay in the guest room, because Bobby had laid down some ground rules, and they clearly stated that Dean was not allowed in Sam’s bed under any circumstances. Ironically, Sam and Dean had already had their fun, and all they wanted to do now was just to go to sleep in the same bed.

Dean pressed his lips to Sam’s cheek. Bobby was still up, and Dean didn’t trust himself, he knew that if he kissed Sam on the lips it would just let to other things. Those other things would get Dean thrown out of the house. 

“I think you’ve said goodnight now,” Bobby appeared in the doorway.

“But we’ve slept in the same room before,” Sam whined, he still hadn’t given up on sleeping in the same room as Dean.

“I trusted unconscious Dean,” Bobby said, “It’s the conscious one that I have a problem with.”

Dean let out a quiet chuckle. “’Night Sammy,” he said and rubbed Sam’s arm. 

Sam reluctantly let go of the embrace and stepped out of the guest room. 

“Not one day goes by without me regretting I ever invited the Winchesters over,” Bobby muttered gruffly. 

“You don’t mean that,” Sam smiled. 

“Sometimes I do,” Bobby sighed heavily. Lord knows he had less things to worry about back when Sam was single.

-

“Mmph,” Dean mumbled. Something was poking him in the side. He was instantly wide awake. Being a hunter meant that you couldn’t sleep heavily, and that even the smallest things would wake you up. It was a curse and a blessing all at the same time. Dean squinted his eyes and saw that it was Sam who was standing there. “Go back to bed,” Dean mumbled sleepily. Not that he didn’t want Sam there, it was just very forbidden, and Dean didn’t want to get tossed out on his ass by an angry Bobby Singer. 

“No,” Sam said and folded his arms over his chest, and realized that he probably sounded like a stubborn little kid, but he couldn’t have cared less. Dean was in his house, and Sam was going to make the most out of every single moment that he had with the older boy.

“Five minutes, then you’re going back to your own bed,” Dean bargained and held up the covers for Sam.

Sam smiled as he climbed into Dean’s bed. He sighed contently as he snuggled into Dean’s chest. 

“Don’t close your eyes,” Dean lightly shook Sam’s shoulder when he noticed that Sam’s eyes were starting to droop. 

“Wanna fall asleep on you,” Sam murmured and pressed a kiss to Dean’s sleep warm skin. “S’ your fault, your chest is too damn comfortable,” Sam mumbled. It was true, Dean’s chest was surprisingly soft, despite all that hard muscle. 

Sam looked too peaceful to disturb, but Dean knew that he had to try and be the sensible one. “Sammy, come on,” Dean gently nudged Sam’s shoulder.

“Fine,” Sam grumbled and rubbed his tired eyes. The moonlight was shining in through the thin curtains, and illuminated Dean’s face. Sam had to reach out and touch Dean’s stubbly cheek. 

Dean smiled when Sam caressed his cheek, because it reminded him of the first time Sam had done that. Dean could still recall that moment, they had been sitting on Sam’s bed and Dean had fallen asleep, and he had woken up to the feel of Sam touching his cheek. The touch had been feather light, but Dean had definitely felt it. Not only had Sam touched Dean’s cheek, he had also touched something deep within him. And for the life of him, Dean couldn’t remember how he had survived without love and care for so long. 

“It’s still so surreal, that I get to have you in my life,” Sam said and ran his finger over Dean’s cheek. Someone as gorgeous as Dean wanted someone like Sam. It was truly surreal, Sam thought. 

Dean caught Sam’s hand and kissed it. “Trust me, I’m the lucky one here.”

They may have cuddled for more than five minutes, but they didn’t get caught, and that was the most important thing. Dean didn’t want to jeopardize anything between Sam and his father. Sam's relationship with his fahter was great, and Dean wanted it to stay that way.

Sam reluctantly left the guestroom and carefully climbed up the stairs to his own room. 

-

“Shit, I don’t even know half of these words,” Dean exclaimed and threw Sam’s SAT book across the room. They were eating breakfast in Sam’s bedroom, on his bed. As long as they both remained fully clothed and kept the door open, then Bobby was fine with it. “What does reconciliation even mean?” Dean asked, he had never even heard of that word before, and he was pretty sure that most of the words in that book had been made up by someone who had a little too much free time on their hands. Why invent new words, when there already were too many?

Sam picked up the SAT book from the floor. “If you apologize for throwing away my book like that, then that would be a good first step towards reconciliation,” he smiled at Dean. 

Dean looked puzzled to say the least, and Sam couldn’t help but laugh because puzzled Dean was adorable. 

“Thank god I’m done with High School,” Dean mumbled and reached for his plate of blueberry pancakes on the bedside table. 

“I’m going to be so happy when all of this is over,” Sam gestured towards the SAT book, “The stress is just so urrggh,” he groaned. 

“You don’t have to get all stressed out Sammy, you’re like the smartest person I know,” Dean tried to calm Sam down. “But then again, I only know hunters, and most of them hated school.”

Sam smiled. “What did you like in school? What was your favourite class?”

“Recess,” Dean deadpanned. 

Sam sighed. “Come on,” he lightly smacked Dean’s leg, “I want to get to know you better.”

“P.E.,” Dean said. He had been a pretty fast runner, and that came in handy now that he was a hunter. 

“Did you have a best friend in school?” Sam asked. Dean’s past was kind of like a closed book, but Sam really wanted to know everything there was to know about Dean Winchester. 

Dean stopped eating and put his plate back on the bedside table. “I did, his name was Jordan. But after, uhm,” he swallowed audibly, “after everything with my mom, Jordan started feeling sorry for me. He kept asking me how I was doing all the time, and after a while I got fed up with it, and there was a pretty nasty fight. Well, it was pretty nasty for two seven-year-olds at least. After that I kinda just kept to myself. I got friends outside of school instead. The hunters that my dad hunted with had kids, and they didn’t treat me like I was fragile or damaged. Some of them had gone through the same things as I had.”

“Do you still talk to them?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I’ve known Cody since I was seven. He has saved my ass a number of times, and I have saved his.”

“Must be nice,” Sam commented, “To have someone who has your back like that.”

“I have yours,” Dean promised. “Just let me know when I need to kick someone’s ass, and I will Sammy.”

Sam chuckled and shook his head, he didn’t want Dean to get into a fight for him.

“Like that punk at your school, the one who kept staring at me and gaping like a damn goldfish. Who was he?” Dean wanted to know who that annoying kid at the parking lot was. 

“That was Kyle, and no, you don’t need to kick his ass,” Sam said. “He’s just,” Sam paused to think of the right word to describe Kyle, but he couldn’t come up with any, “He’s just Kyle,” Sam answered simply. 

“Is he bothering you?” Dean wanted to know.

Sam shook his head. “No, he’s harmless really. It annoys me when he flirts with me, but he’ll give up.”

“Flirts?” Dean spat out the word. “He flirts with you?” Dean was going to kick that punk’s ass. 

“Like I said, he’s harmless,” Sam smiled. 

“I still don’t like it,” Dean grumbled. 

-

“I don’t have to go to school, I mean I could just study at home, and be with you,” Sam protested. They were sitting in Dean’s Impala in the school parking lot. It was almost 8 am, and Sam’s first class of the day was about to start in less than ten minutes. Sam didn't want to go, because going to class meant leaving Dean, and Sam really didn’t want that. 

“I have to get going anyways, my dad has called me like five times already,” Dean rubbed Sam’s knee. “Take care Sammy.”

“I love you,” Sam said and leaned in for a kiss. 

“Time to go,” Dean said and handed Sam his backpack. 

Sam nervously bit his lip. “When will I see you again?”

“Two to three weeks, maybe. I have a ten hour drive ahead of me. Me and my dad are visiting some hunters, we’re gonna go over some things,” Dean sighed. Leaving Sam was always hard. Not knowing when they would be able to see each other again only made it harder. 

“Okay, drive safely,” Sam said and pecked Dean on the lips before he got out of the car. 

Dean watched as Sam walked up to the school entrance, halfway there, a guy walked up to Sam and the put his hand on Sam’s back. Dean expected Sam to just shrug it off, but Sam just threw his head back and laughed at something that the guy had said. The guy looked back at Dean, and Dean felt his blood starting to boil for he now recognized the guy. It was Kyle. Fuck.

-

Sam shook his head, he couldn’t believe Kyle. The guy had seriously asked him why he was still walking straight after a night with Dean. “Dean actually cares about me, and he knew that I have classes early in the morning,” Sam told Kyle. 

“You mean he’s boring,” Kyle replied.

“No,” Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Do you only do it in the missionary position with the lights off?” Kyle smirked.

“I am not going to discuss my sex life with you,” Sam whispered. Now that they had actually gotten inside the school building, Sam lowered his voice so no one could hear. 

“Tell me that you’ve at least had some action going on in that fine car of his,” Kyle wiggled his eyebrows, and when Sam blushed to a nice shade of deep red, Kyle laughed hard. “I knew it!” Kyle grinned victoriously.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean have their first fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I wasn't able to post a chapter on the day I said I would. Things got in the way. But good news is that I've written one extremely long chapter that I decided to split up into two parts, so part two will be up tomorrow. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos.

“No more SATs!” Some students happily shouted as they ran past Sam in the corridor. 

Sam smiled. The SATs were finally over, and Sam had already started to feel more human again. No more throwing up from all the stress, and no more panicking and anxiety. It was all over. Even though he hadn’t gotten the results yet, he still felt pretty darn good. 

As he walked to his car, he felt ten pounds lighter, which was pretty ironic, since he had gained some weight lately. But Sam thought that the extra weight suited him, he didn’t look like a skinny little kid anymore. Hopefully he’d be able to build actual muscles soon. 

Whenever Sam thought of muscles, he always thought of Dean, because Dean did have some nice muscles, and Sam missed seeing them. It had only been a couple of weeks since the last time he saw Dean, but it didn’t feel like it. Sam was glad that he was finally in his car, because he blushed when he thought about all the things he wanted to do with Dean, and all of the things he wanted Dean to do to him. 

Lately, Sam had felt like the epitome of a horny teenage boy. Seriously, it was that bad. He had even considered driving to the nearest sex shop and buy a sex toy, and he had even looked up where the nearest sex shop was. According to his calculations, it would take at least three and a half hours, maybe four, depending on traffic to get to the nearest sex shop. It was probably the Universe’s way of telling Sam that he shouldn’t be allowed to pleasure himself. 

Sam had realized that he’d just have to be creative. Now there were some things that he’d never be able to look at in the same way ever again, one of them being a toothbrush holder. 

The sound of his cell phone ringing, broke Sam out of his thoughts. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth because he immediately assumed that it was Dean who was calling. One quick look at the display, and Sam noticed that it wasn’t Dean, it was his dad. 

Even though Dean hadn’t been the one who called, Sam still smiled. Sam loved his father, he really did. His dad had decided that they should go out to eat at a nice restaurant to celebrate that the SATs were over. Sam had tried to protest by saying that he didn’t even know if he had passed yet, but his dad had just scoffed at him, and called him ridiculous, because there was no way Sam Singer wouldn’t pass the SATs. 

-

Sam hummed happily as he cut into the fine piece of steak on the plate in front of him. As he popped the first bit into his moan he nearly moaned. “This was definitely worth the half hour drive to get here,” he said while chewing. 

“It’s good to see you happy son,” Bobby smiled and took a sip of his beer. The last few weeks had been rough on Sam, and Bobby couldn’t be happier that the SATs were finally over. 

Sam smiled back at his father before he dug into the bread basket. 

“Someone’s hungry,” Bobby chuckled. 

Sam let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m glad my appetite has come back.”

“I have a surprise for you son,” Bobby said, and he sounded quite mysterious. 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “A surprise?”

“Yep,” Bobby nodded and pointed at something behind Sam.

Sam quickly turned around in his seat and his eyes widened when he saw Dean standing there. “What? Why? How?” Sam asked confusedly. 

Bobby chuckled. “I may have helped him out a little.”

“I just drove five hours to come and see you Sammy, so are you gonna hug me or what?” Dean said and faked some annoyance. 

Sam half chuckled, half snorted. “Of course you’ll get a hug snuggle bug,” he teased as he wrapped his arms around Dean. 

“I’m gonna get you back for that,” Dean whispered roughly into Sam’s ear. No one called Dean Winchester a snuggle bug and got away with it. 

“You love it,” Sam was grinning from ear to ear. It was the best surprise ever, and it was just what he needed. 

They continued with their meals, and Dean ordered a steak and fries too, and while he waited on his food, he stole some food of Sam’s plate. 

“Get your own food,” Sam playfully slapped Dean’s hand away.

-

Bobby was about to just walk by Sam’s bedroom on his way to the upstairs bathroom, but the sight of his son and Dean, laying sprawled out on Sam’s bed, made Bobby stop dead in his tracks. “The door stays open!” he ordered. The door was open, but Bobby wanted to make sure it stayed that way. 

“It will, don’t worry,” Dean assured Bobby.

“Oh, I’m not worried, but you should be. I still have that shotgun,” Bobby warned. 

“Good to know,” Dean smirked. 

Bobby muttered something about why on Earth he had invited the Winchesters over in the first place. 

Dean scooted closer to Sam once Bobby had left. 

“You know, this could be the start of a new tradition,” Sam said as he picked on a loose thread on Dean’s well-worn shirt.

Dean frowned in confusion.

“You coming to see me every two weeks,” Sam explained. 

Dean sighed. “You know I’d want that too.”

Sam shook his head. He should have known better than to make Dean feel guilty. “It was stupid, just forget I said something.”

“Nah, it wasn’t stupid, just wishful thinking, I get it Sammy,” Dean assured the younger boy. 

“I just miss you all the time” Sam took a deep breath to compose himself. There was an ache in his heart all the time, he missed Dean like crazy, and the long wait in-between meetings killed him. 

“I know,” Dean said. He had missed Sam too. There had been times where Dean actually had had to take breaks from driving. Sometimes it felt like he had this heavy weight over his chest, and whenever he got that feeling, he had to stop on the side of the road just to take a breather before he could continue to drive. Lately there had been hunts in so many different places, and Dean had spent countless hours in his car. Driving along a dark and empty road for hours straight really made Dean think of the important things in his life, and that was Sam, and then there was hunting. Hunting would always be important to him. Sometimes Dean toyed with the idea of what would happen if he quit hunting and got a regular job so he could be with Sam, but his thoughts always ended there, he never took it any further. Dean couldn’t turn that idea into reality. He had been hunting since his early teens. Even if he did decide to quit, he knew that his dad would talk him out of it. John Winchester never accepted quitters, he called former hunters traitors, cowards and other unpleasant names. 

“I never thought it'd feel like this, you know?” Sam said, “I thought that I’d be fine with the whole distance-thing. But sometimes I feel like I keep telling myself that everything is okay, when it really isn’t. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to do that.”

Dean felt his throat tightening. Was Sam breaking up with him? The room started to spin, and Dean felt like he was going to pass out. He wanted to pull Sam close and tell him how much he loved him. “You’re breaking up with me?!” he angrily spat out instead of hugging Sam like he really wanted to. 

Sam’s eyes widened, and he immediately shook his head. “No, no, I don’t want that. I love you Dean. I just meant that-“

“It sounded like it,” Dean cut Sam off. “Have you thought about it?”

Sam’s gaze shifted for a split second, and that was all the confirmation Dean needed. 

“You’ve thought about breaking up with me?” he yelled. There was a voice in the back of his mind begging him to stop yelling at Sam, but Dean refused to listen to it. 

Sam felt the tears burning behind his eyelids. The last thing he wanted to do was to fight with Dean. “It wasn’t like that,” he desperately cried. “I was just so sad, and I thought about breaking up with you, yes, but it I never wanted to actually break up with you. It was a stupid thought, and it didn’t mean anything. I can’t not be with you Dean. I love you.”

“If you had loved me enough then you’d never even think about breaking up with me,” Dean snapped and got up from the bed. It was unusual for Dean to feel fear. As a hunter he could never get scared, because if he did, then whatever he was hunting would sense it and use it to its advantage. But Dean was scared now, he was scared shitless that Sam would leave him. Dean didn’t know how to handle that fear, he knew that yelling wouldn’t lead to anything good, but he couldn’t stop. “Shit, I’ve driven for hours to come and see you, I’ve had to practically beg my dad to get some free time so I could come here, and you want to break up with me? Fuck,” Deans swore loudly. 

“Please just hear me out,” Sam pleaded. 

The tears were streaming down Sam’s face and it was downright painful to see, and it tugged at every one of Dean’s heartstrings. 

Sam took Dean’s silence as a go ahead. “I had an awful day, I was missing you like crazy, and when I thought about breaking up with you it was only because I needed to remind myself that, yeah, I missed you and it hurt, but it’d hurt more if we broke up. I needed to picture myself without you, so that I could get an imagination of what it’d be like if I didn’t have you in my life.”

“I’ve never thought about breaking up with you,” Dean said, and struggled to keep his voice even, “That thought has never even crossed my mind.”

“I’m sorry Dean,” Sam cried. 

Dean picked up his jacket from the floor. “I’m going for a drive, I need to clear my head.”

“But when will you be back?” Sam asked.

Sam’s eyes were filled with worry, and Dean couldn’t bear to look into them so he averted his gaze. 

“Please just stay, so we can talk about this,” Sam begged. He hated that he had thought about breaking up with Dean. Why did he have to go and think about such a horrible thing?

“Fuck Sam, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here,” Dean clenched his fists, he wanted to punch a hole in the wall. “The guy I love just told me that he has thought about breaking up with me. How the fuck am I supposed to handle that?” 

Dean was shaking in anger. 

“I felt so alone, and you didn’t ca-ll,” Sam hiccupped. 

“I was out hunting. I was out there and risking my life to save people that don’t even thank me after. I thought we were good. I, fuck-“Dean had to pause to take a deep breath. “My dad keeps pressuring me to go on more hunts. Then there’s you. You want to see me more often. I try so damn hard to make time to come and see you. Before I got into my car I drank a gallon of coffee to stay awake, so I wouldn’t have to crash at a motel on my way here. I wanted to get to you as fast as I could.” 

“I love you Dean, and I want to be with you,” Sam tried to assure Dean. 

Dean shook his head. “I can’t do this,” he said before he gathered his things and walked out of the room. 

Sam heard Dean run down the stairs and the sound of the front door slam shut made Sam’s heart clench. 

Bobby, who had heard everything, but didn’t feel like it was his place to intervene, walked into Sam’s room. “He’ll come back,” Bobby told his son and pulled him in for a hug. “He just need to blow off some steam, but he’ll be back later. You’ll see.”

Sam never knew that he could cry for so long, but Dean had left two hours ago, and Sam was still in his bed crying.

-

Dean had only made it to the convenience store. It where he had bought Sam that big, fluffy bear. Everything had seemed so easy back then. Dean had gotten Sam a bear and some candy, and Sam had looked at Dean like he had hung the moon. 

A relationship wasn’t that easy, Deans should’ve known that. Sam didn’t come from a hunter family, he didn’t know what he had signed up for when he fell in love with a hunter. Dean knew that Sam deserved to be forgiven. 

It was time to head back. Dean couldn’t stay mad at Sam. 

-

Sam felt the bed dip and a strong arm gripped him tightly around his waist. “You’re back,” Sam whispered softly and turned around so he could look Dean in the eyes. 

The sight of Sam’s red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks broke Dean’s heart. “Yeah, I’m back Sammy. I know I screw things up sometimes, but I’m always gonna come back to you.”

“I am so sorry Dean,” Sam cried into Dean’s shoulder. 

“Me too,” Dean said and rubbed Sam’s back. What Sam had done had hurt, but Dean knew that he had handled the situation all wrong. 

For a long time they just laid there, and held each other close. 

“You’ve gotta cut me some slack Sammy, this is my first relationship. I still haven’t gotten the hang of it yet,” Dean spoke softly into Sam’s ear. 

“No, I should be the one apologizing here,” Sam protested, “You were right, it was wrong of me to think about breaking up with you.”

“It was just a thought, you’re allowed to think,” Dean tried to shrug nonchalantly, but he knew that he had failed miserably, because Sam was chewing his own lip off. “Don’t do that,” Dean said and ran his finger along Sam’s bottom lip. 

“Sorry,” Sam sighed, “Force of habit.”

“I know I’m not the best when it comes to talking about feelings and stuff,” Dean admitted, “but you know, I think we need to talk about this, so it doesn’t happen again.” As much as Dean wanted to just move on and forget about the fight, he knew that they couldn’t. 

“I was alone and sad, and my thoughts got depressing, s’ all,” Sam slowly exhaled. 

Dean scratched the back of his neck. “No, I get it. You’re not used to all of this, being alone and-“

“I am used to being alone,” Sam interjected. “I have been alone for years Dean. That’s not the problem, the problem is that I never know when you are going to show up and I don’t know how long it’s going to be like this.” There it was, the truth. It was ugly and painful, but Sam had to say it. Sam wanted to be the patient boyfriend of a hunter. He could be patient. Sam would be fine with Dean hunting for the next ten years, and then they could buy a house and settle down. But Dean seemed intent on hunting for as long as he possibly could, and Sam had a pretty good idea of what that meant. John Winchester was in his late forties, and he probably had no intention of stopping anytime soon. If Dean was anything like his father, Sam knew that he’d be waiting for a very long time. 

“You knew that I was a hunter when you first met me, you know what hunters do. You’ve had lots of hunters coming over for years, you know what we are like,” Dean pointed out the facts. 

“I haven’t fallen in love with anyone of them. I fell in love with you Dean,” Sam said so quietly that Dean had to strain to hear it. 

“But you know what we are like,” Dean said adamantly. 

“I thought that if I just loved you, and you loved me, then you’d want to be with me,” Sam said. 

“I do want to be with you Sam,” Dean replied, “I am here, aren’t I?”

“I meant all the time,” Sam looked down at his lap, “Because I want that. I want us to live together after I’ve graduated. But I also know that you’re a hunter, and how much that means to you. I will wait for you Dean. I just need to know for how long it’s going to be like this, because it feels like my heart is breaking every time you leave and I,” Sam had to pause to take a couple of deep breaths. There was a big lump in his throat and it made it difficult for him to speak. "I miss you," he said.

Dean hated that he was the one who made Sam feel so miserable. Dean would be lying if he said that he’d never imagined himself living with Sammy, and working a regular job. But Dean knew he’d be itching to get back out there, he needed to hunt. It just wasn’t something you walked away from unless you absolutely had to. 

There was no fancy college diploma in Dean’s backpack, and his grades from high school were pretty shitty. No one in their right mind would ever hire him. There was also another reason to why Dean couldn’t stop hunting. Guilt. Dean would feel guilty as fuck if he took a job at the nearest convenience store and let his old man go out and hunt on his own. There was not a chance that John Winchester would ever take on another hunting companion, he’d be stubborn and go out there on his own, with no one to cover his back. Then there was the need to get revenge. Dean would be lying if said that he didn’t want revenge. He wanted to kill the demon that had taken away his mother away from him. 

Sam’s mom was living in California, working as a fashion designer, and Bobby was working at his auto shop. Sam never had to worry about his parents like Dean had to. Dean wondered if his mom had gone to heaven, and if she was looking down on him and if she was proud of the man he had become. Out of all things Dean wanted, making his momma proud was at the top of the list. Mary had been the best mother to him, and Dean needed to get revenge for his mother’s sake. 

“I want to be with you too Sammy,” Dean breathed out. “And we will get that house and all of the things you want, but I can’t give up hunting.”

Sam shook his head. “It’s fine, we don’t have to talk about this,” he desperately wanted to change the subject since he knew that Dean would be leaving soon, and Sam wanted them to at least have a few good moments before Dean took off. “Let’s just enjoy what we have,” Sam said and pulled Dean closer. 

Two hours later Sam felt his heart breaking again when Dean had to leave.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds out the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your wonderful comments, thank you for leaving kudos and thank you for reading :)
> 
> Hope you're having a great weekend.

The weeks passed. Dean called every now and then, but he couldn’t come and visit. Sam had been lying through his teeth when he had told Dean that he understood, and that he was perfectly fine with waiting. Dean must’ve known that Sam was lying, because he had sighed tiredly before they had ended the call. 

The days just passed. Sam got up in the morning, he got dressed, ate breakfast and went to school. He sat through all his classes and took notes like a good student. He even made small talk with Kyle, who had actually been pretty nice to him lately. Sure, Kyle was still Kyle, meaning he did hit on Sam every now and then, but it wasn’t bordering on sexual harassment. Sam could deal with a bit of flirting if it meant that he didn’t have to be alone all day. Bobby had been working long hours at the auto shop lately since one of his colleagues had just had a baby and had taken some paternal leave. 

Sam did feel alone. He missed Dean so much it physically hurt, and not knowing when the older boy would show up made the pain ten times worse. 

“We should do something, I mean it’s Friday,” Kyle said and broke Sam out of his own thoughts. 

They were standing next to Sam’s car in the school parking lot. They had just finished the last class of the day, and Kyle had walked Sam to his car. 

“Uhm, sure,” Sam said, he did know that it was Friday, but he didn’t know that it was something to celebrate. He had just been planning on watching a movie and eating popcorn alone. 

“Wanna come over to my place?” Kyle suggested.

Sam shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Don’t you want to hang out with your friends? Go to a party or something?” he asked. Sam felt like he was too depressing to be around, and he didn’t want to drag Kyle down with him into that dark, depressing hole. Kyle should be out having fun with normal people.

“Did that last weekend,” Kyle chuckled, “Came home drunk and my mom now has me on a pretty tight leash. I can still see friends as long as I bring them over to my place, and I think my mom would be ecstatic if I brought someone like you home. You just scream goody-goody Sam.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t tell whether that was an insult or a compliment. With Kyle you just never knew. 

“So, my place, around six, that’s when we eat,” Kyle said as he slowly started to walk backwards to his car. 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam said. 

“See ya then,” Kyle waved. 

-

Ten minutes to six, Sam was standing outside Kyle’s house. 

When Kyle opened the door he looked genuinely happy to see Sam. It had been a long time since anyone looked at Sam like that, and he had to admit it was kind of nice, even if it was just Kyle and not Dean. 

“You have a lovely home,” Sam said politely. It actually was a nice home. It looked cosy and actually lived in. The walls were filled with family pictures and children’s’ drawings. There were toys on the floor and Sam had to step over a fire truck on his way to the living room. 

“You have younger siblings?” Sam had to ask, and as he did he realized that he didn’t really know much about Kyle. 

“Yeah, a younger brother, he’s six, almost seven,” Kyle replied. 

Kyle introduced Sam to everyone in his family and Kyle had been right earlier when he had said that his mother would love Sam. Kyle’s mother practically threw her arms around Sam, and told him how grateful she was that one of her son’s friends were sane. Sam had just laughed.

The dinner was nice, and Sam didn’t feel alone for the first time in weeks. After they had eaten and cleared up the table, Sam and Kyle popped in a DVD and made some popcorn. 

About an hour into the movie, Sam started getting a bad tummy ache. He tried not to let it show, but when he let out a groan Kyle turned to him. 

“You okay dude?” Kyle asked and placed a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Should be fine,” Sam waved it off. “Do you have any pain relief?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get it,” Kyle said and immediately got up. 

The pain lessened for a while and Sam leaned back in his seat, thinking it had finally passed. What happened next scared the shit out of him. As he stretched his legs out, he felt something moving, like actually moving, inside of him. His hands went to his stomach and he pressed down on the spot where he had felt the movement and he felt something weird. Something was wrong. Sam could feel that there was an organ or something that was moving inside of him. 

“Here ya go,” Kyle said when he got back into the living room. He held out a bottle of pills and a glass of water, but when he noticed Sam’s pale face, and he instantly put down the things he had been holding on the coffee table. “Are you okay? Has the pain gotten worse?” Kyle asked. 

“I think I can feel my organs move,” Sam said, clearly panicking. 

“Oh, shit, I went through that last year,” Kyle said, remembering what he had gone through. 

“You did?” Sam asked, feeling somewhat relieved that he wasn’t crazy for feeling his internal organs move. 

“Yeah, one of my kidneys was moving and stuff, I had to get surgery and all,” Kyle nodded.

“Surgery?” Sam’s eyes widened. 

“I think we need to get you to a doctor Sam,” Kyle urged. 

-

The drive to the hospital went quickly, and Sam had been clutching his stomach the entire time. The pain had faded away, but Sam was terrified that he was bleeding internally or something. 

“Stay here, I’ll go get someone,” Kyle said as he led Sam to an empty chair in the waiting room. 

Sam could only manage a small nod. He reached for his cell phone and called his dad. Sam only had to mention the hospital and his dad immediately had said ‘I’ll be there’ before he hung up. 

The anxiety was driving Sam crazy. A million thoughts were running through his mind, and he was scared shitless. Would he need surgery? Would he have to stay in the hospital overnight? Suddenly he thought about stupid things like how he couldn’t sleep without his own pillow. And then he thought about Dean. Should he call him, or did Dean have enough on his plate as it was?

Sam didn’t get any further with his thoughts, because a nurse came over and escorted him to a room. 

“My name is Megan, your friend told me that you’ve been having stomach pains and that you could feel something moving inside your body,” the nurse said once they were inside an examination room. 

“Yeah,” Sam said shakily. 

“The doctor will be here with you shortly. I’m just going to take your blood pressure, check your temperature and run some simple tests,” Megan said. 

Sam’s blood pressure was fine, and he didn’t have any fever. He slightly winced when a needle pierced his skin. 

“Afraid of needles?” Megan asked as she drew some blood from Sam’s arm. 

“A little,” Sam admitted and looked away so he wouldn’t have to look at the needle in his arm. 

Sam watched as Dr Andrews came into the examination room. Dr Andrews looked at Sam’s chart and hummed a few times before he turned to Sam. 

“I’d like you to lift up your shirt please,” Dr Andrews said. 

Sam did as he was told. He tried not to wince when Dr Andrews’s hands pressed down on his stomach. 

“Does it hurt here?” Dr Andrews asked. 

Sam nodded. Dr Andrews went back to humming again, and that did not calm Sam’s nerves at all. Sam couldn’t help but think that Dr Andrews was only humming because the situation was bad and he didn’t want to chock Sam with the truth. 

Dr Andrews continued to press down gently on Sam’s stomach. 

“Is it the kidney?” Sam asked shakily. 

Dr Andrews retrieved his hands. “Sam, I want to do an ultrasound to confirm what I believe this is,” he said and left the room. 

Sam was left alone for a while until Dr Andrews returned with an ultrasound technician. 

The ultrasound technician introduced herself as Olivia, and then proceeded to tell Sam what she was going to do. 

She squirted some cool gel on Sam’s bare stomach and let the transducer glide over it. 

Dr Andrews kept his eyes trained on the monitor. 

Olivia smiled at Sam. “You don’t have to worry about anything Sam. You are not sick, your organs are just fine.”

Sam breathed out in relief, but he knew that there was still something that they weren’t telling him. “But what was causing the movement?” he asked. 

“Sam, what you felt were early fetal movements,” Olivia placed his hand on top of Sam’s. 

“What?” Sam blurted out. He didn’t know what Olivia was talking about. 

“You’re pregnant Sam. You are about 15 to 16 weeks along,” Olivia explained. 

“No, I’m not,” Sam shook his head. He was not pregnant. “I don’t even look pregnant.” His words weren’t making sense, nothing was making any sense. 

Olivia let the transducer glide over Sam’s stomach. “I can see that the baby is close to your spine and that’s why you don’t have an obvious belly. But your stomach is slightly rounded.”

“I have eaten a lot lately,” Sam said. 

“We wanted to ease you into it, so we didn’t turn up the sound, but I think you need to listen to this,” Olivia said and pressed down with the transducer on a spot and then she did something to the machine. 

Soon a soft, pulsating sound filled the room. “That is your baby’s heartbeat,” Olivia explained. 

Sam froze. It was real. He couldn’t deny it anymore. There was a baby inside of him. His kidneys weren’t loose. He hadn’t just eaten a lot. He was pregnant. The soft pulsating sound that he heard was his baby’s heartbeat. Sam’s hands immediately went to his stomach and he silently rubbed it. There was a life growing underneath the palms of his hands. 

“We understand that it is a lot to take in,” Dr Andrews said. “But we do want to set up some appointments, and give you some information on the basic things, what to eat and what to avoid et cetera,” Dr Andrews gave Sam some pamphlets. “Do you know the date of conception?”

Sam shook his head. He didn’t know when it had happened. “We always used protection.”

“Condoms break sometimes,” Dr Andrews gently explained. 

“Good news is that everything looks perfect, and you are in perfect health,” Olivia smiled and patted Sam’s hand. 

“Your dad has showed up, but I told him to wait in the waiting room. He was pretty shaken up and I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to keep him at bay,” Dr Andrews said. 

Sam hadn’t even thought about his dad. Everything had happened so quickly. Shit, what would his dad say?

“If your dad found out about this, would you be in danger?” Dr Andrews asked. 

Sam shook his head. Granted, his dad wouldn’t exactly be happy, but Sam knew that his father would never hurt him. 

“Would you still be able to go home with him, or do you need a place to sleep tonight?” Dr Andrews asked. “There are places I could call.”

“No, I,” Sam nervously bit his lip. “I don’t think he’d kick me out.” Truth to be told, Sam didn’t know how his father would react. 

“Olivia will stay in the room when you tell him,” Dr Andrews said and turned to Olivia, who nodded in return. “I’ll bring him in,” Dr Andrews said and went out the door. 

The reality hit Sam hard, and he started crying, it went from quiet sobs to tears cascading down his cheeks in just seconds. 

“It will be fine,” Olivia tried to comfort him. “You just need to let it all sink in, and then we can schedule some more appointments.”

Sam couldn’t stop crying. It was all too much. 

“Look at this,” Olivia said and gently turned Sam’s head so he was facing the screen. Olivia let the wand glide over Sam’s stomach. “That is your baby,” she said and tapped at the screen. 

It was a baby. Sam could make out its head, belly, legs and feet. A baby. Sam reached out so he could touch the screen. Tears were still flowing down his cheeks, but he blinked them away. “Hi baby,” he whispered as he touched the screen. 

There was a knock on the door, and Olivia moved the machine aside. Sam pulled his shirt down and sat up. 

“What has happened?” Bobby immediately asked as he stormed into the room. “Tell me what’s going on Sam, these people won’t tell me anything!” 

“It’s uh,” Sam felt a lump forming in his throat. 

“What is it son?” Bobby picked up Sam’s hands and cradled them in his own. 

Sam didn’t even know where to begin. He didn’t know what to say, what words to use. “I uh,” he bit his lip and looked at Olivia, who quietly nodded, urging him to go on. “I’m pregnant dad,” Sam cried. 

Bobby dropped Sam’s hands, and for the longest time he just stood there. 

“Dad?” Sam asked. “Please say something,” he cried. 

Bobby reached for the nearest chair and sat down on it. 

“Everything looks fine Mr Singer, your son and the baby are in perfect health,” Olivia said. 

“Dad, please say something,” Sam pleaded. 

Bobby cleared his throat. “How far along are you?” 

“Around sixteen weeks,” Sam said. 

“Okay,” Bobby nodded shakily. “Okay.”

Out of all things Bobby had expected to hear from his son, pregnant wasn’t one of them. Bobby had thought that Sam would use protection, Sam had said that he and Dean were being safe. But Sam was pregnant, and Bobby was going to be a grandfather. Bobby turned to look at his son, who looked downright terrified. “It’s okay son,” Bobby said and took Sam’s hand in his and squeezed it to show his support. 

Sam started crying again. “Thank you dad, thank you.” Sam couldn’t even begin to describe how grateful he was that his dad hadn’t rejected him. 

Bobby pulled his son in for a hug. “It’s okay,” Bobby said and rubbed Sam’s back.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam swung his legs over the edge of the examination table and stood up on wobbly legs. Appointments needed to be scheduled. Changes had to be made. Sam had walked into the hospital as a scared teen, and now as he was about to walk out he felt like he couldn’t be a scared teen anymore. Suddenly he knew that he had to grow up, because in about five months there would be a little helpless baby that was fully dependent on Sam to take care of him or her. 

Olivia had said that the baby was close to Sam’s spine and that’s why he hadn’t gotten so big yet. Sam couldn’t help but wonder what would happen once he started to get noticeably pregnant. Would he get teased and tormented in school? Would the harassment end after his last class of the day, or would he get harassed at the grocery store, or if he went outside for a walk? 

Then there was the auto shop. What if customers stopped going to his dad’s auto shop just because the owner had a pregnant son?

The last thing Sam wanted to do was to put his baby in danger, and he wondered whether it was safe for him to go to school in his condition. What if someone kicked him in the stomach? The bullying that he faced for almost every day at school was mostly verbal, but sometimes it did get physical. Sam felt nauseous. Images of his bullies kicking him in the stomach flooded his mind. Sam could feel a strong pressure over his chest, his hands started to shake, and the feeling of panic just came over him. 

“Son, deep breaths, deep breaths,” Bobby spoke softly and ran his hands up and down Sam’s forearms. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

Sam wanted to shake his head and say that it wasn’t going to be okay. Everything had changed. Having a baby scared him, but what scared him the most was how other people would react, and most importantly how other people would treat him and the baby. 

“Son,” Bobby used a more stern tone this time, “I need you to breathe.”

Sam weakly nodded as he tried to inhale and exhale slowly. 

“There ya go,” Bobby encouraged. 

“What if I can’t protect this baby?” Sam said once he had regained the ability to speak. 

“No one’s gonna hurt you Sammy, I promise you that,” Bobby told his son. 

Sammy. Sam’s ears perked up when he heard the nickname his father had used. The only one who ever called him Sammy was Dean. 

“Dean,” Sam breathed out as he suddenly remembered that his baby had another father. A father that needed to be filled in on the situation. “What am I going to tell him? How do I tell him this?” Sam was freaking out. Dean was the father, he deserved to know. But Sam also knew that Dean didn’t want kids, at least not now. Dean wanted to wait twenty years or so before he settled down. 

“Want me to call John, and have him talk to his son?” Bobby offered. 

“I don’t know,” Sam sobbed. He really didn’t know. 

“S’ okay son, we’ll figure it out,” Bobby ran his hands up and down Sam’s back. 

Once Sam had calmed down they slowly walked out of the examination room. Sam clung to his dad as they walked to the waiting room. 

“I’m gonna go and talk to Dr Andrews,” Bobby said, “You gonna be fine here on your own?”

Sam nodded and took a seat on an empty chair. 

“Sam!” 

Sam whipped his head around and saw that Kyle was walking towards him. 

“This place is like a friggin’ maze,” Kyle shook his head, “I had to get a cup of coffee,” he said and pointed at the takeaway cup that he was holding. “Oh, shit man, is it worse than we thought?” Kyle suddenly noticed how red and puffy Sam’s eyes were. 

“I, uhm,” Sam audibly swallowed. So far Kyle hadn’t showed any signs of aggression, but Sam couldn’t help but feel protective of his baby, and right now everyone felt like a possible enemy. Sam didn’t know Kyle all that well, Kyle could be a blabbermouth. Kyle would only have to tell one person, and in less than a few hours everyone in Jacksville would know that Sam Singer was not only gay, but pregnant as well. That’s how it works in a small town. 

Kyle put his cup down and took a seat next to Sam. “Are you pregnant?” he gently asked and placed a comforting hand on Sam’s lower back. 

Sam instantly pulled back. “No,” he shook his head vigorously. “I’m not.” Kyle wasn’t supposed to know. No one was supposed to know. 

“Sam, it’s fine. I’m not gonna judge,” Kyle spoke softly. “My parents had me at seventeen. Hence the big age gap between me and my little brother.”

“They were seventeen?” Sam asked shakily. 

Kyle nodded. “And I think they did a pretty good job. I mean I’m awesome,” he smirked and hoped that a little humour would lighten the mood. 

It did. Sam finally smiled. It wasn’t a big grin, but it was still noticeable. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” Kyle squeezed Sam’s shoulder. “And from now on I promise that I’m never going to hit on you ever again.”

Sam let out a small laugh. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re starting to respect me.”

“Nah,” Kyle waved it off. “I just think that I’d make an awful dad. Not ready for the whole instant family thing. I can’t give you any foot rubs, hold your hair back when you puke and all that.”

Sam snorted. “Like you ever had a chance of going out with me.”

“I totally did,” Kyle said and batted his eyelashes at Sam. 

Sam’s expression turned more serious. “Kyle, you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone about this.”

“Sure,” Kyle nodded. 

“No, you don’t get it. This is serious. I’m going to try and hide this as best as I can from everyone at school. Who knows what they’re going to do to me if they find out I’m pregnant?” Sam pleaded. 

“I won’t tell a soul,” Kyle promised. 

-

The car ride home had felt excruciatingly long. Bobby had kept his eyes on the road, and Sam had been fiddling with his shirt the entire time. 

Even though both Sam and Bobby were exhausted, neither of them could go to bed. They were both pretty shaken up, so they ended up in the kitchen instead. 

“Want a cup?” Bobby asked as he started the coffeemaker, but then he remembered that Sam wasn’t supposed to have caffeine. “I forgot, never mind,” he said. 

“I guess I should read all the pamphlets I got,” Sam mumbled. He had never been a big coffee drinker, but now all of a sudden he craved coffee. ‘You always want what you can’t have’ Sam thought. 

“Just avoid the worst stuff: nicotine, caffeine and alcohol and you should be good.” Bobby picked up one of the pamphlets from the table. “Says here you can’t eat blue cheese,” he raised an eyebrow. “Who eats blue cheese? Pretty sure cheese isn’t supposed to be blue anyways,” he muttered. 

Sam let out a small laugh. He did know what blue cheese was, but he didn’t feel like eating it, pregnant or not. 

“I don’t even know what half of the stuff here are,” Bobby said as he read the list of things Sam should avoid eating during pregnancy. 

“Thank you,” Sam said quietly. “Thank you for not kicking me out and yelling at me.” It meant the world to Sam. The fact that his father not only let him stay, but also supported him was truly amazing. 

Bobby let out a sigh and took a seat opposite Sam. “I’m gonna be honest with you son. I don’t know how to handle this. I’m angry at you for not using protection, but at the same time I wanna show my support because I could tell that you were freaking out at the hospital.”

“We’ve always used protection,” Sam mumbled. “It must’ve broken.”

“You tried to be responsible. It’s something I guess,” Bobby said. “Why don’t you go and get some sleep. You look like you need it.”

Sam just nodded. 

-

Once Sam had left the kitchen, Bobby pulled out a half-full bottle of scotch from a cupboard. After Marcy had left, Bobby had been drinking a bit too much. When Bobby finally got himself straightened out he promised that he’d never drink alone again. But it was time to make an exception. He filled up a small glass and downed it in one go. The liquid burned his throat and Bobby poured himself another one. He was going to be a grandpa. His baby boy was going to have a baby. Bobby leaned back in his chair and blew out a sigh. Sam was way too young to be a dad. Sure, Sam was responsible and mature for his age, but he was also seventeen. Seventeen was way too young to be a parent. But Sam was pregnant, and he was about to become a parent, ready or not. 

Bobby stared at the phone. He wanted to call Dean and yell at him, then hang up, and call again to yell some more. But Sam wouldn’t like that. 

John Winchester seemed like a stand up guy. If Dean was anything like his father, than he’d take responsibility for his actions and support Sam during the pregnancy. 

But Dean was a hunter, he was away for weeks. Bobby shook his head. Everything would’ve been so much easier if only Sam had fallen for a local. Someone who could be there for Sam all the time, and not just a couple of days every month. 

Bobby drank a few more glasses before he too went to bed. 

-

The next morning, Sam found himself standing in front of the mirror. He nervously fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He never changed in front of the mirror, he was always in such a hurry to get to school that he just threw on something clean and headed out. But now he was about to look at himself in the mirror for the first time in a very long time. 

After a few calming deep breaths, Sam slowly lifted up his shirt and turned sideways so that he could see what his stomach looked like from the side. It was a bit round. Sam gently rubbed his tummy. “I don’t know if you can hear me,” he surprised himself by saying. He hadn’t meant to talk to the baby, it just sort of happened. “But I want to let you know that I’m gonna do my best to take care of you.”

Sam bit his lip. “I’m sorry I haven’t been doing that from the start,” he thought about all the cups of coffee he had been drinking and all the stress he had gone through during the SATs. All of that stress couldn’t have been good for the baby. “You just keep on growing in there, and when you get out please be gentle with me,” he chuckled. “I’m a little scared about that. The whole giving birth part.” According to the information in one of the many pamphlets, Sam had to have some minor surgery, something he was not looking forward to at all. Apparently, a doctor would have to make a small incision in-between Sam’s anus and balls. Sam would have a freaking opening between his legs. Sure, he’d get all stitched up after he had given birth, but still, an opening between his legs. 

“I’m so glad that your other father isn’t a giant like me,” Sam mumbled and patted his stomach. Dean was tall, but Sam was at least two inches taller and he probably wasn’t done growing. Sam shuddered at the thought of pushing out a big baby, but their baby had inherited their genes, and that meant that the baby would most likely be bigger than average. 

Sam rubbed his stomach one last time before he headed downstairs for breakfast. 

“Mornin’,” he said to his father who only hummed something in return, too engrossed in his newspaper. 

“Anything interesting?” Sam asked as he poured himself a glass of orange juice. Vitamins for the baby.

“The clothing store is having a clearance on children’s clothes,” Bobby said and pointed at the ad in the paper. “Everything is under ten bucks, even jackets.”

Sam bit his lip. He hadn’t thought about everything that he would need to buy. There wasn’t much in his bank account, only about 400 dollars. Until yesterday, Sam had thought that he had been rich, well maybe not rich, but he was proud of the amount of money that he had managed to save up. But now, as he looked at the ad in the paper, he realized that those 400 dollars were not going to cover everything that his baby would need. 

“I think I can get your old crib from the basement, it should still be good,” Bobby said. 

“Oh okay,” Sam tried to make a list of things that the baby would need. He knew that he needed to buy the essentials, like clothes, diapers, toys, a stroller, a car seat, and bedding. Sam’s mind started to spin. Everything was happening too fast. In just a few months there would be a crib in his bedroom. A crib with a baby in it. 

Bobby noticed that his son was starting to freak out again. “It’s better to be prepared Sam. Trust me on this one. We had everything prepared when you came, and it all worked out pretty well. We settled into a routine quickly and we had stocked up on everything so we didn’t have to run out and get diapers for you in the middle of the night.”

“It’s just,” Sam flopped down on a chair, “It’s just there are so many things I need to buy and I don’t know where to start.”

“You don’t need all that much during the first year. A baby just need somewhere to sleep, food to eat and some clothes,” Bobby said, “And a lot of love,” he added. 

“How am I supposed to take care of a baby?” Sam cried. “What if I screw up? What if I ruin this baby for life?”

“You’re not,” Bobby simply said. “You are loving, caring and you always put other people’s needs first. You’re going to make a good parent son. Don’t doubt that.”

Sam smiled through the tears. “Thank you so much dad,” he said and threw his arms around his father’s neck. 

“It all work out, you’ll see,” Bobby said as he stroked Sam’s back. 

-

“Caleb’s baby is growing like weed,” Bobby said as he walked into his son’s room. “He has already grown out of the smallest size.”

Sam looked up from the book he had been reading and noticed that his dad was holding a paper bag. 

Bobby took a seat on the edge of the bed and handed over the paper bag to his son. 

“You told Caleb?” Sam asked as he dug into the paper bag and found baby clothes. Caleb had worked at the auto shop for years, and he and Bobby were good friends, but Sam wondered if that was enough. Could Caleb really be trusted? 

“I did,” Bobby admitted. “He’s family. I’ve known him for years Sam. He won’t spread the word.”

Sam smiled as he held up a light blue onesie. It was so small and Sam wondered how any human could fit into such a small piece of clothing. 

“If it’s a girl then she’ll just have to get use to wearing boy’s clothes,” Bobby chuckled. 

“In a couple of weeks or so I should be able to find out the gender of the baby,” Sam said. He hadn’t given much thought to if that was something he wanted to find out or if he wanted it be a surprise for the delivery day. “Tell Caleb how grateful I am for these,” Sam smiled and picked up another onesie. “It has ducks on it,” he whispered as he gently touched the soft material. “Baby ducks,” he added. The onesie probably hadn’t been worn much, because it looked brand new. 

Bobby picked up a sweater from the bag. “I remember when you were this little,” he couldn’t help but reminisce about the old days when Sam was little. “I was so scared of holding you. Thought I was gonna break you.”

“You were scared?” Sam raised an eyebrow. There were many video tapes from Sam’s younger days, and Sam remembered how calm his dad always looked. 

“Oh yeah,” Bobby chuckled. “You were so small and fragile.”

“Are you really okay with all of this?” Sam couldn’t help but ask. His dad may be smiling and laughing, but Sam knew that his father couldn’t be happy with the situation. 

Bobby sighed heavily. “I’d be lying if I told you that I’m over the moon that my seventeen-year-old son is having a baby, but I’ll just have to get used to it,” he said, “And I will get used to it.”

“I want to give my baby everything, because he or she deserves the best, but I can’t afford everything, and I’m seventeen. I don’t have everything figured out, and I want to be the best parent I can be, but I don’t know how to,” Sam poured out everything that had been building up inside of him. 

“Money can’t buy happiness,” Bobby simply stated, “And age isn’t everything. Just because you’re seventeen doesn’t mean that you’re going to be a crappy parent.”

“Thanks dad,” Sam smiled. His dad’s words warmed his heart. 

The sound of Sam’s cell phone ringing interrupted the moment. 

“If that’s Dean tell him I’m going to beat the crap outta him,” Bobby half-joked. 

Sam’s heart skipped a beat, he hadn’t spoken to Dean yet, and he still hadn’t figured out how to tell Dean that he was pregnant. Luckily it wasn’t Dean. 

“It’s Kyle,” Sam said. 

“Take it, I’ll go downstairs and make some dinner,” Bobby said and left the room. 

-

Two hours later, Sam was sitting on Kyle’s couch. Kyle had invited him over for another movie night. 

“Let’s just hope that we actually get to finish the movie this time,” Kyle teased. 

“I’m sorry if my stomach pains were ruining our movie night yesterday,” Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Apology accepted,” Kyle threw a popcorn at Sam.

Sam couldn’t help but roll his eyes again. “You’re such a child.”

“Sorry we can’t all be as mature as you are daddy,” Kyle winked. 

“Please don’t call me that,” Sam protested, “It sounds so wrong coming from you.”

“You are officially going to be the hottest DILF out there,” Kyle nodded at his own words. 

“DILF?” Sam frowned.

“Dad I like to fu-“

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Sam quickly interrupted his friend, or soon to be ex-friend. 

“You know if you get all horny from all the pregnancy hormones, I’d be willing to take one for the team. I’m your man Sam if you need me,” Kyle placed his hand over his heart. 

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Sam reached for the popcorn bowl, the pregnancy wasn’t really making him horny right now, but it was making him crave popcorn. 

They watched the movie in silence, well it wasn’t a complete silence, Kyle threw in some comments here and there, like “Do you think the actor is hot?” and “If he asked, would you do him?”

Sam of course ignored the comments and questions, and Kyle finally shut up. 

They were getting towards the end of the movie when Sam’s cell phone rang. 

It was getting late, so Sam assumed that it was his dad calling to ask when he would be home. 

“Hello,” Sam answered his phone, but he still kept his eyes on the screen. 

“Hi Sammy.”

Sam felt his heart skip a beat. “Dean?” he stuttered out. 

“Yeah, it’s me.”

It felt so good to hear Dean’s deep voice, but at the same time Sam was freaking out. 

“I’m outside your house, are you in bed? The house is all dark,” Dean said. 

“You’re outside my house?” Sam couldn’t believe it. Dean was in Jacksville. 

“Yeah, are you going to open the door or what?” Dean teased. 

“I’m not home,” Sam said, “But I can be home in less than ten minutes.”

“Where are you then?” 

Sam glanced over at Kyle, who was looking back at him. Sam decided to go with the truth even though he knew that Dean wasn’t exactly fond of Kyle. “Kyle invited me over to his place.”

“Kyle?” Dean spat out. 

Dean sounded angry, and Sam suddenly regretted not lying to his boyfriend. 

“The guy who flirts shamelessly with you even though you’re in a relationship with me, that Kyle?” Dean asked. 

“I’ll be home soon,” Sam changed the subject, he didn’t feel comfortable talking about Kyle as long as he was in Kyle’s home. 

Dean mumbled something angrily before he hung up. 

-

Sam’s heart always fluttered whenever he saw Dean. This time was no exception. 

“Dean,” Sam smiled as he got out of his car and ran over to Dean. “You’re here,” Sam threw his arms around the older boy. Dean smelt wonderful, and Sam couldn’t get enough of Dean’s rich scent so he inhaled deeply. 

Dean pulled back too soon for Sam’s liking. “What’s wrong?” Sam asked. 

Dean frowned. “You really have to ask me that?”

Sam sighed. “It’s about Kyle, isn’t it?”

“Damn right it’s about Kyle,” Dean snapped. 

“You don’t trust me?” Sam asked. He had never even thought about cheating on Dean. 

“It’s him I don’t trust,” Dean said through gritted teeth. 

“Dean, I haven’t seen you in a really long time. I’ve missed you like crazy and right now I just want you to hold me, so could you please just do that?” Sam pleaded. He didn’t want to fight with Dean. Sure, he had felt hurt when Dean had basically accused him of cheating, but Sam couldn’t be angry, he didn’t want to be angry, he just wanted Dean to wrap his strong arms around him. 

“Fine,” Dean breathed out and pulled Sam in for a hug. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Sam mumbled into Dean’s neck. It felt so good to have Dean’s arms around him again. 

“Let’s go inside,” Dean said and kissed Sam on the cheek. 

-

They barely made it through the door before Dean’s lips were on Sam’s. 

They shrugged off their jackets and slowly made their way upstairs, barely even breaking the kiss. As they stumbled into Sam’s bedroom, Dean started to unbutton Sam’s shirt. 

Sam froze. Dean knew what Sam looked like naked. Dean would notice the baby bump. 

Sam caught Dean’s hand. “Please just stop,” he pleaded. 

Dean looked surprised, “You don’t want to?” he asked. 

“Just not now,” Sam said, wanting to buy some time. “I haven’t seen you in forever, I want to talk to you. I want to know what you’ve been up to.”

Deans sighed. “You know I don’t want to give you any details.” Sam was so cute and innocent, and Dean kind of wanted to keep his boyfriend that way- not ruined by the big bad world. 

Sam laid down on the bed, and patted the space next to him. “Then just lay here with me and I can kiss you and tell you about everything that I have been up to.” Sam thought about the sonogram that was in his wallet. Maybe it was easier to just show that to Dean. 

Dean laid down next to Sam. “I’m sorry about earlier,” Dean apologized. He knew that Sam would never cheat on him, but he had just been so furious when he found out that Sam was at Kyle’s. 

“I love you too much to do anything stupid,” Sam assured his boyfriend. 

“So what were you guys doing?”

“Watching a movie,” Sam said, “I know you don’t like him, but he’s not all that bad, and his family is great. His mom kept telling me how happy she was that Kyle has a sane friend. And Kyle’s little brother Spencer is the cutest.” Seven-year-old Spencer really was adorable, and Sam had been pretty bummed today when he found out that Spencer were at a sleepover at a friend's house. “I was hoping to see him this evening,” he smiled. 

“How old is he?” Dean asked. 

“He’s seven,” Sam replied. “I always wished for a sibling when I was younger,” he smiled. Growing up without siblings had been pretty lonely, but it didn’t matter how many times he begged his mom for a sibling, she always said no. At the time he had trouble understanding why his mother had always said no, but now as he was getting older he realized that his mother had never really wanted to be a mother, and that one kid was probably more than enough for her. 

“I did too,” Dean said. 

Sam looked at the older boy. “You did?”

“Yeah, I asked my mom once why I didn’t have any siblings, but that question seemed to make her so sad that I never dared to bring up the subject again. I think my parents were having some fertility problems. Of course they never said anything, but one of my mom’s friends once told me that my mom and dad had gotten some help from a nice doctor at a clinic,” Dean said. 

“Did you ever feel lonely growing up?” Sam asked. 

Dean shrugged. “Not really. My mom stayed at home with me, and she was the best at coming up with games to play,” he looked over at Sam, who was biting his lip, “Oh, shit I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized. Sam’s mother probably hadn’t played all that much with Sam. 

“It’s fine,” Sam smiled, “Your mom seemed like an amazing woman.”

“Yeah,” Dean smiled. “She’d have been a great mother to another baby. She’d never pick a favourite or anything like that. I never told her, but I had names picked out in case she got pregnant.”

“You did?” Sam smiled. 

“Yeah, Noah for a boy, and for a girl,” Dean paused and let out a chuckle, “Promise you won’t laugh.”

Sam nodded, urging for Dean to continue. 

“I was kind of obsessed with the ocean when I was a kid. I had never seen it, still haven’t, and I used to watch all these documentaries about the ocean and stuff. I was especially fascinated with coral reefs, so I figured that Coral would be cute for a girl,” Dean flushed with embarrassment. 

“Coral,” Sam whispered, “I think it’s very cute.”

They heard the front door slam downstairs and Sam breathed out in relief. Now that his father was home there would be no fooling around; one less thing for Sam to worry about.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a chapter filled with happiness, so it didn't feel right to post it tomorrow on Valentine's Day, so I managed to finish it today. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll continue to read after this chapter. 
> 
> Thank you also for all of the amazing comments, and all the kudos that you have left on this story. 
> 
> Since you are the readers, I'd like to hear your suggestions. Do you want several chapters of the pregnancy? Do you want to read about the doctor's appointments? Do you want to read about Sam going shopping for the baby? Or do you want me to skip all that stuff, and just get to the part where Dean returns? (Although, I have to write about the pregnancy, so Sam has to be alone for a while. But I can still skip some things if you want to.)

“So when are you planning on telling him?” Bobby asked straightforwardly. There was no need to beat around the bush. Sam was pregnant, and someone had to tell Dean that he was going to become a father.

Sam closed the door to the kitchen. The guest room was on the bottom floor, just like the kitchen, and even though Sam was pretty sure Dean was asleep, he didn’t want to take any chances. 

“You have got to tell him at some point Sam,” Bobby said, “Waiting won’t make things any easier.”

“I know,” Sam quietly admitted. 

“The offer still stands, I could talk to John for you,” Bobby decided to mention his offer again, in case Sam had changed his mind. 

Sam shook his head. He didn’t want that. John would probably yell at his son, and make everything even more stressful. 

“Okay then,” Bobby nodded. “By the way Sam, something came for you in the mail yesterday,” Bobby suddenly remembered the very big envelope that had arrived yesterday. When he had found it in the mailbox, his heart had jumped. He had felt proud, sad, and scared. But mostly proud. Then Sam had called from the hospital, and suddenly everything was changed. Bobby searched through yesterday’s mail and handed over the big envelope to his son with a shaky hand. 

Sam gasped when he noticed Stanford’s emblem printed on the envelope. “It’s the big envelope,” he nearly whispered. 

Bobby could only produce a small nod. 

Sam shook his head and threw the envelope on the kitchen table. 

“You’re not going to open it?” Bobby asked, chocked at his son’s behaviour. 

“It doesn’t matter what it says. It’s not like I can go,” Sam choked up. Stanford had been his dream for so long, getting out of Jacksville had been his goal. But then he met Dean, and staying in Jacksville suddenly didn’t seem so bad anymore, because staying in Jacksville meant that he could still see Dean. But now, as Sam stared at the big envelope from Stanford, he couldn’t help but cry. 

“Then I’ll open it,” Bobby said and tore the envelope open. He skimmed through it and audibly gulped. 

“What does it say?” Sam asked shakily. 

“You got in,” Bobby stated. 

Sam’s knees buckled and he had to sit down or else he’d fall. “I got in?” he had to ask, even though he had heard what his father had said. 

“At least now you know that you can get in. That your grades are good enough,” Bobby tried to find something positive, but it was difficult. Sam had been right, it didn’t matter if he got in or not, he still couldn’t go. Bobby picked up Sam’s hand. “You will go to Stanford one day Sam. Just because you can’t go now doesn’t mean that you never will.”

Sam tried to smile and nod, but he couldn’t. He was having a baby, he needed to find a job so he could support himself and his baby. College would probably never happen. 

“It’s going to happen,” Bobby assured his son. “You will be student at Stanford one day.”

Sam pulled his hand back. “I should go to bed,” he said and held his tears back. 

Bobby nodded weakly. “G’night Sam.”

-

“Good morning,” Sam smiled. Dean was already dressed, and he was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper. 

Dean looked up and smiled back. “Morning Sammy. Hope you don’t mind but I kind of ate most of the pancakes. But I have something that will hopefully make you forgive me,” Dean grinned mischievously as he placed a brown paper bag on the table. Something smelled wonderful, and Sam had to take a look inside the bag. 

“You went to the bakery?” Sam smiled as he picked up a freshly baked cinnamon roll from the bag. 

“I did,” Dean nodded. “It’s not every day your boyfriend gets into Stanford.”

Sam’s heart skipped a beat. “You know? How?”

“Found the letter,” Dean quickly explained. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. There were other, more important things that they needed to discuss, like the fact that they were going to be fathers in five months. 

Dean got up from his chair and pulled Sam in for a hug. “I’m proud of ya Sammy. Knew you had it in you. I’ve always said that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Now I just have to get over my fear of flying, so I can come and visit you. I’ll also send you money whenever I pick up an odd job here and there, so you can buy a flight ticket home.”

Sam was stunned. Dean had already planned everything. “I don’t know what to say,” Sam swallowed past the big lump in his throat. If only Dean would react in the same way when he found out about the pregnancy then Sam would be very, very happy. But that wouldn’t happen. An acceptance letter from Stanford was something Dean could deal with. A pregnancy? Probably not. 

“This calls for a celebration,” Dean said and pulled Sam in for a kiss. 

Sam allowed himself to get lost in the moment, to just enjoy kissing Dean. Because who knew how long it would last? 

Everything would change between them once Dean found out about the pregnancy. 

They pulled back when the need for oxygen became too urgent. 

“I’m so happy for you,” Dean said and gently caressed Sam’s smooth cheek. 

Sam rested his head on Dean’s broad shoulder. Sam’s heart was pounding in his chest. What if Dean left? Then Sam would have to raise the baby on his own. But that didn’t scare him the most. No, what scared him the most was if Dean chose to stay out of guilt and started to resent Sam for tying him down, and forcing him to live the kind of life that he wasn’t happy with. 

Dean didn’t want kids now, not even in the next ten years. That was pretty obvious. But Dean also had a strong sense of moral, he’d never abandon Sam and the baby. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours,” Dean ran his fingers through Sam’s silky strands. 

“A lot,” Sam admitted. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was something. 

“I know it’s going to be hard, but we’re going to make it work,” Dean assured the younger boy. 

Sam knew that this would be a good moment to tell Dean the truth, but he couldn’t seem to get the words out. 

-

They spent the rest of the day cuddling on the couch, until Dean suggested that they should go outside and play some basketball. People always assumed that Sam would be a good basketball player because of his height, but that was far from the truth. Sam hated the sport, he’d always get balls thrown at him, and it almost always turned into a game of ‘who could hit the giant the most?’

But Dean was actually very good at teaching Sam how to dribble, shoot and block. Dean patiently explained everything and he even threw in a kiss every time Sam learned something new. 

When they got all sweaty they headed inside for some individual showers, much to Dean’s dismay. 

Then Dean surprised Sam by taking him out to dinner to celebrate. 

“We’ve gotta celebrate that you got into Stanford Sammy. It’s Stanford,” Dean emphasized the last word. 

-

“Unfortunately, this where we have to say goodbye,” Dean sighed. He had just driven Sam home from the restaurant, and they were standing on Sam’s front porch. 

“Oh,” Sam suddenly looked incredibly sad. 

It pained Dean to see Sam like that. “We’ll get together again,” he assured him, “Soon,” he added. 

Sam nodded wearily. 

“Hey,” Dean said and placed a finger underneath Sam’s chin. “I’m proud of you.”

Sam looked Dean in the eyes, but then quickly averted his gaze. He had been lying to Dean during the whole evening, the whole day even, and yesterday too. They had spent twenty-four hours together, and Sam still hadn’t told Dean the truth. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dean asked when he noticed that Sam couldn’t even look him straight in the eyes. 

“S’ nothing, really,” Sam shook his head. “Goodbye Dean,” he said and pressed his lips against Dean’s. 

“Night Sammy,” Dean quietly said and turned around and headed for his car. He had a sinking feeling in his gut that something was wrong, but he tried not to think about that. He pushed those thoughts aside, thinking that Sam was probably just nervous about what going to Stanford would do to their relationship. Dean promised himself that he’d keep on reminding Sam that their relationship was strong enough to last the move. 

-

“Did you tell him?” Bobby asked once Sam got inside. 

Sam closed the door behind him. “No, I didn’t,” he admitted. 

Bobby sighed. “You had all day to tell him Sam.”

“I know,” Sam slowly rubbed his temples. “I just wanted to enjoy the happiness while it lasted.”

“He’s not going to leave you, and if he does I’ll call John and have him talk some sense into his son,” Bobby told his son. 

“He’ll stay because he has to, not because he wants to,” Sam said, “It’ll be just like mom,” he slowly said. 

“Dean is nothing like your mother. She walked out on us. I haven’t known Dean for long, and I may not like him all that much right now, but I know that he is not going to walk out on his kid in the middle of the night,” Bobby said, “I remember that time he got badly wounded. When he arrived here, his only words were ‘Don’t let Sammy see me like this’. Even when he had wounds all over his body he still cared about you son.”

Sam half-smiled. Dean really was wonderful, which is why Sam knew that he had to give Dean the life that he wanted, because Dean deserved that much. “I can’t take hunting away from him.”

“Hunting?” Bobby angrily spat out. “Hunting is nothing compared to raising your own child. Any sane person would choose a baby over hunting.”

Sam shook his head. “We know how hunters are dad. We’ve had them over for years. They see hunting as a calling. It’s a lifestyle, and they need the adrenaline rush, they can’t go back to leading a normal life.”

“When I held you for the first time, everything else just faded away. Nothing would ever be as important as you are to me. Most parents feel that way, and Dean will feel it too.”

“What if Dean continues to hunt?” Sam asked. “He could do local hunts in the area. Then I’d have to stay up and wait for him. I don’t know if I could handle that. What if he quits? What if he gets unhappy here with me and the baby?”

“No sane parent is unhappy with raising their own child,” Bobby muttered. 

“Mom was,” Sam reminded his father once again that the parenting life wasn’t everyone’s dream.

“Leave your mother out of this,” Bobby snapped. 

“How could I?” Sam helplessly asked. “This is the exact same thing. Mom stayed out of guilt, until she couldn’t take it anymore and left. Dean doesn’t want this life. He wants to stay in motels, travel and hunt. He doesn’t want to be tied down. But he’s going to stay because he feels obligated to do so. Our relationship is going to suffer, our child will notice, just like I noticed how awful your marriage to mom was.”

Bobby silently rubbed his neck. It was naïve of him to believe that Sam had never noticed the tension in the house when Marcy had been living with them. Marcy had always said what she felt like saying, when she was unhappy she let everyone else know. Bobby had tried to keep Sam oblivious, but it had been impossible with Marcy’s emotional outbursts. 

“I don’t want to put my baby through that,” Sam cried. “Dean will never say anything to our kid, but kids aren’t stupid, they can tell when something’s wrong. Even if mom hadn’t told me how unhappy she was, I still would’ve noticed.”

Bobby let his son’s words sink in. As painful as they were to hear, Bobby knew that his son was right. Not everyone enjoyed the parenting life, and kids weren’t stupid. “What re you going to do?” he asked his son.

“Let him go,” Sam said. His heart was aching, and the tears were running down his cheeks, but deep down he knew that this was the only way. “I have to let him go dad,” Sam sobbed. “It’s for the best.”

Bobby pulled his son in for a hug. “Are you sure about this?”

“I can’t,” Sam cried into his father’s shoulder, “I can’t bring up my chi-ld,” his voice broke, “like that. I promised,” he gasped for air, “I promised I’d never to that to my child, and it’s not fair to Dean either.”

Bobby silently rubbed Sam’s back. He wanted to protest, wanted to call Dean himself and let him know the truth. Because truth to be told, Bobby had no idea how Sam was going to make it without Dean. Sam lit up every time Dean came to visit, and every time Dean left, Sam was a complete mess. But Bobby knew that Sam was right. No child deserved to grow up and feel unwanted. 

-

“I have to break up with Dean,” Sam said to Kyle. 

They were sitting in Kyle’s bedroom, trying to study. Well, Sam was trying to study while Kyle listened to music. 

Kyle turned off the music. “Has he done something to you?” 

Sam shook his head.

“Is it because you’re pregnant? Did he pressure you into putting the baby up for adoption or something like that?” Kyle was seething with anger. How could Dean treat Sam like that?

“No, no,” Sam quickly assured Kyle. “He doesn’t even know about the pregnancy, and I want to keep it that way.”

“Why?” Kyle demanded to know, “You’re not going to go through with all of this on your own. It takes two to make a baby Sam, when he slept with you he made a choice. I’m not just gonna let him walk out on you like this.”

“I am letting him walk away,” Sam explained, “He doesn’t want this life, and it’s best that he doesn’t know about the baby.”

Kyle shook his head in frustration. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why should you be alone with all of this?”

“Because I don’t mind,” Sam replied, “Sure, having a baby at seventeen wasn’t exactly part of my plan, but I’m going to make the best out of the situation. I’ve always wanted kids, I love kids. This baby just came a little early, that’s all,” he patted his stomach, “Dean, on the other hand, doesn’t want the regular life with the house, the kids, and the nine-to-five job.”

Sam hadn’t told Kyle much about Dean. All Kyle knew was that Dean liked to travel, and that he got restless and drove around and picked up work where he could find it. 

“What he wants shouldn’t matter. He got you pregnant, it’s time for him to step in and help you out, both financially and emotionally,” Kyle pointed out. 

“It’s going to be fine,” Sam said, “I’ve got my dad, and I’ve got some money in the bank, and my dad is going to buy the more expensive things that the baby will need, and I'll pay for the rest.”

As much as Sam wanted to be independent, he had realized that he had to allow his father to help him. Strollers were expensive, and when Bobby had offered to pay for one, Sam had been reluctant at first, but he eventually had to give in. 

“I think you’re making a mistake. Being a single parent is hard. I have a relative who’s a single parent, she’s ten years older than you are, and she’s still struggling to make things work.”

“I’ve already thought this through,” Sam said.

“Have you thought about how you are going to break up with him?” Kyle asked.

“Yeah,” Sam confessed in a low whisper. He couldn’t wait until the next time Dean showed up, because by that time he would be obviously pregnant. His baby bump had already gotten bigger, and he could no longer fit into his regular jeans. Thankfully no one at school had noticed yet, and the semester was almost over, and graduation was coming up. “I have to do it over the phone, and I have to come up with something good. Something that will drive him away for good.” 

“Shit Sam,” Kyle muttered, “I may not like it, but I’ll help you if you want to. Just come up with something quickly. I’ll be moving to Cali right after the graduation.”

Sam’s head snapped up. “You’re moving to California?”

“Yeah, my uncle is opening up his second restaurant there and he wants me to come and work for him,” Kyle smiled. 

Sam took a deep breath. “I think I have to take you up on that offer. I think I just got an idea, and I need your help,” he said and bit his lip. 

Stanford was in California. Kyle was going to California. If Sam told Dean that he was going to California with Kyle, Dean would be furious. It would definitely drive Dean away for good. 

“Like I said, I’ll help,” Kyle reminded his friend. 

-

Sam stared at the phone. He knew he had to make the call. The nausea suddenly got too strong, and he had to run to the bathroom and vomit again. It wasn’t due to morning sickness, no this was Sam’s nerves acting up. 

He gurgled some mouthwash and spat it out into the sink. He didn’t dare to look at himself in the mirror. Sleeping had been impossible lately, and Sam knew that he probably had dark circles underneath his eyes. His appetite was completely gone, but he still forced himself to eat so the baby would get some nutrition. 

The phone laid on his bed, Sam took a deep breath before he called Dean. 

“Hello?” Dean said with a sleepy voice. 

Sam’s heart hammered in his chest, and he couldn’t get any words out. 

“Sammy, that you?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Sam said as he bit back the tears. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, suddenly he seemed completely awake. 

“I don’t know,” Sam cried. He had written a long speech, but he couldn’t even look at the piece of paper so instead he crumpled into a ball and threw it into the trashcan. 

“Sammy, what’s wrong, you gotta tell me,” Dean urged.

“I can’t do this, we can’t do this,” Sam sobbed. “It’s all too much,” he frantically tried to remember what he had written in his speech, “The distance is too much. Stanford is in California.” He heard Dean sigh heavily. 

“Sam, we’ve talked about that. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Sam shook his head. “I can’t do this Dean,” he desperately cried, “We’re hardly ever seeing each other, and the distance isn’t that big now. What’s it going to be like when I live in California?” he challenged. “I can’t do this anymore,” Sam’s voice was shaking.

“So what? This is it?” Dean angrily spat out. “You’re just going to give up. After everything you’re giving up on our relationship just like that, because you can’t take it anymore?” 

Sam bit the inside of his cheek so hard he could feel the coppery taste of blood on his tongue. He had already come so far, he couldn’t give up now. “I’m sorry Dean,” he whispered. “I need something more stable than what we have. Kyle is moving to California to work at his uncle’s restaurant-“

“Kyle?!” Dean yelled. “This is about Kyle? You’re leaving me for him?!”

“I’m sorry,” Sam quietly whispered.

Then Dean hung up.

-

Dean smashed his phone against the wall. He wanted to yell, but he couldn’t. He felt so damn hollow. Tears were running down his cheeks, but he angrily wiped them away. He didn’t want to cry, he refused to cry. Sam had left him for Kyle. Dean wanted to be fucking angry, he wanted to break something, preferably a bone in Kyle’s body. 

But the tears cascaded down Dean’s cheeks, and he realized that as much as he wanted to be angry, he had no other choice than to let the sadness overtake him.

-

Sam cried and screamed into this pillow. He had known that it’d be difficult to break up with Dean, but this wasn’t difficult, this was pure torture. The pain was indescribable, and Sam had no idea if he’d ever get over it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've read all the comments that I got on the last chapter, and I'm going to compromise a little. There will be a few chapters about the rpegnancy, but I'm going to speed things up a little. 
> 
> Thanks for the input! :)

Whoever said that men can’t multitask, clearly hadn’t met Sam. 

Sam chewed on the end of his pen. So far he had written almost two pages, but he still wanted to add some more things, and maybe erase some. 

It was still so surreal, and Sam fought the urge to pinch himself. He was this year’s valedictorian, in just two days from now, he’d be giving his valedictorian speech in his cap and gown in front of his entire class and faculty. When his headmaster had told him that he had been selected, his first instinct had been to decline. He had never liked the spotlight, he had worked so hard for years to become invisible, and if he got up on that podium on their graduation day, he’d be anything but invisible. 

But maybe being visible wasn’t such a bad thing. He put his pen down and picked up his cell phone so he could continue to search the web for some natural home remedies for heartburn. Oh, the joys of pregnancy. 

He had already gone through morning sickness, stomach pains, feeling the urge to pee every ten minutes or so, and now he could add heartburn to the list of unpleasant things that had come with pregnancy. 

He felt a surge of pain in his back and inhaled sharply. Another thing to add to the list- back pains. It was during times like these that Sam really, really wished that he wasn’t alone. He would’ve loved a backrub right now. 

Of course a simple back rub wasn’t all he needed. Most of all he needed to be loved. He needed Dean. 

Sam needed Dean to just put his big, strong arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be fine, and that he was loved. 

The baby had kicked for the first time last week, and it had been the most amazing feeling that Sam had ever experienced. For a while he had just been sitting with his hands on his stomach, trying to feel every little movement. The tears had been running down his cheeks, and he had laughed every time he felt his baby kick. 

It was such an important moment that it needed to be shared with someone. But no one had been there. Bobby had been at work, and Sam had never felt so alone before. He wished that Dean could’ve been there to feel their little soccer player’s strong kicks. Tears of joy had quickly turned into tears of sadness. 

Sam picked up his pen again and stared at the piece of paper in front of him. He knew that he couldn’t blame it on the hormones when he started to cry. Instinctively, his hands went to his bump. The baby safely nestled inside of him was a reminder that he needed to keep going. 

“You make it all worth it. You know that, right?” Sam murmured while he rubbed his belly. Lately he had been talking more and more to his unborn baby. It made him feel less alone, and plus he was kind of hoping that the baby could hear him. “I love you so much,” he smiled. “Even though you’ve given me stretch marks,” he added and traced his fingertip over a red mark on his belly. The red marks were all over his belly, and at first he had freaked out, but now he had kind of gotten used to them. It didn’t matter whether he got stretch marks or not, no one was going to see him naked anyways, well expect for his doctor and the nurses. 

Sex was another thing that Sam missed. He missed the intimacy, missed the feeling of having Dean inside of him. Sam missed the noises that Dean used to make, and the way Dean looked at him while he pushed inside. 

Sam didn’t want to think about what Dean was up to. Dean had a habit of solving his problems with booze and nameless strangers in bars. 

Sam’s heart physically ached at the thought of Dean being with someone else. Someone else got to feel Dean touch them. Someone else got to experience the most intimate act with Dean. 

As much as Sam didn’t want to think about it, he couldn’t not think about it. Dean had probably moved on with not just someone else, but with several people. 

It hurt. It fucking hurt. Sam cried and clutched his pillow. He wanted to hug his teddy bear that Dean had given him, but Birthday Bear had moved into Sam’s closet. It was just too painful to have to look at something so closely connected to Dean. 

-

“I think we should slow down, take on less hunts,” John never thought he’d be the one to utter those words, but lately all they had been doing was hunting. They had taken on more hunts than they ever had before, and they were lacking sleep and energy. “I’m not twenty-one years old, son,” he reminded his son. 

“I could go without you,” Dean immediately said. 

“You’re not going on any hunts without me,” John sternly said. “Look, I know that you’re going through a rough time,” he said and this time he used a more gentle tone. 

“I’m not,” Dean snapped. 

“You are,” John persisted. “And as much as I appreciate that you’re not solving your problems by getting hammered at the nearest bar, I still don’t think all of these hunts are the answer to your problems.”

“I don’t have any problems,” Dean said through gritted teeth. 

“You’re gonna slip up if you don’t get enough sleep,” John ignored his son’s lies. 

“I haven’t so far,” Dean reminded his father. “Now, if you’d excuse me, I have a job to do,” he said and stood up. He was about to leave the motel room, when his dad stopped him. 

John gripped his son’s arm tightly. “I know how close you and Sam were, but I never realized just how much you loved him.”

Dean visibly tensed. It hurt. It still fucking hurt. This was one wound time would never be able to heal. 

“I wanted to let you know that I was proud of you,” John said, “And I still am,” he added. “You were in a committed relationship, you became a man son.”

“Too bad it was all for nothing,” Dean bit the inside of his cheek. 

“It wasn’t,” John shook his head, “You got to experience real love.”

“He left me dad,” Dean reminded his father. 

“He’s young, and when you’re young you make foolish choices,” John sighed heavily. “I was once young and stupid too.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t break up with mom,” Dean said. 

“No, I didn’t, but I spent too much time with my friends and I partied too much. I was making your mom sad, and I didn’t even realize how much I was hurting her,” John admitted. He had never told his son any of that before. 

“I’m sure you made it up to her,” Dean said quietly. 

“I did,” John half-smiled. “I showered her with love, and promised her that she was always going to come first. Then you came along, and you became a top priority as well.”

“Can I ask you something?” Dean nervously asked. There was something he really wanted to ask his father, but he wasn’t sure how his father would take it. 

John nodded. 

“Could you ever love again?” Dean asked. As far as he knew, his father had never even dated another woman. “I mean, I’d be okay with you dating. You know that.”

“Don’t want to,” John simply said. “Your mother was the one for me.”

“Sam was the one for me,” Dean almost whispered, “I thought I was done with the whole single-life. I thought that it was me and Sam, you know, forever.”

“You did everything you could,” John comforted his son. 

“No, I didn’t,” Deans shook his head. He had made Sam wait too many times. Sam wanted a normal life, and Dean couldn’t give him that. “You’re right,” Dean said, “We should take a quick break from hunting. I’ll go out tonight,” he said and put his jacket on before he headed out. 

-

“So we’re finding out if it’s a boy or a girl today?” Bobby asked. 

Sam nodded and patted his belly. So far the baby had been a little shy, but hopefully they’d be able to find out the gender of the baby today. Sam quickly glanced at the clock on the wall. They had been waiting for almost twenty minutes for Dr Andrews now, and the chairs in the waiting room were uncomfortable to say the least. Sam squirmed in his seat. 

“He’ll show up soon,” Bobby said as if he could’ve read his son’s mind. 

“I feel so big and uncomfortable,” Sam whined. He had been gaining a lot of weight lately. Thankfully he was still able to hide his bump. No one at school suspected a thing. 

“Have you finished your speech?” Bobby changed the subject. 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, “Now if only I can deliver it tomorrow.” Hopefully he wouldn’t stutter, blush, or make a complete fool of himself. 

“I’m proud of you,” Bobby said and squeezed Sam’s knee. 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Are you? Even though this happened?” he gestured towards his baby bump. 

“Even with that,” Bobby assured his son. 

“Sam Singer,” Dr Andrews said and both Singers looked up. 

Sam noticed that there was another doctor standing next to Dr Andrews. 

“Hi, I’m Dr Lawrence,” the young female doctor introduced herself and shook Sam’s hand. “Dr Andrews has informed me of the situation,” she kindly smiled. 

Sam felt a bit confused as Dr Lawrence escorted them all to an empty examination room. 

“Are you both going to be my doctors?” Sam asked once Dr Lawrence had closed the door to the room. 

Dr Andrews laughed and shook his head. “No, it would get kind of cramped in the delivery room,” he joked. “Dr Lawrence might be new here, but I can assure you that she will take good care of you. She has all the necessary experience and knowledge when it comes to male pregnancy.”

Dr Lawrence nodded. “I’ve had male patients before, and therefore Dr Andrews thought that it’d be best if he transferred you to my care,” she explained. 

Sam was astounded. “You’ve seen other pregnant men?” he asked. Since you had to have certain tests performed to see if you had the ability to get pregnant, there weren’t any real statistics on how many men that did have the ability. And since most men are straight, and they don’t see the need to have such a test done. 

So far, Sam had only seen pregnant men on TV, or on pregnancy blogs. He’d love to meet a man who were or had been pregnant, but the odds of running into a pregnant man in Jacksville were slim to none. 

“Yeah, I worked in New York for two years,” Dr Lawrence said as she took Sam’s blood pressure, “As much as I enjoyed living in the big city, I never really felt like I fitted in. All the stress, the crowds, the tall buildings, it just wasn’t for me.”

Sam half-smiled. A city as big as New York was probably too big for him, but it’d be nice to travel there, and find out if it really looks like it does in the movies.

“Now, Dr Andrews told me that you’d like to find out the gender of your baby,” Dr Lawrence said and let the transducer glide over Sam’s stomach.

“Yeah, but the baby is a little shy,” Sam smiled. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Dr Lawrence smiled back. 

She let the transducer glide over Sam’s stomach, until she finally grinned big. 

Sam eagerly turned towards the monitor. His baby looked so big now, and Sam gently touched the screen so he could trace the shape of his baby’s head. 

“It looks like you’re going to have a son Sam,” Dr Lawrence smiled. 

Sam’s eyes widened. “Really?” he smiled. He didn’t have a preference, he’d be just as happy if he was carrying a girl. 

“Thank god,” Bobby chuckled, “Means he can use all the baby clothes that Caleb’s son has grown out of.”

“Have you thought of any names?” Dr Lawrence curiously asked.

Sam nodded. “I think he’s going to be a little Noah.” The baby’s name had to be Noah. Sam’s initial plan had been to name the baby after Dean, but that would be too painful. The name Noah was the next best option.

“That’s a good, strong name,” Bobby nodded.

“Okay, so it’s going to be a little Noah Singer,” Dr Lawrence smiled as she wiped the gel of Sam’s stomach. 

Sam tried to remain happy, but deep down he felt sad that the baby’s last name wouldn’t be Winchester. 

“I’ll print out some sonograms for you,” Dr Lawrence said. 

-

Sam was shaking like crazy. This was it. This was his graduation day. He took a deep breath to calm down his nerves. The gown had been ironed and he carefully put it on. He looked at himself in the mirror. This was the moment that he had been waiting for since the first day of High school when some guys had decided that it’d be funny to stuff mud down his pants. Since that horrible first day Sam had counted down the days until his graduation, and the day was finally here now. It all seemed so surreal. 

He looked down and gently caressed his bump. “Good thing this gown covers you good,” he laughed. No one would be able to tell that he was pregnant in his loose fitting gown. 

“Picture time!” Bobby happily announced as he barged into his son’s room with camera in hand. 

“Dad, please not now,” Sam begged. 

“But your graduation day is today, so I have to take pictures today,” Bobby said and snapped a picture despite Sam’s protests. “Just smile for the camera.”

Sam did as he was told. He knew how much his father loved to take pictures of all of the important milestones in his son's life. 

“Got your speech?” Bobby asked.

“In here,” Sam tapped his head, “and in here,” he patted the pocket of his jeans underneath the gown. 

“All good,” Bobby nodded. “You feel alright son?” Bobby looked at Sam’s middle.

“Yeah, Noah’s being a good boy, he’s not kicking my bladder or anything like that,” Sam smiled. 

“Okay then,” Bobby smiled and placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder, “Let’s get this show on the road then.”

-

Dean woke up with a massive hangover and no memories whatsoever of last night. Well, there were some things he could remember, there had been drinks, lots of them. Then there had been a man with blond hair and a woman in a short dress with a deep cleavage. Fuck. Dean was alone in the bed, so he figured that he must’ve kicked them out at some point during the night. 

Used condoms littered the floor, and Dean almost stepped on one on his way to the bathroom.

“Shit,” he muttered when he saw his own reflection in the mirror. He had at least three visible marks on his body. Usually he never allowed people to give him hickeys or love bites or anything else that left a mark, so he must’ve been really drunk last night if he had made an exception. “What the..” he shook his head when he noticed that he had a hickey just below the collar bone. He didn't want the hickeys. He didn't want the physical reminders of what had happened last night. 

Unfortunately, the shower hadn’t helped erase the marks off his body, but the water did wash away the sweat and the dried come from his body. 

Sex had always made him feel good. It made him feel high, on top of the world and all that shit, but he didn’t feel that way now. He felt like crap. His cell phone beeped, and when he looked at the screen he felt ten times worse. Months ago he had made a note in his calendar, and now his phone beeped to remind him of that important event. It was Sam’s graduation day. 

“Fuck,” Deans swore loudly and punched his fist against the wall, almost making a hole in the thin wall. 

There was a necklace in his backpack. It was simple silver chain with a pendant in the form of a car that resembled his black Impala. It was a graduation gift for Sam, and Dean had thought that the pendant had been fitting since it’d remind Sam of Dean, and all of the miles Dean had travelled in his car just to get to Sam. 

Dean couldn’t bring himself to return the necklace. As much as he hated to see it every time he opened his backpack, he still couldn’t get rid of it. 

“Fuck,” Dean swore loudly again as he leaned his forehead against the wall. It hurt. It still fucking hurt everywhere. 

Nothing could take away the pain, no amount of booze could dull the pain in his heart. It didn’t matter how many people he fucked, it’d never be the same. Dean thought back to the days before he had even met Sam. Back when a couple of one night stands with strangers had been the highlight of his week. 

Last night hadn’t felt like the highlight of his week. Dean toyed with his phone. He desperately wanted to call Sam. He wanted to yell at Sam for ruining him, but he also wanted to know if Sam was nervous about the graduation ceremony. 

Dean wanted to know if Sam was the chosen valedictorian. Sam was smart, of course he was this year’s valedictorian. Dean just wished he could see Sam in his cap and gown getting that diploma. 

Kyle would be there. Kyle would hear Sam’s speech. Kyle would get to see Sam wearing his cap and gown. Kyle would be the one to put his arm around Sam when posing for pictures. Those pictures would end up in the family photo album. 

Dean's picture wouldn’t be in the Singers’ family photo album.

-

“I’m so proud of you son,” Bobby said and wiped away the tears before he pulled in his son for a bear hug. 

“Thank you dad,” Sam mumbled into his father’s shoulder. 

It was over. He had delivered his speech, he had gotten his diploma, and he had thrown his cap in the air. He had officially graduated from high school. 

“Let’s go home,” Bobby said and patted his son’s back. 

When they arrived home all of Bobby’s colleagues and their wives and kids were there, and they had put up balloons and banners. Caleb’s wife Cindy had baked a huge cake that looked delicious. 

“Congratulations Sam!” Cindy happily shouted and threw her arms around Sam. 

Sam hugged her back. There were fifteen people at his house, and Sam felt so grateful that they were all there to congratulate him, but he really wanted one other person to be there too. Sam held back the tears. Now was not the time to think about Dean. All of the people in the room had come to celebrate the joyous occasion, not to watch Sam cry. 

-

Most of the guests had already left, but Caleb and his wife Cindy had stayed and Sam was currently holding their son, four months old Jesse. 

“Hey you,” Sam smiled and kissed the baby’s nose. 

Jesse gurgled and laughed happily.

Sam’s heart fluttered and he felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside. In just a few months’ time, he’d have a baby of his own. A precious little baby that he could spoil with love. 

“You think I’m good at this?” Sam asked and rubbed Jesse’s back. “Think I’ll be this good with my own baby?”

As much as Sam was looking forward to having his own baby, he was still nervous that he wouldn’t be a good father. 

Sam inhaled Jesse’s baby scent. “You’re adorable, you do know that, right?” he laughed and kissed Jesse’s cheek. 

Jesse gave Sam a big gummy grin. 

In just a few months’ time, this would be Sam’s life. He’d get to sit and rock his baby to sleep every night, feed him, shower him with love, play with him, and see him smile. 

Cindy, Caleb and Bobby had been sitting on the porch and when they came back in Sam reluctantly handed over Jesse to Cindy. 

“Can I keep him for just a little while longer?” Sam pleaded. 

Caleb chuckled. “You’ll be giving him back to us once he start crying, or when he needs his diaper changed.”

Cindy elbowed her husband in the side. “Oh, shush, I think Sam would know what to do if Jesse started to cry.”

Sam smiled and gently caressed Jesse’s rosy cheek. 

“A few more months,” Cindy smiled and patted Sam’s stomach. 

“I know,” Sam smiled shyly. He hoped and prayed that he could give his baby everything he needed. 

-

“You look like you don’t want to be here,” a woman with long dark hair said to Dean. 

For the second night in a row, Dean was sitting in a bar. 

“Fight with the spouse?” the woman asked. 

“Not my spouse anymore,” Dean said gruffly. 

“But you want him or her to be?” the woman stated the obvious. 

“Yeah,” Dean admitted. As much as he wanted to be mad at Sam, he also wanted him back. 

“I’m Ally,” the woman introduced herself. 

“Dean Winchester,” Dean kissed Ally’s hand. 

Ally raised an eyebrow. “A gentleman? How nice.”

Dean chuckled. “I tried.”

Ally smiled. “And you succeeded,” she stirred her drink, “Now, tell me about this mysterious ex.”

Dean shook his head. “No, we’re not getting back together. He made it perfectly clear to me that he wanted someone else.”

“His loss is my gain,” Ally smiled, “Or do you play entirely for the other team?”

Dean smirked. “No, I don’t discriminate,” he playfully said and leaned in closer until his lips were almost touching Ally’s. He could feel her warm breath on his face. “Wanna get out of here?” he asked. Ally grabbed her purse. 

-

Sam pressed the palm of his hand on the side of his tummy and smiled happily as the baby kicked. “You can kick all you want now. I don’t have to hide it anymore,” he said. Sometimes Noah had kicked his insides pretty hard in the middle of class, and Sam had grimaced in pain. Sometimes his classmates noticed that, and Sam had quickly begun to rub his temples so he could pretend that he was grimacing in pain because he was having a headache. 

Noah kicked again, only this time much harder. “You’re really going at it,” Sam murmured. He should feel uncomfortable, his son was kicking like crazy, but Sam couldn’t be happier. The strong kicks made him feel less alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost time for baby Noah to enter the world. 
> 
> Thank you so much for leaving kudos and as usual I love reading your sweet comments, they mean so, so much to me. Thank you :)

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Bobby nervously scratched the back of his neck. He was determined to be the supportive parent, even though he was uncomfortable with the situation. 

“No, I can take a shower by myself,” Sam waved it off. 

“Sam, Dr Lawrence said that it’d be difficult to do it alone,” Bobby reminded his son of what the doctor had said. 

“Difficult, not impossible,” Sam retorted. As much as he appreciated his father’s help, he couldn’t accept it. It’d be too embarrassing. 

Sam had postponed the surgery for too long, and when Dr Lawrence called him up and sternly told him to come in, he had no other choice but to obey. 

He had just come home from the hospital, and there was now an opening between his legs. Sam wanted to be okay with the whole thing, he really did, but he wasn’t. Not at all. The surgery had gone well. Dr Lawrence had said that it’d be just a small procedure, and she had been right. Sam had gotten some local anaesthesia, and he hadn’t felt any pain at all. Sure, he did feel a bit sore afterwards, but it was still bearable. 

The difficult thing was to see it afterwards. Dr Lawrence had kindly explained how he should wash himself for the first week to avoid any kind of infection. Only problem was that Sam couldn’t see the opening between his legs without using a mirror. He was 30 weeks pregnant, and his stomach was just too big, and it was in the way.

He had gotten a whole book with information. Unfortunately, the information was for the partner. Apparently, every pregnant man had a partner that could help them take a shower. 

Sam knew that he wasn’t the only single parent in the world, but he sure felt like it. Dr Lawrence had sounded very apologetic when she had handed over the book to him. She had explained to him that it was the only book available right now. 

Sam grabbed the book and a small mirror before he went into the bathroom. ‘You can do this’, he repeated over and over again like a mantra until he finally believed in himself. 

-

“What the hell were you thinking?!” John banged his fist on the table. 

“I said I’m fine,” Dean coughed. The room was spinning around in circles, and he had to lean forward so he could rest his forehead against the table. 

“Hold still,” Cody ordered Dean, while he finished the last stitch on Dean’s arm. 

Dean took a swig from the bottle of vodka. The alcohol burned nicely in his throat. 

“You can’t go on hunts like that alone!” John yelled. 

“S’ fine,” Dean slurred. Damn, everything was really spinning around. 

“No, it’s not!” John said through gritted teeth. “You take off at the crack of dawn, you leave a damn note on the windshield of my car saying that you need some time alone. I thought you were going to a damn bar to get drunk, shoot some pool or whatever it is that you do. I never thought you’d be stupid enough to go on a week-long hunt on your own.”

“I’ve cleaned all of his wounds, and I’ve stitched him up. If the bleeding doesn’t stop, we’ll have to take him to the hospital,” Cody said and wiped away some blood from Dean’s arm. “Some of these wounds are pretty deep.”

Dean closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before he opened his eyes again. It was stupid of him to go on a hunt on his own. Not only was it stupid, it was downright dangerous. But when he found something suspicious in the newspaper he just got into his car and left without a second thought. 

The hunt took a lot longer than he had expected, and when he finally realized what he was dealing with he knew that he should call for backup, but for some reason he didn’t. He wanted to do it on his own. 

Lately, his father and other fellow hunters had started to look at him differently. They were all looking at him like they felt sorry for him. 

Dean didn’t want their pity. He decided that enough was enough and so he went on a hunt on his own. Fortunately, Cody and some other fellow hunters were on the exact same hunt, only difference was that Dean was one step ahead of them. 

Dean didn’t dare to think about what could’ve happened if Cody hadn’t found him. Apparently, Cody had found the Impala, and he had broken in and found some of Dean’s maps and notes and they had been enough to trace Dean. 

Cody had appeared just in time. Well, if he had showed up an hour earlier that’d been great, because then Dean wouldn’t have a nasty cut all over his right arm. But with the help of Cody, Dean managed to finish the hunt. 

It was like one of those damn fairy tales, where everything just works out magically in the end. Although, in fairy tales the knight in shining armour always gets the love of his life and they live happily ever after. 

Dean was drunk, miserable and fucking alone. Not exactly a fairy tale ending. “I miss Sam,” he slurred. 

“I know,” John patted his son’s back. John knew why his son had pulled a crazy stunt like that. Dean wasn’t thinking straight. John had gone on numerous hunts alone in the beginning. At least a dozen of those hunt could’ve ended badly, but he hadn’t thought about the consequences. He had been driven by anger. He had let his emotions take over. 

“I love him dad,” Dean half-sobbed. “I fucking hate that I love him, but I do ya know,” he slurred, he knew he’d regret this in the morning, but he couldn’t stop the words that were coming out of his mouth. Drunken confessions were never his thing. Now, suddenly he was spilling his guts, saying everything that he didn’t want to say because it was fucking pathetic. Sam had gone off to sunny California with Kyle. Dean was drunk as fuck, bleeding, and fucking crying. 

“I know, son,” John repeated and rubbed his son’s back. True love takes time to get over, if you ever truly get over it that is. 

-

Sam blamed the crying on the pregnancy hormones. There was a picture in the book that Dr Lawrence had given him, and it was a picture of two men. The man who was pregnant looked at his partner fondly, and the partner had the exact same look in his eyes. 

“You can do this. You’re strong enough,” Sam mumbled to himself, but at the same time he knew that he was only fooling himself. He didn’t feel strong. He wanted Dean. Sam wanted Dean to look at him in the same way that the man in the picture had looked at his pregnant spouse. 

The baby kicked hard, and for a moment Sam just allowed himself to smile. “Hey buddy,” he smiled and touched the place where his son had just kicked. “Please forgive me,” Sam felt the tears burning behind his eyelids. The happiness that he had felt only a moment ago was gone. It was something he had thought about a lot. How would his son cope with growing up with only one parent? Sam wanted to give his son the best life, but what if he couldn’t do that? What if his son would feel abandoned by his other father? 

“Please forgive me,” Sam murmured, “You have to know that I love you so much, so much that it scares me. I love your father so much, and that’s why I had to let him go. I hope that one day you’ll understand why I did that.”

Sam knew that he had years to come up with something good to tell his son. He hated the idea of lying to his own child, but it had to be done. The only fake story that Sam had come up with so far was that Dean was a businessman who travelled a lot, not a complete lie, and Dean was too young and too scared to become a father so he had left. 

It felt wrong though, because it felt as if Sam was turning Dean into some bad guy. Hopefully, it’d take at least five years or so before little Noah starts to ask why he doesn’t have two parents. 

Sam woke up groggily two hours later. He figured that he must’ve fallen asleep while reading. Now he really needed to take a piss. The baby was sitting on his bladder. Sam liked to think that he was running to the bathroom, but in reality he was waddling. Lately, he had started to waddle everywhere. His dad had laughed at him the first time he saw him doing it. It wasn’t a mean laugh though, so Sam let it slide. 

After he had washed his hands, he took a good look at himself in the mirror. He was big, but he wasn’t going to whine about it. His little baby boy was going to be a big one. Dr Lawrence had promised Sam that he was ‘practically made for giving birth’. Apparently, Sam’s hips were wide, or good or something like that. Sam had just had surgery, and there had been about a million thoughts racing through his mind, so he hadn’t really been able to pay close attention to what Dr Lawrence had said. But he knew that she had something about his hips, and that he’d be able to give birth naturally. All good. 

Every now and then he snapped a picture of himself. He figured that it’d be nice to have some pictures of the pregnancy. Since it had been a while since his last picture, Sam decided to go and get his camera. 

He tried his best to smile genuinely. He wanted to remember this as a happy time in his life. With one hand on his stomach, and one hand holding the camera, he managed to snap a pretty good looking picture in front of the mirror. 

Then it kind of hit him that he was standing in front of a mirror and taking a picture. If Dean had been there, they wouldn’t need the mirror. Dean could’ve just snapped the picture. 

“Pull yourself together,” Sam said to himself. He took a deep breath as he let his own words sink in. 

-

Time passed, and Sam was a bit surprised when his dad came into his room one morning holding a birthday cake with eighteen candles in it. 

With everything else going on, Sam had almost forgotten his own birthday. But the day had come, and he was now an adult. Truth to be told, he was glad that he was now adult, instead of being a kid having a kid. It wasn’t something he had thought about really, until an older couple whispered to each other and stared at him in the waiting room at the hospital. He had come in for a simple routine check, and while he had been sitting in the waiting room, the older couple had pointed at him and whispered something about ‘kids having kids’. Apparently, Sam was a disgrace. Sam hadn’t known what to say. If Dean had been there, he’d known exactly what to say. Dean would probably yell at the older couple, and he’d order them to apologize. 

Sam had just been sitting there quietly. 

“One year older,” Bobby said, and Sam snapped back to the present. 

Sam smiled. “Yep, eighteen.”

“How does it feel to be a year older?” Bobby asked. It was the same question he asked every year. 

“Really good,” Sam said. Honestly, turning a year older had never felt so good. 

“Let’s have some cake then,” Bobby smiled. “I’m sure Noah wants some, or what do you say buddy?” Bobby patted Sam’s stomach. 

“I’m sure he’ll love it,” Sam couldn’t be more grateful that he has his dad’s support. It meant the world to him. 

-

“Someone was hungry,” Bobby chuckled as he watched his son helping himself to his fourth slice of birthday cake. 

“I’m eating for two,” Sam said through a mouthful of cake. 

“Yep, you are,” Bobby nodded. “Want some juice?”

“Mhmm,” Sam nodded and licked his fingers. “I can get it myself though,” he said as he didn’t like people doing things for him. It just didn’t seem right, that’s not how he had been raised. Usually, if he wanted something, he’d have to go and get it himself. 

“I’ll get it for ya son,” Bobby got up from his chair. 

Sam put his spoon down when he felt a strong pain in his abdomen. “Easy,” he mumbled as he patted his stomach. 

“You okay son?” Bobby asked as he noticed that his son was looking rather tense. 

“Yeah, s’ all good,” Sam waved it off. 

“You sure?” Bobby pressed, “You’re 38, almost 39 weeks pregnant. This could be early signs of labour, contractions or something.” Bobby nervously scratched his neck as he tried to remember what Marcy had gone through when she was pregnant with Sam. Marcy laboured for almost ten hours, and she had been clutching her tummy the whole time, much like Sam was doing right now. 

“I know,” Sam shakily admitted. He was hoping to get at least another week to prepare himself. He didn’t feel ready. Sure, in his room there was a crib, a newly-purchased dresser full of baby clothes, diapers, and a giant stuffed animal in the shape of a panda. Sam had even gone out and bought formula in case he couldn’t nurse his baby. 

He had everything the baby needed. But having a baby today still scared him. 

“We’ll just wait and see,” Bobby said and squeezed his son’s knee. 

Fortunately, there were no more contractions or whatever it was that Sam had felt earlier. 

Caleb, Cindy and little Jesse, who wasn’t so little anymore, came over to congratulate Sam on his birthday. 

Even Kyle showed up for a surprise visit. Sam had thrown his arms around Kyle before the poor guy had even made it through the front door. 

“Easy there big guy,” Kyle laughed as he hugged his friend back. 

“I didn’t know you’d be home before Christmas,” Sam grinned happily, he had really missed his friend. 

“My uncle hired some more people at the restaurant, and gave me some vacation time. I figured I could just come here, eat your cake and spend some time with this little fella,” Kyle said and patted Sam’s stomach. “He must be running out of room by now.”

“Yeah, I know,” Sam tried his best to keep his voice even, which was pretty hard since he was scared out of his mind. All this talk about labour made him feel slightly light-headed. 

Kyle must’ve sensed Sam’s change in mood, because he put his arm around him. “You’re gonna be one kick-ass father Sam,” Kyle promised his friend. “Plus, you’re totally hot. You’ll get so much attention at all the PTA meetings. Teachers will want to sleep with you. The other parents will want to sleep with you. The headmaster is probably going to fantasize about you too.”

Sam blushed heavily, he had almost forgotten how bad his friend was. 

“Don’t blush honey,” Kyle smirked, “We all know how this one was conceived,” he patted Sam’s stomach. 

Sam’s face turned even redder. 

“Oh, there’s cake,” Kyle clapped his hands excitedly as he noticed the big cake in the middle of the dining room table. 

-

Dean cleaned the cut on his arm. It wasn’t a nasty cut, but it was bleeding pretty badly. But for some reason he couldn’t feel any pain. He had never been the one to cry from physical pain, but he usually felt something. Right now he was just feeling numb. It definitely had its pros and its cons. 

It wasn’t like he wanted to feel the pain, but he wanted to feel something, and it kind of scared him that he was feeling so indifferent. Like nothing mattered anymore. 

He had stopped going to bars to get wasted and pick up strangers since he realized that sex and booze did nothing for him anymore. Sure, getting off had felt kind of nice, but right after he had come, the feeling of numbness returned. One of the guys that he had slept with had thought he was on drugs. Apparently, Dean had this hollow stare that made him look like a drug addict. Dean had never even touched drugs. 

“I can do that,” John offered and grabbed the peroxide and started to clean Dean’s wound. 

“It’s his birthday today,” Dean said. He had been thinking about it all day. Sam was turning eighteen today, and as much as Dean didn’t want to think about Sam, he couldn’t not. Not today. 

John just hummed something in return. 

-

“Fuck,” Sam swore loudly as a contraction wracked his body. There was no point in denying in anymore. He was having contractions, they were far apart though, so he still had some time to mentally prepare himself. “Another one,” he mumbled and gripped the edges of the kitchen table as another contraction coursed through his body. 

“You can do this,” Bobby said and massaged his son’s back. 

“Can I, really Dad?” Sam cried, “What if I can’t do this? The labour, the delivery, raising a baby on my own, what if I can’t do it?” 

“You’ll do great Sam, just like you always do, and you’re not alone,” Bobby assured his son. 

Sam felt his heart expand in his chest, and he smiled. “Thanks dad.”

“I’ll make us some sandwiches, looks like we’ve got a long night ahead of us,” Bobby said.


	17. Baby Noah's here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Noah is finally here. (Yay!)
> 
> Please keep in mind that I was very tired when I wrote this. My schedule has been extremely busy lately, and right now it's pretty late, but I still wanted to finish this chapter. There will probably be some mistakes that I'm going to try and correct tomorrow. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you'll enjoy this chapter. And as always, thank you for leaving comments and kudos. Thank you! :) Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Sam tried to inhale and exhale slowly as he gripped the edges of the hospital bed so hard that his knuckles turned white. 

When he had found out that he’d be the only pregnant man in the Lamaze class, he had told Dr Lawrence that he didn’t want to go. Dr Lawrence had tried to change Sam’s mind, but he had refused to listen to her. 

It was a decision that he definitely regretted now. Sure, Dr Lawrence had given him some books about giving birth, and even an instructional DVD, but Sam still felt like he had no idea what he was doing. What if he couldn’t do this?

“Another contraction?” Bobby asked. 

Sam shook his head. “No, just me freaking out.” He was having a baby, he shouldn’t be freaking out. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of his life, and here he was, having a nervous breakdown. He was an adult for crying out loud, he should be able to hold it together. 

“Well, that’s…uhm…,” Bobby looked away, he didn’t know what to say, or how to act. He knew that he couldn’t freak out, Sam needed him to stay calm, but damn it if Bobby didn’t feel like a nervous wreck on the inside. He was scared shitless. Everything happened so fast. It started out with some small contractions, then all of a sudden Sam was screaming out in pain, and they had no other choice but to drive to the hospital. 

Sam sensed his father’s mood. “Dad, you can go out and get some fresh air if you want to. Dr Lawrence said that the baby’s probably going to take some time.”

Dr Lawrence had come in and checked on Sam earlier, and said that he was seven centimetres dilated. Bobby had looked a little queasy, and Sam had also felt pretty darn uncomfortable with spreading his legs for Dr Lawrence with his father still in the room. There had been a blanket over Sam’s lap, so his father hadn’t seen a thing, but still, Sam had felt pretty darn uncomfortable. 

“Nah, I’m fine,” Bobby waved it off.

Sam raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Are you sure Dad?”

Bobby nodded absentmindedly. 

Sam knew that he wasn’t going to get a better answer than that. “Do you think I should’ve gone to that Lamaze class?” 

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m sure the class is great n’ all, but there are a lot of people in the world who haven’t gone to a Lamaze class, or even read a book about giving birth, and they still manage to give birth,” Bobby answered diplomatically. 

Sam nervously pulled at the threads in the blanket. “I keep thinking that I can’t do this,” he admitted in a low whisper. 

Bobby squeezed his son’s shoulder. “Sure you can. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ll do just fine.”

Sam looked up at his father and smiled at him. “Really?” Sam asked. 

“Really,” Bobby confirmed. 

“It’s going to be weird,” Sam mumbled, just to keep the conversation going, so that he wouldn’t get distracted by his own negative thoughts, “I’m glad I get to meet him soon, but it’s just weird. He has been inside of me for so long, and now I’m going to give birth to him, and he’s going to be like here.” Sam knew he was rambling, but it had just dawned on him that he wasn’t going to be pregnant anymore. No more kicks from the inside, no more ultrasounds, no more sonograms on the fridge. 

Sam started to cry. He wanted to be happy, he really did, but his hormones were playing tricks on him, and they sent him on some sort of an emotional rollercoaster. 

“Sam, are you in pain?” Bobby gently massaged Sam’s back. 

“No sono-grams on the fr-idge,” Sam hiccupped. 

“What?” Bobby asked. He had heard something about a fridge and sonograms, but he really couldn’t understand what his son was trying to say. 

“I said, that there aren’t going to be any more sonograms on out fridge,” Sam said, irritated that his father couldn’t understand what he was saying. Apparently, his hormones did not only make him cry, it also made him impatient. 

“But that’s a good thing, right?” Bobby asked confusedly, “I mean you get to hold your son soon.”

“But I love it when he kicks,” Sam was a crying mess now, “He’s my little soccer player. I know every parent says that, but my son really is a little soccer player.”

Bobby seemed unsure of what to say. 

“I’m going to be a good parent, right?” Sam tried to seek some confirmation. 

“The best,” Bobby answered truthfully, without any sign of apprehension. 

“Thank you dad,” Sam murmured. 

Then a contraction racked through his body. “Fuck,” Sam swore loudly. He clenched his jaw and gripped the edges of the bed again as he waited for the contraction to pass. 

It took a while, but the pain did eventually fade away. Sam tried to shift his position. Dr Lawrence had said that he should try to do that every now and then. 

“I think I’d like to just walk around the room,” Sam looked at his father for help. 

“Are you sure?” Bobby hesitated. He thought that Sam would be more comfortable if he just stayed in bed. 

“Yeah, I want to move a bit,” Sam said. 

Bobby helped his son out of bed, and together they slowly walked around the room. 

Sam felt another contraction, and the sharp, sudden pain almost made him double over. 

“I don’t want to do this,” Sam cried as he clutched his tummy. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“I’ll be over soon, and you’ll have your baby,” Bobby tried to comfort his son as best he could. 

“It hurts daddy,” Sam cried. 

Bobby’s heart clenched at the word ‘daddy’, Sam rarely called him that. “Do you want to go back to bed?” Bobby asked. 

Sam nodded weakly and his father led him to the bed. 

Sam screamed out in pain as another contraction went through his body. “I can’t do this, it hurts too much,” he cried. 

Dr Lawrence came into the room, and she was just about to ask how the patient was doing, when she noticed Sam crying and she got her answer. 

“I’m just going to check how far dilated you are,” Dr Lawrence washed her hands and put on some gloves. 

Sam let his legs fall apart, he was in too much pain to care anymore. It wasn’t like his father was going to look in that direction anyways. 

“Almost nine centimetres, you’ll be ready to start pushing soon. Things are progressing faster than we had anticipated.”

“I want drugs!” Sam screamed as another contraction hit him hard. So far he had refused any kind of pain relief, because needles freaked him out and he knew what an epidural looked like. He had seen it in the instructional DVD that Dr Lawrence had given him and he had nearly passed out. The thought of that long needle going into his back several times was enough to make Sam’s head spin. 

“We can give you something intravenously,” Dr Lawrence said and called for a nurse. 

“I want it,” Sam said trough gritted teeth. Beads of sweat were running down his face and he felt like he had to throw up. “Dad, the bucket, I need to-“

“I’ll get it,” Bobby quickly grabbed the bucket next to the bed and handed it to Sam, who emptied the contents of his stomach into it. 

Bobby watched as a nurse stuck an IV into Sam’s arm. Sam, who hated needles, barely even flinched, he was too busy crying and throwing up. 

The smell of vomit made Bobby’s head spin. He wasn’t some lightweight. He had seen countless wounded hunters, he had stitched them up, and he had seen a great number of hunters throw up from drinking too much alcohol in their attempts to dull the pain from their many wounds. 

But this was different. This was Sam, his son. His baby boy. The same little boy who used to climb into his father’s bed with a stuffed animal in hand. The same little boy who used to make up songs about the moon and the stars. The same little boy who Bobby had watched being born eighteen years ago. 

“I think,” Bobby paused to take a deep breath, “I think…fresh air..now.”

“I don’t understand,” Sam cried. 

“I have to get some air,” Bobby mumbled. 

“Now?” Sam’s eyes widened. “You can’t leave now dad. I’m about to have a baby,” he helplessly cried. 

“I’ll be quick,” Bobby said and left the room before Sam got any time to protest. 

Bobby half-ran, but he only made it half way to the exit, before Dr Lawrence caught up with him. 

“Mr Singer, would you please stop,” Dr Lawrence said out of breath. 

Bobby reluctantly stopped. “I don’t think I can be in there with him,” he confessed. It was painful to admit, and he was ashamed of himself. He was supposed to be the adult here. Sam was only eighteen, and scared out of his mind. Bobby hated that he couldn’t be the strong and supportive father that he so desperately wanted to be. 

“You can, and you will. Sam needs you,” Dr Lawrence reminded him.

“It’s different this time. I thought I knew what to expect. I was there when my ex-wife gave birth to Sam, and I thought that this time would be no different, but it is different. Sam is my son. He’s my baby, and he’s in so much pain, and it’s only going to get worse,” Bobby had to brace himself against the wall or else he’d fall apart. 

“Sam needs you in there,” Dr Lawrence reminded him once again. 

“I know,” Bobby admitted. 

“So let’s go back in there, and you can hold his hand,” Dr Lawrence said, “Watching someone you love go through all of that pain is difficult, I understand that. But the pain is only temporary, and when it’s over you’ll be a grandfather,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Didn’t think I’d be a grandpa so soon,” Bobby finally smiled. “I have to get back in there.”

“Alright then,” Dr Lawrence patted Bobby’s back. 

-

“Thank you for coming back,” Sam looked up at his dad. 

“I never should’ve left,” Bobby ran his fingers through his son’s sweat soaked hair. 

“It hurts daddy,” Sam cried and clutched at the fabric of his father’s sweater. 

“I know,” Bobby said sympathetically and kissed the top of Sam’s head. 

“Okay, get ready to push Sam,” Dr Lawrence ordered. 

Sam moved into position with a little help from his father and a nurse. 

This was it. 

Sam’s mind was spinning around in circles. His body was screaming for him to push, and he did. It burned. The pain burned so badly that it almost made him want to close his legs and push the baby back in, but something screamed at him to continue. 

“Push Sam,” Dr Lawrence ordered. 

Sam pushed and he knew that he was probably crushing his father’s hand, but he couldn’t help it. “Hurts,” he cried. 

“Rest for a while,” Dr Lawrence said.

Sam couldn’t form any words, but he looked at the bucket, and the nurse quickly picked it up and held it in front of him. A second later Sam threw up into the bucket. 

“Okay, I’m going to need you to push again,” Dr Lawrence ordered. 

“No, no,” Sam cried weakly, “I can’t do it,” he said, even though his body was already starting to push. 

“Yes, you can, I can see the baby’s head, come on now Sam,” Dr Lawrence urged for Sam to continue. 

Sam gathered his last strength and pushed. He screamed, he cried and he must’ve gained some superhuman strength, because soon he was pushing again. His body was working on pure instinct now, and those instincts told him to keep on pushing. 

It took one final push, before Sam could hear the loud cries of an infant. His infant. His baby. 

“My baby,” Sam said, in shock, as he watched the nurse clean the baby and clear his airways. 

“Here you go. Here’s your son,” the nurse said and handed over the crying baby to Sam. 

The baby wiggled in Sam’s arms and Sam was terrified that he was holding the baby too tightly. But the baby was so little, and Sam was afraid that if he held him too loosely, he’d drop him.

“Hi baby,” Sam could barely see his baby, the tears in his eyes were fogging up his vison. “Hi there, I’m your dad,” Sam cried and stroked his baby’s soft cheek. “Oh god, look at you, you’re so perfect.” The baby was still crying, but the cries weren’t so loud anymore. 

“Hey you,” Sam pressed a kiss to his son’s face. “You’re here,” he whispered into his son’s soft skin. Sam almost couldn’t believe it. He had a son. He was a father. 

“Oh god, you’re really here,” Sam wiped away his own tears with the back of his hand so he could take a proper look at his son. “My little Noah,” he said in awe. Noah was absolutely perfect. He had the most adorable chubby cheeks, the cutest little nose, the softest skin and he was the most beautiful baby Sam had ever seen. Even Noah’s cries sounded like music to Sam’s ears. 

Sam gently rocked his son, and just when Noah was starting to calm down, Sam felt the urge to push again. 

“Sam, why don’t you let grandpa hold little Noah while you deliver the placenta,” Dr Lawrence suggested. 

Bobby immediately took the baby out of his son’s arms.

-

Sam’s head fell back against the pillows. He felt like he had run a marathon. A part of him wanted to stay awake so he could cuddle with his son, and count his little toes and fingers, but a huge part of Sam also desperately needed to sleep. 

“Get some sleep Sam,” Bobby said and stroked his son’s hair. 

“You’re a mind reader, did you know that?” Sam mumbled drowsily. 

Bobby chuckled. “You look like you’re about to pass out, doesn’t take a mind reader to see that you need to get some shut-eye.”

“Can I hold my baby?” Sam asked. 

“You made him, you can hold him as much as you want,” Bobby smiled and placed baby Noah in Sam’s arms. 

Sam was fighting the urge to go to sleep. “Hi my little Noah,” Sam picked up his son’s little hand and kissed it. Noah looked up at him and blinked. 

“You have green eyes,” Sam stated. Noah’s eyes were truly beautiful. Sam felt like he was looking right into Dean’s eyes. “You have his hair too,” Sam mumbled as he touched his son’s blond hair. Sam had been born with dark hair, no-one in his family had blond hair. The blond hair on his son’s head was definitely all Dean. “I love you so much,” Sam said and kissed his son’s nose. Seeing so much of Dean in Noah wasn’t as hard as Sam thought it’d be. Naturally, Sam had known that the baby might look a lot like Dean, but baby Noah was like a small copy of his other father. It actually made Sam feel happy. He had gotten a small part of Dean back. 

“God, I can’t stop kissing him,” Sam laughed and placed a kiss on his son’s head. Sam’s heart was so full of love and adoration for the little bundle of joy in his arms. “I love you, I love you,” he repeated over and over again. 

This was unconditional love. Sam’s heart had grown ten sizes, and it was all because of the little baby in his arms.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who'll be returning in the next chapter... :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

Sam gathered all of his belongings and closed his suit case. 

“I could’ve done that,” Bobby said. 

Sam turned around and smiled at his father’s concern. “Dad, I’m fine, really,” he promised. He took a quick look around to make sure he didn’t forget anything. When he couldn’t find anything that was his, he nodded towards his father. “Ready to go?”

“I think I should be the one asking you that son,” Bobby frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay any longer?” As much as Bobby was looking forward to going home, he was also nervous that they were leaving the hospital too soon. Sam was only eighteen, and a first time parent, he couldn’t possibly be ready to leave the hospital after just two days. 

Sam nodded. “Dad, I’m going crazy here. Dr Lawrence and Nurse Anne have both been really kind, but there are other doctors and nurses here who aren’t always so nice to me.”

“What have they said to you?” Bobby demanded to know. Nobody treated his son disrespectfully. 

Sam shrugged. “They haven’t really said anything mean to me, it’s just the way they look at me. Like I’m the biggest screw-up ever.” Some of the nurses always sighed when they looked at him. At first Sam had thought that he was just sensitive or maybe he was just imagining things, but then he noticed the looks he received too, and when they talked to him everything they said sounded like snide comments. 

Sam hadn’t even been able to change his son’s diapers without one of the evil nurses breathing down his neck. They didn’t seem to think that Sam was capable of taking care of his own son. It was annoying to say the least. 

“Okay, we’re leaving,” Bobby nodded even though he didn’t think Sam should leave. Sam hadn’t done anything wrong, and he shouldn’t feel like he had to leave just because some nurses and doctors were incapable of treating their patients with respect. But Bobby decided to stay out of it, at least for now. If he started yelling, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and he’d probably make a big scene too. Personally, Bobby had no issues with that, but Sam had just given birth, and he needed to stay calm and stress free. 

“And the most important thing,” Sam smiled as he picked up his baby. “Can’t forget you,” he cooed and kissed the tip of Noah’s nose. 

As if on cue, Dr Lawrence came into the room. She didn’t exactly look happy. “Legally, I can’t keep you, but I would’ve preferred it if you had stayed for at least a day or two longer.”

“I know, but I just really want to go home,” Sam nervously chewed on his lip. He could almost hear Dean scolding him in his head. Dean always told him not to chew his lip off. Sam pushed all thoughts of Dean aside. Thinking about Dean almost always led to crying, and right now Sam needed to be strong. 

“Okay, fine,” Dr Lawrence breathed out. “But I want you to come back for regular check-ups, and you still have stiches so no strenuous activities. I don’t want you to lift anything heavy, and no sudden movements,” she said sternly, but her voice immediately softened when she noticed that Noah had woken up. “He’s so cute,” she smiled and gently rubbed Noah’s back. 

Sam smiled back. “Yeah, I think so too.”

Baby Noah yawned and blinked a couple of times, and Sam almost started crying because it was so damn adorable. His hormones were still all over the place. 

“You take care now Sam,” Dr Lawrence said and squeezed Sam’s arm. 

“I will,” Sam nodded. 

-

Walking into his bedroom with a baby in his arms definitely felt strange. Sam took a look around the room. It was still his room, but it had changed so much during the last few months. His desk had been removed so they could fit a crib instead. There was a new dresser filled with baby clothes. There were toys and stuffed animals lined up on a shelves on the wall. His book shelf was no longer filled with comic books and school books, instead it was full of baby books. 

Sam looked down at Noah, who had fallen asleep in his arms. “This is your home. Do you approve?” he whispered. Sam smiled and gently put his son down in his crib. 

The crib was as old as Sam, but it still did its job. Sam was exhausted, and he knew that he should probably take a nap now that Noah was resting, but something was stopping him. He couldn’t stop looking at his little bundle of joy. 

“Is he sleeping?” Bobby whispered, and Sam quickly spun around and noticed that his father was standing in the door frame. 

“Yeah, he is,” Sam replied in a whisper. 

“Then you should get some sleep too,” Bobby said. 

Sam nodded reluctantly. 

“Have you fed him?” Bobby asked. 

Sam nodded. 

“Then get some sleep,” Bobby said. 

Sam gently brushed the pad of his thumb over Noah’s rosy little cheek. Sam could feel his eyelids starting to droop, and he knew that his father was right, he should get some sleep. 

He pulled his shirt over his head and closed the curtains before he climbed into bed. As he stared up at the ceiling he realized how different everything was going to be from here on. But it was a good different, he decided and yawned before he closed his eyes and fell asleep. 

-

When he woke up an hour later it was to Noah’s piercing cries. Sam stood up on wobbly legs before he walked over to the crib. Noah was crying so hard that his face had turned completely red from exhaustion. 

“Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” Sam picked up his son and held him close to his chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Sam repeated over and over again while he gently rocked Noah. 

After several minutes of crying, Noah eventually calmed down. Sam was just about to breathe out a sigh of relief when Noah started crying again. 

“What do you want?” Sam helplessly asked. So far he had tried to feed his son, rock him back to sleep and at one point Sam had even sung a lullaby, but nothing had worked. 

“Please tell me what you want,” Sam desperately begged even though he knew that his son couldn’t answer him. 

Noah’s little hand touched Sam’s chest, and Sam grinned. It was official, his son was a genius. Noah was only a little over two days old, and he could already communicate. “So you are hungry after all?” Sam smiled down at his son. 

Nursing still felt weird. Sam had wanted to bottle feed his son, but Dr Lawrence had insisted that he should give nursing a go. 

Sam looked down at his chest, it didn’t look that much different, just a little swollen, it looked like he had been doing some pec-exercises at the gym. 

When Noah was done Sam burped him, and put him back in his crib. Seconds later Noah started crying. 

“So no sleeping, huh?” Sam sighed and picked up his son. 

-

Sam was exhausted, but for some reason his son wasn’t. Noah was wide awake and he heavily protested every time Sam tried to put him to bed. 

After his tenth attempt to put Noah to bed failed, Sam realized that he wasn’t going to win the battle. The house was eerily quiet, and Sam knew that his father must’ve gone to work. 

Sam knew that his father had been itching to go back to work. Bobby had taken a whole week off before Noah’s birth, and then two more days so he could stay with Sam and Noah at the hospital. 

Bobby had always loved working, and Sam was happy that his father had started working again, he really was. But Sam desperately needed a nap. He needed someone to just hold Noah for a couple of hours so he could get some sleep. 

For the first time Sam realized how lonely he was. His father had started working again. Kyle had gone back to California. Sam truly was alone. Well, not completely alone. He looked down at Noah. “We’re going to be fine, right?” Sam asked his son. His voice was shaking, and he desperately tried to hold the tears back. 

Sam knew that he shouldn’t think about Dean. It always made him cry, but he couldn’t help it. He needed Dean. 

Sam just needed Dean to hold him, and tell him that everything was going to be fine. Sam closed his eyes and pictured Dean standing there, smiling at him. In Sam’s head, Dean picked up Noah, and smiled at him, and then Dean told Sam to get some sleep. 

When Sam opened his eyes the image of Dean was gone. 

-

Being a single parent was hard, but as time went by, things started to get easier. Sam was still not getting enough sleep, but his body had started to get used to it. Bobby helped out as much as he could, and even Caleb and Cindy had come over a couple of times to babysit Noah, so Sam could go out for a walk and get some fresh air. 

Noah was now two months old and growing like weed. He was quite big for his age since he had inherited other daddy’s appetite. Dean loved food, and apparently so did his son. 

Sam blew a raspberry on his son’s tummy. Noah laughed and Sam grinned from ear to ear. He’d never get tired of hearing his son’s laugh. “Did you have good nap? He asked as he picked up his son. Noah made some cute noises. Sam held Noah close to his chest as he walked downstairs, and then made his way to the living room. 

“Dad, you’re spoiling him,” Sam said as he noticed that the pile of Christmas presents under the tree had grown over night. 

“He’s my first grandbaby, I’m allowed to spoil him a little,” Bobby said as he added two more presents to the pile. “It’s baby’s first Christmas,” he said and poked Noah in the side, something that caused Noah to giggle uncontrollably. 

Sam smiled softly. He didn’t know what he would’ve done without his father’s support. 

“Maybe we should let him open one present,” Bobby said. 

“Dad, it’s only the 20th,” Sam reminded his father. 

“You just had to ruin all the fun, didn’t ya?” Bobby muttered. 

Sam let out a chuckle as he looked down at his son. “Your grandpa is crazy, did you know that?” 

-

“So what do you want to do for Christmas?” John asked. 

Dean, who had just taken a sip of his coffee, nearly spewed it back out. 

“What?” John raised an eyebrow at his son’s behaviour. “It’s a simple question.”

“Dad, we never do anything for Christmas,” Dean reminded his father.

“Sure we do,” John protested.

“No, we don’t,” Dean said persistently. 

John was about to protest and bring up a memory of their last Christmas, when he realized that they had spent last Christmas at a rundown motel. They had just finished a long hunt, and they had spent the entire day sleeping. 

“Thinking about last Christmas?” Dean chuckled.

“Yep,” John nodded. “But I think it’s time for a new tradition, this year we celebrate Christmas.”

“That’s hardly a new tradition, people have celebrated Christmases for years Dad,” Dean teased. 

“A new tradition for us then,” John corrected himself. 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “And why the sudden interest in buying a tree and roasting a turkey?”

“You know,” John went over to the sink to rinse his coffee mug, “Things have been hard for you this year.”

Dean snorted. “So that’s what this is about?” he shook his head, he didn’t want his dad’s pity. “I got dumped, and now you want us to celebrate a normal Christmas so I don’t feel so bad anymore.”

“I’m trying here Dean, you gotta cut me some slack,” John threw his hands up in mock surrender. 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I know you are,” he admitted. 

“We could go out to eat, I’m sure we can find some place nice,” John suggested. 

“Do you think Sam will be home for Christmas?” Dean asked and immediately looked down, he couldn’t even look his father in the eyes when he talked about Sam. Dean felt pathetic. Sam had dumped him for another guy months ago. Dean knew that he should move on, not dwell on a guy who didn’t even want him back. “I know, it’s useless to think about stuff like that,” Dean admitted. He wanted to be strong, and he wanted to be the kind of son his father would be proud over. Right now he felt like a damn wreck.

John sighed. “There’s no way he’d let his old man spend Christmas alone.”

“So you think he’s in Jacksville right now?” Dean swallowed audibly. 

“Probably, yeah,” John nodded and pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his duffle bag. He poured them a glass each. 

Deans stared at the glass of whiskey in front of him. “I just want some answers. I just want to talk to him, find out what went wrong so I can move on,” he sighed. The breakup had been so sudden, and Dean was still left with so many unanswered questions. 

“What if he can’t give you any answers,” John said.

“It’s worth a try,” Dean said and grabbed his car keys. Jacksville was only two hours away. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he knew that it was probably a bad idea to go and visit Sam, but he had to do it. For months, Dean had tried to move on, but something was pulling him back into that dark, depressing place, and he was stuck. He didn’t know how to move on, and yeah, Sam might slam the door in his face, but Dean had to give it a try. He had to talk to Sam. 

-

“I’m just going over to Caleb and Cindy’s and deliver some Christmas presents,” Bobby said and put his jacket on. 

“But they’re coming over for Christmas,” Sam blinked in confusion. 

“Right,” Bobby said slowly. “Okay, me and Caleb are going to watch the game. Cindy’s visiting her parents, so it’s going to be-“

“Guys night?” Sam filled in. 

“Something like that,” Bobby mumbled. 

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Why did you feel like you had to lie about that?”

Bobby looked uncomfortable as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Noah’s been upset for hours. The timing’s shitty. I’m leaving you so I can watch some football game and drink beer with Caleb, while you’re here, trying to take care of Noah on your own.”

“Dad,” Sam smiled. “He’s my son, and my responsibility. You’re an awesome grandfather, you deserve to have some fun.”

“There are other games, I can call Caleb and-“

“Just go,” Sam ushered his father out the door. 

“Call me if you need me,” Bobby said. 

“Bye,” Sam said before he closed the door. Seconds later, he heard Noah’s cries from upstairs. “Coming,” Sam sighed as he started to walk up the stairs to his and Noah’s bedroom.


	19. The return of Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally returns. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought about this chapter in the comments. 
> 
> Hope you all have had a pleasant weekend.

Noah had finally fallen asleep and Sam felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. For some reason, Noah had been extremely fussy for several hours, and now that he had finally fallen asleep, Sam felt like he could breathe again. 

Sam loved his son with his whole heart, but it was nice to be able to get some peace and quiet. Sam couldn’t even remember the last time he had been able to just sit down and read a good book. The only books he had been reading lately were baby books. Not that they hadn’t been interesting, but Sam longed for a fictional book and a nice hot bath. 

Just as a precaution, Sam decided to stay in the room for a little while to make sure that Noah was indeed asleep. Sometimes even the faintest sounds would cause Noah to wake up before he had fallen into the next stage of sleep, that peaceful heavy slumber. 

Sam watched as Noah’s little chest rose and fell, and after about ten minutes, Sam figured that it was safe to leave the room. He grabbed the baby monitor and quietly made his way into his bathroom. It had been a long day, and he was so tired that he decided to skip the book and just go for the bath. 

Once the bathwater had reached just the right temperature, Sam climbed into the tub. He let out a slow moan as he relaxed his sore muscles. Cindy had been kind enough to give him a bottle of expensive bath oil as a push present, she had said that all parents deserved to be spoiled. At first, Sam had laughed, and thought that he’d never use it, he had even told Cindy to take the bottle back to the store and get her money back. But she had refused, and Sam had put the bottle of bath oil in a cupboard and never used it. Until now. 

Sam deeply inhaled the lovely scent of lavender. It sure was relaxing, and it smelt nice. He quickly glanced over at the baby monitor. Unfortunately, he couldn’t fully relax. He did have a cute little monster that could wake up at any moment. 

Kyle had been right when he had said that being a single parent would be hard. Sam had cried himself to sleep for so many nights, sometimes from exhaustion, and sometimes he just felt lonely. 

But then Noah smiled, or grabbed Sam’s finger, and Sam’s heart melted. But Sam would be lying if said that he didn’t miss the company of another adult. 

Sam’s days consisted of Noah, and baby-related stuff. Sam had definitely grown up a lot since he found out that he was expecting, and as much as he enjoyed being a parent, he also missed being a teenager. 

There were so many things that he had never gotten the chance to do. He had never been to a party, he had never gone to a football game, and he had never been able to be reckless. 

Growing up, he had always tried to make himself invisible. He learned at a young age that his mom wasn’t particularly interesting in playing with him, or even interacting with him. His dad had just started his own auto shop, and was always working. 

So Sam decided to be the good kid. He ate his vegetables, cleaned his room, and he never did anything that would make his parents upset. 

Sometimes, he’d see little kids at the store, or wherever, throwing temper tantrums, and their parents didn’t look at them like they hated them. Sam could remember how his mother had looked at him whenever he had disobeyed her. She’d look at him like he was the biggest mistake of her life. 

Now that Sam had his own child, he couldn’t help but wonder how any parent could abandon their own child. Sam loved his son to the moon and back, and he’d do anything to make sure Noah was safe and happy. 

Sam didn’t want his son to grow up thinking that his other father had abandoned him. Sam knew that Dean would never turn his back on his own son. 

There had been so many sleepless nights where Sam had just laid awake thinking about whether he should contact Dean or not. Dean deserved to know, and Noah deserved to have someone as amazing as Dean in his life. 

The water had gotten cold, and Sam got up. 

-

Once Dean caught the first glimpse of the sign that said ‘Welcome to Jacksville’, he choked up. He had driven past that sign so many times, but this time was the first time that he felt anxiety starting to build up inside of him as he drove past it. 

Seeing that welcome sign used to make him smile, because after the sign it usually took only two minutes to reach Sam’s house. But this time there wouldn’t be any hugging or kissing once Dean showed up. 

As Dean drove past the convenience store, he felt tempted to go in and buy himself some liquor in case things went bad at Sam’s house. Sam could refuse to open the door, and if that happened, Dean would need some strong liquor to drown his sorrows. 

Fuck that was pathetic. He was pathetic. Everything about the trip was messed up. Sam had dumped him for another man for crying out loud. Dean seriously considered turning the car back around and drive as far away from Jacksville as he possibly could. 

But he had made it this far, and he refused to give up now. 

-

Sam pulled on a pair of sleeping pants and a washed out t-shirt and went downstairs to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Lately, he hadn’t had much of an appetite, but he knew that it was important for him to eat so he could nurse his baby, so he grabbed some stuff from the fridge and decided to make an omelet. 

He was just in the process of cracking an egg into the pan when he heard the doorbell ring. Apparently his dad must’ve had a lot of fun at Caleb if he was so drunk that he couldn’t even unlock the door. 

Thankfully, the sound of the doorbell hadn’t woken Noah up, because no cries could be heard from upstairs. 

Sam opened the front door and was just about to tease his dad for being too drunk to find his own keys, but the person standing in front of him wasn’t his father. 

For a moment Sam lost the ability to speak. The person standing in front of him was no one other than Dean Winchester. 

“Sam, could I come in?” Dean asked, his voice was strained as if talking to Sam was painful. 

Sam panicked. They could talk downstairs, but what if Noah woke up and started crying? Should they sit on the front porch? But then Sam wouldn’t hear if Noah started crying, and Sam really didn’t want his son to be alone and crying without anyone coming to his aid. 

“I…uhm…,” he nervously chewed on his bottom lip. 

“Please,” Dean said. 

It pained Sam to see Dean like this. Dean was practically begging Sam to let him in. 

Sam nervously glanced towards the stairs leading up to the second floor. “Now is not a good time,” he mumbled. He discovered a pack of diapers next to the shoe rack, and he quickly moved so that it’d be impossible for Dean to look inside the house. 

“Do you have someone in there?” Dean asked when he noticed that Sam had moved, so his frame would cover whatever, or whoever was hiding in the back. 

Sam’s eyes widened for a split second before he shook his head violently. “No, I don’t.”

Dean angrily pushed the door open. “I think you do,” he snapped as he stormed inside. “Is it Kyle? Is he here?” Dean said and looked up at the second floor. 

“What are you doing?” Sam helplessly cried as he tried to block the stairs. 

“He is, isn’t he?” Dean yelled. “Good. Because I’d love to talk to him. Wanna tell him exactly what I think of guys who flirt with people who are in relationships.” 

“No, it’s not like that,” Sam was panicking now. 

“Sam, move,” Dean ordered. 

Sam tried to block the stairs as best as he could, but Dean was stronger and he easily pried Sam’s hands off the rail. 

“Please don’t,” Sam cried as Dean rushed upstairs, taking two steps at a time. 

“Is he in your bedroom?” Dean was seething with anger as he flung the door to Sam’s bedroom open. The door swung open and hit the wall so hard that it nearly broke. 

A second later a loud cry filled the bedroom. 

Dean, who had just been about to storm into the room, froze completely. He couldn’t move a muscle as he took in everything, the crib, the toys on the floor, the baby pictures on the wall, the big sign that said ‘Noah’ over the crib, and most importantly the cries that filled the room. 

Out of all things that Dean had expected to see when he had flung the door open, this was not it. 

Sam rushed over to the crib and picked up the baby. “It’s okay Noah, it’s okay,” Sam spoke soothingly to the baby. 

Dean still stood rooted to the spot. He looked over at the baby pictures on the wall. Growing up, Dean’s mother had always taking pictures, and there were a ton of pictures of Dean as a baby. Now, as Dean looked at the baby pictures on the wall, it was almost as if he was looking at pictures of himself as a baby. The resemblance was striking. 

The baby was still crying in Sam’s arms. Dean’s breathing turned shallow, and he was struggling to get the proper amount of oxygen that he needed into his lungs. 

Sam’s eyes were filled with concern. “Dean, are you okay?” he nervously whispered to the older boy. 

Dean leaned his back against the wall and tried to inhale and exhale normally. “Is he mine?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer. 

“I could never sleep with anyone but you,” Sam answered truthfully. There was no way that Sam could invite another man into his bed. 

“For how long have you kept this, him, from me?” Dean demanded to know. Now that his panic attack was over, all he could feel was anger towards Sam. 

Noah finally stopped crying and looked up at Sam. “I was already sixteen weeks along when I found out that I was pregnant,” Sam said, “Noah was born on the 24th of October.”

“The day after your birthday,” Dean stated more to himself. 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. 

“Did you really think I was going to be such a shitty father that you felt like you had to protect my own son from me?” Dean asked. 

“No, it wasn’t like that,” Sam shook his head. Dean’s accusation was so far off from the truth, and Sam wanted to explain everything, he just didn’t know where to start. 

“You’ve kept my own son from me,” Dean said through gritted teeth. On the inside he was fuming with anger, but he knew that he had to control himself or else he’d start shouting, and that was something he definitely didn’t want to do in the presence of a baby. Especially not his own baby. 

“I thought it was for the best,” Sam said so quietly that Dean had to strain his ears to hear it. 

“The best?” Dean spat out the words like Sam had said some kind of sick joke. “You thought that your best option was to let my son grow up without me?!” he involuntarily raised his voice. 

Noah immediately started crying again, and Dean felt a pang of guilt that he was the cause of those cries. 

It took a couple of minutes, but Sam eventually managed to calm Noah down. 

Dean took a few steps closer to Sam and Noah. “Can I hold him?” Dean’s voice was thick with emotion. He wanted nothing more than to just hold his son. 

Sam was unsure of what to do. Noah never liked being held by strangers, he always let out a loud wail in protest. 

“Please,” Dean begged. 

“Okay,” Sam nodded and hoped that Noah would just instantly fall in love with Dean. “Just remember to support his head,” he said before he placed Noah in Dean’s awaiting arms. 

Surprisingly, Noah didn’t cry at all. He whined a little, but it quickly stopped once Dean started rocking him lightly. 

Seeing Dean with Noah made Sam’s heart expand in his chest. This was what he had wanted for so long, for Noah to be held by his other father. Sam only wished that it could’ve happened under better circumstances. 

“Hey you,” Dean said and kissed Noah’s chubby cheeks. “I’m your dad,” he felt his eyes starting to well up as he looked down at his son. It was all so overwhelming. This was his son. Dean could no longer stop the tears from coming as he leaned down and pressed another kiss to his son’s head. “I promise you that I’m going to be the father that you deserve,” he whispered into Noah’s soft hair. Dean wanted to give Noah everything, and he was going to. 

Dean realized that his life would never be the same again. There was no way he could go out hunting for weeks and leave Noah. Dean had only held Noah for a few minutes, but he already felt a strong bond with his son. Everything would have to change. “I’m going to be here for you from now on,” he promised his son.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! I wish I could give you all a big hug.

“Why Sam?” Dean asked. “I need to know why you decided to keep my own son away from me?” he was struggling to keep his voice even. Dean would’ve never thought Sam would even be capable of such a betrayal. The Sam that Dean knew was kind, beautiful inside and out, and considerate of everyone’s feelings. Dean needed to know what had changed. 

Sam glanced down at the kitchen table. For the first time ever he wished Noah would let out a loud wail, because that would be a valid excuse for Sam to leave the table and the inevitable conversation with Dean. 

“Sam, I want an answer,” Dean demanded and banged his fist on the table, causing Sam to jump ten feet in the air. Dean didn’t care that he had scared the shit out of Sam. “He is my son!” Dean yelled. “I’m his father, I deserved a damn phone call.”

“I know,” Sam whispered, he could feel the tears burning behind his eyelids. 

Dean rubbed his temples as he tried to calm down. It was obvious that Sam was on the verge of tears, and Dean was mad and angry as fuck, but he wasn’t a heartless monster, he refused to be the cause of the tears in Sam’s eyes. “I want to know why, I need to know why,” he said again, only this time he used a slightly calmer tone. 

“You weren’t’ ready to become a dad,” Sam said so quietly that Dean almost didn’t hear it. 

“That was before there even was a baby,” Dean instantly replied. Being a dad at the age of 21 had never been the plan, but now that he was, he wanted to be a part of his son’s life. 

“I didn’t think you wanted this,” Sam mumbled. 

“You thought that I would abandon my own kid?” Dean spat out. 

“It’s just that,” Sam cried, “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that you didn’t want us to tie you down. I thought that we’d be standing in your way.”

Dean’s heart clenched in his chest. How could Sam think that he and Noah were a burden? Dean had loved Sam with all his heart, and Noah would be just as loved. 

“I really am sorry Dean. I thought I was doing what was best for all of us,” Sam bit his lip.

“By denying Noah his own father?” Dean stated. 

“I,” Sam swallowed audibly, “I wanted him to have the best childhood, and of course I wanted you to be included. You are an amazing person, and I wanted Noah to get to know you.”

“You’ve had months to call Sam,” Dean reminded the younger boy. 

“Like I said, I thought that you weren’t ready for all of this,” Sam said. 

“I want to get to know him,” Dean said in a firm voice, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. “I’ll find somewhere to stay for the night, and I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“You can stay here, the guest room is yours if you want it,” Sam suggested. He wasn’t sure what his father would say, but Sam didn’t want Dean to leave. 

Dean looked like he was actually considering for a while. “No, I’ll find a motel, or something,” he said and looked away. 

“Do you really hate me that much that you can’t stand being near me?” Sam’s voice thickened with emotion.

Dean let out a sigh. “Hate you?” he shook his head. “I came back here to tell you that I love you, and that I wanted you back.” There was an unmistakable glimmer of hope in Sam’s eyes, and Dean instantly regretted what he had just said. He didn’t want to lift Sam’s hopes like that. A few hours ago, Dean would’ve done just about anything to get back together with Sam, but everything had changed now. Now, all Dean saw when he looked at Sam was betrayal. 

“I have never stopped loving you,” Sam told Dean. 

“You have a funny way of showing it,” was all Dean said before he got up and left. 

-

“So he knows?” Bobby said. 

Sam nodded through the tears. He hadn’t been able to stop crying ever since his father had gotten home. Sam lost the ability to hold his tears back any longer the moment his father stepped through the front door. He had cried and hiccupped, and he was shocked but grateful that his father had even understood what he had been saying when he had explained everything that had happened. 

“He has every right to be angry, but I won’t having him yelling at you,” Bobby didn’t not accept that kind of behaviour. “If you’re this upset, I can only imagine what he has said to you.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Sam waved it off. 

“It’s not fine, and I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Bobby stood his ground. 

“He didn’t do anything that I didn’t feel like I deserved,” Sam wiped away his tears. 

Bobby sighed and gently rubbed his son’s back. “Get some sleep Sam. We’ll talk some more in the morning.”

-

Dean was working on autopilot. He got up, brushed his teeth, took a shower, got dressed, and bought some junk from the motel’s vending machine for breakfast, before he headed over to Sam’s. There were a million thoughts running around in Dean’s head. He knew he had to call his father. Preferably yesterday. They had a big hunt coming up, and Dean knew that it’d be tough to get out if it now. It wasn’t a one-person’s hunt, it required at least two people. He needed a replacement. 

So Dean called the only person he could think of- Cody. The call went straight to voicemail, and Dean let out a silent curse and turned the car back around. 

He parked the car at the motel’s parking lot. This was not a conversation he could have while he was driving. He took a deep breath before he called his father. 

“Where are you?” was the first thing John Winchester asked. 

“At a motel,” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to think of the best way to break the news to his father. 

“We have to leave in one hour, are you still in Jacksville?” 

Dean could practically hear the accusation in his father’s voice. They had agreed to leave early in the morning for the hunt. “Things have changed dad,” Dean replied. Changed in ways his father could never dream of. “Turns out that Sam has kept something, or someone actually, from me.”

“Spit it out son, I ain’t got time for this,” John was getting rather impatient. 

“I have a son dad,” Dean said, “I got Sam pregnant, and he had the baby about two months ago.”

There was a long silence, and for a second Dean almost thought that his father had hung up on him. 

“You will do what’s right Dean,” his father said sternly. 

“Yeah, I’m going to be there for him,” Dean said.

“Good. I have a friend who will marry you.”

Dean almost dropped the phone. “What?” he spat out. “I can’t marry Sam.”

“Dean, I raised you better than that,” his father nearly shouted. “You got the boy pregnant, you will take your responsibility and do what’s right.”

“Dad, Sam and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms. The pregnancy, the baby, he kept it all a secret from me,” Dean explained the situation quickly. 

“Did you get him pregnant?” 

“Yes, but-” Dean answered tiredly. 

“That’s all that matters right now,” his father cut him off. “Listen Dean, I don’t have time for this. I’ll give my friend a call, and I’ll get back to you later.”

Dean was just about to protest, when he heard the familiar click. His father had hung up on him.

“Fuck,” Dean yelled out and hit the steering wheel a couple of times. Marrying Sam was not the plan. Dean felt like no one gave a shit what he wanted. Everyone else was making decisions for him. 

-

“Don’t you have to get to work?” Sam asked. He was just coming down for breakfast, with Noah on his arm, when he spotted his father at the kitchen table. It was eight o’ clock, and his father usually started working at seven. 

Bobby put his newspaper down. “I want to be here when Dean shows up. Just want to talk to him,” he said. Truth to be told, Bobby wanted to have a serious talk with Dean. Dean had every reason to be angry with Sam, but Bobby did not want a repeat of the day before. It had taken several hours to get Sam to calm down. Bobby refused to let Dean yell at Sam like that. 

Sam nodded absentmindedly. Noah had been quite fussy ever since he woke up. Feeding him had been a struggle, leaving them both in tears. “Could you hold him for a sec?” Sam asked. 

“Give him to me,” Bobby said and held out his hands. 

The exchange didn’t exactly go as smoothly as Sam had hoped it would; Noah started crying as soon as he was put in his grandfather’s arms. 

“Someone is a little cranky this morning,” Bobby chuckled as he slowly rocked Noah is his arms. 

“I could take him,” Sam said. Noah was his son, and his responsibility. 

“I’ve got him, get some breakfast son,” Bobby said. 

Sam bit his lip, unsure of what to do. His stomach was growling, but he didn’t want to eat until Noah had calmed down. 

“Sam, eat,” Bobby ordered, “I’ve got this.”

“Okay,” Sam mumbled and put two slices of bread into the toaster while he cast a nervous glance towards his son, who was still crying. 

Noah’s wails got even louder, so loud that Sam almost didn’t hear the sound of the doorbell. Whoever was at the door rang the bell several more times. 

Sam jogged over to the front door, and when he opened it, he wasn’t exactly surprised to see Dean standing there. It was as if Sam’s life couldn’t get more stressful. 

“I hear he’s awake,” Dean said. He had heard Noah’s cries through the thin door. 

“Yeah, he is,” Sam mumbled and held the door open so Dean could come in. 

Dean felt like he was imposing. Neither Sam nor Bobby wanted him there. But Dean wasn’t going to let that stop him from seeing his son. 

“He’s kinda cranky this morning,” Sam fiddled with the hem of his shirt. It was strange, standing opposite Dean, and not knowing how to behave. They used to greet each other with hugs and kisses, and now that Sam couldn’t do that anymore, he didn’t know how to greet Dean. 

“Could I give it a try?” Dean asked. He didn’t really have much experience with babies. None, actually. But he wanted to hold his son again. 

“He’s upset, and I don’t think a stranger-“Sam stopped as soon as he realized what he had just said. 

Dean felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He was a stranger. His own son didn’t know him.

Sam violently shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that he’s upset and he doesn’t know you yet.” He wanted to take it all back, but the damage was already done. Dean looked like a kicked puppy, and Sam bit his lip so hard that it hurt. 

“No, you’re right, he doesn’t know me,” Dean said. 

Sam could hear the pain in Dean’s voice. “But he’ll get to know you,” Sam promised. 

-

Once Noah had finally calmed down, Sam had taken him upstairs to give him a bath. Dean had wanted to tag along, but Bobby had stopped him. 

“You’re angry, and I get that,” Bobby stated. “But my son was a mess last night. I don’t know what you said to him, because he won’t tell me. Let me set one thing straight here, you will never hurt my son. Do you hear me?”

Dean wanted to snort something about how Sam had kept Noah from him, but he decided not to. Bobby could easily convince Sam not to let Dean inside of the house ever again. “I got it,” Dean said instead. 

“Good,” Bobby nodded.

“I know that you weren’t exactly my biggest supporter, and I was fine with that. I am four years older than your son, and I used to hook up with a lot of people in bars before I met your son. But I can assure you that I have never intentionally tried to hurt your son. I never ever looked at another man or woman while I was in a relationship with Sam,” Dean took a deep breath to compose himself before he continued. 

“I thought that you, of all people, would know what it’s like for kids who get abandoned by their parents. You’ve watched Sam grow up without a mother. She left him, and you and I both know that Sam hasn’t recovered from that. Why would you let that happen to Noah?” Dean needed to know. 

Bobby let out a sigh. “I didn’t like it, I’ll tell you that,” he admitted. “But yeah, I do know how much Sam has suffered ever since his mom walked out on him,” he let out a sigh before he continued, “I haven’t told Sam this, and I trust you not to tell him either,” he said as a warning. 

Dean dutifully nodded. 

“Marcy never wanted to be a mother. Sam was a happy accident. When Sam told me that you didn’t want to be father, at least not now, I thought back to the moment Marcy left. As far as Sam knows, Marcy left in the middle of the night when he and I were asleep. That’s not truth. I was awake, and I told her to go if she hated her life with us so much,” Bobby let out a heavy sigh, “You know the rest. She left.”

“I’d never leave Sam and Noah,” Dean said. 

“I regret one thing,” Bobby confessed, “I regret that I didn’t tell her to leave earlier. If she had left when Sam was a baby, he’d have no memories of her. I think that’d be easier for him that way. But I didn’t do that. I dragged it out for eight years.”

“So you thought that it’d be easier if Noah never got to know me?” Dean filled in the blanks. 

Bobby nodded. 

“I’m not going to leave,” Dean promised. “My relationship with Sam may be over, but I’m never going to leave my son.”

“Sam loves you, you know. But he thinks that you hate him now,” Bobby knew that he probably shouldn’t share that bit of information with Dean, but Bobby felt like he had to. Sam loved Dean so much, and it had been difficult for Bobby to see his son so miserable ever since the breakup. 

“For what it’s worth, I still love him too,” Dean admitted. “I’m mad at him, but I can’t hate him. I don’t think I could ever hate him.”

“That’s good to know,” Bobby patted Dean’s back. “I have to get to work. Take care of my boys.”

“I will,” Dean smiled. The talk that he had had with Bobby had been much appreciated. Now he knew why Bobby hadn’t called to inform him of Noah’s existence. 

-

Dean held his son. “Hey there big guy,” he said and smiled at his son. Noah blinked a couple of times and his mouth turned into the shape of an “o”. He looked so adorably confused that Dean couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. 

“He likes you,” Sam, who had been watching from afar slowly walked up to Dean and Noah. 

“What makes him smile?” Dean would give anything to see a gummy smile from his son. 

“This,” Sam smiled and leaned down and blew a raspberry on Noah’s stomach. The reaction was instantaneous, Noah grinned and he started kicking his chubby little legs. 

The sight almost melted Dean’s heart, actually scratch that, his heart melted. Period. For a second he completely forgot that he was mad at Sam. It was as if all anger had just vanished, but then Dean remembered that if it had been up to Sam this moment would never exist. Dean would never get to see his son smile. The feeling of anger suddenly came back, and Dean knew that he had to get out of the house before he started saying things he’d regret later. 

“Is it okay if I take him outside for a walk?” Dean asked. 

Sam nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do,” he quickly assured Dean. “It’s just that I’d be more comfortable if you guys stayed here.” Sam guessed that Dean probably didn’t have much experience with babies, and therefore Sam felt like he should be a supervisor, at least for now. 

“We’ll just take a small walk around the neighbourhood,” Dean said, “Jacksville is so small that we’ll be back before you know it,” he used some humor to lighten the mood. 

“Okay,” Sam agreed and hoped that he was making the right decision. “But he needs way more layers of clothing. It’s cold outside.”

“I know,” Dean nodded. 

“And keep your cell phone on,” Sam could literally feel his heart pounding in his chest. Truth to be told, he was scared. Scared that Dean would run away with Noah. That Dean was mad at Sam, and kidnapping Noah would be the ultimate revenge. 

“It’s on,” Dean assured the younger boy. 

-

Sam was going crazy. Dean and Noah had only been gone for less than twenty minutes, but it felt like an eternity since they had left. 

Instead of just sitting on the couch and just let the anxiety build up inside of him, Sam decided to be productive. 

He went upstairs to his bedroom and started searching for photos. Dean had missed so much, but luckily there were a lot of pictures to fill in the blanks. 

Half-an-hour later, Sam had put together a photo album for Dean. All the anxiety that Sam had gone through earlier was gone. Keeping busy had certainly helped. 

“We’re back!” Dean hollered from downstairs. 

Sam grabbed the photo album and headed downstairs. “Did you have a good walk?” he asked as he was walking down the stairs. 

“Yeah, we did. We saw some birds. This little guy was fascinated,” Dean chuckled and kissed Noah’s cheek. The walk had been great. It had helped Dean clear his thoughts, and he felt better now that he had spent some time alone with Noah. 

“He’s an animal lover,” Sam said. Noah seemed to love most animals, even Caleb’s big husky. 

“What’s that?” Dean asked when he noticed that Sam was holding something. 

“Oh, this?” Sam held up the photo album so Dean could see it properly. “It’s just some pictures that I’ve put together. There are some from right after the birth.”

“I’d love to see them,” Dean said. 

“There are, uhm, some pictures of me while I was pregnant in there. I figured that you might want to see some pictures of the pregnancy, but if you only want pictures of Noah, I could just take out the pictures of me,” Sam whispered quietly. He feared that Dean wouldn’t want to see any pictures of him. That Dean hated him that much. 

“No, don’t do that,” Dean immediately protested, “Of course I want to see some pregnancy pics.”

A small smile played over Sam’s lips. “I also have some video clips on my laptop if you want to see.”

Dean eyes widened. “You do? Do you have anything from when Noah was born?” he smiled at the thought of seeing his son being born, even if it was just a video clip. 

The excitement was so evident in Dean’s voice that Sam felt like a horrible person when he shook his head. “My dad was in the room with me, and I don’t think that he wanted to film something like that. I didn’t want him to see that either.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Dean’s smile faltered. He’d never get to see his son come into the world. Suddenly the air seemed too thick to breathe, but Dean forced himself to inhale and exhale slowly. 

“I’m sorry Dean,” Sam apologized. 

Dean tried his best to swallow past the lump in his throat. “So how about that photo album?” he decided to change the subject. 

-

The photo of a one-minute-old Noah truly captured Dean’s heart. Noah was all red and wrinkly, and he was the cutest little guy that Dean had ever seen. 

Using the tip of his finger, he gently touched the photo, and he traced the contours of his son’s face. A teardrop landed on the photo, and Dean instantly wiped it away, afraid that it’d ruin the photo completely. He knew that the pictures in the photo album would most likely bring tears to his eyes, so he had locked himself up in Sam's guest room so he could get some privacy. 

Dean put the photo album down, he still had a few more photos to look at, but he decided that he wanted to save those for later. 

Sam knocked on the door, and Dean wiped away his tears before he opened the door and let Sam in. 

“I found those clips I mentioned earlier,” Sam said and held up his laptop. 

“Could I maybe watch them tomorrow?” Dean asked. Seeing photos from Noah’s first days had really warmed Dean’s heart, but as much as he loved the photos, they also reminded him that he hadn’t been there. He should’ve been in the photos. He should’ve been the one holding Sam’s hand through the entire labour process, he should’ve been the one cutting the umbilical cord, and he should’ve been there so he could be thanking Sam for giving him a baby. 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam said. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, is there anything you need?” Dean asked. Sam shouldn’t have to pay for everything. Dean had some money saved up, he had been saving up for a plane ticket to California so he could visit Sam at Stanford. “I noticed that you don’t have a changing table.”

“It’s fine, I usually put a towel on a table, or on my bed. It works,” Sam shrugged.

“I’ll buy a changing table tomorrow,” Dean promised. He took a deep breath to compose himself, there was something he really wanted to say, and he didn’t want to postpone it any longer. “Thank you Sam,” he said and looked the younger boy straight in the eyes. 

Sam frowned. “What for?”

“For keeping him, for bringing him into the world, and for being an amazing parent,” Dean still hadn’t forgiven Sam for keeping Noah a secret, but Dean would be lying if he said that Sam wasn’t an amazing parent. Sam was probably born to be a parent, he was loving, caring and always greeted Noah with a big smile, even now that Sam was clearly exhausted, and had bags underneath his eyes from lack of sleep, he still lit up every time he picked up Noah. 

Noah had screamed on and off for hours, and Dean hadn’t seen Sam lose his temper. Not once. Sam had almost started crying at one point, thinking that he was the one to blame for Noah’s cries. 

Sam nearly dropped his jaw. “I don’t know what to sa-y,” he stuttered out. “Thank you so much,” he blushed heavily from all the praise. He hadn’t expected Dean to say something like that. “From what I’ve seen so far, you’re an amazing parent too.” It was true. Dean and Noah had instantly bonded. Sam had never seen Noah fall in love with anyone so quickly before. 

“I hope I am, I try to be,” Dean smiled. 

Sam smiled back, and it took every ounce of his willpower to keep himself from throwing his arms around Dean. Sam missed the warmth of Dean’s body, he missed the feel of being physically close to Dean. They had spent the entire day barely touching each other. It seemed like Dean had tried to keep Sam at an arm’s length distance. 

It hurt to say the least. Having Dean so close, yet so far away hurt. But Sam knew that Dean probably wouldn’t appreciate a hug from him. 

“I have to head back to the motel, I have to call my dad and cancel on a hunt,” Dean sighed. 

Dean’s painful expression said it all. Sam knew that John wouldn’t be happy with his son pulling out of a hunt. “Does he know?” Sam asked. “About Noah?” he added for clarification. 

“Yeah, he does,” Dean nodded.

“What did he say?” Sam wondered how Noah’s other grandfather had handled the news. 

“He wasn’t mad,” Dean decided to leave out the part when his dad had practically ordered him to marry Sam. “He just thinks that everything is going to continue normally. That I’m going to keep hunting with him.”

Sam bit his lip. “You’re not?” he asked, even though he was afraid to hear the answer. A selfish part of him wanted Dean to quit so Noah could have access to both his parents at all times, but Sam knew that it wouldn’t be that easy. Even if Dean did decided to quit, Sam knew how much Dean would miss hunting. Hunting was in Dean’s blood. 

“I can’t,” Dean said, “I can’t leave my son for weeks at a time.”

“You could do local hunts,” Sam suggested, it was a compromise. 

“I’ve thought about that too,” Dean admitted, “But I’d have to do them alone. My dad would never stay in one place. It’s not like I haven’t hunted on my own before, because I have. But I’ve changed. My head’s not in the game anymore. If I went out hunting now I’d think about Noah all the time, I’d be wondering what he was up to and I’d be missing him. I can’t do that while hunting a monster. I can’t be distracted.”

“Are you sure about this?” Sam had to ask, “I just don’t want you to look back and regret your decision.”

“I’d never regret choosing my son over hunting,” Dean answered truthfully. 

Sam wished that he could trust Dean enough to believe what he was saying. Sam prayed that Dean wouldn’t wake up one day and regret it all. 

Dean looked at his watch before he looked up at Sam. “I have to get going,” he said. 

“Will you be back tomorrow?” Sam asked. 

“Of course,” Dean promised.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21 features a scared Sammy and a shirtless Dean. The boys still love each other, but Dean is not ready to forgive Sam just yet. 
> 
> Thnak you for reading! :)

Sam woke up to the rays of the early morning sun hitting him in the face. It was a nice way to wake up, he thought to himself. Usually, he’d wake up to the sound of Noah’s loud cries. Sam rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and swung his longs legs over the side of the bed. It was time to get up and start the day. Since he had become a parent, he had never been able to just hit the snooze button on his alarm and sleep a little while longer. All of Sam’s days started in the crack of dawn. 

And today was no exception. It’d only be a matter of minutes, or seconds even, before Noah started crying. Sam yawned as he slowly walked over to his son’s crib. “Good morning my little-“ Sam stopped mid-sentence. Noah’s crib was empty. Sam tried not to let his thoughts get carried away. There was no need to worry, he told himself. Noah must be downstairs with his grandpa. But Sam knew that his father never took care of Noah in the mornings. Bobby started working early, and he was always in a rush every morning. Sam could feel his heart literally pounding in his chest. He tried to move his feet, but they were as heavy as cement. 

“Dad?” he called out. When there was no answer, his heart started beating even faster. Sam could feel the knots in his stomach twist and turn. “Dad?” he cried out. He tried to move his feet again, and this time it actually worked. Slowly, on wobbly legs, Sam managed to make it downstairs. The light was on downstairs, which was weird, because Bobby always turned the lights off before he’d leave the house. It helped them keep their electricity bills low. 

Sam’s mind started spinning around in circles, and he had to brace himself against the wall or else he’d fall. What if someone had broken in and taken Noah? Sam violently shook his head to clear his thoughts. He wanted to push all negative thoughts aside. But it was hard to do that. “Dad?” Sam cried out hysterically. 

“We’re in here,” a familiar voice called out from the kitchen. 

Sam rushed over to the kitchen, and almost fell over at least two times, but he made it to the kitchen in one piece. 

There Noah was, safely nestled in his other father’s arms. 

“Hi Sam, good morning-“ Dean started to say. 

“Don’t you ever do that again!” Sam yelled. “Don’t ever take my son from his crib while I’m still sleeping. I thought that,” Sam had to pause because he realized that he wasn’t breathing, “I thought my son was gone,” he cried. 

Seeing Sam so hysterical really made Dean feel like absolute shit. Dean had thought that he was doing Sam a favour. He had thought that it’d be nice for Sam to be able to sleep a bit longer than usual. “I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled apologetically. 

“Who let you in?” Sam nearly shouted. 

Sam’s loud voice made Noah cry and he stirred uncomfortably in his father’s arms. 

“Uhm, your dad,” Dean quietly said while he desperately tried to get Noah to calm down. 

“Give him to me,” Sam ordered and took Noah out of Dean’s arms. “My sweet baby,” Sam cried and kissed the top of Noah’s head. “Daddy was so scared.”

“I really am sorry Sam,” Dean apologized again. He should’ve known better. He should’ve known that Sam would freak out when he woke up and saw that Noah’s crib was empty. Who wouldn’t freak out in a situation like that?

Sam didn’t reply, instead he just kept kissing Noah. “Daddy loves you so much,” Sam mumbled into his son’s soft hair. 

“It’s just that your dad told me that Noah had been extra fussy tonight,” Dean explained. When he had showed up early in the morning, Bobby had told him that Noah had woken up Sam several times during the night. Dean had only wanted to help, he had noticed the dark circles underneath San’s eyes, and figured that Sam could probably use some extra hours of sleep. Bobby had said that Sam had had used the pump last night, and that there was a bottle of milk in the fridge. Dean had been so excited about feeding Noah that he forgot to leave Sam a note to tell him where Noah was. 

“I was so scared,” Sam used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears in his eyes. “You can’t just do that. You can’t take him like that. I need to know where he is at all times.”

“I know,” Dean admitted and cautiously put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, and he was relieved when Sam didn’t shrug it off. “I won’t do that again.”

Sam placed a kiss on Noah’s nose. “I’m sorry for yelling at you like that,” Sam apologized to Dean. Now that Sam knew that Dean was only trying to help, he felt a bit remorseful. He shouldn’t have been shouting at Dean like that. 

“No, I deserved it,” Dean protested. Sam had nothing to apologize for. 

“It’s going to take some time for me to adjust to all of this. I’m not a single parent anymore,” Sam smiled. He had been the only parent in Noah’s life for almost two months. Things had changed. Now, Sam finally had someone to help him ease off his workload. 

“No, you’re not,” Dean agreed. He was here to stay. 

“What did your father say about you leaving again?” Sam asked.

Dean sighed. “I tried calling him last night when I got back to the motel. He didn’t pick up, so I called some of our friends. Apparently, Cody’s father, Mac, joined my dad on a hunt that I was supposed to go on with him.” Dean was glad that his father hadn’t gone off on that hunt on his own, but he still felt guilty. He should’ve been there. Mac was over fifty years old, he shouldn’t be off hunting. It was too dangerous for him. 

“That’s good,” Sam nodded, “That means he’s not alone,” he added.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dean mumbled. The guilt was eating him up from the inside.

Sam noticed the shift in Dean’s mood. The guilt was written all over Dean’s face, and Sam desperately tried to think of a way to sheer up the older boy. It was then Sam noticed the empty baby bottle on the kitchen table. “You got him to take the bottle,” he smiled widely. Noah had never liked the bottle. 

“Yeah, it took a few tries, but he eventually latched on,” Dean smiled. 

“I’m surprised. Usually he hates the bottle. The only reason why I even pumped last night was because I had to, you know,” Sam nervously scratched the back of his neck. He could feel his own cheeks heating up. Talking about pumping and breast milk with Dean wasn’t something Sam particularly enjoyed. “Noah had only nursed for a little while, and he refused to eat more. I thought that my chest was going to explode, and-“ Sam stopped talking when he realized that Dean didn’t have to listen to all of this. “I’m sorry,” he shook his head. 

“No, no, don’t be,” Dean said, “You should be able to talk to me about these things. I may not know much about it,” he chuckled, “But I wanna learn.”

A smile played on Sam’s lips. “You want to learn about breastfeeding?” he shook his head. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t ya?” Dean never ceased to amaze him. 

Dean smiled. “It never gets dull,” he joked. 

“No, it doesn’t,” Sam agreed. He had never been bored in Dean’s company. 

Dean remembered all of the times they had made each other laugh. Those had been good times. Then Sam had decided to ruin that. Dean didn’t know what to say. He shuffled his feet in the awkward silence. “I got that changing table I was talking about yesterday,” he said after a few seconds of silence. 

“You did?” Sam smiled. Now he didn’t have to spread out a towel on the floor or anywhere else whenever Noah needed his diaper changed. “My back thanks you,” he smiled even bigger. A changing table at an adjustable height was definitely a luxury. Now Sam could stand upright every time he changed Noah’s diapers or clothes. 

“Yeah, where do you want it by the way?” Dean asked.

“I think it’d be best if you put in mine and Noah’s room,” Sam said, 

“Okay, then,” Dean nodded. 

-

Assembling the changing table hadn’t been as easy as Dean had thought it’d be. After an hour he was soaked in sweat, and the changing table was nowhere near finished. It was time to read the damn instructions. “Who needs to read the instructions? It’s a changing table. Not rocket science,” Dean had thought when he had started the project. He regretted that now. If only he had read the damn instructions in the first place, he’d be done by now. His t-shirt was soaked in sweat, so he pulled it off and sat down on the floor and carefully read the instructions step by step. 

He realized that he needed more tools than the ones he had been using so far so he went downstairs to find Sam. 

“Sam?” he called out. “I need another screwdriver, a small one.” 

“What kind?” Sam asked from his spot in the living room. 

“Phillips,” Dean replied as he walked into the living room. “Where can I find one?” he asked.

Sam had been making funny faces at his son, but he stopped when he heard the sound of Dean’s footsteps. Sam looked up and was just about to answer Dean’s question, when he noticed that Dean was shirtless. Sam lost the ability to speak. Dean’s muscles glistened with sweat and Sam’s heart started to beat faster. Sam knew that he should probably say something, but he couldn’t form any words. 

“Where do you keep your tools?” Dean asked. 

“Uhm,” Sam stuttered out, “Garage.” Oh, good, he thought sarcastically. Now he was speaking like Tarzan, using only one-word sentences. 

“Got it,” Dean said before he left the room. 

Sam looked down at his son. “The things your father does to me,” Sam mumbled. Seeing Dean without his shirt on brought back a lot of memories. There was one memory in particular that stood out. Sam had done some counting in his head after his first ultrasound, and he had realized that baby Noah had been conceived in the back of Dean’s Impala. That was something Noah would definitely never find out about. Sam had never thought that he’d have sex in the backseat of a car. But it had happened, and the baby in his arms was the result of it. “I love you,” Sam said and used the tip of his finger to trace the contours of Noah’s face. Life was full of surprises. 

-

“And you can put the diapers here,” Dean said and pulled out a drawer underneath the changing table to show Sam that there was compartment under there. 

“I love it,” Sam smiled. The changing table actually matched the décor in his and Noah’s room. Sam never would’ve thought that Dean would’ve paid attention to something like that. Dean wasn't exactly big on interior design. “I think we should be able to test it out soon,” Sam laughed. Noah had been fed about an hour ago, and it was only a matter of time before he’d need a new diaper. “Will you do the honours?” Sam joked. 

“Of course,” Dean smiled. 

Sam’s smile softened. “I’m glad you’re here.” Even if it was pure torture to have Dean so close and not being able to touch him, Sam was still grateful that the older boy was there. “I’m sorry I drove you away. I never should’ve done that, and I will probably regret that for as long as I shall live. But I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad Noah will get the chance to get to know his other father.”

Sam’s heartfelt confession took Dean by surprise. “Thank you,” Dean breathed out. 

“Not one day goes by without me regretting what I’ve done to you Dean,” Sam said quietly, “I want you to know that what I did was wrong, but I promise that I never wanted to hurt you. And I know that that sounds really stupid. I broke up with you, and I kept Noah from you. Of course I hurt you. I know that now,” Sam took one tentative step closer to Dean. “But I didn’t want to keep you from doing what you love.”

Sam took a deep breath and moved even closer to Dean until they were standing face-to-face. 

Dean could feel Sam’s warm breath on his face, and Dean would be lying if he said that it didn't feel nice. 

“I’ve missed you,” Sam murmured and leaned forward to capture Dean’s lips in a kiss. 

Dean immediately took a step back. “Fuck, we can’t,” he violently shook his head. They couldn’t. It still hurt too much. Sam had betrayed him. Dean couldn’t forgive Sam. At least not yet. It was too soon. 

Sam looked so sad that Dean actually considered kissing him just to make him happy again. Dean didn’t though. “I can’t,” he said instead. 

Sam nodded and held back the tears. “Our relationship, is it over for good?” It pained him to even think that he’d never get Dean back. 

“I don’t know Sam,” Dean answered truthfully. A part of him wanted to kiss Sam. But there was a bigger part of him that still felt betrayed and angry. 

“I’m gonna go,” Sam swallowed past the lump in his throat, “I’m gonna go for a walk,” he said and hurried out of the room and down the stairs before the tears started running down his cheeks.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katie is back (and she's back for a reason, which will be revealed later).   
> Dean gets worried.   
> There's also a kiss and a promise. 
> 
> Hope you like the chapter. Please leave a comment if you do. I love reading your comments. They mean so, so much. Thank you!

The cold wind hit Sam in the face, causing his eyes to produce even more eyes. Before he had left the house, he had grabbed the jacket on the hook closest to the door. Unfortunately, it was the thinnest winter jacket that he owned. He wished that he hadn’t stormed out like that. Now, he was wearing a jacket that was too thin, and he didn’t have his wallet with him, because it was in his other jacket. It was biting cold, and he wanted to go and get a cup of hot cocoa somewhere, but without any money that’d be kind of difficult. 

Although, he had lived in Jacksville his whole life. People knew that he was trustworthy. It’d be possible for Sam to just walk into the nearest diner and ask if he could start a tab. He swallowed his pride and walked into Janet’s Diner. It was a small diner that was well known for their breakfast waffles. 

Sam dug around in his pockets and found a few cents, and he quickly counted them and hoped that they’d be enough to buy something warm, so that he wouldn’t have to humiliate himself by admitting to one of the waitresses that he didn’t have any money.

“Hi Sam,” a tentative voice said. 

Sam looked up and saw Katie standing in front of him. She was wearing the diner’s uniform and she was also holding a pen and a notepad, ready to take anyone’s order. She smiled hesitantly at him, like she wasn’t sure how to behave around him. 

“Hi Katie,” Sam said, “I didn’t know that you worked here.” 

Katie adjusted her apron. “I got a job here after graduation. Janet and my mom go way back. I didn’t even have to go through an interview,” she laughed nervously. 

“I thought you’d left town with Brian.” Sam had heard that Brian had gotten some football scholarship and had left town. Sam had naturally assumed that Katie had gone with her boyfriend. 

“Yeah, that didn’t happen,” Katie sighed. “Do you wanna, maybe sit down and talk?” she bit her lip, like she expected Sam to say no. 

Sam didn’t know what to say. Katie, who used to be his best friend, had ditched him years ago so she could hang out with the popular crowd. But now that Brian and some of the others from the popular crowd were gone, Katie was all of a sudden interested in talking to Sam again. “You haven’t talked to me in years, why now?” Sam snorted. 

“I made a mistake, and I want to explain,” Katie pleaded. 

Sam was about to turn on his heel, and walk out the door when he remembered that he had been in Katie’s position not too long ago. Sam had been a nervous wreck when he had tried to explain to Dean why he kept Noah from him. It had been a mistake to keep Noah a secret from Dean. How could Sam judge Katie for making a mistake, when he was no better?

“Okay,” Sam nodded. 

“Thank you,” Katie lit up. 

She guided Sam to a secluded table so they could talk privately. 

“What can I get you to drink?” She asked. “Are you hungry?”

“Just some hot cocoa,” Sam said. 

“I’ll get you a slice of chocolate cake too,” Katie smiled. 

“I don’t think I have enough money for-“

“Nonsense,” Katie waved it off. “It’s on the house.”

-

Sam took large sips of the delicious hot cocoa. It warmed his insides, and it was just what he needed. 

“I remembered to add marshmallows, since I know how much you love them,” Katie said and smiled. 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You remember that?” he asked incredulously. “I thought you had wiped out everything about me from your memory,” he said in an angry tone that he hadn’t meant to use. 

Katie glanced down at the table and suddenly she looked so much smaller. “I’d never do that Sam. I never wanted it to be like this between us. You were my best friend.”

“You had a funny way of showing that,” Sam snorted. 

“When Brian asked me to go out with him, I thought that I had hit the jackpot. He was one of the most popular guys in school. But most importantly, he was captain of the football team. He had a bright future ahead of him. I knew that college scouts would be fighting over him even though his grades were lousy,” Katie looked up and met Sam’s gaze. “Brian was my chance of getting out of this small town.”

“My grades have never been good. I barely graduated,” she admitted. “I’d never be able to leave this town on my own. I thought that Brian was my knight in shining armour,” she let out a bitter laugh, “He wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was. He was a stuck up jerk. I remember all of the times I sat waiting for him at restaurants, at the bowling alley, and at the movies. Sometimes he showed up really late, other times he called and said that he wouldn’t make it. Then there were times when he just didn’t call at all. ”

“So why did you keep dating him?” Sam had to ask, he couldn’t understand why Katie had wasted years on that asshole. “You’re the prettiest girl around here. You can have anyone you want.” Katie could’ve easily have found another guy, who could’ve been her ticket out of Jacksville. 

“I became popular. People, who had never even looked at me before, suddenly started talking to me,” Katie shook her head at her own stupidity, “That should’ve made me angry. People who had ignored me for years started talking to me just because I was Brian’s girlfriend. But I loved being popular, I’ll admit that.”

Sam found it very difficult to feel sorry for Katie, but he didn’t say anything, instead he urged for her to continue. 

“Do you remember Carter McQueen?” Katie asked all of a sudden.

Sam frowned. “Yeah, I think he graduated two years ago. Why?”

“He had this lake house. It’s a one hour drive from here. He used to throw these epic parties. Everyone from the popular crowd came. Anyways, they had these horrible traditions,” Katie felt a shiver run up her spine. Just thinking about those parties gave her the chills.

“Are you okay?” Sam noticed that Katie started to look a little green.

“I am now,” Katie rubbed her temples in an attempt to calm herself down, “Anyways, sometimes they brought outsiders to the parties. People who weren’t cool, but desperately wanted to be. Everyone just tormented them. I remember this one time, it was in the middle of the winter, and Scott, one of Brian’s friends, brought along two guys to one of Carter’s parties. Those two guys desperately wanted to be a part of the popular crowd. They were forced to strip and roll around in the snow. Carter, Brian and the rest of the guys just stood there and laughed at them, then they drove off and left those two guys there, naked in the cold. Brian had to drag me into the car, I didn’t want to leave. I felt sorry for those two guys. But Brian threatened me that if I didn’t leave with him, he’d leave me there. Since I didn’t have a car, I didn’t have a choice but to get into Brian’s car.”

“As time went by, rumours about what happened at Carter’s lake house started spreading. Most people knew about the humiliating things Carter and his friends made outsiders do. After a while they ran out of outsiders. Carter and his friends didn’t have anyone to bring up to the lake house anymore. No one went voluntarily,” Katie said, “So Carter suggested, or more like ordered really, that they should start forcing people to the lake house.”

“What happened?” Sam asked. 

“They put together a list of people they were going to bring to the lake house,” Katie took a deep breath before she continued, “You were on that list Sam.”

Sam’s eyes widened in shock. He had always thought that he was invisible, that no one noticed him. Sure, he got called names every now and then, but he never would’ve thought that there had been people at his own school who wanted to drag him to a lake house and do horrible things to him.”

“I wasn’t going to let them do that to you, so I borrowed my dad’s truck and drove up to that lake house and torched it. Since it was located in such a secluded area, there were no neighbours, no one who could call the fire station. I made it look like it was one of the tormented guys who had done it. Like they were seeking revenge. I spray painted something on the walls, like ‘no more parties will be held here’ or something,” Katie said.

Sam was speechless. He couldn’t believe that Katie had done something like that for him. “I can’t believe you did that. You could’ve gotten caught.” Sam didn’t even want to think about what could’ve happened if Carter had seen Katie. 

Katie’s gaze flickered nervously around the diner, like she was making sure no one had heard her. 

“Katie, what happened?” Sam asked. He could tell that something had happened to her.

“Brian saw it all. He had been following me, because that son of a bitch thought I was cheating on him when I had cancelled our date to go up to that stupid house. He had stood me up numerous times, but I had only cancelled one date and that awoke the Neanderthal in him”, Katie heavily snorted. “He had watched me go into the lake house, and he was waiting outside because he thought that I was there with Carter. And Brian was too much of a coward to go in there and confront Carter. When I got back out the house was already on fire, and Brian realized what I had done.”

“Why didn’t he rat you out?” Sam asked. It seemed odd that Brian would be more loyal to Katie than Brian. 

“Because Brian needed me. The football team were going through a rough time. They were losing every game. I had my group of girlfriends, and some of them started losing interest in the football players. The girls didn’t like losers. Brian needed me to convince my girlfriends to keep on coming to the parties that the football team threw,” Katie sighed. “It was all so stupid.”

“So Brian never told Carter?” Sam asked.

“No,” Katie replied, “He kept his mouth shut, but he had a whole list of demands. I wouldn’t be allowed to break up with him, I wasn’t allowed to talk to other guys, I could only talk to the people he wanted me to talk to. Jealous asshole.”

“So what? You weren’t allowed to talk to me? Is that why you ditched me?” Sam found it difficult to believe that Brian saw him as a potential threat. 

“You may find it hard to believe, but you and I had been friends for years, and Brian didn’t like that,” Katie said. 

“But I’m gay,” Sam pointed out one important fact.

“You’ve never actually confirmed that,” Katie reminded him, “Well, until your ridiculously hot boyfriend surprised us all by showing up at our school,” she giggled. 

“Brian and his friends have been calling me faggot for years,” Sam snorted. 

“Oh please,” Katie rolled her eyes, “They call every guy who hasn’t had a girlfriend faggot.”

“So now what?” Sam asked, “Brian left town and the contract has been broken?”

“Something like that,” Katie let out a small laugh, “He told everyone of his friends that he had dumped me because he wanted a real college experience, meaning he wanted to be single so he could hook up with every skank available,” she rolled her eyes for good measure. “Like he hadn’t slept with tons of girls already while being in a relationship with me.”

“I’m sorry he cheated on you like that,” Sam put his hand on top of Katie’s smaller one.

Katie let out a laugh. “Cheated on me? I told him to go out and get laid. I’d never sleep with him.”

Sam let out a surprised laugh. “You are something else, you know that?”

“Yeah, I’m really special. That’s why I’m working at a diner,” Katie smiled sadly. 

“Hey, you are fierce. You burned down Carter McQueen’s lake house. Who else would have the guts to do that?” Sam reminded Katie that she was indeed special. 

“I’m awesome, aren’t I?” Katie grinned big. 

“Thank you,” Sam’s tone suddenly turned serious. He owned Katie big time for what she had done. 

“I should’ve done it sooner,” Katie said. “Could’ve saved more guys from getting humiliated.”

That Sam could agree with. “But I’m still grateful,” he said. 

“Grateful enough to forgive me for ditching you?” Katie smiled hopefully.

Sam thought about it for a second. He did want Katie back in his life, he didn’t exactly have a ton of friends, and besides he had missed her. “Get me another slice of cake and we’re good.”

“Yay!” Katie cheered and grabbed Sam’s hands. 

-

“You went out for a long walk,” Dean commented once Sam got back home. 

“Yeah, I ran into and old friend,” Sam said and shrugged off his jacket and hung it up next to the door. 

“A text telling me where you were and that you were okay would’ve been nice,” Dean gritted his teeth together.

Sam noticed how tense Dean looked. “Are you okay?”

“You had me worried sick!” Dean finally lost it. “I found a list on the fridge with phone numbers to your dad’s friends and colleagues, and I’ve called all of them. No one knew where you were. Your dad is out looking for you. We’ve called you like a hundred times.”

Sam stood there shocked for a moment before he started digging around in his pockets for his cell phone. “No battery,” he mumbled when he noticed that his phone had shut itself off. 

“You couldn’t find a phone wherever you were?” Dean spat out. 

“I didn’t think you’d care if I was gone for an hour or two,” Sam answered truthfully. “And my dad doesn’t get off work until six, so I figured I’d make it back before then and everything would be good.”

“Three hours,” Dean corrected him. “You were gone for three hours. You just stormed out and you didn’t say where you were going, so I thought you’d just take a walk around the block and be back in ten. When you didn’t show up after half an hour, I fucking lost it. I couldn’t just sit here and worry, so I called your dad at work and he left work to go out looking for you.”

“Wasn’t there a bottle in the fridge for Noah,” Sam knew that he had put one in there. He thought that that was the reason why Dean had gotten so upset. 

“That’s not the point,” Dean argued. “You were gone and I was worried.” He picked up his cell phone and sent a quick text to Bobby telling him that he could stop searching for Sam.

“Why?” Sam asked. “Why do you care? You hate me, remember?”

Dean’s eyes widened almost to the point where it looked comical, but Sam knew better than to laugh.

“You think I hate you?” Dean snorted.

“You pushed me away when I tried to kiss you,” Sam reminded the older boy.

“Yeah, I did,” Dean admitted, “But that doesn’t mean that I hate you.”

“What does it mean then?” Sam desperately begged for answers. 

“It means that it still fucking hurts!” Dean cried. “You lied to me, and it hurts like hell. But don’t think for a second that I hate you, because I don’t. I can’t hate you Sam. It’s impossible damn it.” Dean couldn’t believe that he was admitting that out loud. “I could never hate you,” he added in a low whisper. It felt like all the energy had been drained from his body. He had been worried crazy about Sam for the past two and a half hours. Dean had nearly lost his mind from all the worrying. Then Sam came home, and thought that Dean hated him. Like Dean could hate Sam. Like Dean could ever hate Sam. 

Sam could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks. There were so many things he wanted tell Dean, but he couldn’t form any words. He wanted to apologize to Dean for hurting him so much, but Sam was afraid that he’d sound like a broken record. 

“I’ve stayed in countless motels. I’ve always been driving somewhere. I’m always on the move. It’s what I’ve done for the past fifteen years. It’s the only life I know. I used to love it. The adrenaline rush, the feeling of victory when we killed whatever evil creature that we had been hunting, and I loved being on the move. I didn’t want a place I could call home. I didn’t want the boring nine to five job,” Deans shook his head. He had been so stupid. 

“Last night, when I got back to my motel room I felt like shit. I felt like I didn’t belong there. I had just left Noah and I was already missing him like crazy. You may not think so, but I missed you too,” Dean looked directly into Sam’s eyes, “I missed you Sammy.” There it was. Dean’s old nickname for Sam. Up until now, Dean had refused to use that nickname, because it held so many happy memories of what their relationship used to be like. But it seemed appropriate to use it now. Dean wanted to use it now. 

Sam noticed it immediately. “You called me Sammy,” he whispered. 

“I’ve realized that even though I’m still angry at you for keeping Noah a secret, I get it now Sam. I get why you did it. When you and I were dating, I always told you how much I loved hunting, and I told you that I didn’t wanna settle down,” Dean took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have done that. Truth is you deserve more. You deserve someone who wants to wake up next to you every morning. We spent weeks apart. You deserve more, and I want to start over. Because I want to give you what I should’ve given you the first time.”

Sam’s heart was pounding in his chest. He wanted to pinch himself to see if this was actually happening. 

Sam didn’t have to pinch his arm. He got something much better than that. 

Dean took two steps forward and pulled Sam in for a toe-curling kiss. Everything that Dean had just said, every word, every promise that he had just made was sealed with that kiss. 

Sam swooned. It was everything he wanted. Everything he needed. 

Dean cradled Sam’s face in his hands, and Sam responded by letting out a long moan. They pawed at each other’s clothes. Dean’s hands found their way underneath Sam’s shirt. He ran his hands along the smooth, warm skin on Sam’s back. 

Dean’s lips travelled everywhere, to Sam’s neck, collarbone and chest. Sam rested his head against Dean’s shoulder and closed his eyes as he deeply inhaled Dean’s scent. “Don’t stop,” he murmured. Don’t ever stop, he thought. 

“We have to,” Dean was glad that there was still a sane part of his brain that was working. “Your dad could walk in any second now.”

“Don’t wanna stop,” Sam whined even though he knew Dean was right. They had to stop. “I finally have you back.”

“I’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and next week,” Dean promised and ran his fingers through Sam’s hair. “You got me,” he said and tucked a strand of Sam’s hair behind his ear. 

“Okay,” Sam smiled.

Dean took Sam’s hands in his and interlaced their fingers. “Okay,” Dean smiled back and lifted their joined hands to his mouth and kissed Sam’s knuckles. It was a promise.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to start off by aplogizing for not posting a chapter in such a long time. I went back home to visit my friends and family. (I had to move for uni.)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. I think it's about time Sam gets to be a Winchester, don't you think? ;)

“So the two of you are back together? Bobby tried to comprehend what his son had just explained. 

“Yeah,” Sam said with a smile and looked over at Dean fondly. 

“I need to sit down,” Bobby mumbled and pulled out a chair and took a seat at the kitchen table, opposite the lovebirds. Bobby was happy for his son. Getting back together with Dean had been something Sam had wanted for a long time. But Bobby had had an eventful day to say the least, and he was tired as hell, so he didn’t exactly have the energy to throw a celebration party just yet. When Dean had called and said that Sam was missing, Bobby had nearly lost it. He had drove around the entire town three times before Dean had texted and said that Sam had made it home safely. 

“Dad?” Sam asked nervously. Getting his father’s approval was important to him. 

“It’s about damn time,” Bobby smiled tiredly. 

Both Sam and Dean breathed out in relief. 

“I’m guessing the two of you want to live under the same roof,” Bobby assumed that Dean would want to move in. 

“I’m getting a job, and hopefully we should be able to find an apartment or a house for rent,” Dean said. Being a hunter hadn’t exactly made him rich, quite the opposite actually. He had risked his life a number of times without earning a cent. He had spent a fortune on gas on his numerous trips across several states. Money had never been important to Dean. It didn’t matter to him that he didn’t get a regular pay check, as long as he got to keep his baby, the Impala that is, had food on the table and a roof over his head. 

But the situation had changed. Dean had a family now, a family that he was supposed to provide for. Money was suddenly very important. 

“We have a guest room, you are welcome to stay here until you guys find a place to live,” Bobby offered. 

“Thank you so much Sir,” Dean couldn’t even begin to express his gratitude. Now he would be able to sit down and eat breakfast with Sam and Noah every morning. He’d be able to help out more with Noah during the nights. Noah woke up at least twice every night, and Dean could tell that Sam was exhausted from the lack of sleep. 

Sam, however, wasn’t as happy as Dean was with the living arrangements. “But why can’t he sleep in my room?” Sam whined. 

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “Do you really want me to answer that son?”

Dean quickly shook his head. “No, please don’t.”

“But Noah is in the room with us. Nothing’s going to happen,” Sam said persistently.

“Look, Dean stays in the guest room, or he goes back to the motel,” Bobby used a stern tone that left no room for discussion. 

Sam pouted, and Dean let out a small chuckle, because Sam pouting was friggin’ adorable. 

“Now, you said you were looking for a job,” Bobby said, “I could always use another mechanic.”

Dean’s eyes widened in shock. He hadn’t expected to get a job so easily. His grades from high school were pretty shitty, and he lacked work experience. He thought he’d have to mop floor somewhere. He never would’ve thought that he’d get a job that he would actually enjoy.

“I know what your car looked like before you fixed it up,” Bobby chuckled. The Impala hadn’t always been so shiny and fast. It was actually a friend of Bobby’s that had sold the Impala to Dean, so Bobby had seen the car before Dean had magically transformed it to the beauty it was today. “I remember back when the Impala was a rusty wreck. It looks like a completely different car now. That’s all thanks to you.”

“Thank you Sir,” Dean smiled from all the praise. 

“You can start tomorrow, we’ll ride to work together,” Bobby nodded. 

-

It was early in the morning, and Sam was still peacefully asleep. Dean quietly tiptoed into Sam’s bedroom. He leaned down and placed a feather light kiss on Sam’s forehead. Sam stirred a little in his sleep, but he didn’t wake up. Dean couldn’t help but smile, Sam looked so beautiful when he was asleep. Sam’s lips were slightly parted, and he was letting out these small sounds that sounded like he was snoring, but he really wasn’t. Sam’s dark eyelashes fanning out over his rosy cheeks added so much innocence to his face. 

Dean took a moment to admire his boyfriend. Even though they hadn’t discussed their relationship yet, Dean knew that this sleeping boy was his boyfriend. But Dean still made a mental note to bring up the subject with Sam later. There were so many things they needed to talk about. As much as Dean had enjoyed sleeping under the same roof as Sam last night, he still thought that they should get a place of their own. 

But that would cost. Even if they just rented a place they would need enough money to place a deposit, then they would need furniture, then there was the monthly rent. Dean hadn’t had the guts to ask Bobby how much he’d earn. But Dean assumed that he’d make enough money to rent a small house where he, Sam and Noah could live together. 

Dean tiptoed over to Noah’s crib. Noah looked so much like Sam when he was asleep. Like Sam, Noah’s lips were slightly parted and his cheeks were rosy. But Noah’s eyelashes weren’t as dark as Sam’s, they were almost as blonde as the hair on top of his head. Dean smiled, and he wished that he had a photo of himself as a baby with him so he could show Sam and have him guess whether it was a picture of Dean as a baby or Noah. They really looked that much alike. 

All of Dean’s belongings, including the photo albums from his childhood, were stored in boxes in Cody’s grandfather’s basement. Joshua Pierce had been a friend of the family for a long time, and he had kindly offered to keep all of Winchester’s old stuff in his basement. 

Dean and his father had kept all of Mary’s belongings. Every one of her long dresses, all of her jewellery, and they had even kept her old perfume bottles. Everything was stored in Joshua’s basement. Neither John nor Dean had been able to throw any of it away. 

There were also a ton of pictures, all thanks to Mary. She was a very skilled photographer. It didn’t matter that she had never taken a single photography class, all of her pictures looked beautiful. Whenever someone complimented her on her photos, she always brushed it off. She used to say that it was easy to take beautiful photos of someone as cute as Dean and as handsome as her husband.

Mary had always been modest, never accepting a compliment without a bit of protesting at first. Dean wished that he had complimented his mother more often, because she deserved it. 

The last time Dean visited Joshua, he made sure to look at some of the photos that his mother had taken. After he had looked at only a dozen photos, he broke down and cried. His mother had had so much love to give, and she had showered her family with it. 

Sam was also like that. He lit up every time he saw someone he loved. He loved his family with his whole heart. 

Dean wanted to be loved by Sam. Sam’s love was the greatest gift ever. It was unconditional love. Dean had left Sam over and over again to go on hunts for several weeks at a time, and Sam had waited patiently for Dean to return every single time. 

Dean hadn’t exactly grown up in luxury, far from it. They had pawned almost everything in their home at some point. But there were some things that had never been at the pawn shop. They were too valuable to be kept in a basement, so they were being kept in Joshua’s safe. 

It would take nearly four hours to drive to Joshua Pierce’s house. Dean figured he could make it there before midnight if he left right after work. 

Noah let out a cute noise in his sleep, and Dean felt his heart expand in his chest. It was time for Dean to unite his family. He carefully leaned down and placed a kiss on his son’s cheek. 

“Good morning.”

Dean turned around when he heard the sound of Sam’s voice. “Good morning to you too,” he whispered back. 

“You’re leaving,” Sam pouted. 

Sam tried to look upset, but he knew that he had failed miserably when Dean started laughing at him. 

“I’m sorry, you just look like a five-year-old when you pout,” Dean smiled and took a seat on the edge of Sam’s bed. 

“You know, I never thought I’d get turned on by a man in overalls,” Sam smirked as he ran his hand up and down Dean’s thigh. Dean had a blue overalls on, it was the same overalls as everyone who worked at Bobby’s Auto Shop wore. Sam had seen his father in the exact same overalls every day for the past ten years. Needless to say, Sam had never thought mechanics looked sexy. But seeing Dean in a blue overalls, with his sleeves rolled up, and ready to work and get his hand greased, it did something to Sam. 

“Oh, I can skip showering before I get home,” Dean winked, “I’ll come home all sweaty and covered in oil and dirt. That must be sexy,” he chuckled. 

Sam groaned at the mental image of a sweaty and greasy Dean that popped up in his mind. “Please do,” he begged.

Dean laughed and shook his head. “Deal,” he said. “But not today. I was thinking about visiting an old friend of mine. Haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“Oh,” Sam tried not to sound too disappointed. “Well, tomorrow then. When will you be back?”

“You’ll be asleep when I get back,” Dean leaned down so he could give Sam a quick peck on the lips. 

Sam bit his lip. He had been hoping to spend some time alone with Dean later in the day. 

“Good bye Sammy,” Dean said and leaned in for one last kiss before he left.

-

Bobby smiled as he watched Dean handle one of their customers. At first, Bobby had been a bit hesitant to let Dean handle their customers. Dean was a hunter, and like most hunters, he was a loner. Bobby hadn’t been so sure that Dean would be able to handle the long line of customers and give them service with a smile and all, but Dean turned out to be really good at welcoming customers and listening to what they had to say. 

“How ‘bout you leave a bit earlier,” Bobby said and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

Dean hesitated, he really wanted to leave earlier so he could make it to Joshua’s place earlier, but he still wanted to show good work ethics. “I could stay.”

“Nah, you’ve done a pretty good job, you deserve to leave earlier,” Bobby smiled. 

“Thank you,” Dean smiled gratefully.

-

“Am I hallucinating?” Joshua Pierce said and let out a booming laugh as he saw Dean’s Impala pull up on his driveway. “Is that Dean Winchester?”

Dean smiled as he got out of his car and walked up to Joshua Pierce, who was sitting in a hammock on the front porch. “You’re not hallucinating old man,” he said and let the old man pull him in for a bone crushing hug. 

“Was wondering when you were going to show up,” Joshua said and slapped Dean on the back. “Heard you found yourself a guy and had a baby n’ all.”

Dean smiled. “You heard right.”

Joshua gasped. “You mean you found someone who’s willing to put up with all of your shit?” He pretended to sound shocked, but truth to be told, he knew that Dean was a great guy, and anyone would be lucky to have him as their boyfriend. 

“I’m guessing you already know why I’m here,” Dean said. 

“Yeah,” Joshua nodded. “Come on in, I’ll make us some coffee.”

-

Sam yawned and looked at the clock on the wall. It was getting late, and as much as he wanted to stay up and wait for Dean, he knew that he’d be exhausted tomorrow if he didn’t go to bed at a reasonable hour. 

Noah had been a little fussy right around his bedtime, but Sam eventually managed to get him to sleep. Sam turned off the TV and got off the couch. He made his way upstairs and tiptoed through his bedroom into his bathroom. 

The sound of the shower had never woken up Noah, so Sam decided to take a quick one before he went to bed. He undressed and as he reached for the shower gel on his bathroom vanity he couldn’t help but see his own reflection in the mirror above it. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen himself naked before. He had, but he usually avoided it. When he showered, he kept his eyes trained on a spot on the wall, and never looked down at his body. He always changed clothes quickly, and never in front of a mirror. 

There were several red stretch marks all over his stomach, they even reached to his lower back. They weren’t exactly small either, no they were definitely visible. Could probably be seen from Mars or something. 

Sam was struggling to hold his tears back. Noah was a true blessing, and Sam would never regret having him, but Sam just wished that his body could’ve bounced back to its original condition right after Noah’s birth. 

Even though it was pure torture to see himself naked, Sam turned to his side and let the tip of his finger trace one of the bigger marks that stretched across the side of his stomach. 

How was Dean supposed to find him attractive now? Sam bit his lip. He wouldn’t blame Dean for thinking that his stretch marks were ugly. 

Sam wrapped a towel around himself and he didn’t let go of it before he had turned on the water. 

-

It was nearly 2 AM, when Dean pulled up in the Singers’ driveway. The house was quiet, and the lights were switched off, so Dean assumed that everyone was asleep. He reached for the door handle, but then he immediately pulled back his hand. He needed a moment. If one of the neighbours saw him sitting in a car in a driveway to a house that didn’t belong to him, at 2 AM, they’d probably call the police. Thankfully, Sam’s neighbours were all over 70 years old, and went to bed early. 

Dean rolled the window down and inhaled the clear night air. It helped soothe his distressed nerves. If someone had told him a couple of years ago, that this would be his life, Dean would’ve probably laughed. He never would’ve thought that he’d go all steady with just one person, have a baby, and get a regular job. And he never would’ve thought that he’d enjoy all of it. Not just enjoy it really, but love it. 

The travelling, the hunting, the shabby motel rooms, Dean missed all of those things. He still scanned the newspapers for new hunts. He still hadn’t deleted all of the phone numbers to various motels from his phone book. 

There were two reason why he’d never call another motel to see if they had any rooms for the night, or why he’d never go on another hunt, and those two reasons were sleeping on the second floor of the house in front of Dean. 

Those two reason were all the reasons Dean needed to leave his old life behind. 

He reached for the door handle again, and this time he didn’t pull his hand back. He opened the door and walked up to the house and quietly unlocked the door. For the first time in a very long time, he felt like he was home. 

He had been planning on waiting until the morning, but he decided that he couldn’t wait any longer. He didn’t want to wait any longer. 

-

Sam felt someone shaking his shoulder. “Mhmm?” he drowsily mumbled. 

“Sam,” Dean whispered. 

Sam smiled and sat up. The room was dark, and he had to blink a couple of times before his eyes adjusted to the darkness. There was some moonlight streaming in through the curtains, and it illuminated Dean’s face. 

“Sorry for waking you up Sammy,” Dean apologized. 

Sam smiled and shook his head to show that he wasn’t angry with Dean at all. He then threw his arms around Dean and pulled him in for a hug. “You’re home,” Sam happily murmured into the crook of Dean’s neck. 

“There’s something I want you to have,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear. 

Sam pulled back so he could look into Dean’s eyes. Dean looked so anxious, and it made Sam feel anxious too. 

Dean reached for Sam’s hand. “Come with me,” he said. 

Sam nodded and allowed Dean to pull him out of bed, and lead him downstairs to the living room. Dean turned the lights on, before he led Sam to the couch where they both sat down. 

Their hands were still joined, and Sam could feel how sweaty Dean’s hand was. “Dean?” Sam asked nervously. 

Dean smiled and leaned forward and bumped his forehead against Sam’s. “You gotta cut me some slack here Sammy. I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what?” Sam wondered.

Dean reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a velvet box. 

Sam’s eyes widened, and he let out a gasp. He fought the urge to pinch himself. It had to be a joke, a mistake, it was too good to be true, and therefore it couldn’t be happening. 

Dean opened the velvet box and pulled out a gold chain with a ring attached to it. “She used to wear her engagement ring in a chain around her neck. But she kept her wedding ring on her finger,” Dean said in a shaky voice. 

“She was always playing with me. She was never afraid of getting her hands dirty. We used to play in the dirt, we planted seeds in our garden, and we jumped in water puddles. But before we did all of those things she used to put her engagement ring in this chain.” Dean smiled at the fond memories he had of his mother. 

“She used to tell me that she had to be careful with her engagement ring, because one day it’d be passed onto me,” Dean looked into Sam’s beautiful eyes. “She told me that one day I’d meet someone who’d love me to the moon and back, and if I loved them just as much, I should give them this ring.”

“Dean,” Sam whispered, his voice was thick with emotion, and he could barely speak. The situation was overwhelming, and Sam could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

“I love you Sam,” Dean said and he wiped away a tear that was sliding down his cheek. “I love you, and I want you to have this ring,” he unclasped the chain and looked Sam in the eyes, awaiting his permission. 

Sam leaned forward, and allowed Dean to put the chain around his neck. Sam had never received a more valuable gift. He was almost too scared to accept it. He was scared that he’d lose it, or ruin it. But he knew that if he said no, he’d crush Dean’s heart. 

Dean cradled Sam’s face in his hands, and he stroked Sam’s cheek just like Sam had stroked his cheek many times. 

But there was one time that would always stand out. “I remember when I first came to visit you,” Dean used the tip of his finger trace the contours of Sam’s face. “We watched a movie in your room. We were sitting on your bed and I fell asleep during the movie. You touched my cheek, and I woke up, but I pretended to be asleep just so you’d keep your hand on my cheek.”

Sam blinked away the tears in his eyes, so he could see Dean properly. “You woke up?” he laughed through the tears. The happiness was bubbling up inside of him. 

“I did,” Dean smiled and kissed Sam’s forehead. “And I think I fell in love with you in that moment. But I was too scared to admit it.”

“I love you so much,” Sam swallowed past the lump in his throat. 

“Marry me Sammy,” Dean said and looked right into Sam’s eyes. 

Sam could feel himself nodding. He wanted nothing more than to be Dean’s husband. The urge to pinch himself was gone, because Sam didn’t have to pinch his arm. He got something even better. A kiss. 

“I love you, I love you,” Dean said in-between kisses. 

“I love you too,” Sam ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “I love you,” Sam kissed Dean’s temples, the tip of his nose, his cheeks, and his neck. Sam wanted to kiss Dean everywhere. 

“So what are we going to be?” Dean laughed. “Winchesters or Singers?”

“Winchesters,” Sam immediately replied. “I want your last name.”

Dean pressed his lips against Sam’s and poured all of the love he had into the kiss. 

Sam’s head was spinning, he felt weak in the knees, his heart was beating so fast, and he could barely breathe because Dean was kissing him so hard. 

And Sam had never felt so loved.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but I thought that it made sense to end it like that. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, leaving kudos and commenting. Your comments are always so wonderful, and I appreciate all of them.

“I want to apologize. I know I should’ve asked you first,” Dean wanted to let Bobby know that he was sorry for not asking for permission before proposing to Sam. 

Bobby let out a small chuckle. “S’ fine Dean. I trust Sam enough to let him make his own decisions.” He grabbed a rag and used it wipe the grease off his hands. “Let’s go into my office,” he said, and led Dean into the small office he had at the auto shop. Business was kind of slow this morning, and for that Bobby was grateful. It gave him a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with Dean. In the middle of breakfast, this morning, Dean and Sam had announced that they were getting married. Bobby had nearly choked on his coffee.

“I didn’t want to disrespect you. I hadn’t planned on proposing to Sam in the middle of the night. But once I pulled into the driveway I realized that I couldn’t wait any longer,” Dean smiled. 

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Bobby asked in a more serious tone. “Are you sure that you want this?”

“One hundred percent,” Dean immediately replied, without a missing a beat. 

Bobby placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. “That’s good to know son.”

“My mom would’ve loved him,” Dean smiled sadly. 

Bobby gave Dean’s shoulder another gentle squeeze. “You gave him her engagement ring.” When Dean had left the breakfast table, Sam had told Bobby that the engagement ring had belonged to Dean’s mother. In that moment, Bobby realized that Dean was serious about the engagement. There was no way Dean would just give that ring away if he didn’t mean it. But it was nice to get confirmation from Dean. Bobby just needed to hear it from Dean to be completely sure. 

Dean nodded. “She always told me to give it to the one person I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. And that’s Sammy.”

“So, about the sleeping arrangements,” Bobby half-smiled. “Sam’s bed should fit the both of you.” As much as it pained Bobby to let Dean into Sam’s bedroom, he knew that it was the right thing to do. Ideally, Sam, Dean and Noah should live in their own house. But since that wouldn’t happen any time soon, Bobby figured that he should at least let the boys share a bedroom. 

Dean nearly dropped his jaw. “Thank you Sir,” he said when he regained his ability to speak. 

“Don’t make me regret it,” Bobby warned. 

“We have a baby in the room with us,” Dean reminded his soon-to-be father-in-law. 

“Yeah, a baby that you made with my seventeen-year-old son,” Bobby reminded Dean why he didn’t trust him. 

“I want you to know that I’ve never forced Sam, or talked him into anything,” Dean felt incredibly uncomfortable talking about sex with Bobby, but it was a conversation that they needed to have. “I would’ve waited years for him.” And it was the truth. With Sam it had never been just about sex. Not that Dean didn’t love his and Sam’s sex life, he did, but it wasn’t the biggest part of their relationship. 

“I know,” Bobby admitted and let out a big, hearty laugh when he saw Dean’s jaw drop. “Don’t look so surprised. I wouldn’t let you marry my son if I thought that you’ve talked him into sleeping with you.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “No offense, but you’ve kind of told me, plenty of times, that I’ve basically corrupted Sammy.”

Bobby sighed. “He was different before you came along. His life used to consist of books and his home. He went to school in the morning, got back home, did his chores, did his homework, and then he went to bed. And every now and then he helped out here, at the auto shop. I never had to worry where he was or with whom.” 

“And you would’ve liked it to stay that way,” Dean assumed that all parents wanted their kids to be near them so they could keep a watchful eye on them. 

“No,” Bobby admitted, much to Dean’s surprise. “He wasn’t happy. He was okay, but he wasn’t happy. Now that he has you, he’s genuinely happy.”

Dean smiled. Bobby’s words warmed his heart. Getting Bobby’s approval meant a lot to Dean. Hearing that he had made Sam happy meant everything to Dean. 

“Sam has always been very family-oriented. When his mother left, I didn’t know how to make him whole again. Now, I think it’s safe to say that he’s finally whole,” Bobby smiled at Dean. 

“Thank you,” Dean was almost too stunned to talk. Bobby’s words were completely unexpected. 

“No, thank you Dean for making my son happy,” Bobby said and took a deep breath. “Now, let’s go back out and fix up those cars. Because they ain’t fixing up themselves.”

Dean chuckled. The chick-flick moment was definitely over. 

-

Sam let out a high-pitched squeal when he found out about the new sleeping arrangements. He threw his arms around his father. “Thank you, thank you,” he grinned so big that it almost hurt. 

Bobby laughed heartily. “Alright, go move Dean’s things into your bedroom.”

Sam wasted no time, he instantly grabbed Dean’s hand and dragged him to the guest bedroom so they could collect Dean’s things. 

As soon as they stepped into the guest room, Dean closed the door behind them and pulled Sam in for a toe-curling kiss. Sam let out a surprised yelp, but he was quickly on-board with the kiss. Dean stroked Sam’s back, and Sam moaned into the kiss. 

Dean had really missed this. Before Sam, Dean hadn’t really been into kissing. Kissing was foreplay, nothing else. This wasn’t foreplay. This was Dean showing Sam how much he loved him. 

Dean ran his tongue along Sam’s bottom lip, silently asking for entrance. Sam immediately opened his mouth to let Dean’s tongue in. Sam let out a content sigh and melted into Dean’s embrace. For a while they just stood there, in the middle of the guest bedroom, and made out with each other until the need for oxygen got too strong. When they pulled back they both felt lightheaded and deliriously happy. 

Sam’s lips were slick with spit and swollen after the kissing, and his eyes were glossy, and Dean took a moment to admire the sight. He brushed the pad of his thumb over Sam’s bottom lip. “You look gorgeous like this,” Dean smiled. He loved that he was the reason why Sam’s lips were all red and swollen. 

Sam caught Dean’s hand and gave Dean’s thumb a kiss before he sucked into his mouth. 

“Oh, fuck,” Dean let out a groan as Sam swivelled his tongue around his thumb. Sam, the cheeky little thing, knew exactly how to tease Dean. “We need to make up for lost time,” Dean said in a raspy voice. Fuck, he missed having Sammy writhing underneath him. Missed the beautiful sounds that Sammy used to make when he climaxed. “It’s been too long.”

Sam nodded in agreement. It really had been too long. “We’ll find time,” he promised, “Soon,” he added. 

-

Dean woke up in the middle of the night to Noah’s loud cries. He was just about to get up when Sam gently pushed him down. 

“You have work in the morning,” Sam said and got up from the bed and went over to the crib. 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I get a free pass,” Dean argued. “Come on, I wanna help Sammy.”

Sam let out a chuckle as he glanced at the digital clock on the wall. His son was definitely punctual. Noah was always hungry around 2 AM. “I don’t think you can help with this,” Sam told Dean. 

“Huh?” Dean replied drowsily.

“He’s hungry,” Sam explained and picked up Noah. 

“Where are you going?” Dean asked in confusion when he saw that Sam was about to leave the room with Noah. 

“We’re just gonna sit on the couch,” Sam bit his lip. He was still self-conscious about his body and the fact that he was using it to feed Noah. Nursing wasn’t exactly masculine, Sam thought.

“Stay,” Dean said. 

Sam looked hesitant, so Dean simply got out of bed. 

“What are you doing?” Sam asked nervously. 

Dean didn’t reply, instead he started to unbutton Sam’s sleep shirt all the way down. 

Sam wanted to tell Dean to stop, but Dean was looking at him fondly, and Sam didn’t have the heart to protest. 

Wordlessly, Dean led Sam back to bed. They sat down next to each other on the edge of the bed. Sam guided Noah to his nipple, and Noah finally quieted down once he got what he wanted. 

Dean put his arm around Sam and kissed him on the cheek. “How long does he nurse for?” he asked and looked down at his son, who was happily eating. 

“It depends,” Sam swallowed nervously. Dean had switched on the lamp at the bedside table. Sam knew that his stretch marks were definitely visible. “I hope he eats enough so he doesn’t wake up hungry again after only two hours or so,” he mumbled. 

Dean stroked his son’s cheek gently, careful not to disturb him. 

Sam leaned into Dean’s embrace, and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. It was a nice moment, and Sam wanted to try to just push his insecurities aside, and enjoy the moment. He had his son and fiancée close to him. It was what he had wanted for so long, and now that it was finally happening, he’d be a fool if he didn’t enjoy it. 

It wasn’t hard for Dean to figure out that Sam felt self-conscious about feeding Noah, but Dean couldn’t figure out why. “Why did you wanna leave the room?” he asked. 

Sam looked away, but Dean grasped his chin and turned his face towards him. “I don’t look the same Dean,” Sam swallowed nervously and looked down at his stomach. 

Dean looked down and noticed the red marks on Sam’s belly. He was almost about to let out a laugh, because the stretch marks on Sam’s belly were definitely not a big deal, but he knew that Sam would probably not appreciate it if he laughed, so he decided to not to. 

“Are you worried about these?” Dean asked and traced the red lines with the tip of his finger. 

Sam shuddered under Dean’s touch. “Yeah,” he confessed. 

Dean studied the marks closely, and it made Sam squirm uncomfortably. 

“This one kind of looks like an arrow,” Dean said and touched the mark he was referring to. 

Sam threw his head back and let out a laugh. Leave it up to Dean to say something like that. Sam had been a nervous wreck for weeks about Dean’s reaction to his stretch marks. Sam had not expected Dean to start analyse the stretch marks. It was hilarious to say the least. 

“And this one looks like a bolt of lightning,” Dean continued to study Sam’s stretch marks up close.

Sam leaned down and kissed Dean’s forehead. “Thank you,” he murmured. Dean had managed to defuse the situation completely. 

“You’re welcome,” Dean grinned back.

When Noah was done eating, Sam burped him and put him to bed. 

Sam was just about to climb back into bed when Dean stopped him. “Huh?” Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“You have to take off your shirt before you get into bed,” Dean said and crossed his arms. “It’s a rule.”

“You do realize that this is my bed?” Sam said with an amused smile. 

“Our bed,” Dean corrected and started to pull off Sam’s pyjama shirt. 

“Our bed,” Sam smiled and let Dean undress him down to his boxers. 

“That’s right,” Dean smiled back.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean get some much needed alone time. 
> 
> Sorry for the relatively short chapter. I promise that the next chapter will be much longer. 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it!

Dean woke up to the sound of the shower running. He looked to his left and noticed that Sammy wasn’t in the bed with him. It was surprising to say the least. Just a month ago, Dean had woken up every time Sam so much as shifted in his sleep. 

In the past month, Dean’s sleep had improved immensely. At first it was a struggle for him to accept that he was no longer a light sleeper. As a hunter, he had had to be on the edge all the time, always prepared for danger. But now that he had quit the hunting lifestyle, his body suddenly craved a good night’s sleep every night. Of course, with an infant in the room, Dean still woke up at least two times every night, but still, his sleep had definitely improved. 

He tiptoed over to Noah’s crib and smiled when he noticed that his son was still sleeping peacefully. Since Noah already had a fresh new diaper, Dean decided that he could leave his son for a moment. 

The past month had been great. Waking up next to Sam every morning still felt amazing. Dean could pretend to deny it as much as he wanted, but deep down he knew that he had turned domestic. Well, not completely domestic. For instance, he’d never wear an apron. It didn’t matter if he got stains on all of his clothes, he refused to wear an apron. Sam always laughed at him, but it was okay, because Dean lived to entertain his fiancé. 

Another change that had happened was that Dean had turned into what Sam would call a snuggle-bug. Dean hated the new nickname that Sam had given him. Dean Winchester wasn’t a snuggle-bug. He just had a ridiculously hot and mazing fiancé that he liked to cuddle with. Sam was just so warm and his skin was so smooth. Dean would be a fool not to take advantage the fact that he had this amazing person right next to him in bed. 

Dean quietly opened the door to the bathroom, and the sight of Sam made Dean’s smile widened even more. The shower curtain didn’t leave much to imagination, and Dean got a nice, clear view of a naked and soapy Sammy. 

It took about two seconds for Dean to get naked. “Got room for one more?” he asked and drew the shower curtain aside. 

Sam smiled and barely managed to nod before Dean had pulled him in for a kiss. 

Dean’s hands glided all over Sam’s soapy skin. “Good morning,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear. He let his hands glide down to Sam’s ass, and he kept them there, because Sam had a fucking great ass. Dean saw no reason why he shouldn’t grab it every now and then. Preferably all the time. But Sam seemed to have a problem with getting his ass grabbed in public by Dean. What a shame. They had come up with a nice compromise though. Dean could grab Sam’s ass as much as he wanted as long as they were at home, and Bobby weren’t around. 

Dean could agree on that last one. He’d want to do anything remotely sexual with Bobby nearby. Contrary to popular belief, Dean had some boundaries. But only some. 

Sam practically purred under Dean’s touch. Dean stuck two fingers into Sam’s mouth. “Get ‘em wet,” he playfully ordered. 

“Mhmm,” Sam hummed around Dean’s fingers. He swivelled his tongue around them and got them nice and wet. 

Dean let out a groan. Fuck, he loved it when Sam teased him. Sam released Dean’s fingers with an audible pop. 

Dean sunk to his knees and took Sam’s entire length into his mouth in one skilful move. 

“Oh fuck,” Sam groaned out and leaned back against the cold shower tiles. He knew that if he looked down, he’d be doomed, so he leaned back and closed his eyes. Dean gripped the inside of Sam’s thigh, and Sam immediately got the hint and spread his legs so Dean could get the access that he wanted. 

Seconds later, Sam felt one of Dean’s fingers probing at his entrance. Sam pushed down on it, urgent to get something inside of him. 

Dean managed to find Sam’s sweet spot in record time. He stroked it, pushed on it and teased it until he had turned Sam into a writhing mess. 

Sam would’ve probably sunk to the floor if it weren’t for Dean’s strong hands on his hips, holding him up. 

It was all too much, and Sam couldn’t drag it out any longer. He had do come. Dean now had two talented fingers inside of Sam, and they pushed hard on the spot that seemed to be connected to every nerve in Sam’s body.

Sam’s vision whited out as he came in Dean’s eager mouth. Dean swallowed everything Sam had to give. 

Sam had to blink a couple of times. There were still white spots dancing behind his eyelids, and when they had disappeared he could feel Dean’s fingers moving inside of him again. “No,” Sam choked out. One mind-blowing orgasm was enough. At least for now. 

But Dean was a disobedient little fucker, and he continued to rub his fingers over Sam’s sweet spot. 

Sam let out a long throaty moan and spread his legs even further. Dean was too good at sex. 

Dean pulled out his fingers out of Sammy, and stood up on wobbly legs. “Fuck, you’re hot like this,” Dean brushed the pad of his tongue over Sam’s bottom lip. “All fucked out. Nice and pliant.”

Sam whimpered. He would’ve gladly let Dean carry him to bed and have his way with him if it hadn’t been for that cute little baby that was still sleeping soundly in there. 

“It’s Saturday,” Dean smiled. 

“It is,” Sam nodded. 

“We’ve got all day,” Dean smirked. There was no way he was done with Sam for the day. There would definitely be more orgasms today. 

“You are too good at this,” Sam groaned. 

Dean had never been much for modesty, so he just nodded. “I know,” he smirked.

\--

“Are you going to get pregnant again if I leave you and Dean for a couple of days?” Bobby asked bluntly at the breakfast table. 

Sam nearly choked on his waffles. 

“I was thinking about visiting Jim. I’ll be back later tomorrow, maybe around ten or eleven at night,” Bobby said. 

Sam was glad that Dean had gone out for his morning run. It’d be a whole lot more embarrassing if Dean had been in the room. 

“No, I, we, I’m..,” Sam rambled, “I’m not going to get pregnant,” he finally managed to get the right words out. They had only gone all the way a couple of times, and they had closely inspected the condom afterwards to make sure that it was still whole. 

“Are you being careful?” Bobby asked. As much as it pained him to talk about his son’s sex life, he’d much rather suffer through the embarrassment than having another grandchild so soon. 

Sam blushed heavily, but managed to produce a small nod anyways. 

“That’s…good,” Bobby said slowly. 

“I’m not ready for another baby yet,” Sam said. 

Bobby took a large sip of his coffee. “But you want another one?” he asked. Sam had thrown in the word ‘yet’, and it made Bobby wonder. 

“Yeah,” Sam smiled. “Not right now though,” he quickly added when he noticed that his father’s eyebrows shot up. “But it’d be nice to give Noah a sibling.”

“What about Stanford?” Bobby asked. 

“That can still happen,” Sam smiled. Stanford was one dream he was not willing to give up. Now that Dean had returned, Sam was no longer a single parent, and that meant more freedom for Sam. Hopefully, they’d be able to figure something out one day in the future. But right now, Sam was content with staying at home and taking care of Noah. 

“You’re a smart kid,” Bobby ruffled his son’s hair. “You’ll be the first one in the family to go to college.”

Sam smiled. “Thanks dad.”

“Any breakfast left for me?” Dean asked. He had returned from his morning run, and he looked all sweaty and out of breath. 

Sam nearly groaned at the sight. Dean’s muscles gleamed with sweat. If Bobby hadn’t been in the room, Sam would’ve probably thrown himself at Dean. 

“Don’t get pregnant,” Bobby said sternly and squeezed Sam’s bicep. 

Dean let out a laugh, and Sam blushed beet red. 

\--

“What do you want for dinner?” Dean asked and opened the fridge. 

“Oh, you’re taking orders now?” Sam asked amusedly from his place at the kitchen table. He loved to watch Dean cook. It was like a cooking show gone wrong. Horribly wrong. But Sam had to give his fiancée some credit though, because most of the times the food was edible. Or at least some of it. 

“I can do pasta, or I can fix up some sweet potatoes with turkey, what do you say?” Dean asked as he ignored Sam’s teasing. 

Sam smiled down at his son, who was happily nursing. “Be glad you’ve got your own food,” Sam said to Noah. 

“Sweet potatoes and turkey it is,” Dean decided. 

“I can’t wait,” Sam smiled. 

\--

Dinner was actually edible. Everything tasted pretty well, and Dean was very pleased with himself. A month ago he had been living on take-out. Now, here he was cooking a decent meal for his family. “Not too bad, huh?” he smiled at Sam.

Sam smiled back. “It’s good,” he gave Dean a thumbs up. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “So, what are we doing today?” he asked. 

“I was thinking about doing you,” Dean answered casually. 

Sam, who had just been about to take a sip of his orange juice, immediately put his glass of juice down. Dean’s bluntness should come as no surprise, but it still shocked Sam. 

“Oh, come on, you want it,” Dean winked. 

Sam smiled, because yeah, he wanted it. Badly. 

Dean decided that they were done eating. They could always heat up the leftovers later. Right now they had much more important things to do. Dean dragged Sam to the living room. 

The couch seemed like a good option. Sam did protest slightly, he didn’t want to do anything sexually where his father would be sitting later. But Dean quickly managed to steer Sam onto the right track. 

Pants, shirts, socks, and underwear were flying everywhere. 

When Dean pushed inside of Sam, everything else just faded away. They got lost in their own perfect little bubble. 

Sam tried to lift his hips to meet Dean’s forceful thrusts, but Dean was moving too fast, and eventually Sam just gave up and just laid there and took the pleasure. 

Dean pushed deep inside of Sam and shot his load right into the condom. He collapsed on top of Sam, and for a while they just laid there and breathed heavily. 

“I love you,” Sam said and carded his fingers through Dean’s sweaty hair. 

“Love you too Sammy,” Dean said. 

A second later, a loud cry could be heard from upstairs. Noah’s naptime was over. 

“He has the best timing,” Dean chuckled, happy that their son hadn’t woken up a couple of minutes ago. 

Sam made an attempt to get up, but Dean pushed him down. “Stay, I’ll go,” Dean said. Sam bonelessly sank back into the couch. 

“Now I love you even more,” Sam smiled. Dean was a great dad, and that turned Sam on. A couple of minutes ago, Sam would’ve never agreed to another round. Now, he knew that once Dean got back, there would definitely be another round of amazing sex.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly longer. John Winchester shows up. Sam gets red roses. Dean gets his first pay check and decides to spoil Noah. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. It's been very fluffy lately, but unfortunately that's about to change. So be prepared. 
> 
> I also want to say thank you so much for the comments you left on the last chapter. It means a lot to me that you let me know what you think about this story, about my writing, and everything else.

“We have to get this,” Dean happily exclaimed and held up a onesie with cars on it. 

Sam smiled. “Fine, put it in the cart,” he said. So far they had bought two onesies, one sweater and a pair of pants, all of them had car prints on them. But Sam decided to let his fiancé have his way. Dean had just gotten his first pay check. The timing couldn’t have been more right, because Noah had just grown out of most of the clothes in his dresser. It was actually Dean who had dragged Sam to the clothing store. Sam knew how much this shopping trip really meant to Dean. 

Dean hadn’t exactly been able to buy much for Noah, and he hated the fact that Sam had bought everything up until now. Now Dean felt like he could finally give something back. 

“Try to find some socks,” Sam said. 

“Maybe they have some with cars print on them,” Dean winked at Sammy. 

Sam rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but smile. “We need to stop by the pharmacy on our way home,” he reminded Dean. The pharmacy sold a particular brand of pacifiers, and Noah loved them. Sam had tried to buy other brands at the grocery store, but Noah had rejected all of them. 

Dean hummed something in return while he looked at baby socks. “Ha,” he triumphantly said and held up a pair of socks with car print on them. 

Sam laughed and shook his head. “It’s your money, so you get to pick whatever you want.”

Dean’s expression went from playful to serious. “Just because it’s my name on the pay check, doesn’t mean that I get to decide on everything we buy. Why don’t you pick something out?”

“It’s fine, I picked out some plain onesies from the sale’s rack,” Sam smiled. 

“Okay, let’s go and pay for this stuff then?” Dean said and reached for Sam’s hand.

Sam immediately took Dean’s hand in his, and he could feel how his heart leaped in his chest. Dean had never been big on PDA, but lately there had been small gestures of love every time they went outside together. It made Sam swoon. Of course they did get some homophobic looks, but Sam tried not get bothered by them. He had wanted to have a family for so long, and now that he finally had it, he wasn’t going to let a few assholes ruin his happiness. 

\--

Bobby greeted them at the door when they got back home from the store. 

“Hey, how was he?” Sam smiled and took Noah out of his father’s arms. 

“He just woke up. He’s been napping for a good two hours,” Bobby smiled tightly. 

Sam noticed that his dad looked a little off. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Bobby turned to Dean. “You’ve got company. Your father is waiting for you in my office.”

Dean tensed visibly. “Thank you, I’ll go talk to him.”

“Did he say what he wanted?” Sam asked nervously. Not that he needed to ask, really. John Winchester didn’t just stop by to chit chat, no he wanted his son to start hunting again. 

“Let’s take a walk,” Bobby suggested and put a hand on his son’s shoulder. Bobby knew that there might be some screaming and yelling, and he didn’t want his son and grandson around for that. 

Sam looked nervously between his father and Dean.

“It’s fine, go,” Dean told Sam.

\--

Dean took a deep breath before he entered Bobby’s office. His father was sitting on the edge of the desk and he looked up when Dean opened the door. 

“Son,” John said and gave Dean a quick nod. 

“When did you get here?” Dean asked. 

“’Bout ten minutes ago,” John said. “Saw your son. He seems to be a very happy baby,” he chuckled. 

Dean smiled. “Yeah, he gets that from Sam.”

“Got your looks though,” John went over to the window and looked out at the trees that swayed in the wind. “And you got your looks from your mother.”

Dean felt a pang of guilt at the mention of his mother. He knew that he needed to go back out there and get revenge, but he just couldn’t leave Sam and Noah. “I know why you’re here. But I can’t go back to hunting dad.”

“Do you remember how she used to braid her long blond hair?” John asked and continued to look out the window. “She braided your hair once when you were about two or three years old. I told her not to do that, told her that it wasn’t appropriate for a boy to have braids in his hair. She just laughed at me,” John let out a small laugh, “She was so free spirited. Sometimes I wondered what she saw in me. I even asked her once, and she told me that she saw everything. She listed all of my good qualities, and then she told me that she loved me.”

Dean could feel his throat tighten. “She was amazing. Always made us feel so loved.”

“Yeah,” John whispered. 

“Sam is also like that,” Dean said. “He loves with his whole heart.”

“You gave him your mother’s engagement ring," John looked directly at his son now. “Joshua Pierce called me,” John quickly explained when he saw how confused his son looked. 

“Yeah, she always told me to give it to someone I love,” Dean smiled sadly. 

“She never went to bed without her rings, but she took a shower in the downstairs bathroom before she went to bed that night. She must’ve forgotten to put them on again, because I found them on a tray next to the bathroom vanity the day after,” John mumbled. 

Dean was grateful that his mother had taken her rings off that night. He knew how much his mother’s wedding ring meant to his father. John always kept both his own and his wife’s wedding ring in a chain around his neck. 

“It’s been over a month since your last hunt,” John said and changed the subject. 

Dean sighed. His father had never been much for small talk. “Dad, I’ve already said it. I can’t go back to hunting. I have a family now, and they need me. I can’t let Bobby support Sam and Noah. That’s my job, and I’m not going to buy things for my son with a fake credit card.”

“We’ve hunted for years Dean. We know what’s out there. Hunting is not something you just walk away from,” John said sternly. 

“But I’m supposed to walk away from my family?” Dean threw back. 

“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” John snapped. “All I’m saying is that if we don’t hunt, who else is gonna? A lot of the hunters that we know are in their late forties, or early fifties. When they retire, who’s going to fill their shoes?”

“I’m not like you dad. I can’t leave my family to go out hunting!” Dean yelled. All the anger that had slowly been building up inside of him suddenly came out. 

“I had lost my wife!” John yelled back. “What was I supposed to do?”

“You left me with strangers,” Dean snapped. 

After Mary had died, John had left Dean with their next door neighbour, Mrs. Phillips. After two weeks, Dean had been shipped off to live with some distant relatives. When they couldn’t handle him, he was being sent off to live with Joshua Pierce for a while. 

Dean had been bouncing between different homes until he was fourteen, by then he was old enough to come along on hunts, at least according to his own father. Fourteen-year-old Dean had been scared out of his mind. 

He still had a scar on his back from his first hunt. He still remembered how he had gotten stitched up by an older hunter in a shed with no pain relief whatsoever. The pain had been indescribable. Up until that moment, the worst pain Dean ever had to endure was scraping his knees from falling off a bike. Dean remembered how he wished that he could’ve just fallen off hundred bikes instead of getting clawed by one big monster. 

“I’m not proud of the way I handled things,” John admitted. “I shouldn’t have let you stay in so many different places. But I was under a lot stress. I thought that I had gone crazy. The police didn’t believe me after I told them what had happened to your mother. They thought that I had lost my mind. They even wanted to put me in some mental hospital. Fortunately, one of the police officers was actually a hunter. He pulled me aside and told me everything I needed to know.”

“Jesse Garner,” Dean said slowly. Garner was the first hunter that the Winchesters had ever come across. 

“Yeah,” John nodded. “He told me that we needed to leave as soon as possible. Mrs Phillips next door had been good friends with your mother, and that was enough for me.”

“I don’t blame you dad,” Dean sighed. Even though he had been mad at his father for leaving him with strangers, he understood why his father had done it. “I just need you to understand that I’m not leaving my family. I can’t do that to them. Besides, I don’t want to miss anything. It seems like Noah’s learning something new each day, and I kinda want to be around for every milestone in his life.”

“Seems like you’ve gotten more from your mother than just your looks,” John commented. “She was also very family oriented. One of the reasons why I loved her so much.”

Dean smiled. 

“I wonder sometimes what she would’ve said if she had been here. Every time I pass by a flower stand, I hear her voice in my head. Whenever we passed a flower stand, she always picked up a bouquet of tulips and told me how lovely they smelled. But when I wanted to buy her some, she always protested, said that there were more important things we could spend money on. Sometimes I ignored her protests and bought her that bouquet of tulips anyways, because she deserved it.”

Dean remembered all of the times his father had come home with tulips. He remembered how his mother had argued with her husband for spending their money like that, but after a minute of playful banter, she had given up and put the flowers in a vase. 

“I know that if she had been here, she would’ve told you to stay with your family,” John said softly. Mary would’ve never told Dean to go out and hunt and leave his son and fiancé. 

“I hope you’ll stop by every now and then. Noah needs his other grandfather,” Dean smiled. 

“I’ll try,” John promised. 

Dean knew that that was the best his father could do. 

\--

“Here you go,” Dean said and put baby Noah in John’s arms. 

John chuckled. “It’s been a while since I last held something so tiny.”

“He’s not so little anymore. He’s getting heavy, has my appetite and all,” Dean said proudly. 

“Would you like to feed him?” Sam asked his soon-to-be father-in-law. “I could heat up a bottle.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” John smiled. 

\--

Saying goodbye had never been so difficult. The Winchesters didn’t have to shed any tears, Sam cried enough for all of them. 

“Promise to come and visit soon. Dean needs you more than you think,” Sam whispered into John’s ear as they were hugging each other goodbye. 

John nodded, before he turned to Noah. “And you my handsome little guy, you be good for you daddies,” he said and patted Noah’s head. 

Dean and John exchanged a hug, and they both know that it’d be a while until they’d see each other again, and that made the goodbye extra painful. 

\--

The next day Dean went out to the flower shop and bought a dozen of red roses for Sam. 

“It’s not our anniversary, what are these for?” Sam said as he admired the roses. He had always loved red roses. Maybe it was a big cliché, but he didn’t care. They were the biggest symbol for romance. 

“Because I love you, and you deserve them,” Dean said and kissed Sam. 

“Love you too,” Sam said in-between kisses. 

Dean put his arms around Sam, and Sam melted into his embrace. 

“Do you miss it?” Sam asked. 

“What?” Dean asked even though he knew what Sam was talking about. 

“Hunting,” Sam said.

“Every day,” Dean admitted. 

Sam lifted his head from Dean’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “Did you want to leave with your father?” he asked and bit his lip.

Dean ran his finger over Sam’s bottom lip. “I told my father that I’m done with hunting, and I meant it. I’m not leaving you and Noah.”

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” Sam swallowed past the lump in his throat. He had been so nervous that Dean would leave earlier. 

“I know that I’ve left you in the past, but I’m not going to ever again,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s forehead. 

“Good,” Sam happily sighed and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally got the time to write! I love Saturdays. 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments that you have left so far, and thank you for all the kudos. They definitely keep me motivated.

Dean was sex starved to say the least. It had been a week since he and Sam had done anything sexual. Sadly, that rushed hand-job in the shower had been the best sex that they had had in a long time. It was also the only sex that they had had in a long time.

With an infant sleeping in their bedroom, and not to mention a father-in-law sleeping under the same roof, it was pretty darn impossible for Dean to spend some time alone with Sam. But Dean wanted to, he definitely wanted to. He had jerked off in the shower countless times in the past four months. He had closed his eyes every time and pretended that he was in bed, with Sam writhing underneath him. 

Needless to say, reality is better than a fantasy. 

Dean had to get some alone time with Sam real soon, or he’d go crazy. Money was the real issue. As much as Dean wanted to rent a motel room for one night, he’d much rather save the money so they could buy a house sooner rather than later. 

They had been really good at saving money so far. They had only bought the things that they absolutely needed, and nothing else. Buying a house was definitely their first priority. Dean couldn’t wait to live with Sam for real, in their own home. 

It was crazy. Four months ago, Dean never would’ve thought that he would want nothing more than to save up for a house. But here he was, working long hours five to six days every week, and for every pay check that he got, they got one step closer to buying a house. 

“Could you pass me the orange juice?” 

Sam’s voice broke Dean out of his thoughts. 

“Sure,” Dean smiled and passed the bottle of juice to Sam. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sam asked. 

Dean looked at his father-in-law, who was sitting across the kitchen table, and Dean thanked the Lord that Bobby wasn’t able to read thoughts. If he had been, Dean would’ve been thrown out on his ass. “You,” Dean said and squeezed Sam’s thigh. It wasn’t a complete lie. Dean had thought about Sam a lot lately. Only in his thoughts, Sam wasn’t wearing any clothes. 

Sam smiled so widely that his cheeks must’ve hurt. Dean felt slightly bad for having such a dirty mind. 

“Love you,” Sam smiled and pressed his lips against Dean’s cheek. 

Bobby huffed something incoherent. 

“Dad,” Sam laughed, “It was a simple peck on the cheek.”

Bobby was about to say something, but he got interrupted by a loud wail from upstairs. 

“And he’s awake,” Sam said and got up from his chair. 

“I could go,” Dean offered since Sam had covered the night shift. Noah had gone back to waking up at least three times every night, and Sam had been kind enough to let Dean sleep since Dean had to get up for work early in the morning. 

“It’s fine, I’ll eat breakfast later,” Sam waved it off. 

Dean looked unsure of what to do. He wanted to help out, but he knew that he had to leave for work in less than ten minutes if he wanted to catch a ride with Bobby. 

“Really, eat your breakfast and have a good day at work,” Sam said and gave Dean a quick kiss. 

The long hours at work meant that Dean didn’t get to spend much time with his son. Noah was usually asleep when Dean got back home. Dean missed holding his son. 

“It’s always hard to leave for work when you have a baby at home,” Bobby said and put his newspaper down. 

Apparently Bobby could read thoughts. Thankfully, it seemed like he could only read the PG rated thoughts that Dean had. 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded sadly. “But I’m grateful that you’ve given me a chance. I really appreciate it.”

“Dean, you’re one of the best mechanics that I’ve ever had. Trust me, I’m grateful to have you at my auto shop,” Bobby said. 

Dean smiled. “Thank you Sir.”

“Maybe you should cut back on your hours,” Bobby suggested. “Spend some more time with your family. Kids grow up faster than you think. You blink, and all of a sudden your baby has a baby of his own.”

Dean shook his head. “We need a place of our own.”

“I guess it isn’t much fun to live with your in-laws, is it?” Bobby chuckled. 

“No, no, I appreciate you letting us stay here,” Dean quickly assured Bobby. 

“Relax,” Bobby let out a laugh, “I wouldn’t like living with my in-laws either. Marcy’s mother hated my guts. To be fair, she pretty much hated everyone’s guts. Marcy’s father barely said a word to me during the ten years that Marcy and I were together.” 

Dean half-snorted, half-laughed. “Well, I’m glad to have you as my father-in-law. Not many parents would be as supportive as you are.”

“It hasn’t been easy, I’ll tell you that,” Bobby admitted, “But I’m glad you’re all here. Family comes first, before my stubbornness,” he joked. 

He was glad that he hadn’t let his own stubbornness drive Dean out of the house. As much as Bobby wanted to be mad at Dean for getting his seventeen-year-old son pregnant, he knew that anger didn’t solve anything. Dean had come a long way in the past four months. Gone was the Dean who used to leave on hunts for several weeks at a time, the new Dean spent most of his time either at home with his family, or at the auto shop, where he was one of the hardest workers. 

“Time to get to work,” he said. 

Dean nodded and started to clear the table, and put the leftovers in the fridge. Sam was still busy with Noah upstairs, so it’d probably be a while until he could have breakfast. 

\--

Dean was busy changing the oil in an old Buick, when Bobby patted his shoulder to get his attention. 

“Business is slow, go home and hug your family,” Bobby said. 

Dean looked confused. 

“I’m giving you a one hour break,” Bobby chuckled. “Go home,” he ordered. 

Dean wasn’t going to pass that offer up. “Thank you. I’ll just finish up here,” he gestured towards the car he was busy working on. 

“I’ll do that,” Bobby said and ushered Dean out the door. 

\--

Sam was confused to say the least when Dean came home five hours earlier then he usually would. 

“Hi, what are you doing ho-,” Sam didn’t get to finish his sentence, because Dean cut him off with a long, mind-blowing kiss that left them both gasping for air once they pulled back. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” Dean panted and leaned his forehead against Sam’s. 

Sam was at a loss for words, so he just nodded and hoped that Dean would understand that he had been wanting the same thing too. He had almost forgotten how good Dean was at kissing, scratch that Dean was a phenomenal kisser. If there had been a fucking award for best kisser, Dean would win, hands down.

“Where is Noah?” Dean asked. 

“What?” Sam asked dumbly, like Dean just sucked all of his brain cells out of his mouth. 

“Our son,” Dean smiled amusedly, “Where is he?”

“Oh, he’s napping,” Sam said. 

“Oh,” Dean’s mood shifted instantly. “I was hoping to snuggle up on the couch with my two favourite guys.”

“Aww, my snuggle bug,” Sam teased and kissed the tip of Dean’s nose. 

Dean pretended to be annoyed, but in reality he didn’t exactly mind being Sam’s snuggle bug, as long as Sam never, ever called him that in public. There were limits, okay?

“So why are you home so early?” Sam asked without getting interrupted this time. 

“Business was kinda slow, so your dad sent me home, Told me to take a break for an hour,” Dean said. 

“I’m glad to have you here. I know you wanted to spend some time with Noah. But I really, really think we should take advantage of the situation,” Sam said and licked his lips. 

Dean nearly dropped his jaw. “You mean you want to…”

Sam let out a laugh. “Don’t act so surprised. I have a sex drive too.” 

“So we’re going to have sex?” Dean asked like he still couldn’t believe what was about to happen. 

“Yeah, so if you could take off your clothes, that’d be great,” Sam teased and pulled at the hem of Dean’s t-shirt. 

“God, yes,” Dean groaned. He wasted no time. He pulled Sam in for a toe-curling kiss, and then half-carried him into the guest room. 

“Dean,” Sam laughed when he could feel his his feet swaying above the ground. He let out an “oomf” when he was thrown onto the bed. “I love it when you get like this,” he murmured.

“Oh yeah,” Dean replied in a husky tone. “You like it when I manhandle you a little? Carry you? Throw you on the bed?”

“Mhhmm,” Sam whimpered. 

“When I rip your clothes off?” Dean smirked and unbuttoned Sam’s pants and roughly pulled them down Sam’s long legs. “You like that, don’t you?” 

Sam let out another whimper. 

“Say it,” Dean ordered. 

“I like it,” Sam panted. 

Dean pulled Sam’s shirt off and started to suck and bite at Sam’s smooth neck. Sam was producing the most wonderful noises, and Dean decided to kick it up a notch. He shoved his hand down Sam’s boxers and started to roughly jerk him off. 

Sam could feel the orgasm building up inside of him, but he didn’t want to come like this. Not that Dean didn’t give the best hand-jobs, he did, but Sam wanted to come from Dean’s cock up his ass. “Dean stop,” he panted. 

Dean leaned down and sucked Sam’s earlobe into his mouth and bit down. 

“Dean, I need you to,” Sam paused to let out a long moan. 

“You need me to what?” Dean teased and licked a long, wet stripe from Sam’s neck down to his collarbone. “You need this?” Dean asked and swirled his tongue around Sam’s nipple, which elicited another long moan from Sam. “Or maybe this?” Dean said and grabbed Sam’s ass and pushed their crotches closer together. 

Sam felt like he could come from the friction alone. Just when Sam was about to come in his underwear, he heard a voice that he definitely didn’t want to hear while he was climaxing. 

“Boys, where-,“ Bobby stopped mid-sentence. He wished that he had never gone home. He wished that he could erase what he had just witnessed from his mind. 

“Dad,” Sam squeaked out and scrambled to find something to cover up himself and Dean with. 

Dean was so grateful that he was still wearing his underwear. He pulled a sheet over both him and Sammy, and hoped that it’d cover everything that needed to be covered. 

“I’ll be in the kitchen, we need to talk,” Bobby said and left. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Sam repeated over and over again. 

Dean wasn’t the most easily embarrassed person, but he could feel how warm his cheeks were. 

“What are we going to do?” Sam started to hyperventilate. His own dad had just walked in on them. Had he walked in seconds later, Sam didn’t even want to think about what his father would have witnessed then. 

Dean placed his hands on either side of Sam’s face. “We’re going to get dressed, and we’ll talk to your dad.”

Since Sam was a nervous wreck, Dean basically had to dress him. 

Dean knew that he had to stay calm for Sammy’s sake, but on the inside he was a mess. Bobby didn’t have many house rules, but he had said that he never, ever wanted to catch Dean and Sam in a compromising situation. Now that that had happened, Dean was worried sick that Bobby would throw him out of the house. 

Somehow, both Dean and Sam managed to get dressed. Their legs were shaking as they slowly walked to the kitchen. 

“Sit down,” Bobby ordered. 

Both Dean and Sam obeyed quickly. 

“Look, I’m not a fool,” Bobby breathed out. “I know that the two of you haven’t lived under this roof for four months without touching each other, but I’d like to pretend that you haven’t. Makes it easier for me to sleep during the night. But after that,” he took a deep breath. 

“We are so sorry Sir,” Dean apologized profusely.

“Boy, I wish that I had never gone home to get those spare parts,” Bobby sighed and shook his head. 

“Dad, please don’t make Dean move out,” Sam begged. 

Apparently, Sam had been thinking about the same thing as Dean had. 

“I’m not kicking him out, you can relax Sam,” Bobby smiled. Sometimes his son was so overdramatic. “But you do need your own place, because I never want to walk in on something like that ever again.”

“I’ve done the maths, and I need to work for at least a year before I can come up with a down payment on a house,” Dean said. 

“I’m willing to help out,” Bobby offered, “I’ve thought about this, and I want to take a loan so you boys can get your own house.”

“Thank you so much dad,” Sam couldn’t believe that his father wanted to do something like that for them. 

“Thank you Sir, but I can’t accept that,” Dean said, he had never been the one to accept help. 

“You won’t get a loan in your name, so we’ll put the loan in my name, and you can pay me every month,” Bobby said to Dean. 

“I don’t know,” Dean said quietly. He felt so torn. A part of him wanted to just accept the offer so he could find a house and finally live with his family for real, but then there was another part of him that wanted to do what he believed was right, and that was buying his own house without Bobby’s help. Truth to be told, Dean felt ashamed that he couldn’t buy a place where his family could live. He shouldn’t have to rely on his father-in-law for help. 

“I want to do this for you boys,” Bobby said to Dean, since he knew that Dean was the only one he needed to win over. Sam was already on board with the plan. 

“I don’t like it either,” Sam admitted. He didn’t want his father to take such a huge loan. “But the Millers across the street are moving and their house is for sale. It’s at a reasonable price and it’s in good condition, we wouldn’t have to do much renovating.” Sam had walked by yesterday and seen the sign that said ‘for sale’, and he had immediately started to fantasizing about living there with Dean and Noah. 

“I also had that house in mind for the three of you,” Bobby said. 

Dean took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said. 

“Okay?” Sam smiled happily. “We’re moving in together? We’re really doing this?” Sam was bubbling with excitement. 

“We are,” Dean smiled and pulled Sam in for a hug. They were moving in together. They were going to live together as a family.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean find their house. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading. I've noticed that I have gotten over 600 kudos (!!) That is crazy, thank you so much. I'm so glad you like my story. I'm writing on another story as well, feel free to check it out and let me know what you think. However, this story is still my first priority.

Dean wrapped his arms around Sam from behind. “Do you like it?” he asked and pressed a kiss to the nape of Sam’s neck. 

Sam put his hands on top of Dean’s. “Yeah, I do,” He smiled and turned around in Dean’s arms so he could look Dean in the eyes. “Do you like it? Because I want you to like it too.”

“Sammy, I’m used to crappy motels with cockroaches, sheets with burn marks from cigarettes, and paper thin walls. This house is amazing,” Dean chuckled and looked around. They had been pleasantly surprised when they discovered that the Millers had done a bit of remodelling two years ago, and they had added another room on the bottom floor. 

All in all, the house was in good condition. Sure, the walls needed to be painted, but that would only take two days. The floorboards in the living room did creak though, and that would take a bit longer to fix. But still, it was a good deal. There hadn’t been any other potential buyers so far, so the Millers had even lowered the price. 

“So, are we moving in?” Sam smiled excitedly. This was a dream coming true, living with Dean and Noah in their own house. 

“Yeah, your dad has talked to his bank, and they’ve granted him the loan, so we just need to sign some papers and the house is ours,” Dean kissed Sam on the cheek. 

“What do you boys think?” Bobby appeared with Noah in his arms. “I’ve been out in the back with George, and he told me that he can leave some of the furniture if you guys want it.”

“That’s very kind of him,” Sam said. The Millers were moving into an apartment in a neighbouring town, so they probably couldn’t take all the furniture with them anyways, but Sam still thought it was a kind gesture. 

“He can leave the couch, two tables, some chairs and the TV upstairs is yours if you want it,” Bobby said. 

“We really appreciate it,” Dean was very grateful for all the free furniture, since he had no idea how else they were going to afford to buy all of that stuff themselves. 

“I guess we’re going to be neighbours,” Sam smiled at his father. Now they were going to live across the street from each other. 

“Yeah, and don’t worry, I’m never going to show up unannounced,” Bobby promised. He had walked in on his son and Dean once, and that was something he never wanted to witness ever again. 

Sam had the decency to blush, because he knew what his father was implying. Dean, however, let out a laugh.

“So, does the house live up to your standards?” George asked when he appeared in the doorframe. 

“Yes Sir,” Dean answered with a smile. “We appreciate the free furniture too.”

Anne appeared next to her husband. “It’s nothing. We heard you didn’t have much, and well, we have too much, so we gotta even it out a bit,” she smiled. 

“Do you like it Buddy?” Dean asked and turned to his son, who was safely nestled in his grandfather’s arms. “You’ll get your own nursery and all,” Dean said and kissed the top of his son’s head. 

“But we said we’d keep him in our bedroom for just a little while longer,” Sam said nervously. Had Dean changed his mind? Sam wasn’t ready to let Noah sleep in his own room. 

“Relax Sammy,” Dean poked Sam in the side. “I want him to continue to sleep in our bedroom too.”

George smiled and turned to his wife, “Anne, you were like that too. Always wanted to keep our kids in our bedroom for as long as possible. It was our eldest son who actually told us that he wanted to have his own room, and that he was too old to be sleeping in a baby’s bed,” he chuckled. 

Dean and Bobby laughed, but Sam couldn’t help but feel sad. Kids grow up so fast, and Sam didn’t want to think about the day when Noah would be more interested in playing with his friends than cuddling with his parents. 

The shift in Sam’s mood didn’t go unnoticed by Dean. Normally, that would’ve made Sam very happy, but right now, he kind of wanted to just be left alone. 

“Hey, what’s wrong,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear. 

Sam watched as his dad, and the Millers left the room to go out and take a closer look at the garden. 

“It’s nothing, it’s stupid,” Sam waved it off. 

“Tell me,” Dean urged. 

“Did you know that the Millers have four kids?” Sam bit his lip. “All of them have moved out.”

“Yeah, but that’s what you do at some point, right?” Dean said confusedly, “You move out of your parents’ home.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do when Noah moves out,” Sam felt his bottom lip quiver. 

“Noah is six months old,” Dean let out a laugh, “He’s not gonna leave anytime soon.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Sam mumbled and stared down at the floor. “Told you it was stupid.”

Dean gently grasped Sam’s chin. “Hey, look at me,” Dean said and when Sam looked up at him, Dean continued, “It’s not stupid. I’m guessing you’re upset about moving out, leaving your dad, is that correct?”

Sam nodded. Dean knew him better than he knew himself. 

“It’s going to be fine,” Dean promised and kissed Sam’s temple. “He’ll be right across the street.”

“I know, it’s just that I have never lived anywhere else. I’ve always lived in that house,” Sam explained. 

“I know, but just think of all the things we can do in this house,” Dean smirked. 

“What?” Sam innocently replied. 

“Oh, we can have kitchen sex, living room sex, dining room sex,” Dean listed all the perks of owning their own house. “We can’t do any of that at your dad’s.”

Sam snorted and shook his head. “You’re crazy.”

Dean didn’t know how to comfort Sam. In the past sixteen years, Dean had lived in so many places, he only remembered a few of them. Packing up and moving on had been his life for the biggest part of his life. But it had hurt to leave his first house. The house he had spent the first six years of his life living in. 

“I love you,” Sam said and rested his head on Dean’s broad shoulder. “Where did you go just now?” 

Dean smiled sadly. “We can talk about that later,” he said. “Right now I just wanna enjoy the moment.”

“Okay, later then,” Sam said. He wasn’t going to let Dean up so easily. Lately, Dean had gotten better at talking about his feelings, and Sam wanted to keep encouraging his fiancé to talk about the things that were weighing him down. 

“We have a home,” Dean said and looked around at his new home. “We’re gonna get one of those ridiculous signs that say ‘Welcome to the Winchesters’ and put it up on our front door.”

Sam felt the warmth spread in his chest. “You’re gonna make an honest man out of me anytime soon?”

Dean laughed heartily. “I think it’s the other way around Sammy.”

Sam touched his engagement ring that he had in a chain around his neck. “I want your last name, and I want Noah to have it too.” Sam knew that Dean wanted to wait to get married until he could afford a proper wedding, but Sam didn’t care about that. He didn’t need a big fancy wedding, he just wanted to get married as soon as possible. He wanted to be able to call Dean his husband. 

“Just wanna give you a real wedding,” Dean said and ran his fingers through Sam’s silky strands of hair. 

“It will be a real wedding,” Sam said persistently, “We can get married in my dad’s garden. We’ll invite your colleagues, and our friends. Cindy has already offered to bake a cake, and Katie said that she can bring some food from the diner where she works. It won’t cost us a cent.”

“I don’t know,” Dean nervously scratched his neck. It was still hard for him to accept help. 

“Katie said that they have tons of leftovers at the diner sometimes, and the employees are allowed to take as much as they want home with them,” Sam said. He knew that Dean wanted to get married just as much as he did, but Dean still found it hard to rely on other people for help. 

Dean smiled down at Sam. “You’re not gonna give up, are you?”

“Not until mine and Noah’s last name is Winchester,” Sam smiled back. 

“Okay then,” Dean finally gave in. 

Sam’s smile lit up the whole room. “Thank you, thank you,” he happily exclaimed and threw his arms around Dean’s neck. 

Dean didn’t exactly protest when Sam covered his whole face with kisses. 

\--

Dean and Bobby spent two days painting almost all rooms in the house. Sam, Dean and Noah stayed at Bobby’s house for an extra couple of days to allow the paint to dry. 

When it was finally time to move in, Sam didn’t feel nervous anymore. Even though he was still sad to leave the house he had grown up in, the excitement won out. He was so excited to be living with Dean and Noah in their own house. 

They didn’t have much unpacking to do since they didn’t have much stuff, so it didn’t take long before they had finished everything. Everything was in place. Katie had come over and stocked up their fridge with leftovers from the diner. 

Sam was so glad to have Katie back in his life. He had missed her, and he knew that she had missed him too. Dean worked long hours, and Sam didn’t have much to do during the days, so he often walked over to the diner, so he could chat with Katie. Plus, Katie’s shift usually ended long before Dean’s did, so Katie would often swing by Sam’s house after work to talk some more.

“Noah’s asleep,” Dean announced as he walked down the stairs. 

“I’ll go and heat up something for dinner,” Sam smiled, happy that the move hadn’t affected Noah’s sleeping pattern. 

“You are the best,” Dean said and kissed Sam. 

“Go rest on the couch, I know you want to,” Sam said. Dean had done all of the heavy lifting. Sam had only been allowed to carry the lighter stuff, because apparently Sam had just given birth and wasn’t allowed to do any heavy lifting. Sam had argued that he had given birth six months ago, and he was fine now, but Dean hadn’t exactly listened to his protests. 

\--

“Damn, that was good,” Dean said and pushed his empty plate aside after he had finished dinner. “But your cooking is better,” he winked at Sam. 

“Are you trying to get into my pants?” Sam smiled. “Because if you are, compliments will get you everywhere,” he said and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Okay,” Dean smirked. “You have a really great ass,” he fired off another compliment. 

Sam let out a laugh. “And here I thought that you loved me for my awesome personality.”

“Nah,” Dean teased, “Not really.”

“I can’t believe you’re the older one of us. You’re supposed to be mature,” Sam playfully scolded his fiancé. 

“All I’m saying is that your ass is great,” Dean defended himself, “Which is why you should park it right here,” he said and patted his lap. 

“You’re such a child,” Sam shook his head and got up. “Happy now?” he asked as he took a seat on Dean’s lap. 

Dean ran his hands up and down Sam’s thighs. “Very.”

Sam looked around the kitchen. “We have a home,” he stated. 

“We do,” Dean kissed Sam on the cheek. 

“Everything has happened so fast,” Sam mumbled. He couldn’t help but worry that they were moving forward too fast. What if Dean wanted to slow down, but was too polite to speak up? 

“Yeah, but that’s how we roll. We don’t waste any time, do we?” Dean chuckled. 

“Guess not,” Sam mumbled. 

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked. It was obvious that something was bothering Sam. 

“It’s not going too fast for you?” Sam asked worryingly. 

Dean kissed Sam on the cheek. “Is that what you’re worried about?” 

Sam nodded wordlessly. 

“I’m going to be honest with you Sammy,” Dean said, “Before I met you I never wanted to settle down. But being here with you, in our own house, it feels right.”

“Yeah?” Sam smiled. 

“Never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you and Noah,” Dean looked into Sam’s beautiful eyes. “I’m here because I want to be. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Just when I think I can’t love you any more than I already do,” Sam leaned down and kissed Dean on the lips. “You say something like that, and I love you even more.” 

“No, don’t stop,” Dean whined when Sam pulled back too soon for his liking. 

“You promised we’d talk later, remember?” Sam reminded him.

Dean let out a heavy sigh. 

“Talk to me Dean,” Sam begged. “I know something’s weighing you down. I saw the look on your face when I mentioned that I had only ever lived in one house.”

“The longest I’ve stayed in one place is six years. It was my first house,” Dean bit his lip. “My mom loved that house. It wasn’t big, and the walls were thin so it got pretty cold during the winter. But she still loved it. She always said that our house was filled with love, and she was right. She filled it with love. After you know,” Dean couldn’t even say it. 

Sam nodded, Dean didn’t have to explain. 

“It was like all the love was gone. It wasn’t the same anymore. But when my dad told me that he was selling the house, I fucking lost it. I couldn’t leave that house. Leaving that house was like leaving my mom. She loved that house, and she would’ve wanted us to keep it,” Dean could feel the tears running down his cheeks. 

Sam silently wiped away the tears from Dean’s cheeks. 

“It’s stupid,” Dean muttered. 

“It’s not,” Sam said softly. “Your mom loved that house, and you loved her. Of course you wanted to keep it.”

Dean smiled. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. How did I make it for twenty years without you?”

Sam smiled back. “I think you did pretty great.” Sam spoke directly from the heart, he was proud of Dean. 

“I’ve done things I’m ashamed of,” Dean admitted. There had been several guys and girls who wanted more than just a one night stand with him, but he hadn’t cared about their feelings. After he had gotten what he wanted, he had snuck out of the motel room while the guy or girl was asleep. “I’ve hurt a lot of people.”

“I know,” Sam bit his lip. He’d lie if he said that it didn’t bother him. Early in their relationship, Sam had asked Dean if he had ever kicked anyone out of bed after they had sex, and Dean had admitted to have done that. As much as Sam appreciated the honesty, he kind of wished that Dean had said no, even if it would’ve been a complete lie. 

“I can’t go back in time and change things, no matter how much I want to,” Dean sighed. 

“Sometimes I wonder,” Sam nervously fiddled with the hem of his shirt, “Sometimes I wonder why me? What makes me so different?”

Dean caressed Sam’s cheek. “You are amazing Sammy. The way you look at me, and the way you look at our son it never ceases to blow my mind. You have so much love to give, and you give it with your whole heart. That’s what makes you so special. You are beautiful inside and out. I know that I will never find anyone as amazing as you are, and that’s what makes this different,” Dean said while he continued to caress Sam’s cheek. “I’ve hit the jackpot with you Sammy,” he added with a smile. 

Sam had lost the ability to speak. He had never expected Dean to give him such a beautiful speech. Instead of saying anything back, Sam just leaned forward captured Dean’s lips in a long, deep kiss. 

For a long time they just sat there, in the kitchen, on one chair and kissed each other.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos on this story! I want to give this story a happy ending, so this is going to be the last chapter. But don't worry there will be time stamps (because I enjoy writing about this little family so much). 
> 
> Read the notes at the end if you want to know more about the time stamps. 
> 
> This chapter contains a wedding, and lots of wedding night sex.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for all the love and support that I have recieved. You guys are so sweet.
> 
> Update: There is a timestamp :) It's called "You must've heard me crying", and it's part 2 of this series.

Sam inhaled deeply and then slowly exhaled. It did calm his nerves a little. He straightened his shirt and took one last look in the mirror. The tux was a little big on him, but it still looked okay. One of Bobby’s customers worked as a tailor, and luckily, he also rented out tuxedos. Dean and Sam had both gotten their tuxedos free of charge. Dean had promised to fix up the man’s car for free the next time he popped by the auto shop. 

Everything had worked out smoothly. Katie had fixed the food, also free of charge. One of Bobby’s friends would perform the ceremony. Sam and Dean’s wedding bands were plain silver, so they weren’t expensive at all. Dean had insisted on buying Sam a golden wedding band, but Sam had protested. To Sam, it didn’t matter what material his wedding was made of, all that mattered was that he got to marry the love of his life. 

If anyone had told him two years ago that’d he’d have a baby and get married at the age of eighteen, he’d laughed and probably cried as well. Finding someone to love, and receive that same love in return, had always been Sam’s dream. For the longest time, Sam had thought that it’d always be a dream, that it’d never actually happen. 

But that’s the funny thing about fate, sometimes really good things happen, and you kind of want to pinch yourself just to make sure that it’s true. 

Sam smiled and for a moment he actually considered pinching his arm, but then he touched his engagement ring that he still kept in a chain around his neck, and he realized that there was no need for pinching. It was happening. He was getting married. 

“Nervous son?” Bobby asked as he walked into the room. “How ‘bout your feet?” he asked and squeezed his son’s shoulder. 

Sam smiled widely. “Warm and toasty.” There was no way he’d ever get cold feet and leave Dean at the altar. It was quite the opposite really. Sam wanted to speed things up and get married as soon as possible. 

“Just checked on Dean,” Bobby chuckled. 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

Bobby shook his head. “Let’s just say that he was a little nervous.”

“What?” Sam’s heart started ponding in his chest. “Has he changed his mind?” It’d break Sam’s heart if Dean wanted to postpone the wedding, but Sam couldn’t help but blame himself. Maybe they should’ve waited. Sam knew that he’d been pushing pretty hard, but he wanted to get married and -

“Of course not,” Bobby waved it off. “He wants to get married as much as you do. But the poor guy is just stressed. ‘S all. He didn’t know how to fix his bowtie, his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t even tie his own shoes, and he kinda lost it when I told him that you had written your own vows.” 

Sam couldn’t help but smile. “I’m glad he got you to help him with all of those things.” The smile that had been playing over Sam’s lips suddenly disappeared. “His father hasn’t showed up, has he?”

Bobby shook his head. 

They had tried to contact John several times, but all of their calls had gone strictly to voicemail. Fortunately, they had been able to get a hold of Cody, who had promised to talk to John. Sam knew how much Dean wanted his father to be there on his wedding day. Dean hadn’t said it loud, of course. But Sam knew. Dean had shrugged and pretended to be fine when Cody had called and said that John would probably be busy for a long time. Apparently there was a hunt, as always, but this time it was one of those complicated ones. 

“Do you think we should wait?” Sam asked his father.

“For John?” Bobby frowned. “Sam, you know what he’s like. Hunting always comes first to him. There will always be another hunt that’s more important than his own son’s wedding day,” he scoffed. 

Bobby had been friends with hunters for a long time. The work that they did was honourable, and Bobby had always try to help them out as best as he could. He had offered them a place to stay, a warm meal and sometimes, when he had to, he had stitched them up. 

But to Bobby family would always come first. Nothing in the world was more important than being there for your loved ones. Bobby just wished that John could’ve spared and hour or two in his busy schedule to attend his own son’s wedding. It’d mean the world to Dean to have his father there. Bobby was no idiot, he had seen how Dean had pretended to casually glance out the window every now and then. Dean had been hoping that his father would show up. 

Sam bit his lip. “I have to go talk to him,” he decided and was just about to stand up when his father’s hand caught his shoulder. 

“Dean’s a traditionalist,” Bobby said, “He doesn’t want to see you before the wedding.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Sam exclaimed. “I have to go and talk to him. I have-“

“It’s what he wants,” Bobby cut his son off. “You need to respect that.”

“Fine,” Sam huffed. But he’d definitely talk to Dean later. After they had gotten married. “I’m going to get married,” Sam said as if he had just realized it. In just an hour or so, he’d no longer be Sam Singer, he’d be Sam Winchester, Dean’s husband. It sent a thrill of excitement coursing through his veins. 

“You are,” Bobby chuckled. 

“I’m going to be Sam Winchester,” Sam smiled. 

It hadn’t come as a shock to Bobby when Sam had told him that he was going to take Dean’s last name. Bobby had known how much Sam had wanted his and Noah’s last name to be the same as Dean’s. But still, Bobby had been secretly hoping that they’d chose Singer as their last name. But even Bobby had to admit that Sam Winchester sounded good. 

“Dean’s really happy,” Bobby promised his son. “He told me to give this to you,” he dug around in his pockets until a found a crumpled piece of paper and handed it over to Sam. 

Sam unfolded the note and smiled. “I love you. See you at the altar. /Dean,” he read out loud. It was short and simple, but Sam knew that he’d treasure that note forever. He got a nice, warm feeling in his chest. He was about to marry the love of his life. 

\--

“What do you say buddy?” Dean smiled and kissed his son’s chubby cheeks. “Do I look like a penguin or what?”

Noah just giggled and tugged at his father’s bowtie. He almost undid it, but Dean managed to catch his son’s hand before any damage was done. 

“Dada has to wear this silly bowtie,” Dean smiled and kissed the palm of Noah’s hand. “It makes your other daddy happy.” If it had been up to Dean, he and Sam would’ve gotten married in a more casual outfit, like a pair of plain jeans and a simple t-shirt. Sam hadn’t exactly agreed. Fortunately for Sam, Dean loved his fiancé like crazy, so Sam had gotten his way. 

“Are you happy that your daddies are getting married today?” Dean continued to talk to his son. He got a gummy smile in return. There were two small baby teeth sticking up though. Dean knew that Sam had definitely felt those during feeding time. Noah still disliked the bottle, and he wasn’t a big fan of baby food, so Sam still nursed him. 

“I love you and your daddy very much,” Dean spoke softly to his son. “I promise that I’m going to take real good care of you,” he leaned down and inhaled Noah’s sweet baby scent. “Love you buddy,” he placed a kiss on top of Noah’s head. “Now let’s go marry your daddy.”

\--

The ceremony was beautiful. There was not a dry eye in sight. Even the wedding conductor, Cole, who was usually called Stone face, shed a tear or two. 

“You may kiss your husband,” Cole said and wiped away his tears. 

Dean wasted no time, he immediately leaned forward and captured Sammy’s lips in a kiss that made some guests cheer and some shift awkwardly in their seats. 

“I love you,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear once the kiss was over. 

“Love you too Dean,” Sam said, his eyes were brimming with tears. He tried to hold them back, because he wanted to see Dean properly. But now that the ceremony was over, Sam let go. The tears ran down his cheeks, and he didn’t even bother to wipe them away. 

“My Sam Winchester,” Dean murmured and kissed away Sam’s tears. 

“Yours, always yours,” Sam smiled and leaned in for a kiss. 

\--

Sam basically had to drag his husband to the dance floor when it was time for their first dance as a couple. Dean wasn’t exactly too big on dancing, but he figured that he had to do it just this once for Sammy. They had laid down some tiles on the ground in Bobby’s garden, and that worked as a dance floor. 

Sam whined in protest when Dean went back to his seat after the dance. “Dean, it’s our wedding day,” Sam pouted. 

“Fine, one more dance,” Dean got up from his chair and let Sam drag him over to the dance floor again. 

Dean agreed to two more dances after that before he went back to his seat. 

Sam decided not to push any further, he had other dance partners. His father danced with him a couple of times, and after that Katie and Cindy gladly took over. 

Dean was content with just watching his husband move around on the small, makeshift dance floor. 

“I think this little guy is hungry,” Bobby said and tickled Noah’s stomach. 

“Give him to me,” Dean reached for his son. 

“I’ll go get Sam,” Bobby said and placed Noah in Deans awaiting arms. 

\--

“Never thought I’d nurse a baby on my wedding day,” Sam smiled as he looked down at his son, who was happily eating. Sam looked up at his husband, who was sitting next to him on the couch. “We don’t do it in the traditional order, do we?” 

“Nope,” Dean smiled widely. “I figured that traditional was boring, so I had to knock you up before the wedding,” he winked at Sammy. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Knocked up,” he muttered at Dean’s poor choice of words. 

Dean ignored Sam’s tone. “But look on the bright side, at least the next kid won’t be born out of wedlock,” Dean joked. 

Sam’s eyes widened. He wanted to have another baby with Dean, he just never thought Dean would bring up the subject. “So we’re having another one?”

Dean kissed Sam’s cheek. “You want another baby too, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam smiled, “Someday.”

“Okay,” Dean winked, “Someday I’ll knock you up again.”

Sam snorted. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Dean grinned. “You know, I think we should start practicing right now,” he said and placed a few open-mouthed kisses along Sam’s bare throat. 

“Mhm,” Sam hummed, too far gone to form an actual sentence. 

Noah squirmed a little, and Sam suddenly regained the ability to think clearly. “What’s wrong Buddy?” Sam cooed at the baby. Noah turned to his other father and once again started to tug at Dean’s bowtie. 

“Thank you Buddy,” Dean laughed and helped his son undo his own bowtie. 

\--

“Call us if he gets upset,” Sam said and reluctantly placed Noah in Bobby’s arms. 

“Bye Buddy,” Dean said and kissed the tip of his son’s nose. Sam wasn’t the only one who found it hard to be away from Noah, even if it was just for one night. Dean was so used to sleeping in the same room as his son, that he didn’t know how to cope with being away from him even if it was for just one night. 

“We’ll be fine,” Bobby promised before he turned to Noah, “Won’t we buddy?”

Noah smiled and started to tug at his grandfather’s tie. He didn’t look upset at all to be spending the night at his grandfather’s house. 

“Ready Mr. Winchester?” Dean said and took Sam’s hand in his. 

Sam took a deep breath before he turned to Dean. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They didn’t have enough money to go on a honeymoon, but Bobby had offered to take Noah for the night so Sam and Dean could get the wedding night all to themselves. Bobby had, of course, said that he was going to pretend that his son and son-in-law were going to play scrabble or do another PG-rated activity. ‘It helps me sleep at night’, Bobby had said. Dean had laughed, and Sam had blushed heavily. 

They walked hand-in-hand to their house. Dean unlocked their door and opened it, and Sam was just about to go inside when Dean suddenly picked him up. 

“Dean,” Sam squeaked out. “You’ll break your back!” he exclaimed. “I’m heavy.”

“You’re such a momma-hen Sammy,” Dean sighed, “I’m just gonna carry you over the threshold.”

“I’m not a woman;” Sam reminded his husband. 

“Oh, I know that. In less than 20 seconds I’m gonna have your dick in my mouth,” Dean stated bluntly. 

Sam didn’t even bother to scold Dean for his choice of words. “Oh god, yes!” he squealed. 

As promised, Dean carried Sam over the threshold. “Don’t think I can carry you upstairs,” Dean mumbled. “I’ve had a couple of glasses of to drink,” he excused himself. 

Sam didn’t even bother to come up with a reply, instead he crashed his lips against Dean’s. Dean was definitely on-board with Sam’s plan. 

Dean pushed Sam up against the wall, and kissed him senseless. “I am going to fuck you on every flat surface in this house,” Dean growled into Sam’s ear. 

Sam felt a shiver go up his spine. “Yess,” he groaned and threw his head back and let Dean manhandle him. 

Dean roughly yanked Sam’s pants down. “Been wantin’ to do this all day long,” he said before he took Sam’s entire length into his mouth, and started to suck immediately. 

“Ah, Dean,” Sam panted. He didn’t dare to look down, he knew that he’d be doomed if he did. Sam could feel the pleasure coursing through his veins. Dean was like a man on a mission. A mission to wreck Sam. Heat pooled in Sam’s stomach and before he knew it he came into Dean’s eager mouth. 

Dean was quickly on his feet. That blowjob had just been foreplay. Dean really, really needed to get inside Sam Right. The. Fuck. Now. He hadn’t been kidding earlier when he had said that he was going to fuck Sam on every flat surface in their house. The couch in their living room would be a good place to start. 

Sam allowed himself to be dragged to the couch. He wanted it as much as Dean did. Dean’s ridiculously talented fingers managed to undo all the buttons in Sam’s shirt in just a few seconds. 

Sam was vibrating with need as Dean lowered him onto the couch. Sam watched Dean getting undressed in record time. “I love you Dean,” he said. He couldn’t say it enough. He loved Dean with all of his heart. 

“I love you too,” Dean leaned down and gave Sam a quick kiss. 

“Want you,” Sam murmured. 

“You have me,” Dean promised. 

Sam was so glad that they had stashed a bottle of lube and a few condoms underneath their couch. They would definitely come in handy now. 

Dean coated two of his fingers with lube and roughly, yet thoroughly, prepped Sam. 

Sam threw his head back and let out a long throaty moan as Dean pushed inside of him only seconds later. “Oh fuck,” he groaned in pleasure. “Fuck me,” he said and pushed himself down on Dean’s length. 

Everything had been building up to that moment. Their engagement, their wedding, everything was finalized in that moment. 

Dean hiked Sam’s legs over his shoulders. Dean needed to get deeper inside his husband. Deeper, and deeper. 

Sam was making all these wonderful noises that only spurred Dean on. 

“Love you, love you so fucking much,” Dean breathed heavily into Sam’s ear as he thrusted into him. 

Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and pulled him in closer. They were as close to each together as they could possibly be, yet Sam wanted to feel more of Dean. So he pushed down and forced Dean to thrust even deeper inside of him. 

“Oh,” Sam let out a long moan as he felt Dean come deep inside of him. Seconds later, Sam came too. 

Dean collapsed on top of Sammy. And for a while they just laid there, all blissed out, sweaty and sated. 

Dean’s legs were shaking as he tried to get up on his knees. Sam had ruined his in the best way possible. 

“No,” Sam whined as he felt Dean pull out. Sam felt incredibly sore, but it was a good feeling. Since he was incapable of moving, he just laid there and let Dean clean them both up. 

“Fuck, you look so good like this,” Dean growled. His hands roamed over Sam’s body. “So. Fucking. Gorgeous.” Dean licked a long, wet stripe all the way from Sam’s belly button up to one of Sam’s nipples. 

Sam let out a whimper. His body was spent, and he knew that he had officially lost his sanity when he spread his legs again, reading himself for round two. 

“And all mine,” Dean swirled his tongue around Sam’s nipple, and felt a strong sense of pride when Sam threw his head back and moaned. Even seconds after a powerful orgasm, Sam still wanted more. Nothing made Dean happier than knowing that Sam could never get enough of him. But round two would have to wait. As much as Dean wanted to go again, he knew that Sam was probably way too sore. 

Besides, there was something else that Dean would rather be doing. Kissing Sammy. Dean leaned down and kissed Sam. 

Sam hummed happily as Dean deepened the kiss. They kissed until the need for oxygen got to strong. They were both breathing heavily once they pulled back. 

Dean decided that Sam would make a very good human pillow. “Dean,” Sam laughed as Dean laid down on top of him. “You’re heavy,” Sam lightly protested. 

“Mhmmm,” Dean hummed but made no attempt to move. He had been right, Sam did make a very good human pillow. 

“You’re lucky I love you so much,” Sam murmured and started to gently massage Dean’s scalp. 

“Yeah, I am,” Dean smiled up at Sam. 

Sam felt the warmth spread in his chest. “You’re my husband now. You do know what that means?” he smirked. 

“Tell me,” Dean grinned mischievously. 

“That you have to attend to my every need,” Sam smiled. “And right now I need you to get inside of me again.”

Dean groaned loudly. “I’d love that Sammy. But you gotta give me some time to recover.”

“How ‘bout I speed up the process?” Sam whispered into Dean’s ear before he flipped them over, so that he was on top. 

“Oh fuck,” Dean exclaimed as he felt Sam’s lips around his cock. 

Dean had created a monster. 

\--

Sam stretched his long limbs and groggily sat up. They hadn’t made it upstairs to the bedroom. After another vigorous round of sex, they had fallen asleep on the couch. Sam found his boxers on the floor and put them on. 

The smell of bacon led him to the kitchen, where he found his half-naked husband making breakfast. 

“Good morning Sammy,” Dean said and turned around and greeted Sam with a big smile. 

“Morning husband,” Sam smiled back and pecked Dean on the lips. 

Breakfast was eaten mostly in silence. They just sat there and smiled goofily at each other. There was an occasional ‘love you’ every now and then, but for the most part they just smiled at each other. 

Dean hadn’t thought that he’d feel different now that he was married. But when he had woken up, everything felt different. Dean had sat on the edge of the couch and just admired Sammy for the longest time before he forced himself to go into the kitchen and make breakfast. 

“Thank you for breakfast,” Sam smiled and wiped his mouth. God, he couldn’t stop smiling. This was everything that he had ever wanted. Now he had Dean, he really had him. 

“So,” Dean cleared his throat,” Mr. Winchester, would you like me to escort you upstairs to the bathroom where we can have a nice shower?”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “That depends. What are you going to do to me in the shower?” he narrowed his eyes at Dean.

“Everything,” Dean promised. 

Dean kept that promise. 

\--

Later that day they picked up Noah, and the Winchester family was complete again. 

Dean and Noah were cuddling on the couch while Sam was making dinner for all of them. 

“You know Buddy,” Dean whispered to his son, “Your daddy is pretty awesome. Before I met him I never wanted to get married and settle down. But he’s changed me, and so have you,” Dean said and poked Noah in the belly. Noah smiled broadly. 

Dean smiled and kissed his son’s cheeks. “I love you so much Buddy.”

Sam, who had been watching from a far and heard everything that Dean had said, couldn’t help but shed a tear or two out of happiness. “We love you too Dean,” he said loud enough for Dean to hear. 

Dean noticed his husband standing in the door frame. “This is the biggest chick-flick moment ever.”

“Oh hush,” Sam rolled his eyes. “I thought our wedding was the biggest chick-flick moment. There were lots of flowers, and I even got you to dress up.”

“Only for you,” Dean said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of ideas for future time stamps. There will be hunting, change of career for Dean, Stanford for Sam, a sibling for Noah, jealousy, but also a lot of love.


End file.
